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Doubts, like never before, doubts consuming everything in their way, his conscience, leaving him at the mercy of sleepless nights, he wasn’t sure of still doing the “right thing”, but then what was the right thing? He asked himself. 

Not even the prayers that once gave him calm and peace seemed to work, no, but instead filled him with despair and guilt, because they felt like blasphemies, like white lies that he was telling to himself. 

The lord must be so disappointed on him, but, what could he do? His praying hands now trembling quickly became fists as his dry lips stopped uttering those words that no longer seemed to make sense to him. The imposing shrine full of saints, crosses and candles became immensely overwhelming, as their eyes seemed to be accusing him, as if they knew the truth.  

He knew what he should do next, but he wasn’t sure anymore, the anxiety that hugged him, leave him desperate and resigned. He stand up and walked hearing the rumble of his footsteps echoing in the walls of that old church, now heading to the place they told him he was, where they had locked him, entering the room with a deep regret, meeting him...  

In a single day, Lee Seunghyun seemed to have lost a lot of weight, his face before full of life and color, now was pale and bony, covered with sweat, dirt and blood, leaving no doubt of the public scorn he had been exposed before. His tired brown eyes were framed by dark shadows now deeper, black, and that, even so, absurdly, in his opinion didn’t make him less beautiful. He was strangely calm, not showing fear, not even intimidated, just looking forward, waiting. 

—It would be easier if you confess, Lee Seunghyun— They warned him, he didnt talk, although he quickly seemed to notice his presence, looking up and fixing all his attention on him, causing his heart to beat strongly in his chest. 

It wasn’t the first time they met, no, on the contrary it was only one of the many moments in which they had seen each other; in the town square, in their masses, in the forest… Lee Seunghyun, despite radiating innocence and purity to any ignorant foreigner, had a secret that shared with him, although ironically it wasn’t precisely that the reason for his detention that night.  

His attention was still fixed on him and he couldn’t avoid the memories of what he had witnessed on so many past moons, crowded behind his eyelids, tormenting him, showing him that other face of him...  

Feeling almost as if he had just witnessed a ceremony, on the town outskirts, between trees and bushes, hidden, he found him dancing completely , singing sentences in the wind in an unrecognizable language, just like a spell, letting himself be bathed by essences and herbs, illuminated only by the moonlight and the flames of a hugging fire. 

And, he shouldn't have found it fascinating, but he did, hypnotized, even shaken, admiring that scene so surreal, so foreign and yet so intimate. Lee Seunghyun, seemed then to seduce him without even trying, not even repairing in his presence, leaving him breathless, so improper of himself, so out of himself, that he had taken him almost to the edge of a cliff. Kwon Jiyong was a man of God, but at that right moment, he couldn’t feel further from that, being a simple weak mortal at the mercy of his carnal desires, confused, scared. 

Therefore, on that first night, he run away, hesitant with what to do next, because what he witnessed was a clear act of heresy, of witchcraft, of everything that was bad in God's eyes. However, for some unknown reason, something within himself refused to accuse him, not wanting him to be discovered, no, but quite the contrary, wishing with all his being, keep it to himself, only for him. So, he hide it, like his little dark secret. 

And, although he tried to holding back, to never come back, acting as nothing and forget it, he found himself trapped under some kind of magic that he couldn’t stop. Little time passed until he realized the desire so deep, irrational and immoral that rooted inside him, growing, disturbing him, making the priest be ashamed of himself for his own actions; because by day he acted as an “honorable” servant of God, at the service of that small town, but at night, stripping of his decency and duty, he sought him as a man thirsty for his attention, of him, although he could only dream, admiring him from far away, in this same routine. He felt so despicable, because he had no control of himself and the right thing was to stop, end all that madness. But Lee Seunghyun had become his greatest temptation and although he pretended under normal circumstances that nothing happened when he ran into him in the square, his eyes, those cunning brown eyes, told him a lot, told him everything, told him that he knew, that he was aware of him all that nights, that he knew his secret. All that while he greeted him with a small shy smile that adorned his pretty pink and full lips. 

—Admit your sins! Admit your dirty actions!— That accusation brought him back to the present, where Seunghyun was still kneeling, still violently tied hand and foot, still watching him closely as if he knew, again, what the priest was thinking. 

