May 3 2018

"What are you planning for your birthday?"

"Nothing."

"W-Why? It'll be your 26th Birthday! It's important!"

"So what?"

"I don't understand you Baekhyun...Don't you want to celebrate another year of life passed?"

"Why would I celebrate a year that I passed wishing that I was dead?"

"...Is that what you really want? Death?"

"Yes."

"But...Why? I thought giving you a job, helping you with money issues...I thought I helped you! I thought you were ok!"

"You thought wrong, also, I lost the job."

"You lost the job!? How!?"

"I was skipping days, and boss cut me out once for all."

"Baekhyun...I can't believe you!"

"I'm sorry."

"Sorry my ! How could you lose such an opportunity! That was your dream job!"

"I wasn't happy."

"Why weren't you happy!? Why are you talking to me as if you don't care about anything!?"

"I do care, I'm just not happy."

"After all I've done for you...Fine. Live your sad life, go sleep on your comfortable bed until they will drag you off, taking away all you've got until you'll be sleeping under a bridge. You really make me sick."

"I know, I'm sorry."

"No Baekhyun, really. Go yourself."

"I'm sorry."

"Baekhyun!" a familiar voice wakes Baekhyun up from his daily dream-reminder of how useless he is. "W-What time is it?" The older rubs his eyes. "It's 3pm...Today I finished early. Do you want to go out? Have you eaten?" Chanyeol fully enters inside of the room, the air was so stuffy and cold that he had a hard time resisting the urge to open a damn window. "No and no. I don't want to." Baekhyun buries his face in his pillow, covering the rest of his body with an heavy blanket. "Come on! It's your birthday in 3 days! Help me get you a birthday gift!" Chanyeol squeezed the other's covered foot while Baekhyun tried to kick him as act of defense. "It's not like if I want to work out I automatically am free to go outside. If you really want, go by yourself or with a friend. Do what you want." Chanyeol pouted, he really organised everything during his chinese class, missing out on a lot of important things his teacher said, convinced that it was worth it...But it still was. Chanyeol doesn't give up easily. "What if I buy you food?" The room remained silent for a few seconds, "Do you think I'm some kind of animal that you convince by giving them a treat?" The younger blushed, "NO! Of course not, ah ah...I just thought that maybe you wanted to go out and you know, drink something with me or umh...eat an ice cr-" Baekhyun's face peeked out of the blanket as soon as he mentioned the blessed word, 'drink', looking at Chanyeol's surpised face. "I know a place. Give me an hour or more." The younger only smiled, leaving the room. His heart was beating fast, he ran inside of his room to pick the nicest clothes he had, checking his hair, curling it a little, as he usually did; washing his face and putting some cologne on. He was ready, he checked the time and...Only 20 minutes passed. He knew he was crazy, but he couldn't help but walk around in front of Baekhyun's door wondering what he was doing. He was simply head over heels, just like a kid. It was the first time they ever left the apartment together. Chanyeol put an eye next to the key hole, checking at what point Baekhyun was. But Baekhyun wasn't doing anything. He was laying on his bed, staring at the roof; still in his pajamas. Chanyeol admitted he felt kind of disappointed. What if he really doesn't want to go out with me?

His eyes turn wide when he sees the older actually lifting himself up from his bed, taking a deep breathe in and out, turning the lights on and taking his shirt off so fast Chanyeol couldn't even process the situation. He immediately covered his mouth his sweaty hands, looking at every movement Baekhyun made. He watched as Baekhyun stood in front of his mirror, looking at his profile, his belly in and then dragging his shoulders extremely low, as if he was disappointed at the sight. The amount of times Baekhyun brushed his eyes, breathing deeply was heart breaking. Knowing he couldn't do anything about it...It hurted his heart, but the only thing Chanyeol could was looking at him as he walked towards his wardrobe to pick a pair of clothing, he didn't even check twice, he picked the largest hoodie he had and put it on, brushing his messy hair afterwards. Chanyeol's heart was beating like crazy, he couldn't tell if he was reacting that way because of the huge fear of being caught or because Baekhyun was stripping in front of his blessed eyes. He found it interesting how after taking his pants, Baekhyun immediately dragged the hoodie lower, under his . He looked at his reflection, turning around to check every side of his legs and if he wasn't going mad, he even saw him slightly smile, he guessed Baekhyun probably liked his...back. The younger felt like a creep, no he WAS a creep. After putting on a pair of trackpants and shoes, Baekhyun walked towards the door, scaring the out of Chanyeol who has never walked away so fast, running in the living room, jumping on their sofa. He really hoped all his efforts in getting nicely ready for the '''date''' wasn't wasted in those 6 seconds of pure fear.

