[I'd Drench Myself in Rain, If It Means I Get To Be With You ]

Description

In which Seungwan is allergic to rain and Joohyun is a girl from a place where the rain never stops.

 

 

 

 

I stared at the clock on my bed table. 3:42 PM, it says.

The rain was pouring hard that first autumn afternoon outside my little studio, its chill sipping through the small crack from my window I didn’t bother covering up. The little taps on the roof coming from the falling raindrops are like soft beats from a certain lullaby song I’ve listened to sleep. The petrichor finds its way in my humble home, along with the few wet leaves the breeze delivers.

Once upon a time, I was greatly afraid of the rain.

It was to the point that even a hint of it on my clothes would cause me my death.

However, despite all the dreadful memories it brought in my short, thirty years of living, there was one autumn that I get to find happiness in it.

It was that autumn that I found her. The cure I was dreaming, yearning for my whole young life.

Eleven years had gone by since, and a lot has changed. The huge oak tree in the middle of the park has been cut down and now a huge marble fountain stood, with twinkling lights glowing on its sides when night falls. The streets have been cemented now, no trace of the past muddy footprints I’ve memorized in my mind. Even the small playground by the river is gone now, replaced by a small tea shop I frequently pass by because their milk tea is amazing.

And yet, some things stayed the same. The skies still look the same way every four seasons. The wind still smells the same, a hint of the ocean and afternoon, freshly baked pastries from the bakery three houses down the road. Red Academy for Girls stood down the next street, with its walls and towers still as majestic as ever, despite being repainted three years ago.

The message I sent her in my old flip phone stayed the same as well, along with the books she’d read whenever she’s bored, which wasn’t quite a lot.

『I’d drench myself in the rain if it means I get to be with you. Sent: 3:47PM, November 23, 2009』

I had no idea if she ever read it.

The radio started playing a different track. A smile broke out on my lips. It’s that song I’ve written for her. Although she couldn’t hear it next to me, I hoped that somehow the melody I created with the strums of my guitar, with poems I wrote about her, reaches her heart somewhere in the rain's wind.

In the first verse, my mind recollects the lost pieces of memories I’ve shared with her… and it started that autumn afternoon, at the little home we found for each other.

 

 

 

Physical Science Section, Third Floor, Library Tower, Red Academy for Girls.

The rain is pouring hard outside the sanctuary of books I’ve long resided in. Tall shelves filled with paperbacks and hardbound titles with leather covers decorated the place like a maze. Huge staircases spiral around and until it reaches the far ceiling. I had my headphones on, drowning the sound of rain with loud beats coming from a rock band I grew to adore. The music isn’t good, nor is their lyrics that are all made up of gibberish words I couldn’t comprehend. It serves its purpose though, blocking the strong gush of the downpour so I won’t feel like dying.

The coldness it brings wasn’t obscured though. I sensed a chill ran up my spine as I buttoned my dark blue sweater. It didn’t help much.

My left hand started feeling itchy. I touched the blue umbrella next to me as if clinging to it will ensure me a long life.

I don’t have it. A long life, I mean.

I grew up with a rare disease, you see. It’ll probably kill me before I reach 20.

My name is Son Seungwan. When I predicted my death at twenty, I was only a young girl, not nearly seven years old. It has been twelve years since then, and each year that passes, I’ve become more detached in society, only considering books as my only acquaintance in the brief passage of time that they call life.

When I started high school, I volunteered as a student assistant in the academe’s library, and ever since then, the tower that keeps it has been my prison. I spend all my time beneath the facade of brown covers and tall, wooden shelves, not interacting with any living thing that comes by.

Except for the librarian, Miss Taeyeon.

The students know me well though. They call me a weird name that I have barely any interest in. After all, it’s weird to make connections with people when your life is short.

I tried to focus on the history book I’m reading, a classic cultural history book I found by chance on the dusty corners of the library.

I made a silent prayer. Please make the rain stop. It was a matter of life and death. I left my medicine on the first floor, on my grey sling bag I always bring to school when I plan to cut my classes.

