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“ap-appa.. kajimara..”

Il eun whispered before waking up from her sleep. A brush of daylight streamed and stretched across Il eun’s small apartment. Still lying down, Il eun covered her eyes from the bright sunlight entering her apartment. She shifted and turned so that her back was facing the window. Her eyes slowly travelled her apartment, clothes were scattered along the hard wooden floor, books and magazines were piled on top of each other and boxes were stacked up at one end of her apartment. It was dark and the only light that shown was from the window.

With a heavy sigh, Il eun gathered all her strength and got out of bed. She turned to her right stared out the window, stretching her arms wide to her side. She turned back, grabbed a towel and got ready for school.

No mirrors decorated her apartment, only the white painted walls stood high, sheltering only her and her pet cat, Storm. She hated mirrors. Not because of what she saw in them, but what they revealed. Whenever she looks into a mirror, she didn’t see a young beautiful girl, but the opposite, ‘shame’. She would spend long minutes, just staring at herself with discuss. ‘shame’ was what cross her mind everytime her eyes stared back.

When it was time to go, she got down from her apartment and was just about to walk out the door, but the sight of her old mailbox caught her attention. It was rusted and dusty. She wasn’t hoping for any mail but it would be nice to get mail once in a while. She stepped forward and took out her keys. Il eun opened the mailbox and disappointment washed over her. Empty, like always.

She shook of the thought and steadied her pace towards the door.

---

Il eun hummed a soft tune as she walked across the grey pavement slowly, not caring that she’s already late for school. A small gust of winter breeze her skin, making her shiver despite it, it actually felt refreshing. She was happy though she never showed how happy she was, she was happy.

At school, she was known as the girl-L of death note. Always quiet, always bitter, always dark and always alone. She has no friends of her age, she did have a childhood friend name Sung Jong, but as the time went by, he stopped talking to her because she pushed him away. Now, they would sometimes bump into each other and would just share cold glances between each other. They go to different schools, but their houses were not that far apart. She remembered how one time, his smile disappeared at the sight of her. It felt as if thousands of knives were being stabbed trough her heart, she cried inside.

Countless of times, she would just sit somewhere quiet and think to herself. ‘should I just end it all, why should I suffer?’ . The thought of her Omma, who died giving birth to her stopped her from the action. The feeling of guilt stopped her.

As she came nearer to her destination, Il eun decided to take a short walk trough the park. The park was empty. It was almost winter and the autumn leaves were just barely hanging on to their branches. She wanted to smile but she restricted herself. She was too paranoid and too scared. she was almost sure that someone might walk past her and see the heartless girl smile. Il eun brought her wristwatch to eye’s level. She was an hour late for school. She cursed under her breath and fastened her pace.

---

When she got to class, the students were already indulged with the teachers lecture. She took a deep breath and with a swift motion, the door flew open, breaking the student’s trance. She was a trouble maker, she dressed differently in her uniform and she never obeyed the teachers, but don’t get her wrong. Despite all that, she was a top student who is perfect in her studies and sports.

“late again, Kim-shii.” The teacher struggled to retrieve his chalk from under the podium that he accidently dropped when Il eun came bursting in.

Il eun ignored his teacher and made her way towards her seat, which was located at the back end of the class. She pulled out her chair and sat down, immediately focusing he gaze towards the window. Her teacher sighed and continued the lesson. The other students just shrugged and brought their attention back towards the person teaching infront. They acted like they didn’t cared because it was always like that, they acted like they weren’t offended by her rudeness because they were actually scared of her. Even the teacher adjusted towards her carefree attitude. At first he gave her warnings and advices, but after countless of tries, he just got tired and just gave up. Besides, she was one of his top students. Complaining would be worthless. As long a she’s ok, he’s ok.

The lesson continued and all Il eun could think of was how much she wished that her life would just end. she started day dreaming of how she never got to see her mother, how she had to work two jobs just to keep her up, how she was feared by all of the students in her school, how her father abandoned her at the age of 6.

Her mind started to drift to the past. Since birth, her father cared for her. He used to hug her tight at night and how she thought that he was braver than anything. She was wrong.

“I’ll always be beside you, step by step, as long as-”

“I’ll do the same” she whispered, burying her head in her arms. “lies..” she grunted.

How was it that everytime she saw something that reminded her of life, it reminded her of her father. It’s not like she misses him, it just she wants to know how he’s doing, how he’s been. After all that wanting, she laughed inwardly, she doesn’t even know his name.

“class, I hope that everyone studies hard and please..” he met Il eun’s eyes who snorted softly. “try to be more punctual to class next time.”

“dwe” the student’s echoed. “class dismissed.” And the class was filled with conversations.

The teacher was just about to go before he remembered something important. “and one more thing..” he called out. The class went silent. “Tomorrow, a new student will be transferring to our school, he will be likely to enter our class. That is all”. He smiled then disappeared behind the door. The class resumed with their conversation, switching towards a different subject. Mostly was a bout the new guy.

Il eun got irritated with all the fuss. She covered her ears with both of her hands and grunted. She shot up from her seat and again, the class went silent. “shigerout..” (I think it means shut up) she spoke in a low but audible voice. The students froze. They slowly sat back at their seat and remained silent. No one dared to make a peep. She sighed and sat down.

The bell that signaled lunch rang and everyone sprang up from their seats and quickly exited the class. Everyone avoided Il eun’s scary gaze and shifted towards the door, leaving Il eun alone in the quiet classroom.

It took her a couple of seconds to realize that grey clouds were beginning to cover the blue sky witch reminded her of her cat, who loved the storms. The poor cat even got soaked one time, playing in the rain.

---

School ended and it was pouring rain. Students gathered infront of the school entranced, sighing and complaining at the rain. It was their fault for not bringing an umbrella. But then again, il eun didn’t have one either. The crowd of students blocked her path which irritated her. Like her cat, il eun loved the rain. She didn’t care if she got home soaked. Clothes can be cleaned but time cant, plus she was going to be late for her part-time job. She grunted. She pushed herself pass the crowd and paced her way home despite the heavy rain. Her steps were calm and students just awed at her boldness. Some even had their eyes bulging out with their mouth hanging open.

“it’s just rain..” she said to herself. “it won’t hurt ya.” She paused. “only humans do that”

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so, what do you think? pretty boring and short.. sorry for the long wait. another update coming soon, but not soon enough. sorry if i made mistakes, like i said, i'm new.

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anyeong~