Weeks passed and it were weeks in which Kikwang felt back to his old lonely self, he felt miserable so he even left the Literature Circle and he still missed Yoseob and he still wondered why his – was he his ex-boyfriend now?- wouldn’t come back to school.

A feeling of misery and depression overwhelmed Kikwang as he was standing in front of the room where they always met for the Gay / Straight Alliance. He stared into the room blankly, mind wandering as memories were flashing before his mind’s eye and he could swear he heard Yoseobs laugh echoing through the room and filling it with warmth.

Suddenly he felt a sting in his chest, as if these memories constricted his heart and he let his head drop with a sigh, shuffling slowly into the room and placed his bag on a table. He closed his eyes as a sigh slipped through his lips and he tilted his head back, trying to shove away all the moments which were running through his head like a movie.

It hurt.

Kikwang could not understand a single thing that had happened in the last months since he lived here and he could not understand how such a single person could change his life into better but also  crush everything in a matter of seconds. It hurt to know that he still was attached to Yoseob, that his heart still would be with his ex-lover and it hurt that his mind could not escape Yoseob’s grasp. But this time he felt even worse. This time he could not escape into the world of his books because they were what made him miss Yoseob even more, they were what brought them both joy and laugher and most important they brought them both together. He felt miserable, confused and drowned in agony as he felt like he had nothing left anymore.

“Why are you not going home?”, a faint and familiar voice broke the silence and stopped Kikwang from thinking for a moment as he almost had thoughts which he’d probably regret later and he noticed that tears were pricking at the corner of his eyes. He opened his eyes, wiping them and he smiled because how could he not recognize this voice immediately?

A smile pulled on his lips, and it revealed more than words could ever explain – fear, sorrow and the worst: heartache. It was broken and usually he always had been able to keep his sincere smiles and genuine laughs, but this time was different. “This is a club. I only go if it ends.”, Kikwang grinned faintly and tilted his head to look at the blonde boy who was standing in the frame of the door. He was smiling back and also his smile wasn’t the bubbly and gleeful smile Kikwang usually received and that he had been so used to, which was actually months ago he last saw it but it felt like he had seen Yoseob just yesterday. Yoseob had a hood over his head and pulled far down, mostly into his face, so Kikwang could only see his smile.

“Oh? Sounds like I heard that somewhere once, who was the genius who stated that?” Yoseob stepped into the room slowly, unsure and there was certainly some awkwardness lingering in the atmosphere between them and neither liked it.

“Ah, I forgot but nah I don’t think it was some genius.”, Kikwang teased, well aware that he had been quoting Yoseob’s words and he turned his head away as Yoseob came closer, not noticing that the blonde was pouting.

Then there was silence filling the room for a few minutes, minutes that seemed like hours and neither of them dared to break the tension between them. Kikwang was too hurt and he didn’t want to pretend like nothing happened and then he started to wonder why Yoseob was suddenly back in school and why he started to talk to him and why he even bothered that Kikwang was still there and still waiting and oh - he had been waiting for so long, but still – he didn’t want to pretend like nothing happened and he was sure he didn’t want to forgive him easily. Yoseob told him to go away, Yoseob told him to let him alone and leave him and so he did, so why did he came back now?

Yoseob let out a sigh and pulled the hood of his jacket down, ruffling his blonde hair as a sign of nervousness.

“I’m sorry.”, he murmured, voice almost cracking because it was so quiet and he swallowed as he looked down, more than just nervous. He had never been nervous or anxious and he was always self-confident, so this was definitely a new side of Yoseob. He was unsure and self-conscious and nervous and there were many more feelings evoking in his body, which tensed up, and he couldn’t decide if these feelings were good or bad.

Kikwang looked up at him, wanting to tell him that ‘it’s okay’ and that ‘he’s over it’ even though he would lie, not only to himself but also to the person he was still in love with but he had too much of pride to admit that and he had to be faithful at least to himself. But as he stared at Yoseob, finally aware of his presence, his eyes widened faintly as he looked into Yoseob’s tired eyes.

He kept staring at the blonde for a moment, his gaze wavering from Yoseob’s eyes to his pale lips and further to his almost white skin, it looked deathly pale to him. And then again, Yoseob was well aware of Kikwangs stare and his lips pulled to a smile as he stepped further up to Kikwang, who now again glanced at Yoseobs lips and he wondered how his smile could look so content right now while he looked like he was in pain. He hadn’t seen Yoseob in months and suddenly he looked drained and he wondered when the last time was he ate properly. He opened his mouth to say something but couldn’t.

“Well…” Yoseob was the one who once again had to break the silence, still a content smile plastered onto his still pretty face. “… I should go again, I was just here to finally give notice that I’ll leave school…” He stared at Kikwang, hoping to get any reaction, which was just a nod in response since he couldn’t say anything else, still somehow struck in how Yoseobs outer appearance changed so much.

“Yeah…I’ll…leave then. It was nice to see you again…” the blonde boy added, slowly walking backwards before turning around and leaving the room. Yoseob felt rejected and hurt since the only thing he received as response was a nod, but he thought his ex-boyfriend would at least say something. Kikwangs gaze was not aimed at something in particular and he just stared into nothing. Was that really Yoseob just now? Did he really see him again after such a big amount of time?

