Uncharacteristically, but not surprisingly, Gunwoo shut himself away for two days. He didn’t eat. He didn’t sleep. He just grieved. And refused to answer the knocks on his door or the calls other than to assure his worriers that he was alive. Not well, but in no danger of dying. Part of him felt bad for shutting himself off, but the other part didn’t care. He felt lost and incomplete and… lost.

                Weak with grief and fatigue, the angel stumbled to his desk where he had kept old fashioned Earth pictures that Kibum had given him. They were all smiling back at him: Kibum, Junhong, and even Sandara, his old boss. But no Changmin. He had never been near enough to have a picture taken of him. Not like this. All he had were memories that hadn’t lessened with the passage of time.

                Angry and bereaved, he ducked his head and slammed his fist on the desk with a low, pained growl. The pictures jumped and one fell flat. Wincing at the reaction, Gunwoo carefully reached out to pick it up and noticed it was the image with Sandara standing in front of the magic shop. Dumbly, his mind tried to pull the pieces of an idea that was trying to form together. Back on Earth, he had helped humans with divinations and gave them pieces of galactic information that would help them with their journey in life.

                Taking a shallow breath, he looked out the window into space with aching, tired eyes and squinted, still holding onto the picture. He didn’t doubt the Commander’s intel. If there were no survivors at the outpost, there were no survivors at the outpost. That wasn’t to say that there weren’t any survivors at all…

                No!

                He shied away from the useless hope and set the picture back down. That way was madness and more despair. But… even as he told himself that… tried to convince his addled mind it was just an exercise in pain, his heart wouldn’t hear it. With the infinitesimally small hope blooming within, Gunwoo knew he had to try. Even if it meant more heartache.

                Gunwoo forced himself to calm down with a deep breath and settled on the metal floor in front of the space window. His wing tips bent uncomfortably and he spread them out, letting them lie awkwardly on the surface instead. Clearing his mind took a long moment, still so crowded with grief and the weight of what he knew was probably impossible, but eventually, he got to a point where he felt the celestial power in his body stir. Calling on every memory and detail of Changmin he could, he brought the angel to life in his mind, bringing as much grief as happiness.

                Holding fast to the image, Gunwoo prayed, casting Divination with every fiber of his being. General signs were easy to find when people were just lost or confused. Especially in a more localized area like Earth. But in the vastness of space with a single target and no clues, Gunwoo didn’t know what he could do. He could only hope and wish and pray and cast his net as far as possible in the semi-impossible attempt to find some shred of what was lost. Silence was his only answer, the sound deafening as it chipped away at his soul. Stubborn determination kept him going for longer than he thought possible and even that began to wane in time. Exhaustion settled like a blanket over his shoulders and despair started to creep in again. If he stopped, he was admitting to a truth he didn’t want to accept. The angel wanted to cry for his inability to do anything. But then…

                ^Woo…

                        Gunwoo’s eyes snapped open and he inhaled sharply, swallowing hard. His body leaned forward and his hands caught him before he could face plant, arms shaking. Staring out into the vastness of space, he blinked once and swallowed again. “What…?” Could it be? It was hard to breathe at the very idea it might be. “Minnie?” he whispered, dropping his head and curling his fingers into fists.

                Maybe it was nothing.

                Maybe it was just his addled mind playing tricks on him.

                Maybe he was literally going crazy.

                But even if all of those were true and what he heard wasn’t, he still had to try.

                Determined dark eyes opened again as he looked up once more. Once upon a time, an angel had leapt into the depths of space to do this impossible. Could he do anything less?

                Getting to his feet felt far more difficult that it should have, but he knew he was weak and exhausted. Not eating, not sleeping, and then using whatever energy he had left would do that to an angel. But he refused to let it stop him as he stiffly walked to the door and opened it for the first time in two days. He was briefly surprised when he saw Hyosung look up at the sound, her eyes flashing hopeful before subsiding into uncertainty again.

                “Woo?” she murmured, getting up to step closer to him.

                “The kids?” he wondered, surprised that they weren’t with her.

                Hyosung shook her head and moved a bit closer. “I sent them away. No use in all of us worrying about you right here,” she added, her voice light but pained.

