Song: I Don't Want To Leave - Matthew Perryman Jones

Author's Note:
Hey, y'alls! I know, I know...this update is late again, lol, but I had some personal stuff that I am sorting right now so please bear with me. :)

I did manage to at least write something, but it isn't as long as I hoped it would be. The good news is that the story is getting more (for the lack of better term) definite for me, so it would be a little easier to write the succeeding chapters.

Anyways, I am introducing a new character in this chapter: Sehun of EXO. If you're not familiar with the Sehun x Jeonghwa ship, I suggest you look it up. It's a cute ship, but my heart will always belong to LeJung. lol

Okay, enough nonsense. Don't forget to leave some feedbacks in the comment section. Enjoy~ :)

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Jeonghwa

September, 2018

 

The past couple of months felt like forever. Having to break up in such an amicable way has its pros and cons – one of the pros being, we could still work properly together for our comeback with Solji unnie and one of the cons being, we have to pretend we’re fine in front of each other and in front of the other members.

No one seemed to notice anything strange between us. They did ask a couple of times why LE and I rarely hang out together anymore, but since LE moved out of the building that we used to live in and since I’ve been quite preoccupied with an acting project recently, we didn’t really have to think of any alibis or whatnot when asked about it. While it was exciting for me to be offered an acting project, it also made things a bit difficult for me…okay, a lot difficult.

“Cong..gra..tu..lations~ Hoo! Hoo! Congratulations~ Hoo! Hoo!” Hyelin’s voice resonates within the VIP room of our favorite karaoke place. The fact that it overpowers Solji’s multiple-tambourine stunt says a lot about how loud she is, especially because she’s had a couple of shots already. That’s not to say that I do not appreciate her energy, though, since she’s always been cheering me on in whatever I accomplish.

“It’s not even finalized yet, you know?” I’m trying to be calm about it but to be honest, I was ten times as excited as them when I found out about the news.

“Aish! Stop being such a killjoy! This is your first major acting gig, so we have to celebrate!” Hani popped open the bottle of champagne that we ordered for the both of us since there’s no way we can handle drinking soju tonight without having to stay in bed the whole day tomorrow.

Honestly, it would have been better if LE is here. Despite our breakup, we’ve kept a very civil relationship. We try to be as professional as possible when it comes to work, and we try to not be too awkward when going out with the rest of the group. Apparently, she couldn’t make it tonight because she has to do some finishing touches for our upcoming comeback. If there’s anyone I would’ve loved to share this moment with, it would be her, but I guess it can’t work out that way.

“So…Sehun, huh?” Hyelin smirked and looked at me as if fishing for any juicy details about me being partnered with Sehun for this project.

“What about him? And what’s with that look?” I tried to laugh it off and pretend that there’s nothing to it other than work, but they all knew about Sehun confessing his feelings to me a couple of years back. It was during the promotions for our first full album and he gave me a congratulatory bouquet with a note asking if I’d like to go out with him.

I would be lying if I say that I didn’t consider dating him then. However, my feelings for LE that time couldn’t be any clearer albeit not being sure if I’m brave enough to push through with it. It’s not like LE is making any move either anyways. We had always been quite comfortable with just being that someone to each other, whatever that means.

I thought about it for a long time, but it just didn’t seem fair for Sehun if I would date him just because I was a bit scared of what I had with LE, so I told him I can’t. He was kind enough to understand. I guess he knew me well enough to respect my decision and still be a gentleman about it.

“This might be a rekindling of old flame, don’t you think?” Hani pitched in. She’s pretty much excited about anything regarding love and relationships. It probably has something to do with her watching too much romantic movies lately, but she obviously likes the idea of Sehun and I working together for a project.

“Oh? LE’s here!” Hyelin blurted out over the microphone.

As if I’m playing a losing game with fate, there she is, in a white shirt and her favorite ripped jeans, the most beautiful human being I’ve ever set my eyes on – Ahn Hyojin. It couldn’t really be a worse time since we were just talking about Sehun and LE still has no idea about it, but I honestly couldn’t care less. I am just happy that she’s here with us…with me.

“Hey, guys. I came as soon as I’m done.” She was all smiles when she came in and gave all of us a quick hug, like she normally does. This is what I look forward to every time we had to see each other for work or if we’re out with the girls. I know it may seem pathetic but being this close with LE brings me comfort and calm, even from way before we had a thing. “I hope you don’t mind. Hyelin and Hani kept on texting me to come here.”, she whispered when she hugged me.

“Of course not.” I gave her a quick smile to reassure her that it’s okay. To say that I am blushing might have been an understatement. Feeling LE’s lips brush a little on my skin whilst she was whispering still gives me the same unexplainable feelings that I felt when I first realized that I love her, and I can’t really tell whether that’s good or bad.

“So…what did I miss?” LE asked as she was easing into the couch.

You three better keep your mouths shut about Sehun.

To be honest, I am quite surprised that anything about Sehun didn’t even come up after LE’s arrival. Considering the fact that none of the girls really knew about the real deal between me and LE, I kind of expected that one of them would spill the beans.  I really wanted to be the one to tell LE about it, and thankfully none of the other members told her yet…or so I thought.

“Do you want a ride home?” LE asked as we’re walking out of the room. The other three were walking ahead of us since Hani had practically passed out from drinking the whole bottle of champagne that we’re supposed to share and Hyelin and Solji are both dragging her out.

“Oh, no it’s fine. I brought my car. I had to drop Hani off at her place anyways.”

“I see. It’s been raining non-stop since earlier, so drive carefully. Besides, Heeyeon might throw up in your car if you’re too fast.”

“My goodness, I forgot about that.”

We both laughed. It was refreshing, to hear us both laugh at the same time and over the same thing…just us.

