‟chapter five

The night was chillier than usual, but it wasn’t bothering her that much. She was slowly getting used to it.  It wasn’t long before the sky started pouring down furiously, the sound of each raindrop hit against her window loudly. Yongsun switched off all the lights in her house then decided to retire to her room tonight. Her sister called earlier to tell her that she’d be staying with her friend tonight, so she ended up having the whole house to herself. People usually got scared of ghosts when they had the whole to themselves, but she experienced seeing ghosts way too much that she wasn’t even scared anymore. It was more lonely to her, and tonight made her felt more lonely that she had ever been. Eric’s longing voice in his cover of I Won’t Give Up on Us filled her room, and Yongsun couldn’t help but realized just how much she’s missed him singing just for her.

It’s 2019 and both Eric and her have somehow started to move on with their lives just as usual again. She still couldn’t call him, and Byul said it was ridiculous because it took her a only few minutes to get his number and yet Yongsun took almost 6 months to decide she won’t be calling him. But, something about this chilly air made her a tad bits braver than usual. Perhaps she should really called him tonight. After all, she needed to explain everything for once and all. They’ve kept it hanging between them for way too long now. 

Grabbing her phone and the dumbo plush he gave her 3 years ago, she scrolled for his name in her phone. Her finger hovered over the number for a short while. Biting her lip, she clicked on the number and the screen switched to the call screen immediately. Yongsun’s stomach made a flip and she tightened her wrap around the dumbo plush as she listened to the connecting line. 

    “Hello?” 

She froze when he picked up the call, not even sure if her heart was beating faster than usual or if it just stopped. She opened to say something, but nothing really came out and she listened as he said another hello. It’s 3am in the morning and he still sounded as though he hasn’t sleep, but that wasn’t the problem because it’s not like she was sleeping either. 

    “Hello? Aish-” 

    Eric groaned in annoyance and almost proceeded to hang up on the call when she spoke. “It’s me. Yongsun.”

    “Oh.” He said and her heart sank. That’s it? “How have you been?” 

    “Busy but good.” She unconsciously started fiddling with the dumbo plush sitting on her. “You?” 

They went on for a few more minutes, catching up with each other, but Yongsun wasn’t even sure why she got even more nervous the longer they talked. The silence took over them as neither of them knew what else to talked about. They’ve caught up with one another and that was about it. That was how their relationship has came to be. From knowing exactly what to say to each other to not being able to utter a word because they didn't have the courage to ask.

    “I got your number from Byul.” She said even though he didn’t really ask. He hummed back a little so she’d know he’s still listening. “And… I wanted to call to apologize for suddenly changing my number.” 

He didn’t say anything, but she took it as he wanted her to continue talking. Yongsun had a small doubt that he already fell asleep, but the silence scared her so much that she could only imagined the worst scenario to happen. What if he’s really mad about it? He didn’t sound too ecstatic talking to her this whole time but she tried to comfort herself that he was just tired and sleepy. She kept silent on her own, not knowing what else to say and it lasted for a few more seconds until Eric said something back. 

    “Why all of sudden?” 

    His question took her in surprise. He continued, “It has already been months, why all of sudden?” 

    “I-” I didn’t have the courage to call. “I just remembered.” 

Eric’s heart sank at her reply. So, he was the only one who cares all these times? He guessed his presence to her must have been very little for her to just remember that they haven’t talk for almost a year now. He stopped typing on his computer in fear that the lyrics to a completely bright song he’s currently working on would reflect his sudden anger and disappointment. 

    “You just remembered?” He almost scoffed at that. “That’s it?” 

    Yongsun bit her lower lip, now he really sounded mad at her and she hates herself being so stupid again. “Yeah, I’ve been really busy so I forgot. You also know how busy this work could get.” 

Now, she’s getting disgusted with her own reply. Eric went completely speechless over her reply. He couldn’t believe what he had just heard, but moreover, he couldn’t believe she could say something like this when she was the one who called to apologize in the first place. His whole body shivered, and he wasn’t sure if it was from the sudden anger he felt or from the heavy rain outside. 

    Swallowing his own feeling away, he asked, “Was it all acting back then? Was three years ago all an act?” Was I the only one who didn’t think it was a business relationship?

