“Now, where should we go?” Tabi’s deep voice brought me back to my senses. That’s when I realized that I was already sitting on a bench in a bus stop as he tried to examine the bus route posted on a pillar beside me. My mind went completely blank for about thirty minutes or so. I couldn’t even remember how I ended up being at the bus stop. But I am certain that Tabi was the one who brought me here, making me feel at ease somehow.

My eyes were still swelling and my tears are still welling up in my eyes as my heart continued to beat fast, still catching my breath every time I remember Jake’s expression the moment I told him that Tabi is my boyfriend. It’s like he doesn’t care at all. “Is he really happy that I am already with someone? Does that make him feel free from his guilt? Or did he ever feel guilty after cheating on me in the first place?”

Pondering the answers to the questions in my mind made me cry again. This time, letting my tears fall wouldn’t make me feel any better. I started wailing, crying my heart out, hoping that my heart would feel less painful if I shout louder.

“What’s wrong?” Tabi said looking startled as he sat beside me, trying to calm me down. I can sense that he is already feeling embarrassed as people started to look at us, probably judging him for making a woman cry at a bus stop. I can hear Tabi softly whisper, “No, I did not make her cry”, trying to defend himself from the death stares of the passersby. He gently patted my lap to let me know that he is just beside me, willing to be my shoulder to cry on.

“Can you please stop crying now Tabi Girl?” Tabi said. “You’ve been crying since the time that I met you and now you’re crying again.”

I did not respond to Tabi’s request. Instead, I continued to cry my heart out, without even realizing that I am already screaming at him. “If you don’t want to be here, just go!” I said and pushed him away.

I heard Tabi sigh heavily. Shortly, he stood up and left without even saying a word.

“Everyone is leaving me…” I thought to myself as I saw Tabi walk away and that made me cry even harder. “That bastard actually left. After forcing me to go with him, he just left me like that. He did not even say goodbye?”

Right at that moment, I felt alone. No one was there for me and that actually scared me for I do not know what to do. I was crying like a lost kid at a bus stop and everyone is staring at me, judging my childish actions, without even understanding what I am going through. I wanted Tabi to stay but I don’t have enough energy to call him. I want him to come back but, my voice is so weary and physically I’m drained.

Seeing Jake like that was too much for me. Probably because I still don’t want to believe that we’re over and I’m still hoping that there is still a chance for us. But the way he talked to me earlier, as if he was happy to see me with my ‘new boyfriend’ was too painful. It shouldn’t be like that. He should be begging me to come back to him.

I hated myself for lying to him. I should have run and hugged him tightly. I should have told him that I still love him, I should have told him to stay. But then, a glimpse of sanity came into my mind, making me realize that I am just fooling myself because I have already confirmed it the moment Jake looked me in my eyes that he no longer loves me.

“Stop crying now, will you?.” A familiar deep voice said. I looked up and there was Tabi, standing beside me carrying two cones of chocolate flavoured ice cream, looking silly in his long-sleeved, denim, acid washed jacket, black pants and black chucks underneath the scorching heat of the sun.

“If you won’t stop crying, I will not give this to you.” He said. He sounded like a father scolding a toddler.

Seeing him with an ice cream cone in his hand made me want to stop crying and just start eating. But to be honest, it was his perfectly sculpted face that made me feel at ease. I felt relieved the moment I saw him standing in front of me.

It looked like he ran from the ice cream vendor back to the bus stop, judging from the beads of sweat that formed in his forehead and the unmelted cones of ice cream in his hand. I’m glad he came back.

“Thanks,” I said. I sniffed and wiped my tears with the tissue that I have in my bag as Tabi sat beside me and gave me my ice cream cone. I was moving a little bit slower than usual to hide the excitement that I felt when I saw the chocolate ice cream cones in his hand.

“They say eating chocolate ice cream is the best remedy for a broken heart.” he smiled as he watched me take my first bite of the ice cream that he bought for me.

“If only all heartbreaks could be healed by chocolate ice creams, I won’t have any problem now,” I said, savouring the heavenly taste of the ice cream. Its coldness made me feel so refreshed and the bittersweet taste of the chocolate just made the pain in my heart go away like magic.

“Is it really that painful?” Tabi asked as he looked at me with my red, puffy eyes.

I sighed heavily before I answered his question with another question. “Have you ever been cheated?”

“No…” He replied.

“Lucky you,” I said imagining what it’s like to have a life that is not filled with questions that will always remain unanswered, a life that is not filled with doubts about yourself and a life that is not filled with fear that true love might not exist after all.

“It hurts a lot,” I said as I explained to him the kind of pain that I am feeling. “It’s like I was stabbed with a thousand knives when I saw him hug her, kiss her, caress her…” I paused to breathe and started talking again, trying to stop myself from crying but my voice is already starting to crack. “But I think what hurts me the most is him, throwing away the memories that we made for the past six years to settle down with an affair. That’s just so unfair for me.”

“The ! He just proposed to me one month before I caught him.” I tried to hold my emotions, but remembering that day brought back the pain that the chocolate ice cream took away. “But then, when I went to his apartment, he was there, kissing my best friend. What the !” I my ice cream after I finished my sentence, hoping that the pain would go away but it did not. Instead, my heart felt like it was sinking. The betrayal, the lies and the hurtful words that were said that day came back into my memory and it felt like I am dying all over again.

“Being stabbed with a thousand knives all at once…” Tabi said as he handed me my pop up tissue. I grabbed a few sheets and listened to what Tabi is about to say. “I actually know how it feels.