And then she appeared before me. Long, black hair, stormy dark brown eyes, and pink lips gaping. Her white uniform with a short, plaid skirt was drenched all over that I could even see the vague red patterns in her bra.

She looked like a fish out of water.

“You’re holding an umbrella,” she said.

I didn’t understand her. I still had my headphones on so I lifted the left part a bit to hear her.

“I said, you’re holding an umbrella.” She repeated.

“I know.”

“Let me borrow it.”

My grip on the umbrella grew tighter on instinct.

“No.”

“Touché. Just how selfish are you?” The girl shrugged, before taking a casual seat next to me by the bookshelf.

She got too close, which alarmed me so I moved twelve inches away. I made sure the umbrella is resting silently between the two of us, my grip on it never loosening. It was my lifeline, my anchor keeping me away from death.

I told you I have a rare disease, right? In more accurate terms, I have an allergy… a rain allergy.

It was too weird that even doctors didn’t know how to cure it. No psychologists, no researchers, no one had a clue how to eliminate it.

It happened one day, when I woke up on a rainy day, that I started having seizures as if I can’t breathe. I doubled over my bed and out and when I woke up; I had an extreme fever with my skin red and inflamed as if I held a poison ivy and rubbed it all over my body.

It was an awful memory I didn’t wish to go through again.

This brings me back to my current predicament.

“You’re wet,” I said, not even bothering to glance at the black-haired girl sitting next to me. “Please make sure not to touch me.”

“Hey, you’re too mean. I’ve been drenched by the rain, and you could’ve offered your sweater to me or something. Maybe you can let me borrow your umbrella too so I can have a run to the main building and change. Please.”

The girl even gave puppy eyes that should be cute. Cute things never appealed to me.

“You lack empathy. Pft.” She tapped her cheek with her index finger, acting like she was thinking of something, then she clasped her hands together with a squeal. “That’s it! I know what will make you take pity on me!”

I glanced at her. “What?”

“I am sick… and the doctors said I only have three months of life left to live.”

I just stared at her for twenty seconds before returning to my book. I increased the volume of the music I’m listening to and ignored her.

Damn well, that girl knows trouble.

She took my headphones off and glared at me. “Hey, why are you ignoring me? I’m Bae Joohyun, don’t you have any idea?”

This was a bad thing. I can now clearly hear the rain pouring heavily. Each second, my heartbeat went faster and faster.

Ten minutes, then I’ll die. I started counting down each second after that.

“Hey, why are you suddenly shivering? You wear that comfy coat while I’m totally drenched here. What are you acting for?!” This stuck-up girl demanded, her eyebrows furrowed but is also worried.

“In ten minutes, I’ll die,” I said, as I started losing my strength.

“Y-yah! Don’t joke about that!”

“I-It’s true.”

“W-wait, are you that ghost girl living in the school library who is allergic to the rain?! S-should I run away now and scream--??”

I couldn’t reply. I doubled over, trying to exert all my remaining energy in holding up my arms so I won’t collapse on the dusty wooden floor.

“Shoot! This won’t do! Hey, look up at me!”

I did. She surprised me.

A kiss on my lips, and warm arms enveloping my body. I can feel my coat having a patch of wetness from where the girl is holding me.

It didn’t matter though. All I can think about is her soft lips against mine, intoxicating me each minute that passes.

And then I out.

 

 

The next time I woke up, I was in a familiar place. The ceiling is dull white, and the duvet is of the same color. Cold and lacking warmth. It made me want to run away.

However, the warmth coming from my right hand steered me away into the current reality as my vision tunneled to this black figure sitting by my bed.

It was that girl. I noticed. She was in deep sleep, albeit looking uncomfortable with her current position. She had her upper body crouched all over the left side of my bed. She must’ve had a shock in her life when I collapsed.

She looks pretty even when fast asleep.

Her bag rests a few spans away from her head. Using my free hand where the IV drip is connected, I measured it. Three spans. I sighed. A book was sticking out from her bag. I planned to put it back inside, but something sparked inside me.

I was never a nosy person. I rarely care about my surroundings, but a laminated four-leaf clover bookmark was sneaking out, and it intrigued me. Ever so slowly, I reached for the book and took a peek inside.