Yongsun’s heart stopped at his question. It was never just an act on her parts, she was serious and genuine about all of it. She had never even once thought what they had was just a business relationship. He was and still is very important to her, and she genuinely cared about him even back then. She said he was like a big gift to her and she meant all of it. She wanted to answer back that she had been serious through all of it, but the thought of how mad he is right now scared her so much that she didn't know how to phrase what she wanted to tell him. She had never heard him being this mad, and she was sure no one else had actually heard him being this mad either. 

    “Yes.” 

Eric scoffed as the answer wrenched both of them. Yongsun held back her tears, afraid that he’d hear her sob through the silence between them. What have she done now? 

    “Then, why did you upload that video of yourself supporting my song? Was it all just a media play to shut down those comments of people calling you mean for changing your number?”

When he puts it that way, Yongsun could locate the disgust not only in her own head, but also in his voice. She stayed silent on her part and she could almost felt him closing his eyes to calm himself down. She squeezed the dumbo plush in her lap tightly, fearing that another word from him would made her cry right there and then. 

    “You’re really a great actress, aren’t you?” 

His voice came off rough and distant and he hang up. She dropped her phone onto her bed and sobbed, the disbelief and disgust in his voice repeated itself continuously in her head. She really did it this time, she really hurt the person who had been doing nothing but respecting her decision. The sound of her own cry filled her room, but it was lost in the heavy downpour of the rain outside. She hurt both of them, and no one else knew about it except them. No one but them knew that she had just killed them both on the inside. 

Eric stared at his laptop, million thoughts crossed his mind but he couldn’t seem to catch any of those. Her answer still seem to echoed through his ears amidst the heavy downpour of the rain outside. He didn’t want to believe any of those, but hearing it coming from her directly hurt him more than he expected. He didn’t know how long did he just sit there and stare at his laptop, but a sudden thought crossed his mind and he reached his hand out to create a new document. He was never the type to come up with a song title before finishing the lyrics, but this time he seemed to get an idea from what would be the title before he could even worked on the lyrics. 

    don’t call me 

He got up from his desk and walked towards his kitchen. He was also never the type to drink his sorrow away, but he didn’t care anymore. Opening his cupboard, he grabbed a few bottles of alcohol he stored away and went straight to the table, not even bothering grabbing a glass. The rain seemed to add even more sorrow to the emptiness he’s already feeling and the empty house didn't make it any better. Brian was supposed to be sleeping by now, but he was hanging out with his friends and won't be coming home until tomorrow morning.  

Taking a sip from the soju bottle, he went to the camera roll in his phone and searched for a video of Yongsun dancing to his song in her car. She looked happy, way too happy and excited to be acting and he wanted to believe that she was just lying, but there was nothing for him to believe anymore. Hovering over the delete button, he hesitated for a whole 5 minutes until a text message chimed in. He clicked on it to see it was from Byul, and he helplessly read through her message.

    I really don’t want to do this but it has been months, and if I don’t, idk when will she do it. It seems like Yongsun unnie will never be able to call you, so here’s her number. Call her first 010-3457-2841

Eric scoffs and tosses his phone away onto a table, ignoring Byul’s message, and it makes a loud thud. Well, she finally did called after months just to ruined him all over again, as if changing her number and cutting off contact with him once wasn’t already enough. Eric took another long sip from his bottle, and for a short moment, the alcohol that he once thought tasted sweet at night actually tasted like poison to him. 

Brian unlocked the door to his brother’s apartment at 6am in the morning only to find the older man passing out at the table in his kitchen surrounded by bottles of soju. 

    “What the , bro.” He tried shaking Eric awake only to have the older man groaning in response. “How much did you even drink?” 

    Eric mumbled indistinctly and the younger man groaned, trying to help his brother up to bed. Eric swung his arm over his brother’s shoulder and pulled him closer to him but his hand only managed to hang loosely around Brian's shoulder. “Do you like anyone right now? If you do, then don’t bother. It’s useless. It’s all useless and stupid. I’m the stupid one.” 

    “What the hell are you talking about?” Brian groaned and dragged him to his room. 

He helped Eric onto his bed, and stared at his brother in disbelief. Sure, Eric likes to drink but he has never drank this much in his entire life. An alarm blasted from Eric’s phone, and Brian reached to switch it off. He couldn’t help but notice the text from Byul that Eric left unanswered. He sighed, getting the slight idea of what this was all about. Draping the blanket over Eric, he quietly left the room to clean up the kitchen. This was a matter he couldn’t interfere in, and as much as he hates to see his older brother in this state, there was nothing for him to do other than hoping they would resolve it on their own soon.