You called and called, but Xiumin didn’t come back.  He didn’t come back the next day, or the day after that.  

At first, you were frantic.  What if he had moved on?  Would you ever know?  Would you have to live your entire life, not knowing if he had crossed over, or if he was still stuck in this apartment, forever moving things just six inches closer, to help whomever lived there, in his own small way?

Saturday afternoon found you curled in bed, staring at the wall.  You felt a depression on the bed, and you reached out to draw Bubba closer, when you felt the cool slip of leather.  Shooting up, your eyes met his, and then you were sobbing, climbing over your blankets to throw your arms around him, to clutch him tightly, so that he couldn’t escape you, even if he tried.

Xiumin rocked you slowly, letting you release all of your tears, before leaning back, his thumbs gently wiping your face.  Looking down at you, he smiled sadly.  “Your nose is snotty.”

Snorting, you hit him in the chest, then reached over to pull a tissue from the box on your nightstand, and blow your nose.  “Where were you?”

“Walking.  Testing my limits.  Thinking.  Feeling guilty.”

“Guilty?  You have absolutely nothing over which to feel guilty!  You’ve done nothing wrong!”

“Haven’t I?  Playing house with you, when we both know that this relationship can’t go anywhere?”

“Why does it have to go anywhere but where it is?  I’m happy; aren’t you?”

His eyes filled with tears.  “I’m happy.  So happy,” he whispered.  “But do I even deserve it?”

“Why wouldn’t–that’s a silly question!  Of course you deserve happiness!   You’re lovely!”

He shrugged you off.  “You don’t know that.”

“I do.”

“No, you don’t!  Your brother was right.  I don’t remember who I was–I could have been anybody!  I could have been no better than that man who broke in here.”

“That’s illogical.  Why should death suddenly change your personality?  It’s death, not Lithium.”

“That’s right, it’s death!  I’m dead!  I can’t…I can’t give you anything!  I can’t pay any bills, I can’t buy you presents, I can’t feed you!”

“I don’t care about those things!  I can take care of myself!”

His eyes softened, and he cupped your face in his hands, leaning forward to touch his forehead to yours.  In a fierce whisper, he continued.  “I can’t marry you.  I can’t give you children.  I can’t even…be with you!”

You were crying again, crying, not because of his words, but because of the meaning behind them.

“Jagiya…I didn’t want to tell you this.  I’m so sorry.  I didn’t even want to admit it to myself, but…I’ve been…fading.”

“What?”

“It started after the night I kissed you.  At first, it was every now and then, but the closer we became…the happier I became…the more it happened.  I think…I think that I’m being called home.”

Realizing his meaning, you pulled back, to look in his eyes.  “No,” you said simply, shaking your head.  “No.”

Your mind flashed back to a night where you had been watching television, when a commercial flashed for an automatic cat feeder.

“You should buy that,” Xiumin had commented.

“Why would I?  I have no problem feeding my babies by hand.”

He snorted.  “There have been plenty of times that you’ve forgotten, and I’ve had to do it for you.”

Snuggling closer under his arm, you grinned cutely up at him.  “Well, there you go.  Even when I forget, you’re there to do it for me.”

He smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes.  “I’m not always here, aein.”

“True, but you always come back.  They can wait a couple of hours until one of us returns, right?

He had just looked at you, his eyes running over your face, as if memorizing it.

“What’s wrong?”

He had remained silent.

“Look, Xiuminah, if it’s that important to you, I’ll buy it.  No need to be overly dramatic about it.”  You took his face in your hands, squishing his cheeks.  “Why do you look sad?” you pouted.  “It’s just a cat feeder.”

“Nothing.  Nothing.”  Leaning forward, he had gripped your shoulders, pulling you flush to his chest, and kissing you until you were breathless and dizzy, all thoughts forgotten but him.

Returning to the present, you watched as, smiling sadly, Xiumin lifted his hand. You could see it, but it was translucent, flickering.  Your eyes began to fill with tears.

“I can’t stop it, aegiya.  I’ve tried.”

Pulling him by the lapels, you brought his mouth down to yours, kissing him desperately, as if you could will him to stay by your passion.  He responded, but after a while, you felt something on your face.  Leaning back, you saw that he was crying, silent and still, tears flowing down his face like rain, as he sat there, and watched you, his eyes roving your face with hunger.

You could almost imagine that you felt the warmth of his hands as he cupped your cheeks.  “I want to stay!  I want to be with you!  I can’t–it’s not–”  He raised his face, and set his jaw, eyes blinking rapidly to keep further tears from falling.  “It’s not fair!” he growled.  “The entire time I was lonely, and miserable, I was stuck here, but as soon as I’m happy, that’s when I finally get the call?!”

“Xiuminah…” you whispered.  He looked down at you.  “Xiuminah…” your voice broke.  “You have to go.”

“What?!”

“You have to…you have to go…if–” you involuntarily swallowed, “if you don’t…what if…what if you lose your chance?  What if you’re stuck here?”

“That’s what I want!  If I can be with you–”

“For how long?” you said quietly.  “Xiuminah…I’m going to die.  And then what?  Is one lifetime of happiness with me enough to keep you going until the world ends?”

He was breathing hard, staring down at you with intense hunger written all over his face.  

“I can’t let you do that.  I can’t let you risk your chance.  I lo–”

He brought his mouth down to yours in a crushing kiss, kissing you until you were breathless, and lig