Turns out, it was her diary.

「September 12, 2009. Dear Diary,

Today, I found out that I only have six months left. The doctors said I had DVT, which developed into a pulmonary embolism. They said they couldn’t stop new blood clots from forming. I didn’t understand what they mean though. Oh well…

I didn’t know what I want to do in those six months. Maybe I should get a tattoo? Sneak out during classes and watch movies? Oh, I want to head out deep at night and watch an EXO concert!

Wait, wait! I’ve also heard rumors about a dark blue ghost lurking around the school’s library! Maybe I should make friends with her!

I should add more to this list when I think of something…」

At the bottom of the page, words scribbled with a different pen can be barely seen.

「I will make my crush my girlfriend! 」

“She’s weird,” I commented, putting her diary back to where it belonged.

A girlfriend, huh? So that means she’s… well, it’s not my business.

I tried to free my hand from her grasp, but it seemed to wake her up. Her eyes slowly fluttered open as her free hand rubbed the corners of it.

When our eyes locked, she started crying.

“You’re awake!” She screamed, surging forward to choke me in her arms. “You don’t know how scared I was! I was screaming and then thankfully the librarian came in. She got the shock of her life too, then scuffled in her stuff until she put out a syringe and attacked you! Are you okay now? Do you feel sick? I’m sorry!!!”

Taeyeon unnie must’ve been scared as well. I added in my mind. I should apologize to her the next time.

I turned my head to stare at the window. The curtains are tight shut that not even a single hint of light comes through.

“Is it nighttime…?” I asked.

The girl retracted from the embrace, glancing at where I focused my gaze.

“Yeah, a little past ten. Why?”

“Is it raining outside?” I asked again.

She shook her head. “There was a short drizzle an hour ago, but it should be done by now.”

I nodded before slowly slipping out of the blankets over me. I detached the IV drip in my right hand and tussled among the closed cabinets, grabbing anything I could find and stuffing it inside my grey sling bag resting in a corner. I grabbed two apples from the fruit basket on the side table before staring at the stranger in the room, who was looking at me with confusion.

“Do you feel guilty for making me almost die?” The question left my lips, unnerving as I gave her a stare.

“Hey, how can you say it like that!?!” She pouted, still nodding her head. “But yeah, I do.”

“Then help me get out.”

 

 

I figured the girl will stay away from me. She must’ve thought I had a loose screw. After all, I made her jump two stories high from the hospital building. We got out of it unscathed, thankfully. I did have a sore shoulder while trying to catch her.

Everything was back to normal, and the memory of that black-haired, pale white-skinned girl disappeared to the back of my mind.

Until two weeks later, when she appeared before me at the same place, in the most obscured corner of the library. It was a sunny day, and sunbeams were passing through the clear, tall windows the tower possessed.

She stood there, by that light, with the floating dust swirling around her gently.

It was quite a sight to see.

“I knew I’ll find you here.” She said, panting, her lips red, probably because of how she’s biting it too much.

I ignored her. I didn’t plan on making friends. I want the solitude that I enjoy in this serene place.

She can’t just appear and ruin it, right?

“Son Seungwan.”

I gulped, looking up at her in both confusion and curiosity. No one knows my name. Everyone only knows me as a ghost girl living in the library.

“That’s your name, right? Son Seungwan.”

I looked down at my book. It’s been a while since I’ve heard that name.

“What do you want?” I grumbled, flipping the page of the Shakespearian book I’m reading.

There was a beat of silence, and for a moment, I thought she left. Good riddance.

And yet, she surprised me.

“Be my girlfriend.”

That day, my universe turned upside down.

 

 

Bae Joohyun. A third-year high school student. Class 3-A. Beautiful. Popular. Campus beauty. Three days ago, she signed up as extra help in Red Academy’s Library.

Those were the only facts I know about her, coming from the petty gossips I’ve heard from a few students visiting the library. Not that I was eavesdropping.

Apparently, she’s a talk of the town. A daughter of a general who helped win the war against another military country. She’s rich, and beautiful, and known to have a long line of suitors waiting for her hand in marriage if ever she agreed.

