A month passed. Maeve continued to attend the support meetings but she sat silently and nibbled at the stale cookies. She stopped at a coffee shop on the way each time, she just couldn't stomach the acidic coffee that was served at the church.

People came and went from the meetings, the elderly man she'd sat beside at the first one passed away a few weeks ago. A young woman whose boyfriend had died in a freak car accident took his place and cried the first time she'd stood to speak. Jane was just as gentle with her as she had been with the man named Choong Jae. By the second time she attended she participated openly and was soon the first person to offer tissues and a listening ear to whoever needed it.

                                      ******

Maeve didn't feel any better after a month, telling her therapist that she probably wasn't going to keep going to the group.

"Isolation is part of depression. I think that you should keep going. Until you are able to actually speak, I don't think you will make any progress." Her therapist advised her one day during their session. "Talking to me is all fine and well but I feel like sharing your grief is going to make more of an impact."

Maeve sighed and picked at a shred of dry skin on her lower lip.

"Why? So they can all feel sorry for me? So I can be a spectacle of sadness?"

Her therapist shook her head,"That's not what the group is about. Death is a shared experience. It happens to everyone. But how you deal with it….. that is what matters."

"So if I go and speak, I won't have to go anymore?"

Her therapist smiled cryptically,"That is entirely up to you."

                                      ******

Maeve sat down, her whole body tense as she looked around the circle. She'd gotten her version of liquid courage, two shots of espresso, on her way to group therapy. Her hands shook slightly and she was worried the lady next to her could hear her heart racing.

"Welcome everyone. I don't see any new faces tonight so why don't we get started. Would anyone like to share their story?", Jane said as she got comfortable and stirred her coffee.

Maeve took a shallow breath and stood so quickly that her chair almost tipped over backwards but she caught it just in time. Her hands were sweaty so she wiped them on her pants before she cleared and started to speak.

"You know how they say that the bond between a father and daughter is special? Or they call someone a daddy's girl?" Maeve paused and closed her eyes for a moment.

"That is ...was…. That was my dad and I. I wasn't his only daughter but we shared a strong bond because he delivered me. At home. He was the first person to see me. He cut the cord. He wrapped me in a blanket and looked at me before he handed me off to my mom. Growing up he always supported me and as I got older, he was always there, even after I moved out and started my own life.

I was out of town, visiting my best friend when he found out he was sick last summer. When I got back, I found out he had an ulcer that they wanted to biopsy. The results were late stage stomach cancer that had spread from his lungs."

 She paused and drank from her coffee cup.

"That was in July. Time sped up from there. So fast. Like the blink of an eye. By Christmas he had to be moved to a nursing home and put on hospice. We prayed he would get to at least see another New Year's Eve. We prayed he would make it to Valentine's day. I remember one Valentine's day when I was younger….. he gave me a pink rose and I couldn't have been happier.

But he didn't. February 4th was a hard day. He had spent the day pulling out his oxygen cannula and when the nurses tried to put it back in, he would tell them no. I got a call around dinner time and they said he was doing better, more restful and less anxious than he had been all day. I had planned to go up and see him the next day so I wasn't worried. But then I got the call at 9:45pm that he had just passed. I know I said words but all I remember is sobbing."

Maeve's hands shook even harder than before and she felt lightheaded. As she looked around the circle she saw people with tears in their eyes. The soft touch of a hand on her arm made her jerk and look down. 

The quiet man, the one who had lost his grandmother, was beside her and held a tissue out to her in his long hand. Maeve took it, bringing it to eyes that were wet, she hadn't realized she was crying. She wiped her face and continued, the man still beside her.

"My therapist suggested that I come here because I was depressed after his death. But not depressed like you see on TV and in the movies. I still went to work and saw friends but once I got home, it was like I became a shell. An empty version of who I used to be before my dad died." She sat down again.

The man beside her looked helpless and on the verge of tears as he stiffly and awkwardly folded his large frame and sat on the floor in front of her.

"My grandmother raised me. My mom left my dad when I was little and he gave me to my grandmother. She was my whole world. He eventually remarried and his new wife accepted me. I spent years wondering where my mom was. When I found her, she had a new family, another son. I decided that I wouldn't see her again. I didn't want my brother to grow up confused about where he came from. When my grandmother died….. it was like all sum disappeared. My expression was frozen and I couldn't smile. My grief had paralyzed me. Then one day, I was walking home from work and I found this church, with it's sign out front saying it offered grief support. So I came in. It was difficult at first, I'm pretty sure I was just like you. And then I started to share. It wasn't easy but one day….. I woke up and remembered something a friend had said to me the other day. And I smiled. And that smile turned into laughter. After that each day became a little easier to face. Sure, I have difficult days but they are happening less and less. It's not that I don't miss her any less but I've learned that talking about her keeps her alive in my memories." 

When he finished speaking, Choong Jae got up off the floor and sat in the empty chair on the other side of her. Maeve wiped her eyes one last time and let out a shaky breath.

"I came here tonight, knowing that I would finally have to say something. I also thought that I probably wouldn't come back after that. But somehow, letting it out lifted a weight off my chest. Maybe my therapist really did know what she was talking about." She smiled weakly and Jane nodded.

"Thank you for sharing your pain, Maeve.

I think that there has been enough sharing tonight so as long as no one objects, I say we go ahead and dismiss until next week."

There were no objections and soon the room was cleared out. Before she left, Maeve stopped in the bathroom to splash some water on her face. As she exited she happened upon Choong Jae in the hall.

"I don't know what plans you have for the evening but I wanted to ask if wanted to go have a cup of coffee." The tall man looked anxious as he stood in front of her, his hands jammed into the pockets of his dark blue wool trench coat, the collar buttoned high against the cold outside.

Maeve stared at him blankly for a moment, then nodded her head jerkily. "I think I've had enough coffee for the day, but I wouldn't turn down a cup of tea."

A faint smile graced Choong Jae's lips and he hurried to open the door that led to the chilly windy night outside.

"I know a great place not far from here", Maeve said as they stepped out and began to walk slowly together, silence between them.