[CONTENTID1] asphyxia [/CONTENTID1]

[CONTENTID2] drop 3: before the eyes of universe [/CONTENTID2]

[CONTENTID3] 

There are only so many things once you can do when you grow up, and by this it means that some people, growing up, will lose the very essence of things that were fun in their younger days. The younger, the reckless you'll be, some people said. As back then, we find little importance in the impact of our actions. Thinking this, I feel grateful that the period of my youth still keeps unfolding.

"Wow, you're still wearing it. I never noticed," We sit in circles now as I lean to the heel of my bed, Junghan laying sideways like those beach girls that are ready to ravish you, while Eunwoo sits beside me in crossed legs. The heat of the summer night is cleansed by the comfort of air conditioner. I got a clear look on Junghan's profile, from his defined jaw to his pierced ear. 

It's 7PM now and we just finished taking a bath and eating dinner. My parents welcomed them like the usual, hugging them like old sons as if they never see each other every day.

He keeps on playing with his phone, ignoring me. Jisoo also plays with his phone. I am left plopping my body to the floor. "At this point, I'm gonna fall asleep watching you guys play on your phone. Globalization really does its wonders."

"Stop talking like an old man, you're creeping me out!" He scolds while tossing his phone to the side, focusing his all attention to us. "And yeah, I have been wearing this since forever. You should be the one most concerned since we have matching pairs."

I flip my body to face the ceiling of white, rolling my memories when I accompanied him to get a piercing and also a matching one also, said it's for old friend's keepsake. "Well, as you can see I am no longer wearing it," I point my finger to the ear that is visible to his vision. "It's weird when you don't even do that with your girlfriends."

His face propped on his palm, he purses on his lips thoughtfully. "Well, it's not like they are staying for long."

"You're always like that, aren't you tired playing around?"

"We're still 16, Sooyoung. It is the time to play around, at least regarding relationships," because Junghan has enough brain to know we have to begin thinking of our college entrance exams and starts chipping in nice looking grades. Gazing at him, I have always loved that free spirited nature of him, nothing seems to hold his will back once he made his mind. With him, I feel brave doing anything that I feel impossible. Like that time when we got our piercings, I had been thinking of having one but always feared the idea of it. But when I saw Junghan not making a big deal out of it, I felt brave enough to take a step in. "And it's not like I ever cheated on them. I'm just being myself around them, and they tend to sugarcoat the idea they have of me, so they end up being disappointed. But you know me, it gets tiring to reject them also." 

Junghan is actually a pretty decent guy, putting all the casanova title aside. He's just often misunderstood. But I can't help but to be amused whenever he looks irritated. "Yeah, nice to be someone to have so much in their plate."

He chuckles in fake humor, as if wanting to irritate me more. "Your friend over there is no different from me, you know. Much more of a heartbreaker, even." He nods to Eunwoo's direction. The said lad immediately looks up from his phone and I don't even pretend to look astonished by that fact. Confession letters on his lockers, multiple boxes of valentine chocolates on his desks, me getting asked often to introduce him to girls. School festival hasn't even started. His popularity will skyrocket by that time, I bet. 

This also occurs in the case of Junghan. Thinking back, it's such a pain in the to be a girl and a close friend of such popular guys. The attention is overbearing most of the times, but then it's not like I even care about them. 
I slap my palm unto my face recalling those days. I should have just ditched them and bond with my other girlfriends. 

We look at each other for a long time, and at this point, Eunwoo should have retorted something to switch the topic. He never likes talking about it. 

Junghan's eyes repetitively switch from me to Eunwoo, probably studying the intensity between us. "I know that too well already," letting out a grunt, I push away the remaining strands of black off my face. 

Eunwoo only raises an eyebrow inquisitively. "I'm not interested in them, so of course I turned them down," he shrugs his shoulder, now putting his phone on the floor. "But look at you, you don't even realize that you are standing out more than you think," he switches the limelight to me, then, looking slightly distraught while pointing at me.

Junghan joins in to corner me. "Yeah, the guys talk about you sometimes, but they are too scared to approach you ca-". I only shake my head in disbelief.

The reasons are obvious enough, because these two are like the Wall of China that covers me up. "Good for them, I don't like guys who can't stand up for themselves anyway," lies, I just don't like guys who just believe in the power of rumours. 

"Forever feisty, aren't you? No wonder only someone like him can get you," a heavy sigh loops put of me and I get up to my sitting position. Junghan mumbles another sorry after I saw Eunwoo glaring at him. My eyes only softens up at the mention of his name. We occasionally still text each other to ask how the both of us are doing.

"Yeah, I know, I'm forever sinful for it," I muse, trying to light the source of my reason to cause this sleepover. I feel like I can't keep this forever from them, just because I can't keep such lies inside myself for too long by myself. "-doing all that to make you guys dislike him, even when I never really like him in the first place," while hugging my knees to my chest, I said this, my eyes looking to Junghan and Eunwoo. Patiently, I wait for a single reaction for them.

The quietness seems to last so long until Junghan's jaw drops and Eunwoo is holding unto my wrist, almost desperately. "Sooyoung, we have forgiven you. It's okay if you really like him, you can't negate your feelings like that, you don't have to go that f-" But I only look at Eunwoo, shaking my head in denial to his statement, a regretful smile splashes over my face.

"Are you serious?" His voice becomes gentle, so much astonishment in it that I feel guilty. He doesn't let go of my wrist, and I feel so much pr2ssure in his fingers it begins to hurt. But I can't force him to let go because I don't even dare to look at him in the face.

"Then why? Did he threaten you? I mean, well we know we were not stronger than him, but we would try to get you out of such situation," at this point, Junghan is no longer sitting and even standing, pacing around the room worryingly. " I don't understand."

"Jisoo could, but he didn't," I begin calmly, my eyes looking down and I can feel the drop in my soul recalling his condition and my selfishness in fixing things and people. "He had all the power to force me, but he didn't."

Narrowing his eyes, Junghan walks over and sits in front of me, so close I can see the quake in his eyes. "How are you so sure?" I want to flex that face of his because he is looking so tense right now, all his bones crackling under pressure.

"Because in 7th grade, he already asked me out. But I rejected him off the bat-"

"How come you didn't tell us?"

"Because I know you guys would be like this," Gazing straight at the eyes of the two of them, my words hit home in the right place as Eunwoo looks down to his lap, but not Junghan. "It doesn't matter also because you guys would get in trouble."

"What changed your mind then?" Eunwoo begins, looking at me from the side earnestly, his round, for like eyes peeking out from his eyelashes that are too long for a guy. No smile on his face now. The kind of look Eunwoo wears so you can never lie to him. "To date him without liking him