It would seem like it’s easy to know about her.

But she carries a shroud of mystery around her.

“Those are sci-fi novels.” I pointed out. “This is the physical science section.”

This girl never really listens.

She still continued putting the books randomly on the shelf, a bright twinkle in her eyes. There’s a dust light shining over her. I didn’t mean to stare, but she looked ethereal, like a good-natured angel of pure innocence and warmth.

“Same difference.” She pushed another book in.

A sigh escaped my lips before stepping into her space, picking out the books she placed wrongly and putting them back on the trolley.

“You’re not helping me,” I told her, as I walked away while pushing the trolley with my hand. “And I told you. I don’t want to be your girlfriend.”

She groaned after hearing that, following me with her small footsteps with the sound of little puppies scurrying over the poodle of mud. I’ve never heard one, but I assumed it’s like that.

“Why do you keep saying no? We technically kissed! We’re basically girlfriends now—AAACK!”

She’s pushing me over the edge, so I did what I know I could. I pushed her against a bookshelf, our faces only inches apart.

“I’m not interested.” I insisted. “I don’t even know what a girlfriend does.”

“Y-yah,” she blushed, “your face is too close.”

I didn’t step away if that keeps her rooted in the ground and stop her from ruining my perfectly, mundane life.

“You were the first one who violated my personal space.” Her face turned redder each second. “And a kiss means nothing. I can kiss you right now if I wanted to.”

“Then kiss me.”

I did. Her lips tasted like strawberries, sweet and soft like the first time. It was a quick smack, but when I pulled away, it filled her eyes with surprise.

“I-I thought you were bluffing!” She exclaimed, cheeks turning a shade of ripe apples while pointing a finger at me. “Y-you—HOW CAN YOU DO THAT—?!”

“We’re in a library. Keep it down.” I silenced her as I went back to my job, returning the used books on the right shelves. “If you wanted to help, remember the category codes. If you don’t want to, then get out of my way.”

“But there are a lot of codes!” She complained. She let out a loud exhale. “Why are you so indifferent? That’s not how you deal with a girlfriend, Son Seungwan-ssi.”

I faced her, now feeling temperamental. “I told you—!“

She placed a kiss on my lips, so quick I thought it was all a daydream.

“You’re quite a taciturn person, are you not?” She smiled sweetly, pushing the trolley away and locking me in the embrace of her arms. She smelled of lavender and a familiar perfume I couldn’t recall. Still, I could’ve pushed her away but didn’t.

I was never hugged before, that I didn’t know it was a hug she has done to me.

“Seriously, please be my girlfriend… until after this rainy season ends,”

I agreed, only because I thought saying no would only make her disturb my long-calculated life.

 

 

I had no clue on how to be a girlfriend, nor how to be an excellent one. I’ve read most of the romance novels in the academy’s library, but it didn’t help the problem I’m undergoing. I’ve read Romeo and Juliet and I just found them dumb and useless. I’ve never been acquainted with the term ‘love’ before, and yet all the books suggest how you should make the person you love your ‘girlfriend’.

It made little sense. I don’t love her.

“Since when did you have a rain allergy? I don’t even know that exists.” She asked me one autumn afternoon. The sky outside is dark and cloudy that a shower might come sooner than later. I made sure to have my sling bag with me now, along with the blue umbrella on my left side and the headphones resting in my neck. “It must , though. I love the rain. Back in my hometown, it rains every single day. It is known for its downpours all year long.”

“I was six then.” I flipped through the book I’m reading, “Your hometown must be buried in mud and floods by now.”

She shook her head, laughing. “The place is still beautiful! The park in the middle is the best and is known as a famous dating site! I’d take you there if only you didn’t have your allergy but that’s beside the point… How did you develop it…?”

I shrugged, “I don’t know.”

“Liar, liar, pants on fire…” She mumbled, slowly grabbing my right wrist and linked our arms together. She gradually placed her head on my shoulder, snuggling in closer I started feeling her warmth in the perfect air-conditioned place. “Hey, Seungwan?”

