In which the author takes the time to ignore the plot and write crack about Daehyun and Him Chan cause it relieves her stress. Also, Him Chan's a mama's boy. That is all.

She let the cool wood of the lunch table melt away the stress centering around her temple. It had been a week since the camping trip and everyone was thrown immediately back into school. There had been no time for her to even itch at her mosquito bites when she had been thrown into the exciting world of calories and hydrogen bonds and other things that she didn’t understand related to biology.

“Every word I write makes me die a little more inside.” She grumbled as her hand still ached from earlier. She had spent half of the current lunch hurriedly scribbling down the notes she had neglected to take the previous night. Zelo - who was still suffering from database lockdown - stole her book to recover some knowledge within the scientific realm of his brain. She thanked God that Yong Guk was returning later within the day and will finally take Zelo home.

“That used to happen to me, until I just died.” Daehyun commented as he rummaged through Him Chan’s lunch before said owner could protest.  

Him Chan snatched away the food from the hungry thief, “Don’t you mean until you just stopped doing homework?” he scoffed as he took out the sandwich his mother had packed with love.

“One must be alive to do homework.” Daehyun responded, leaning over Him Chan to take a rather large bite of the peanut butter and jelly treat, after dealing with much resistance from Him Chan .

“I’ve been meaning to ask,” Wonderbread said looking up at the two, her head still resting comfortably, “who said you guys could sit with me?” She glared upwards towards Him Chan’s direction, “Don’t think that one camping trip makes us suddenly friends again.”

Him Chan pointed his nose up and huffed, “This is a free country. I can sit anywhere I very damn please. Our forefathers fought hard to win our independence from the British.”

“That’s America.”

“America. South Korea. Whatever.”

“Are you done with your sandwich yet, Him Chan?” Daehyun called out during their fascinating history debate.

Him Chan sighed at his friend, “Does it look like I’m done?”

“Yes.” Daehyun grabbed the sandwich and devoured the remains.

“Rhetorical question, Daehyun. Rhetorical question. We went over this before.” Him Chan proceeded to grab the second sandwich his mother always packed him, well aware of Daehyun’s sticky fingers.

“Never quite cared for literature.” Daehyun shrugged, eyeing his best friend’s second sandwich.

Even with the rather loud conversations of their fellow students in the cafeteria, Daehyun and Him Chan still managed to be the loudest among the crowd.

“And I never quite cared for your face.” he retorted.

Daehyun gasped as if scandalized by Him Chan’s confession, “You’re a dirty damn liar. Take that back. Now.”

The older ignored the heated glare from the blond and chewed on his lunch.

“I hope you’re enjoying your sandwich because I found the bread stale and an uneven ratio of strawberry jam and peanut butter.” Daehyun criticised, taking aims at Him Chan’s mother to rouse a reaction from the Mama’s Boy.  

Him Chan stopped chewing and swallowed the mush in his mouth before narrowing his eyes at his best friend, “My mother. Really, Daehyun? Is this what this friendship has come down to? I’ll have you know my mother is a beautiful and elegant lady who is the Goddess of Cookery.” Him Chan was biting his lip hard to stop himself from stooping down to Daehyun’s level. He knew what the boy was trying to do.

Daehyun continued to force Him Chan’s hand and with two simple words, “Uneven ratio.”

“If it’s such a horrible distribution, then how come I didn’t hear any complaints while you were scarfing down the snack? Huh?”

“I was hungry. Even dirt would have tasted good.” Daehyun leaned in closer, hoping the close distance would make his glare seem more intense as he attempted to conceal his laughter. Him Chan always had the best reactions.

The fuming male flared his nostrils, “Why don’t I take you outside and feed you dirt then? I bet it would save me a hell of a lot of money if you stopped taking all my food.”

“Not a bad idea. Even your ramyun has an uneven amount of soup and noodles.” Daehyun never knew when to stop, but he knows he never needs to with Him Chan. His blond friend could take it. It also helped that he was impossibly predictable and easy to see through. Even from the moment they met, he could tell how simple minded the guy was and so easily manipulated if handled right.

Him Chan was a doll Daehyun was free to control and his theory was about to be proven right in- 3...2...1.

Him Chan forced his sandwich down Daehyun’s throat, almost choking the poor boy, good thing Daehyun was well trained in stuffing things down his throat.

(He also doesn’t have a gag reflex. Feel free to let your mind wander with this fictional detail.)