                “I’m sorry,” he apologized, closing the distance between them to wrap her in his arms. Again, he had done her a disservice. He kept doing that and it wasn’t right.

                “Are you alright?” she asked instead, holding to him tightly as she rested her head on his shoulder.

                It was an easy enough question: yes or no. But Gunwoo didn’t know if he was. Not just then. “I think Changmin’s alive,” he whispered to her, stilling while he waited to see how she would respond.

                “Oh, Woo…” she sighed, pulling back to look at him with the pity he expected. “Baby. If he was alive, they would have said something by now,” she assured him, reaching a gentle hand to cup his cheek.

                “I know,” he nodded in understanding, though the pity hurt. “But I felt him, Hyosung. I heard him,” he promised, covering her hand with his. Her confusion was obvious and he added, “I had to try. I had to be sure. So I used Divination.”

                “Woo…” she smiled sadly again. “No one else has been able to divine anything.”

                “I don’t doubt it and I don’t know why I did, but I know what I found,” he insisted determinedly, holding her eyes with his.

                She opened to speak but no words came out. Honestly, he didn’t know how he’d respond either, in this situation. He didn’t need her to believe him. He just needed her to accept what he felt. To know. Her brow furrowed and she frowned, shaking her head. “Are you absolutely sure?” she asked softly, grabbing his hands in hers.

                “Yes,” he responded without hesitation. He wasn’t. Not really. But he was trying to make himself believe it all the same.

                Hyosung took a deep breath and then sighed. “Okay.”

                “Yeah?” he murmured, squeezing her hands lightly.

                “Yeah,” she nodded before shaking her head again, clearly not sure why she was agreeing in this conversation. “So what will you do now?” she asked instead, looking back at him once more.

                “I need to go find him,” he answered quietly, hoping and praying that she would understand.

                She laughed once, the sound bitter and sad as she looked down. “You are so cruel sometimes,” she whispered, sniffing quietly.

                “I know,” he admitted, pulling her close against him. She didn’t fight the embrace and weakly held to him as they stood there. “Sorry.” Her muffled laugh reached his ears and he winced.

                “How are you going to convince the Council to let you go?” she wondered, the sound flat but also vainly hopeful that he wouldn’t.

                “I’ll think of something,” was all he said. He knew the words were not reassuring. Not for her, but she held tighter all the same. And though he was grateful for her as he always was, he still felt terrible because he had never been the angel she deserved.

 

                She insisted he eat and bathe and rest before he tried to do anything. And of course she let the kids know their father was coming around, but left the details to him. After all, nothing was clear yet until he had a chance to speak to the Council.

                Gunwoo managed to arrange a solo meeting via holovid with the heads of the Council, feeling very much as he had over seventy years ago when he was to receive their judgment. None had been replaced yet, though he heard rumors there would be a changing of seats before too long. One did get tired of being such a figurehead from time to time. That aside, they were just as difficult to speak to this time around as well.

                After being skeptical of his claim, which he understood – he would be too in their position, he at least made his case for attempting a search. “If I go alone, at the very worst, you will only lose one ship. I myself am of no importance anymore. My children are grown enough to make their own decisions. My wife has more than proven she is capable of handling and running this family as is. And negotiations for the Demon and Angel alliance are well under way and expected to be completed as of next year.”

                When he asked what might happen if he were captured or killed.

                “Then you will at least know, maybe, who attacked the outpost. I am not worth ransoming as I am, and again, should I be killed, it is no great loss to the Angel Empire.” The words were true but that didn’t mean they didn’t hurt.

                They were curious as to how he intended to find the missing angel.

                Here, even Gunwoo wasn’t so sure. But he had to hope. “I… have a connection with him. It’s the only thing I can figure as to how I felt him with Divination when no one else did. Is it not enough to try?” he pleaded, bowing deeply to the figures in the room with him. “If I can find him, maybe I can find others from the outpost as well,” he added, clinging to hope firmly.

                The Council deliberated for much longer than he thought they would. When they reconvened, the conceded that his arguments were valid and that the end goal might be more promising if his search did indeed find others. However, they indicated he could not go alone.

                “Victoria will go with you,” they commanded, their choice surprising to him.

                “Victoria?” he wondered in confusion.