“Hmm…”

“Have you ever been in love before?” She asked as she started tracing hearts on the back of my right hand. I put aside the book I’m reading.

“No,” I answered shortly.

I noticed her head tilt, and then our orbs locked. Her face was too close, but I didn’t mind.

“Would it be mean of me to wish that I’ll be your first love?”

“Maybe.”

“Please don’t fall in love with me.”

“Ok.”

I’ve read a thousand romances typewritten in brown pages that made up the whole book repository. I learned the jinx of those words. ‘Please don’t fall in love with me.’

I am never romantic. I was long detached from feeling emotions. And yet, when she told me that, and when I said yes… I know there’s no way out. I’d fall in a rabbit hole eventually, long before she realized what my answer meant.

 

 

“Food is not allowed inside the library premises. If you want to eat, go to the cafeteria.” I warned her when she took two lunchboxes from her backpack, showing it off to me as if she created the most marvelous masterpiece in the world.

It’s just some rice, with an egg omelet and some sausages. It’s not that great.

Like the usual, she shrugged my warnings off as she broke her wooden chopsticks into two and picked a huge cut off the omelet.

“Here, say ‘ah~’!”

I stared at her.

She stared back at me.

“What are you doing?” I questioned.

She exhaled, like a dramatic actress, “I’m feeding you, duh? Isn’t that what girlfriends do? Now come here and open your mouth wide, ghost girl!”

“I’m not eating from your chopsticks.” I pointed out.

“My saliva hasn’t even touched the tips yet! Aish, so fussy! I even prepared this all for you!” She gritted her teeth while her free hand dug back to her bag to pull out another pair of chopsticks. “Here, happy? Go eat yourself. You’re making me annoyed.”

She’s sulking… like a baby.

Not wanting to disturb her obvious moping tendencies, I took a bite of the egg roll. Despite the frown on her face, I can see her pupils focusing on me as I chew the food.

She probably couldn’t take the silence so she faced me once again, “how is it? How is it?”

When I swallowed it, I tapped the chopsticks to her forehead.

“Oww! What was that for?”

“It’s good.” I indulged her. “Stop sulking. You’re too old for that.”

“Really?!” Her eyes went wide, colored with delight about my food review if you can call it that.

“Yes. So be quiet and eat your food. If Taeyeon unnie asked, you’re forcing me to eat this here in the library, okay?”

“SIR, YES, SIR!” She saluted.

Dork.

 

 

“Hey, why do you spend most of your time here in the library? You don’t even go to your classes to be here.” She asked another afternoon, with curious eyes and pursed lips. “Students call you a ghost because you walk around without making your presence known. Why’s that?”

“You’re nosy,” I mumbled as I started scanning the returned books of the day. She sat on the swivel chair next to me, leaning back and turning around like a little kid excited for a play day.

“I will die soon, anyway! Might as well be as curious as possible and nosy!” She grinned widely, pulling the chair a few centimeters near me while tugging at my sweater’s sleeve. “Why are you always wearing this dark blue sweater? Are you poor? Do you only have one sweater? You can’t afford a uniform?”

I sighed, stacking the returned books on a trolley. “I like it. I’m not. No. I can.”

“But why dark blue?”

I bit my lip. “Because it’s my favorite color.”

“Then why is it your favorite color?”

“It’s the color of clouds before the rain comes.”

“Why would you like a color that reminds you of the rain…?”

“So I won’t forget.” I pushed the trolley in front of her. “Since you have a lot of questions, push the trolley for me. I’ll put the books.”

She pouted and yet followed along. “You didn’t answer my first question though…”

“I like the library. The only time I can deal with rain is when I’m reading them off the pages of a book.”

“For someone allergic to the rain, you sure adore it a lot.” She commented, grabbing my arm on one of the secluded sections and pulling me along to hide between the enormous stacks of books. Not that there will be people who can see us. The library is never packed.

“What do you think you’re doing?” I asked her with a narrowed gaze.

“Kiss me! Here! Like how they do in the movies! Like how you did the first—well, the second time we kissed!”