It felt like a dream, like a daydream since he was sure that he was awake and then it felt like a sudden strike hit him, eyes widening, he jumped up from the table. Why didn’t he say anything to Yoseob? He was too focused on how Yoseob had changed and wasn’t Yoseob coming back what he actually wanted? Wasn’t that the reason for him to still come back to the Gay / Straight Alliance? Why else should he sit there week for week when he wasn’t hoping for Yoseob to finally show up again? He was stupid, he thought. Stupid for not taking his chance when Yoseob actually dared to come back and didn’t Yoseob say he’d leave school? He was a ing Idiot, Kikwang mentally insulted himself and felt scared that he really would never see Yoseob ever again if he wouldn’t take his chance right now.

“Yoseob!” Kikwang blinked and ran out of the classroom, heading to the front doors of the school. “Seobie! Wait!” He was running and as he finally caught up with Yoseob, he grabbed his wrist, firmly and for a moment he wondered if this fragile arm wouldn’t break because of his grasp. “Seobie…”, Kikwang sighed and hugged him before sliding his eyes shut. “I missed you.” His voice cracked and he felt tears running down his cheeks, which eventually got lost in Yoseobs blonde locks. He felt the boy in front of him trembling, probably crying, too and then the trembling boy let out a quiet sob, followed by a “Pabo…”

He wiped his cheeks and turned to Kikwang, hitting his chest just lightly, pitifully. “Pabo!”, he repeated another time and another sob escaped his lips as his eyes, now slightly red, looked up at Kikwang. “I thought you would just let me go like that…”

Kikwang stared at Yoseob as he swiped his thumbs over Yoseobs cheeks and leaned forward to press his lips to the blonde’s forehead. Quickly he pulled Yoseob into a hug, arms wrapped around his neck and face nuzzled into Yoseobs soft hair as he tried to comfort him, shushing him as the sobs wouldn’t stop for a while. “Never again…” he answered and closed his eyes, hurt still stinging in his chest, “… but you were the one who told me to go away.”

Yoseob wept and Kikwang has never seen him like that ever before. He knew they didn’t knew each other for a long time but he has seen many faces of Yoseob; cute, hot, angry, cocky and sometimes he has even seen the arrogant side, which made him seem that he thought to be superior to others but this side in the very moment of now Yoseob was broken, sad and very fragile. “I-I know…and you should’ve told me that I would make the biggest mistake of my life!”, the latter answered, fingers curling into Kikwangs uniform and his tears were wetting the navy coloured jacket, leaving a few wet blotches.

Kikwang smiled faintly and pulled back to cup Yoseob’s face, staring into his eyes. “You made the biggest mistake of your life.” And his smile turned into a grin and he felt kind of relieved that he finally said what he had thought all the time. The next moment they both found themselves closing their eyes and leaning closer to the other to finally press their lips together. It was a tingling sensation they both missed as they realized now how much both have been longing for each other and they never wanted to let go again.

As they pulled back breathlessly after sharing a long intimate and passionate kiss, they stared into each others eyes and Kikwang noticed that Yoseobs cheeks got a little rosy. He smiled and pecked his nose.  Yoseob sighed and he closed his eyes for a moment, his heart was racing uncontrollably and his chest was hurting and as a few thoughts were striking through his mind he felt like breaking out into tears again. His chest felt in pain and his heart felt like bursting out any moment and a quiet gasp escaped his lips as he doubled over, eyes squeezed shut firmly. “Y-Yoseob?”, Kikwangs worried voice rang in his ear. “Are you okay?”

Yoseob swallowed, trying to ease the pain and he cracked an eye open, looking up at Kikwang. “Yeah…I’m fine…” He smiled and that smile was full of pain, which scared Kikwang off. Suddenly Yoseob felt heavy and his knees gave in as everything in front of his eyes went blurry until eventually everything faded into nothingness, Yoseob fainted and Kikwang caught him before he could collapse onto the hard floor.

“, Seobie?!”

____________________

The gaze of worn out eyes, which seemed to be sick of worrying and crying, was wavering through a sterile, white room before running up along the bed and stopping, gaze resting on a thin frame. Kikwang was sitting in a chair shifting around uncomfortably since this chair was hard and made his back stiff. He sighed and waited for Yoseob, who was lying in the bed next to him, to wake up and his foot nervously tapped continuously and quickly to the ground.

A quiet groan escaped his lips as he slid further down in his chair and as he tilted his head back, his eyes slid shut. His eyes opened immediately and glanced at Yoseob as said boy shifted in his sleep. Kikwang didn’t know if he should feel relieved that Yoseob slept soundly now and that he looked so peaceful or if he should feel mad and upset at the same time.

After quiet some time Yoseob woke up with a hum, eyes opening slowly and his blurry vision cleared up and the first thing he realized was that he was back in hospital. He tried to sit up, carefully, because he also noticed that he was connected to machines, which he was already pretty much used to. And his eyes widened as he noticed the dark-haired boy next to him. “Ki- …Kikwang?” , he asked, confused and lifted a hand to place it on his forehead before running it through his hair to push his blonde locks back and out of his face. Then he remembered what exactly happened and he figured that he might have lost his consciousness again.

