Glance by swabluu
Reviewed by kynanyx
Copyrighted; maknae empire

Title: 6/10
It did not really catch my attention as it is too short. I would suggest. The First Glance or Our First Glance. Well something longer than just Glance.

Foreword/Description: 7/15 
It's really too short. It did not give me the need or urge to continue reading. You could have elaborated by giving the readers a few sneak peeks of the conversations or scenes that Seokyu had.

Poster/Trailer: 5/10
The pictures used are alright but the quality is not that good. The background didn't match with the storyline but I would accept it if it is used as a stock. For the fonts, I didn't really like it because it doesn't look attractive and the color doesn't match the one of the background. 

Plot: 16/20 Well, I'd say that you turned something common, to something not. Usually for love at first sight stories, the guy and girl would see each other for the first time, fall in love, happily dating, something occurs, patch up, get married,etc... But for you,and since this is a oneshot, you elaborated on the first time they met

Writing: 8/10
It's neat and tidy :) But It's a little too squeezy for my eyes >o< I'd love it if you have separated the paragraphs with at least 2 lines :)

Flow: 8/10
It's pretty alright for a oneshot :) Not too fast and well, not too slow. 

Language {Vocab/Grammar/Spelling}: 3/5
At least, the cafeteria seemed empty from the outside. When she walked into the room, she found that someone else was already there, typing and clicking furiously on a laptop. ✗
At least, the cafeteria seemed empty from the outside. When she walked into the room, she found someone else already there, typing and clicking furiously on a laptop. ✓
I feel like there's something wrong about that specific sentence, so I just corrected it a little.

“I’ll be off, then.” ✗
There is no need for a comma there.
“I’ll be off-pause- then.”
It should be:
“I’ll be off then.” ✓

Seohyun called after the retreating figure, with no avail. ✗

Seohyun called after the retreating figure, to no avail. ✓

I did not really understand this part: “At least you still are for the most part,” O.O

“Okay then,” he finally said, slowly, after she had calmed down. ✗
For you, I would suggest you use commas less. Just remember. Every time you want to use a comma,read the whole sentence again.
“Okay then,” he finally said-pause- slowly-pause- after she had calmed down.
Rephrase it:
“Okay then,” he finally said, slowly after she had calmed down. ✓

But for this sentence, He turned around, surprised, to see the girl from SNSD—Seohyun—standing there, looking at him curiously. It is alright but, i would suggest that you ignore the comma after surprised.

Ending: 7/10
Not really how I expected but still acceptable. However, I'm sure the reader's would like it if you have elaborated more on the last sentence They both remember that the first time they met, they knew they were meant for each other. 

Overall Enjoyment: 16/20
Overall, I love your creativeness, especially the words used. And for the mood, you stated Love/Romance, Comedy. I did see Comedy and well the whole story is talking about love/romance, so I'd give you a high score on mood/theme :)
“They’re going to get married…” I cracked up at this part. ^o^
I gotta say, I really loved this paragraph of yours.
“So?” he asked, beginning to rock back and forth in his chair and tapping his fingers on the edge of his seat. The chair was not made for rocking, but Kyuhyun refused to let little problems like that get into his way. “I was merely expression my thoughts.” And telling you that you should go away because I want to play more Starcraft.

Total: 76/110 Well, I'd say, you're doing pretty well! Keep up the good work! You can improve alot more :D You may or may not take this review seriously but these are just some of my thoughts on the story:) I hope you will apply it in your future storys :) Remember to either post it in a blogspot or in a chapter of the story. And please leave a link back here :)

p/s poster not from maknae empire