Seungcheol was about to knock on Jihoon’s studio door when he felt an ache on his chest. It wasn’t the first time he was going to do this. He had to make Jihoon return to the dorms and try to sleep at least a couple of hours.  It was exactly in this same situation when he felt the first strains of their relationship a year ago.

They met when they were teenagers and they got closer so fast and so easy that it surprised both of them. They spent a lot of time together and the memories are still so precious to Seungcheol that it still hurts how things had changed. Dance practice, vocal practice, late night dinners, cuddles and shy kisses.

They never defined their relationship because as soon as he was about to accept his own feelings for the younger, they were appointed as the leaders of Seventeen. They had already been brokenhearted after a failed debut plan in the past, so they chose to put all their effort on this new opportunity. However, this was just the first stone of a wall that ended being so tall that Seungcheol couldn’t talk or see the person who had been the most important in his life apart from his family.

He made an effort. Everytime Jihoon was at the studio, he would visit and bring him something to eat and try to make him relax. But Jihoon started changing with every hour in that studio. With every challenge in the Seventeen Project and with every song that his beautiful voice would record, he moved farther and farther away from Seungcheol. And at some point, not even banging on the door would make Jihoon open it.

They had barely talked during the last weeks of the project, except for the challenges, and Seungcheol being a touchy person was craving at least for a hug. And as time passed and the stress kept increasing, Seungcheol held on his last hope. He was also stressed by his new role in the group and even when he was trying his best it was difficult. So in the end, in front of the other members at the campfire he couldn’t keep quiet and let all his emotions flow in his words.

“I think you are special….and I know you think that I’m special too.”

He had said those words pouring all his heart and Jihoon’s nod to that statement and his smile made it all worthy. Being able to hug him again, to caress his hair and smile with him made Seungcheol’s falling tears a mix of sadness and happiness.

But that moment ended just like a dream, because when the cameras left and they were alone at the dorm, Jihoon disappeared again. The older didn’t want to let go of the moment. They needed to talk. Seungcheol had so many things to say that he couldn’t say on camera. But Jihoon had closed his heart to that conversation. His feelings weren’t rejected, but Jihoon preferred to remind him of their responsibilities, the showcase and Seungcheol had to admit that at the moment their priority should be the group and the members’ wellbeing.

The members however had been worried for their leaders and after their successful showcase and when Seventeen’s situation seemed better than ever they told him to go for all. To say everything that had to be said, because they will fully support them. And in Seungcheol’s heart going for all meant going for Jihoon.

But Seungcheol was tired of trying to be strong, and his heart broke even more when Jihoon admitted that he also felt something for the older, but he couldn’t be with him.  He didn’t want to beg, but Jihoon as always started talking about putting the group as their priority. And in a desperate attempt to keep the other close, he said it was fine to be just friends. That he wanted to walk the flowery path together, just like they had walked the bumpy road together on their trainee days. He just wanted Jihoon to try again, because the bond they had couldn’t be thrown away just like that. But Jihoon just said the same thing as before, that they were lucky enough to reach that point, that they have always put their dreams first and their feelings could ruin it all, that he couldn’t be with him.

A year had gone by quickly, but knocking on Jihoon’s studio door still reminded him of those moments. And the aching on his heart was still present even when he had started developing feelings for another person, because trying to be close to Jihoon hurt even more than letting him go. Because even when people say “good things take time”, he had waited long enough and things haven’t improved, so he had stopped hoping for a response from Jihoon. He didn’t want to keep going for a lost cause. And he came to realize that in the world there is always a strong person ready to mend every broken person.