Her enthusiasm is astounding. Her eyes are sparkling with excitement and her hands kept tugging my arm repeatedly, like a young, little girl asking for candy in secret. She looked adorable; I felt my fingers curling in a cringe.

However, I did my best to put up a front.

“I won’t do it,” I told her, trying to walk past her to resume my task. “I’m not here to play around, Joohyun.”

She gasped. “You called my name!”

I rolled my eyes. “It’s your name for a reason.”

She gasped again. “You just pulled an attitude towards me!”

“Why are you shocked?” I raised my eyebrow in confusion.

“Well…” her voice trailed off, now tracing the helm of my shirt with a cheeky grin on her lips. “… You’re always devoid of emotion. You sound like a robot all the time, you know?”

“I’m not a robot.”

“I’m almost convinced that you are. Anyway, you just showed emotion right now! Wait, is sarcasm an emotion? I think it is!” She formed another gasp on her lips. “Seungwan, you’re changing!”

“Keep it down.” I flicked her forehead. “We’re in a library!”

“YOU TOUCHED ME!”

“Funny. You’re the one who doesn’t know what personal space means.”

“And you’re annoyed now! WOW! I’m total--!”

I cut her off as I ambushed her lips… with my lips. I’d like to say sometimes I tend to lose control. I apologize for all the readers seeing this.

Still, her reaction is a prized moment.

“Y-you—did you just—omo!” Her cheeks were inflamed, bright red, and almost warm in the cozy ambiance of the library.

When I turned a corner, I finally released the breath I was holding. Yes, I was acting before, as I figure out how she wouldn’t behave in the sanctuary I spend most of my time in. Hopefully, that would keep her on her toes and stop her from pulling crazy stuff again.

Turns out, she’ll get crazier.

I underestimated her.

 

 

It was a gloomy afternoon. We just finished our daily shift in the library when this crazy girl pulled me along her to the streets of Seoul, a sky-rocketing excitement on her face. The sky is filled with clouds. It wasn’t dark, but I didn’t feel better. I didn’t plan to go. I didn’t want to go.

But there’s no saying no to this girl.

I give up.

“WUAAAAAH, Seungwan look! That’s the tteokbokki shop I want to try!” She fights through the crowd of people walking past us, eager to have a taste of that dreaded food. I’m not good with spicy food.

“Here! Try this, Seungwan! I’ll even feed you if you want! Say Ahhh~!”

I came clean. “I can’t handle spicy food.”

“Ehhhh? Why? Come on, just a bite and you won’t regret it! We can buy a box of milk from the convenience store nearby!”

“I said I don’t want—!”

She cut me off with a kiss. She’s making that her habit now. “What kind of a girlfriend are you? We’re on a date now and you’re nothing but a whiny kid as if you don’t enjoy your time with me!”

“I don’t enjoy it.”

“YAH! You’re spending time with me, of course, you should enjoy this!”

I really give up.

I took a bite of that hell-tasting fiery food and it is exactly how I expected it to be. It is tasty though, if only it weren’t that spicy.

“You like it!” She sports a -eating grin.

“I don’t.”

“You do!”

“Forget it.”

“Hey, now I want some grilled meat! Let’s go over there!”

“Let’s buy that box of milk first…”

 

 

“Say, Seungwan… how come I don’t know a thing about you..?”

She let out that question. We’re finally in a restaurant selling samgyupsal. The smell of grilled meat and light grey smoke filled the air. She’s grilling the meat while I’m busy stuffing all the food she places in my bowl. If she ever becomes a mother, she’ll surely make her daughter fat.

“What do you mean?” I asked after swallowing a spoonful.

“I’ve asked people around you, but no one knows you! I tried finding out which class you belong to, but then there’s nothing! It was almost like the library is the only place you stay in… Are you even studying?”

I shook my head. “I’m learning everything on my own. My knowledge, it all comes from the books I read in the library.”

“Eh??? B-but—is that why you don’t wear the coat of our school’s uniform?”

I nodded. “I’m an enrolled student at Red Academy… but I don’t belong in any classes. The library… it’s like my prison. My parents own this school.”