They captured Lee Seunghyun for circumstances completely different from his own, since he still weak under his power, never confessed anything about him, yet Seunghyun was caught involved in an affair with a married man, accused by his wife of seducing him through tricks and dirty magic, finally unleashing a pandora's box and causing that other several women do it too, pointing at him like a cursed being, like a devil man who deserved to die. He still couldn’t understand how everything escalated so quickly, from Lee Seunghyun being a simple flower seller in the square, to become the big culprit of all the curses that afflicted that small town. 

—Priest Kwon...— For the first time Lee Seunghyun talked, in that sweet voice that he knew very well, wrapping him in a whisper, his expression had softened —You are generous, a good man, so you will listen to me, right?— And his heart jumped, because he found in his words plea, a desperate plea, his eyes were still fixed on his —Will you?— He wanted, he really wanted, he needed to hear him, but the other men in that room were waiting for his actions, his orders, there was a procedure for someone who was accused of heresy and if it wasn’t a confession, there was no reason to hear what the accused had to say. 

—How dare you to talk to priest Kwon like this?!— They slapped him hard, but he barely reacted —Insolent!— He felt helpless, unable to do anything about it, Seunghyun kept looking at him, his two big eyes were begging him, still ignoring being beaten and mistreated by them. 

—Ple-ase…— He pronounce weakly, slowly seeming to understand his position, while small tears  threatened to fall from his eyes; finally disappointed, he stopped to look at him, shutting up again, resigned. 

He left the room, disgusted with himself, a bonfire, it was what they had decided; Seunghyun didn’t look at him again and everyone else satisfied praised him. Ridiculous, feeling worse than ever, with his hands turned into fists, clenching his teeth and the air missing in his lungs, he hit the wall and cursed, he didn't wanted, no, he didn't... Things shouldn't be like this, not at all, he knew that Lee Seunghyun could never be his, but it didn't matter, not as long as he could live just admiring him from afar, even if his desire consumed him inside. But, now that watching him die seemed to be the only option available, he was feeling angry, broken. 

If only he had been a free man, if only he had come to that town for other reasons than being their priest, he would have looked for him, he would have taken him away from there, not caring about anything, whether he was a witch or not. Blame, hiding his face between his hands, he felt how the ring that showed his promise to God weighed and burned, as if it was made of hot iron; he had betrayed his own principles, his reason for his mere existence in that world. Repentance, how absurd now seemed to him have taken, since childhood, that decision to devote himself to church. 

Night fell on them, the halls of the church felt long, cold; the candles that barely lit seemed to remind him how little sanity was left of him when he ran into the shocking image of that nailed bloody Christ that many other times made him remember his mission, the reason why he was there; but now, on that particular night, only tortured him, because it was no longer the same, he no longer felt the same, it was almost like living a lie... Accusatory eyes, he had made a promise but he was breaking it, lost by someone who wasn’t on the grace of his lord. 

Seunghyun had to be in the same place, waiting for his end, still tied by feet, hands and that though made a big lump form in his throat, finally decided, returning on his steps to the place he should not, to do something that would condemn him. 

—Priest ...— His soft but surprised voice received him, finding some warmth in it, Jiyong without hesitation, closed the door behind him, leaving them completely alone, he looked at him, his legs seemed to be about to give in, but without complaining he tried to stay kneeling - You came back- He seemed not to believe it 

—I did— Without thinking about it he approached him, standing beside him, helping him to sit down 

—Why?— And Seunghyun looked at him, but he couldn't stop, not now that he had decided —I could understand why would you didn't want to help me, after all, you know my secret, you know more than anyone else— There was confusion on his face. His warm body was so close to him, and his perfume with roses and strawberries could still be perceived slightly on his skin, torturing him, but, even so, he continued to cut the rope with a small knife, seeking to free him. 

—Not as much as you think, and, I would like— He confessed  

The truth is that he didn’t know that Lee Seunghyun had been seeing other men (or that other men found him as attractive as him) and although that had caused him an inexplicable unpleasant sensation in his stomach at the beginning, when all the commotion happened, in the end only fear and despair had made their way. 