Daehyun swallowed the sweet food, sating the remaining hunger that plagued his stomach. “Thank you for the meal.” He his lips and smiled.

“Yeah, yeah. Now apologize for that comment you made about my mom.” Him Chan crossed his arms and kept his gaze steady on the glutton. Him Chan has this theory that Daehyun is the incarnate of all seven deadly sins. He was lazy, greedy, hungry (all the time), prideful, violent, had a thing for hardcore (which he didn’t even bother hiding), and easily jealous-

Wait, what. Easily jealous? What was Daehyun?? His boyfriend? Pffffftttt!

Him Chan was losing his mind from the lack of food. He let his head fall down on the table with a small thud.

Daehyun harshly patted his back, “There, there. When we go to your house after school, we can have some of your mom’s uneven ramyun.”

“Why are you my friend?” Him Chan yelled exasperated, his shouts muffled by the table’s surface.

“When you borrowed those crayons from me, you promised to be my best friend until the day I either died or you killed me and vise versa.” He laid his head on Him Chan’s shoulder, using him as a pillow. Might as well get comfortable if they were going to have a conversation.

The cushion let out a silent sob, ignoring the heavy weight on top of him. “I never thought you meant it nor that you would live this long.” Him Chan cried, “All I wanted was to draw a rainbow. Why didn’t I draw a dinosaur instead? All I would have needed was the color green, but no. It had to be a ing rainbow.” Him Chan continued to wallow in his self pity and wondered why he had been such an ambitious five year old.

He lifted his head up and pushed the guy off of him, “You’re the reason I stopped wanting to be an artist.”

“I’m flattered that even back then I was able to crush all your dreams and aspirations.” Daehyun smiled, one of those rare ones where he showed his pearly teeth.

“I’m glad I can make you feel such emotions.”

“Oh, you make me feel many things,” Daehyun wiggled his eyebrows, but Him Chan ignored his expression.

“I told you, I’m not playing that innuendo game with you.” Him Chan shivered at the thought of having to compliment Daehyun’s body or pretend as if he were attracted to him.

Daehyun’s smile fell and he looked impassive as per usual, “You never let me have fun. You ruin everything.”

“I’m flattered I can crush all your dreams and aspirations.” The male mocked, rephrasing Daehyun’s earlier jape.

“You’re a sick, sick person, you know that, Channie?”

Him Chan wonders why he even bothers with Daehyun half the time. The boy was a mean and malicious kid, whose joys in life came from other people’s misery. He makes one too many ual comments which sometimes causes him to fidget uncomfortably. He drains his wallet with demands of outings and lunches. Daehyun was also impossibly clingy at times, as if he were a koala in a past life.

There were so many people in the school who he could have wasted his time with instead. Him Chan had originally planned on joining the soccer team to expand his circle of friends, but Daehyun viciously kept him away from the sign ups and try outs. His reasoning being that if Him Chan joined the soccer team, he would smell of sweat and he isn’t quite fond of the rancid scent.

“Selfish bastard.”

“I do so love the cute nicknames you have for me.” Daehyun was playing with Him Chan’s hair, messing it up for his amusement.

“I must have killed puppies in a past life to deserve you.” Him Chan pouted.

Daehyun rolled his eyes, “Don’t act like a martyr. Who else, other than me, would be able to put up with your ?” Him Chan groaned, realizing too late that he just triggered Daehyun into a rant. The only time Daehyun ever talked for extraneous and long periods of time was to complain. More often than not, about Him Chan.

“You should thank me for being your friend. You’re such a big baby all the time. You fumble over your words and gestures when you’re nervous. You’re loud and obnoxious. You find happiness with stupid pranks. You have an impossibly short attention span. Your bedroom has more stuffed animals than a seven year old. You’re also gullible.” Daehyun stared at Him Chan, “Need I go on?”

Him Chan listlessly shook his head after having most of his faults being picked at by his abusive friend. He looked up from the floor and noticed the absence in one of the seats, “Where’s Wonderbread?”

Daehyun sighed, “The ing attention span of a gnat. Pay attention to me!”

Gluttonous, lazy, , greedy, vengeful, cocky, and jealous.

This was his friend, Jung Daehyun.

Watar you doing boys. Are ya ghey or not? Well who cares. There's some heavey bromance thick in the air and it's not just the peanut butter and jelly I'm smelling.

Funny how I don't write when I have time, but when I should be hurrying to finish my AP assignments .-. I'm also tempted to change my username to JongCrotch because Sungjong has a lovely lap.