He saw the small figure leaving his room and peeking his head out to check if Chanyeol was around, "I'M ALMOST READY!" he shouted. The younger just shouted an 'ok' back before walking in his room, looking at his reflection once again. Why am I so obsessed over how I look? Usually he doesn't mind at all, his mind was about the 'internal beauty' thing but he couldn't concentrate on it anymore. All he thought about was how to make the best impression over the older. Who was slowly straightnening his hair inside of the bathroom, as if time didn't exist. An hour hasn't passed anyways so he didn't mind wasting an extra minute on his phone, scrolling through social medias feeds. Once he left, Baekhyun was slightly satisfied with how he looked. Maybe I can leave without hating myself today, he thought. Chanyeol on the other side, felt like he has never seen a more beautiful man in his life. He didn't exaggerate. Baekhyun could wear a trash bag and he'd still get hyped but today it was ten times better. "So...Where are we going?" Chanyeol was almost intimidated by the older's looks, so much that his voice was turning quieter. "Oh right, I haven't told you yet. How old are you again? 24? 25? You can drink right?" Baekhyun didn't mind looking at the other's face as he picked his wallet and a leather jacket. "I-I can! But why? Are we going to drink?" Chanyeol did feel nervous but excited as the same time. "You don't want to?" Baekhyun raised an eyebrow, finally looking at the other's scared eyes. "Y-Yes, of course!"

"And then after he punched me hard on my cheekbone, that told me 'if you ever talk to her again, I'm going to kill you!' so I just said fineee and I've never seen her again! WHO CARES ANYWAYS!? I never cared, she just turned her back at me at any chance so why would I care whenever I saw her or not." Baekhyun kept on talking as Chanyeol stared deeply into his eyes with his goofy smile, his cheeks and ear red and warm. "What about you? Have you ever hated someone so much that you don't care about ANYTHING! You just hate them with every inch of your body and you're so busy hating them that you forget that the real reason why you hate them...Is...Because of yourself." Baekhyun was smiling but at the same time,his eyes were turning red and watery. Such a blissful yet sad imagine that Chanyeol couldn't clearly capture. "I don't think I ever hated someone at that point..." Chanyeol broke his smile to say so his hand was holding his head from falling a slamming on the table full of alcohol, his head never felt so heavy. "Of course you don't hate anyone!" Baekhyun pointed at him with one hand and slammed his other fist on the table with the other. "You are perfect! Your life is perfect! Why would you feel hate over anyone?" Chanyeol sighed, he hated the word perfection, but he felt too drunk to actually have a conversation on the topic, and he felt too blessed to be out with Baekhyun to ruin everything by having an argument. "Why aren't you talking?" Baekhyun poked the other with a fork he previously used to eat his fries (That Chanyeol had no enough power to force him not to order) "My head feels dizzy, I feel like throwing up." Chanyeol ran his fingers through his hair, letting his neck free by pulling his head down. "Hey kid, if you feel like throwing up, you should go to the bathroom..." Through his drunkness, Baekhyun was feeling kind of guilty at the sight of his roommate's pain. "I'm okay! Keep talking I'll- I am listening." Chanyeol smiled but the older didn't buy it. He got up, his vision wasn't on his side, but he pulled out all the strength he had to lift the other up, dragging him to the bathroom.