                “She is agreeable to such a… questionable mission with you, and would like the opportunity to at least go on one final run. Or so she says,” the Celestial Amber chuckled with a shake of her head. “As such, we give you leave to head out at your leisure.”

                Relief and hope blossomed inside and Gunwoo bowed deeply again. “Thank you, Council members,” he breathed, biting his lip to still more words from coming.

                “Cosmos watch over you. Foolish Angel,” Amber snorted, gesturing him off with a wave before the other members started blinking out.

                Foolish indeed. He did not deny that, but he had more hope than he had any right to. The hard part now would be telling his family…

 

                His mother was dead set against it. His father accepted it with weary understanding. And his children had decidedly mixed reactions. The twins demanded more answers and he was forced to tell them more of his story with Changmin. Sunhwa seemed almost annoyed by his decision and Chaejin was sad, but neither tried to stop him.

                Maybe they all knew it was useless to try and convince him otherwise. He was as stubborn as they came when he needed to be.

                Maybe it was because underneath, everyone suspected this might well be a one way trip. He could be searching for a long time. An accident could happen. He could be killed or captured too. Many things were possible.

                Maybe they were just in shock and didn’t know what to say. How was one supposed to react to something like this?

                “I’m sorry, but I have to do this,” he reiterated one more time, bearing the scrutiny of his family as strongly as he could.

                Hyosung at least took pity on him. “We understand.” And she did, even if the others didn’t. She’d lived with his secret all their life together after all.

                “So you’re just abandoning us for a long lost lover who isn’t mom?” Eunji clarified, clearly miffed at him.

                “No,” Gunwoo shook his head, though that was uncomfortably close to the truth. “Not abandoning you,” he assured, raising his hand as if to cup her cheek but stopping when she shied away. It hurt but it wasn’t unexpected. “Trusting you to stand on your own two feet and be the Angels I know you can be.”

                “More pretty words to say you’re leaving,” Sunhwa muttered, arms crossed firmly over her chest.

                Yes, they were. “One day, I hope you find a love worth holding to,” he said instead, not looking at Hyosung as he spoke. It was cruel of him, but in his words, he hoped the same for her as well. If this was a one way trip, maybe she would finally be able to find the happiness she deserved.

                He was surprised when Chaejin stepped in front of him, making him look at the younger shorter Angel. His words were soft when he spoke. “When you go. Make sure you find him. You owe it to him. And yourself,” he murmured, meeting his father’s eyes steadily before he stepped forward to give him a firm hug.

                Unprepared for the sheer amount of pride he felt in his son, Gunwoo exhaled roughly once and held tight back. He looked up to see Hyosung, who was looking at him with tears on her lashes, but she felt it too. Their legacy would go on regardless. And it seemed to be in very good hands. “I will,” he promised, sniffing once and then holding the boy back to look at him at arm’s length. “Take care of your mother for me while I’m gone, okay?”

                “I will,” he promised, without any of the guilt markers he would have deserved.

                “You’re not being fair,” Joy finally mumbled, her voice thick with emotion. “Leaving mom for another angel. Probably missing Sunhwa’s wedding. ‘Trusting’ us to be alone,” she pouted, swallowing thickly. “Do you even love us?” she asked, her voice breaking.

                “Of course I do,” he rushed to assure her while Hyosung stifled a cry as she turned away. Gunwoo knelt in front of Joy and grabbed her hands in his, holding firm when she would have otherwise pulled away. “You’re right. This isn’t fair.” A lot of things about his life hadn’t been either. “And I don’t expect you to understand. So many things happened before you were born. My beautiful angels,” he whispered, making sure to look at each one before he focused on Joy again. “But I owe Changmin more than I can ever repay. It’s not just because I still love him,” he admitted, not shying away from that truth. “I owe everything I have now to him.”

                “Well then,” Sunhwa sighed at last, shaking her head as she stepped close to grab Joy’s shoulders and pull her back just a touch. “Like Chaejin said. You better find him. And,” she added, gently pushing Joy to Eunji, both of whom clung to each other for support. “You better make us proud.”

                “I will,” Gunwoo promised sincerely, standing up and bowing to his eldest daughter, so very proud of her in that moment.