—He was the one that looked for me, I refused at first, but he became infatuated and so insistent— The priest stopped, now only listening to his words. His breath caressed his neck; he had drawn close enough not to have to raise his voice anymore, as if he was revealing something very intimate to him —I thought then, that if I gave him what he wanted, he would stop— There was fragility in the way his body seemed to seek comfort and support on him, he had closed his eyes- But he didn’t 

—You didn't want him?— He ask coldly, feeling that something inside him was waved at the thought of it, because if he could be on that position, even with the desire burning him, he would never have forced him, if he didn't wanted, he would never have touched him. 

—I worried when you stopped coming to see me— He diverted the subject, now looking to his face —And then everything burst, I knew it was a matter of time, but I never imagined it would be for something I really didn't have control or I really didn’t want— There was some frustration in his words. Finishing cutting the last piece of rope that tied him, Jiyong help him get up —I don't know how to thank you— He take his hand, his expression now showed relief —You can ask me anything in return— And there was some implication in his words. His fingers began to touch lightly his chest, again the air seemed to be lacking but this time for a different reason —There is still time before they realize and dawn...— He finished while his cheeks blushed, but still seeing him with expectation.  

Jiyong shouldn’t, under those circumstances, feel tempted to his offer, he knew what he was offering and it was more than he could ever have, but even then, just for a moment, a second, he wanted to delight in the idea, he had never been so close to him... with his fingers his lips, his cheeks, Jiyong wanted to imagine what it would be like to be able to take him, to be able to taste him, to melt in his heat, in him, but no, going back to reality, he stepped back. 

—You have to leave— He answer him instead, again he could see a disappointment in his eyes, not looking happy with his answer —This way you will have more time to escape Seunghyun— Finally he said his name almost as a farewell. 

—Seungri— He corrected him, shyly —I wish you could call me like that 

—Seungri is then— He conceded and Seungri smiled, but in a way that showed sadness and melancholy. 

—You are always so correct, so cold, so distant— He stopped, as if he was deciding what to say next —And, even so, despite all of it the only one who I really wanted from the start was you— He confessed with resignation- I knew you would never come close to me, but I couldn't help raising my hope after that first night in the forest ...— He sighed —In the end I only make you get away from me, you're really a man of God, Jiyong, even with all those doubts and regrets inside you— He approached —And sometimes I can only think destiny just wanted to make fun of me, make me pay for everything I have done, getting you in my way— All that was new, he thought, as he watched Seungri's face darken with regret, as if said all that hurt him, so in an impulse, he took his face between his hands, feeling completely irrational, as always when was about him —If I asked you to run away with me, you wouldn't even consider it right?— He said still hurt. 

—It's complicated— He answered, but still touching him.  

Then Seungri seemed to have made a decision, closing the space between them, touching his lips, kissing him with insistence and longing, while Jiyong unable to resist it, corresponded him, enjoying his touch, the sensation of their mouths joining, lowering one of his hands behind his back, while the other clinging to his blond hair wanting to deepen the kiss, desperate perhaps, knowing that, that moment couldn’t be eternal. 

And, for a moment everything seemed to cease to exist, until in need of oxygen, they separated. Jiyong still overwhelmed by the feelings and sensations that caused him to have him in his arms, let his head fall against his shoulder, trying to burn with fire his scent on his mind. His heat, his flavor, was more than he ever thought he could have, it was more than he deserved, and he had to recognize that a part of him was screaming for him to do so, to run away with Seungri, but his duty and guilt were even bigger. He closed his eyes for a second, ignoring himself, that side of him, to then resigned letting him go, finally splitting away from him, finding himself with two eyes just as eager as his but contained, unable to bear it anymore, he took his hand and lead him behind him, finally deciding, it was time to finish everything. 

—You have to leave— It was rather a desperate, pleading order —Before it’s too late— His fingers entwined with his, and a turn in his stomach for that small action made him wonder what he would do now without him. 

The immense darkness of the night received them, for last time he looked at him, knowing that their farewell was there, that he should just let him go... Keeping his image with huge regret in the depths of his mind and heart, he released him, before turning his back to return to the place he should be, wishing he could just leave him behind and forget him, although knowing that it will be simply impossible...