"That's it...Take it easy, it'll come out by itself, don't push it or you'll hurt your throat." Baekhyun patted the other on his shoulder, who was kneeling down next to a disgustingly dirty and smelly toilet; Puking his soul out. "H-Hyung, I'm sorry, I'm sorry...Really!" Baekhyun rolled his eyes, he, differently from Chanyeol's messy being, was used to drink, more often that Chanyeol thought. He would usually have very bad hangovers in the morning and he eventually under valued the fact that the younger might not have been that used to it. "With those long legs I thought the alcohol would just- I don't know, how do they say it? Dilute?" Chanyeol quietly laughed, "As if it changes based on the height! It's not like the liquid goes down until my feet!" his laugh kept getting louder until someone started knocking on their door, "Are you two homos ever gonna leave that ing toilet? Someone here has to take a !" Baekhyun looked at the younger who had teary eyes from the previous vomiting session. He got close to his red ear, "Are you ok?" he whispered. Chanyeol nodded, smiling. He got up very slowly, yet his head was still running around by its own. Once they opened the door, the tall, toned man was standing in front of it, his arms crossed. "Is there something you need?" Chanyeol looked at the man who was staring at the older from head to toe. Baekhyun immediately recognised the ugly gaze, his stupid tight clothes and his...fist. "I ing knew it was you just by hearing your annoying voice." The man stood in front of Baekhyun who tried to silently leave. "I thought stopped  men's ." Chanyeol frowned his eyesbrow, who was this man? "What do you want?" Baekhyun looked at the floor, almost whispering. "Haven't you killed yourself already? Ren will be enlightened to know I saw his ex boyfriend! Do you do this for money? Or is this you new LOVER?" The man stepped forward, lifting up Chanyeol's chin in one fast movement, making Baekhyun's fist so tight he could scratch his palms with his own nails. "My friend here was feeling sick, so I helped him throw up. Now can we just leave?" Before he had the chance to realise what was happening, Baekhyun witnessed with his own eyes his roommate punching the man, failing at it. In one drunk action, Chanyeol missed the other's face, losing balance and almost falling with his head; Instead, the bald headed man grabbed him before he could drag himself down, kicking his stomach with his knee."DON'T ING TOUCH HIM!" Baekhyun ran towards the younger, pulling him away. "D-Don't!" Chanyeol was a heavy weight to carry with Baekhyun's weak arms, he stared into the other's eyes full of satisfaction and hate. "Ren never cried over you, you know that? She once did though, as I pounded into her. I think I need to thank you, you know, for being...a . It's thanks to you that I get to  her every night, you know that?" Baekhyun shook his hair from right to left, trying to make his bangs cover his small eyes. He couldn't see the tears in his eyes, he didn't deserve them. "Imagine if she knew you still hook up with men after what happened...I really hope she'll be glad that she broke up with a piece of like you. You can go, I can't give two s. And you can come back here to drink, since it's the only good thing you can do. Just try not to step next to me, unless you don't want to my ." In one action, the man pushed away Baekhyun and a wasted Chanyeol who was quietly listening to everything as he curled up from the pain.

Chanyeol didn't remember anything else as he woke up on his bed. He felt confused and lost, was that all a dream? What were Baekhyun and that man arguing about? How did he even get there? And most of all...Where was Baekhyun? Chanyeol's head felt like it was exploding,  either because of the hangover or all the thoughts that went through his mind. He took off his covers, brushed his eyes numerous times, he'd lie if he didn't want to pinch his own arm to understand if it was all a bad dream or not. He quietly reached the door, and walked around, checking whenever Baekhyun was home. It took him more than one minute to decide if knocking on Baekhyun's door was appropriate, but once he did, the reassuring sound of his voice, telling him he could get in, calmed down his whole body; It felt as warm as drinking milk and honey with a sore throath. 