Kikwang stared at him quietly, not knowing what to say and he decided to stand up, taking a step towards the bed to stand close next to Yoseob.  Yoseob didn’t dare to look up at him but he leaned to his side, resting his forehead against Kikwangs tummy as he wrapped his arms around his waist. Exhaling, he closed his eyes. Kikwang lifted his arms, wrapping them around Yoseobs back and started caressing the nape of his neck. “You should’ve told me…”, Kikwang finally spoke up into the silence. “What were you thinking…?”

Yoseob shrugged, not answering to Kikwangs question and he took a tight grasp of Kikwangs shirt, fingers curling to a tight grip as he tried to keep his serenity, trying not to start trembling. “I’m sorry.”, he murmured into Kikwangs shirt and the latter almost did not understand but he caught his words and a frown attached itself on his face. “Sorry?! Are you- … are you serious? Just sorry? Sorry for causing both of us pain?! Sorry for not telling me that you’re fatally ill – and thanks to your doctor for clearing me up - and instead you just shoved me away? What did you think? That-…that this would be the better and easier way?!”, Kikwang held Yoseob closer the more he said and more and more tears were forming, spilling over his lashes and rolling down his cheeks.

“Please, don’t cry…”, Yoseob muttered with a slight whimper at the end of his plead. He didn’t want Kikwang to cry, especially not if he was the one who caused him pain. “I am not…”, Kikwang replied, wiping his cheeks and eyes and bit his lip, trying to stop tears from spilling more. He closed his eyes, never wanting to let go of Yoseob ever again. He wanted to stay with him and hold him forever, because he was not sure if he’ll be able to do that for much longer.

As Kikwang had been waiting for Yoseob to wake up earlier the doctor explained Yoseobs situation and that he had a heart disease which unfortunately cannot be cured. Yoseob had a weak heart, which caused him chest pain every now and then and sometimes the pain was too much for his body to handle so he would faint. Thousands of people all over the world die because of Ischaemic Heart Disease, which is caused by another disease in which the arteries get clogged and therefore the heart does not get enough essential oxygen-rich blood.

Yoseob had an especially weak heart and everyone who knew that he was suffering of this disease admired the strength he always seemed to have. He knew that he would die sometime soon and so he tried to make the best out of his life, trying to do as much as possible and fill his life with activities to get as much knowledge as he could absorb. But as it got harder lately and as he got sicker, he seemed tired of it all and just stopped living as if he’d be waiting for death now.

“I’m sorry.”, Yoseob repeated again and Kikwang just shushed him quietly, swallowing as he felt his own heart constricting as the thoughts of losing Yoseob were running through his head again. He wished there would be a way to help Yoseob and he then decided to be the one, who should be strong and should be there for his friend. He wanted to tell him that everything will be okay and that there will be a way out it but how could he say that when he knew that Yoseob was well aware of getting closer to death day by day? He blinked as he was pulled back to reality by Yoseob, who started to tremble terribly and loud, heavy sobs were filling the room.

“I am dying.”, Yoseob said and more of whispered the last word. Kikwang shook his head frantically, harshly biting down onto his lower lip as he didn’t know what to say. He pulled back from Yoseob, cupping his face and made the blonde look up to him. Yoseob sniffed, eyes meeting the gaze of Kikwangs, and his lips were quivering. Leaning forward, Kikwang shut his eyes and closed the gap between them both as he pressed his lips to the others lips. The blonde sobbed into the kiss, closing his own eyes as he lifted his hands to grasp Kikwangs wrists, fingers curling around them. He felt warm and the kiss made him forget reality for a moment. Deepening the kiss, he poured all his love for Kikwang into it.

However, the intimacy didn’t last long as the door to the room was pushed open and both tensed up for a moment, not wanting to pull back from one another.”Yah!”, a high voice shrieked as a hand grabbed Kikwangs arm and pulled him away from Yoseob. An older lady narrowed her eyes at Kikwang as she eyed him suspiciously with an arrogant attitude. “U-Umma…?!”, Yoseob said as he finally snapped out of his daze. “Let him go.”, he demanded, frowning and she did so as Kikwang took a step back away from her. Then she pointed to the door, “Out. Get away from my son!!” She was strict and narrow-minded, therefore Yoseob had never told her - or his father - before that he had a thing for guys and was gay. He never intended to tell her, because he knew how she’d think about it, probably disowning him and be more than disappointed in her son. And as Kikwang didn’t move, too confused with the whole situation, she repeated her words, this time a little more furious. Kikwang swallowed, glancing down at Yoseob for a moment, who just looked down onto the white bed sheets and looked like he held himself back from crying. His gaze softened and he felt sorry, probably having caused  just more troubles now and then he slowly backed away, making his way out of the room and deciding to do what Yoseobs mother wanted. Chewing on his lip as he was out of the room, he heard the now weeping mother saying something like, almost even shouting “Are you trying to get to hell just when you’re about to die?!”

A/N: thought I'd be done with the second part but w00t guess there will be a third one ._.