Silence falls between us. She started stuffing with meat, even using the tongs instead of her chopsticks.

After a while, she asked again. “But why…?”

I didn’t know how to answer her. After all, it was a lengthy list of minor reasons that makes me impossible to do so.

I resorted to the easiest answer.

“Because I don’t know how to approach people. It’ll only be a burden for the teachers, for the class… for me.” I took a swig of the cider. “People won’t be interested in boring me.”

Another round of silence ensued. Only the sound of grilling meat, a few chatters from other customers, and the smell of charcoal filled the air.

“But I’m interested in you…”

She took me by surprise. That was actually the first time I heard her feelings… which concerned me.

 

 

 

Joohyun loves bread, although she tried to hide it. However, when the sun touches the line on the horizon whenever we’re on our way home, we’d pass by that bakery near my home that she always drags me in. The smell of the freshly baked afternoon pastry is enticing, she says, and along with the mixture of saltiness from the sea breeze in the South, I wonder if it really was.

I’d let her take me in, only because I took a liking to the mango pie.

It has been a natural occurrence for her, and somewhat a habit every other afternoon. She’d drag me in, pick the usual two-person table near the window, the one with tiny pots of succulents, and look out the city view while we sip our hot chocolates and she'd wolf down the bread she picked for the day.

“I’d stay here for the rest of my life!” She moaned one late afternoon as she sipped on her green tea (she said it was nice to pick a change from time to time) “This makes me happy!”

“I see.” I hummed in acknowledgment.

The usual silence enveloped the two of us at the halt of our conversation. I wasn’t good at conversations. I never even thought I’ll ever need it in my life. I rely on her most of the time, and she does have a nonstop mouth, easing through topics that greatly interest her even if I respond only with a ‘hmm’ or an ‘I see’. She didn’t seem to mind.

That afternoon was different though.

“How did you develop it… your allergy?” She carefully asked her eyes with a hint of apprehension, probably because she thought it was a touchy topic.

It wasn’t. Not exactly.

“When I was a kid, I kind of associated the rain with all my terrible memories, the type of memories that haunts you for the rest of your life,” I answered simply, tasting the bitterness of the dark drink I’m having.

“Would you mind if I ask what memories they were?”

I shook my head. Not that I remember most of it. “I was an illegitimate child… they forbid me to see my real mother because of it, but on my sixth birthday, they gave me the chance to see her, on a rainy day.”

I bit my lower lip, wondering if I should continue.

“My mother was at the wrong place at the wrong time, and I… I had to see her in the last moments by the roadside. It was raining hard then, and I must’ve cried a lot. The next time I opened my eyes, there were a downpour and I… I just almost died.”

“It must’ve been tough.” She commented as I felt her index finger tap invisible traces in the back of my hand. I didn’t even notice her reach out to me before.

“Perhaps.”

Her eyes were telling a different story though, almost as if she was mulling over something. When I raised my eyebrow as a question when our gazes locked, she shook her head to brush it off. I didn’t want to pry, so I let it go and took the last sip of my drink.

 

 

“I am sick.” She came to me one day, with her chin trembling and her eyes filled with tears. The light is dim, the sun hid away because of the heavy, nimbus clouds up in the atmosphere. It would rain, but I stood my ground. Something inside my brain tells me to be strong, that it’s not the time to be weak, not the time to break down…

I couldn’t speak, nor had any knowledge of what to say. I comforted no other people before.

So I told the truth.

“I know,” I told her.

It was like all the blood was drained out of her face. “How did you know?”

I shrugged, “You told me the first day. A couple of times after that…”

“I-I…” She couldn’t finish her sentence. “I thought you didn’t believe me.”

"I read your diary. We were in the hospital then.”

Her sobs got louder. I stood there awkwardly before her.

I never wrapped someone in my embrace before. I never grew up with love and affection, since my family isn’t like that.

But she was crying, and it’s the least of what I can do.

So I took a step forward, held her hand as I gently pulled her closer to me. She buried her face in my neck as my other arm wrapped around her. It was closer than I intended, but it felt warm.

“Are you really going to die?” I whispered to her ear.