"You woke up! Turn the lights on if it makes you uncomfortable."  Baekhyun's was lightened by the screen of his face, so close to his eyes, "No, It's alright." What now? Do I just sit next to him, ask what the hell happened or- "How are you feeling?" The older asked, patting an empty spot on the best he was laying on. "Dizzy, but it could go worse...Listen, I don't remember anything, I just remember that dude talking , I got hit on the stomach and everything else is completely blank."

"It's fine, what matters is that you didn't get hurt, at least, not too much. I'm sorry if I got you in this mess, it's all my fault." 

"No, I was the one who ruined everything by having to throw up."
"Don't even think it was slightly your fault! I offered you to go to that bar even though I didn't know how much you could drink. It's my fault if you got kicked and...It was all so embarassing, I'm so sorry..."

"Do you want to talk about...What he said?"

"I guess you have the rights to know, since it's the reason why he kicked you in the stomach."

Chanyeol smiled when Baekhyun offered him his blanket, so he could comfortably sit next to him.

"A year ago, I fell in love with my boss, at work. She was very pretty, her hair were long and brown, they always smelled like flowers, but anyways...she also fell in love with me. God knows how, we started dating. We even lived here in this apartment for a couple of months. But as time went by, I started feeling empty, I didn't feel any type of passion or desire, it felt like I was dating my best friend. Then, always at work, this new guy started working in my same office and our desks were close so we soon became friends, then it became something different, something bigger. We would stay home and play video games on the same couch as you watch TV now, and I guess my girlfriend felt left out, and she had all the right reasons to feel like that. One day, we had an argument, and she said she would sleep at her mother's, and I let her go. I invited over my co-worker to play for a while and just spend a night together. We had deep conversations all day and joked around, you know just like normal friends would do, except something happened and...My friend got a, you know..." Baekhyun coughed, raising his eyebrows, yet Chanyeol's flustered face didn't want to admit what he just understood, "A ." He said all at once, making the younger shyly  his lips in as he nodded. "Everything happened so damn quickly and I just- I couldn't resist. I had to answer my questions. So we...did it. The next morning, Ren came back home and saw us in our bed, cuddled next to each other, . I haven't talked to her ever since, I stopped going to work, I never even talked to that guy, I didn't care about anything else. Her so called 'best friend', the guy we talked to yesterday, he beat the out of me, I also discovered that Ren has been cheating on me with him months before we even lived together, but I didn't care. Nothing mattered, and it still doesn't, not even today. I tried killing myself numerous times but I only failed, as always. I couldn't pay the rent and they wanted to cut everything, from water to electricity, that's why I needed a roommate, and that's why you're here." Baekhyun let it all out, his past, his feeling and his tears.  He cried like he never did before, but it did feel so God damn good.

Chanyeol remained silent, moving closer to the older, placing his thumb on his cheek so he could take away the tears from his soft skin and; He admited Chanyeol was getting used to the dark, and he felt very blessed to have such an understanding roommate. "No matter what happened in the past shouldn't affect the person you are now. You found out who you really are! You should be thankful that such a deep moment of your life taught you something so precious. And I'm proud of you, it may not matter to you, but I really am. I'm also glad that I'm not...alone, you know?" W-What? Alone? Does it mean that- and why is hand moving closer to my cheek? Why is his face getting...closer? "What d-do you mean, not alone?" Baekhyun stuttered, the air was cold, and so silent. Suddenly, Chanyeol's breathing felt closer, and it all turned so warm, he then got closer, making Baekhyun's stomach curl, then closer, the anxiety of being in the dark, and not seeing anything Chanyeol was doing made Baekhyun damn the moment he asked him to always keep the lights turned off. Then he finally got close enough he could see the shade of his head who was...very, very close, until Chanyeol's so perfect-rosy and soft lips barely touched his. It happened, and it was sending chills all over his body. It was such a small peck, yet it made his body tremble. With such a stupid kiss, he felt alive again, and he wanted more.