                “Good,” she said, blinking to hide the shimmer on her lashes. “Come on guys. Let’s go,” she waved gathering up her siblings easily as she shepherded them out. Her face was full of thoughts as she looked back one final time before she stepped out, leaving him alone with his wife.

                He couldn’t blame her for being upset. Out of all of them, he was probably hurting her the worst. Oh he wished he wasn’t so cruel to her, but in this, he truly couldn’t help it. He hadn’t lied when he told their children what he did. He did owe everything to Changmin. Hyosung knew that as well, but it was just harder to accept in truth as opposed to understanding from afar. “I’m sorry,” he said one more time, stepping close with open arms though stopping short of hugging her.

                “You keep saying that as if it’ll somehow make things better,” she whispered, swallowing thickly. “It doesn’t.”

                “I know,” he admitted, shaking his head as his eyes dropped to the floor.

                “Do you think you’ll come back? Because you’re not acting like you do,” she admitted after a brief pause, still staying where she was.

                “I don’t know,” Gunwoo shrugged. Truly he didn’t. But… if he was being honest… “Probably not.” If he didn’t find him, he’d probably just keep searching. If he did… that depended on what was wrong. Maybe he’d be captured or killed. Or maybe, as a small part of him selfishly hoped, they could just run away and leave their past behind them. That was another cruel thought indeed…

                “I see,” Hyosung sobbed quietly, voice breaking on her tears. Gunwoo flinched when she actually slapped him, the sound as sharp as the sensation. As he felt he deserved it, he said nothing. “I still love you, you know,” she admittedly bitterly, pointing a finger at his face while her own crumpled.

                He did know that. Just like he knew he loved her, but… not enough. Parroting the words back felt wrong so he said, “Thank you,” instead.

                Her pained laugh answered him and he was surprised once more when she stepped close to kiss him hard on the mouth. But he responded in kind, realizing what it was. When Hyosung pulled back, she rested her forehead against his and whispered, “Goodbye.” Rising up, she pressed a gentle kiss on his cheek and then stepped away, heading for the door as well. “And Woo,” she called, pausing in the doorway.

                “Yeah?” he responded by rote, once again feeling his personal guilt crushing him.

                “Be well,” she offered with a sad smile and a wave.

                “You too, Hyosung.” Truly, he wished that with all his being.

                Once she left, it took him moment to get moving again. Now that the decision was made and the truth out in the open, it felt both liberating and crushing in equal measure. It would have been so much easier just to disappear without telling them or meeting face to face but that was the coward’s way and none of them deserved it. They didn’t deserve what they got either, but the truth from him was the least he could pay. Now all that was left was to find Victoria and get out of here. After this afternoon, that couldn’t come fast enough.

                Fortunately, Victoria seemed as eager to be off as he was. She was in the docking bay, finalizing departure procedures for their twin ships. “Well hello there, former Prince,” she teased, limping over to him with a bemused expression on her face. “Sounds like you’ve had quite the day,” she added, her tone indicating she’d heard about at least some of what he’d gone through.

                “You could say that,” he agreed quickly, moving close to the ships as a sense of excitement started to thrum through him.

                “You ready for this?” she asked, clapping a hand on his shoulder and looking up at the taller angel.

                “Are you?” he wondered, conjuring a wan smile as it started to feel just a bit like old times.

                Victoria laughed, the sound honest and amused. “I’ve been cooped up in this ship for decades because they’ve been afraid of letting me out of their sight, lest something finish the job it started on Earth. Yes, I’m ready,” she agreed whole heartedly.

                Gunwoo was glad she didn’t resent her injuries. And it seemed as if she was actually looking forward to their space jaunt so that was something. “We clear then?” he asked, glancing around to see if there was anything else that needed done.

                “Just gotta call into the Dock Master and we’ll be good to go,” the older angel assured him with a slap on the back. “Come on then, Highness,” she chuckled with a nod to the ships. “Something tells me we’ve a long ways to go,” she shrugged, limping to her ship without checking to see if he was doing the same.

                Some things just never changed. “Yes, ma’am,” he nodded with a slight bow before following her example. He had no doubt about her prediction. He was more worried about how it would end. But that was a worry for another time and day.