“Elle, I… I have something to tell you.”

“What is it?”

“I… Well… I will be working with Sehun for the new drama.” I know I’m not doing anything wrong and that I don’t necessarily need to let LE know about it, but it does bother me that I agreed to this project without telling her beforehand.

“Yeah, I know. I overheard the managers talking about it earlier today.”

She looked at me with a smile on her face. It was a painful but reassuring smile.

“Listen, I don’t want you to think that you owe me an explanation over things like this. I don’t want to put you in that much pressure.”

“But…”

“No buts, okay? Just do what you have to do, even if it’s with Sehun or with anyone else. You’re a big girl. I appreciate your being considerate of me, but If it makes you happy, then that’s what will make me happy too.”

I know she’s saying the right things to me right now. I know that her words are supposed to be comforting me. But why do I feel a little pinch in my heart?

“I just don’t want you to think that there’s anything to it just because Sehun is doing the drama with me.”

She didn’t answer. Instead, LE turned to face me and took my hands. “Your hands are cold.” She put my hands together and rubbed it gently. I can feel it getting warmer. “Just do what feels right for you. If there’s anything that I am not worried of, it’s about you making decisions like this. You always know what’s best for you, and that’s what matters.”

I honestly didn’t expect her to react this way. I’ve played this scene a couple of times in my mind, and both times I saw myself explaining thoroughly why she didn’t have to worry about me being partnered with Sehun. This calm and composed reaction isn’t what I anticipated.

“Remember, we’re okay…we’ll be just fine.”

“How are you this…calm?”

She managed to force out a soft giggle, but the pain in her eyes are evident.

“I am hurt, and I am as devastated as you are over what happened to us. But someone has to be strong for the both of us, and that’s my job.”

I feel bad for putting LE in this position. She only wants what’s best for us, and as much as it pains me to say, I know that we can only really grow if we go our separate ways.

“I’m sorry…”

“No, don’t apologize. It’s okay.” She pulled me in for an embrace. I wrapped my arm around her waist and held on to her so tight, not wanting this moment to end. I missed this so damn much. I missed this scent – a mix of her favorite perfume, her lavender-scented shampoo, the fabric conditioner that I introduced her to, and that unique LE scent. I missed everything about her. I really want nothing more but to stay like this forever.

“Go, before the rain pours again.”

 

LE

September, 2018

 

Letting go of Jeonghwa for the second time is by far one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever made in my entire life. I would love nothing more but to keep her safe in my embrace, but I know that I can’t…I shouldn’t.

I can feel a lump in my throat as she tightened her arms around my waist. I try to take this moment in, but I know that the longer it is that we are in each other’s arms, the harder it will be to let go.

“Go, before the rain pours again.” I can hear my own reluctance loud and clear. It won’t be long until I’d end up crying, and there’s just no way I’d let her see me cry. It would break us both.

Seeing her slowly walking away from me is possibly the most heartbreaking thing that I’ve ever seen. I can feel my heart being ripped to pieces, but this had to be done.

I waited for a few minutes before heading out, just so I won’t have to see Jeonghwa drive away. By the time I was outside, the rain was already pouring hard. I probably muttered a hundred curses under my breath when I remembered that my car was parked a couple of blocks away. There’s just no way I’d be going home dry tonight.

“Mind giving me a ride home?” Solji appeared from the corner, with an extra umbrella in hand.

“I… Sure.” I would like to think that she just really wasn’t able to get a cab or something, but I can see her car parked across the street. Her waiting up for me outside, in the heavy rain, meant something more serious.

The walk to the car was silent, but not awkward. It was never awkward with Solji, anyways. It’s been like that ever since.

Solji broke the silence as soon as we got into the car. “I guess the umbrella is pretty useless. The only part of me left that’s dry right now is apparently my scalp.”

On a good day, I would probably find that pretty funny. I wanted to laugh, or at least giggle, but my mind was too preoccupied with thoughts about Jeonghwa and how I’m pretty sure she’ll be crying herself to sleep tonight, as will I.

Tears are threatening to form, and I had to literally shake my head to try to keep it in.

“Go ahead. I won’t look.”

I’m not sure what it is about Solji’s words, but it didn’t even take me a minute to eventually break down. I am thankful, though, that while she really didn’t look at me during the whole time that I was bawling my eyes out, Solji did pat my back from time to time and held my hand.

By the time I calmed myself down, the rain had stopped. Solji was still looking out the window, quiet but comforting. I looked at the clock and realized that it’s already way past midnight and it had been almost an hour and a half since we got in the car. Solji might have noticed that my sobs had subsided and turned to look at me.

“Feeling better?”

“Not really. I mean, maybe a little.”

“That’s good.”

“Yeah. Thanks, really.” I squeezed her hand gently hoping that she’d feel how grateful I am for her presence right now. “So, do I drop you off at your house or at your mom’s house?”

“No need.” Solji said as she’s getting ready to step out. “I brought my car.”

“Oh, right. I actually saw it parked across the karaoke place.”

She smiled at me. “Are you going to be fine driving on your own?”

“Of course. Don’t worry.”

“Okay, then.”

“Unnie…”

“Mhm?”

“How did you know?”

“Ah. You see, I may be a little slow when it comes to tech stuff, but if it’s about the matters of the heart, you don’t even have to tell me for me to know.”

Acknowledged. She’s definitely observant, especially when it comes to these kinds of things. Solji isn’t our leader for nothing anyways.

“But I don’t really know a lot, to be honest,” she stepped out of the car, “all I know is that you and Jjong are both in a very difficult place right now, and that you don’t have to act so tough and brave all the time.”

“Unnie, I – “

“Go. It’s late. See you next week, yeah?” I forced a smile as she waved goodbye and walked away.