“I thought you were not cheated?” I asked with my cracked voice.

“I wasn’t cheated.” He replied. “She died.”

Right at that moment, I saw the pain in Tabi’s eyes. I had no idea that he is going through something so painful as death. He leaned his back on the bench and continued eating his ice cream.

Suddenly, the thoughts about Jake was completely erased from my mind. I felt like the pain that I’m going through right now is nothing compared to his. His sparkly eyes became blank and his gorgeous face suddenly became dull.

“I’m sorry…” I said, hoping to make him feel better.

“It’s okay.” he looked at me and smiled. But his smile looked so painful that it hurts to see him smile that way. “Wherever she is now, she’s already at peace.”

“She’s already at peace because she can no longer your annoying face.” I tried to crack a joke as I sniff, anticipating a change in the current mood that we have.

Tabi slightly laughed. “You’re probably right.” He said as he smiled. Judging from the way he continuously blinks his eyes, it’s like he is trying to stop his tears from falling as he remembered the memories that he had with that woman in his life. With the painful expression that he had in his face, it seems like he had beautiful memories with her. But even the most beautiful memories became painful when she left.

Tabi looked at my direction and unexpectedly, our eyes met. He looked at me from my face down to my legs, making me feel anxious. I was trying to read what is in his mind, but his expressions were blank and I can’t seem to comprehend any of it.

“She’s short. Just like you.” He suddenly uttered. “152.4 centimetres…”

“We have the same height,” I responded, amazed of how we both exactly have the same height.

“She has round eyes too. Light brown with long eyelashes, just like yours.” He said. “She also wears that kind of glasses.” He said as he pointed by black-framed glasses. “But she’s more stylish than you though. You looked like a Grim Reaper.”

I rolled my eyes away from Tabi but I just let him pass. I can’t seem to fight with him after hearing his story.

“She used to cry in the streets too, just like you.” He smiled. “I just can’t buy ice cream for her in public though.”

“Why can’t you buy ice cream for her?” I asked.

“Because of my job.” He said.

“What kind of job do you have?” I asked again. “Are you underpaid? Why can’t you buy her an ice cream?”

Tabi’s laugh echoed in the bus stop. I didn’t expect my question to be so funny, but he laughed for a few seconds before he looked at me. “You’re cute.” He said. I smirked at him, feeling a little bad after he laughed at me. But at some point, I also felt contented to see him laugh. His eyes were sparkling again, and his face light up just like how he looked at the cafe earlier.

“I’m a rapper, singer, songwriter, record producer and an actor.” He said, sounding so proud of his job, or should I say jobs.

I paused for a while in disbelief, gasping for air when I realized something unbelievable. Suddenly, a vision of a man who I have seen somewhere came into my mind. I grabbed his chin and stared at his face for a couple of minutes. The more I look at him, the more his face becomes so familiar that I think I have seen him somewhere.

“What are you doing?” He asked but I did not answer. I untied his messy man bun and fixed his hair to cover his forehead and the side of his face. I gasped in disbelief when I recognized who he was.

“Oh my God!” I was jittery, unsure if I should ask him or not, but I have to ask him just to make sure if my assumption is correct. “Are you Vick from Iris?” I exclaimed and my swelling eyes widened in disbelief.

Iris is the only Korean drama that I watched not because I enjoyed it but because of my grandfather who loved action dramas. Iris was aired in New Pasadena when I was in my first year in college and every 9:30 in the evening, right after the evening news, my grandfather would tell me to switch the channel to NPBC 2 so that he can watch Iris. He loved Vick. He often says that he looked like him when he was younger but I just laugh at him because I know he is just bluffing.

“Now you finally know who I am.” Tabi smiled, looking so proud that finally, I recognized him.

“Oh my God! I loved that drama!” I said, spazzing like a fangirl. “But I hate your character, just so you know.”

Tabi laughed. His laugh sounded sincere and his sad expression was no longer in his face. Honestly, I’m not a huge fan of any Korean related drama or song, which probably explains why I did not recognize him at first.

“I told you you’ll regret it if you’ll not come with me.” He said feeling proud of himself. “You made the right decision right?”

I just laughed as I look at him making silly faces. I don’t really feel comfortable talking to strangers. Much more, I am not the type of person who opens up to a stranger that I just met that day. But there’s really something about Tabi that makes me feel comfortable and at ease.

Probably, it was because we both have the same taste in coffee. Or is it because we have the same nickname? Or probably because of the ice cream that he bought for me. Or maybe it was because I have already seen him on TV before. Or was it because of the same sadness that we are feeling in our hearts? I am not certain but one thing is for sure. Being with him right now makes my heart feel a little better. I am sad, that is certain. But at least I am not alone.

“You’re being arrogant, you know that,” I said to stop his vanity and glared at him, like laser beams from my eyes were about to shoot him any minute.

“She used to look at me like that when I’m being vain.” He said as he stared back at me.

I felt guilty. I did not expect that he could remember her with the way I look at him. But I guess, it’s not just me. Everything around him makes him remember even the smallest detail about her.

“What’s her name?” I asked. "Maybe it’s better if we will just talk about her." I thought to myself.

“Seo Hui.” He replied. “Her name means sunlight and she really was my sunlight, literally.” Tabi was smiling, but his blank, dull eyes were back again, making my heart feel heavy, regretting the moment that I asked what her name was.

“She was my stylist.” Tabi continued. “She’s a very classy woman with a great sense of fashion. She carries herself well and she has this bubbly and bright attitude that compliments with my weirdness That’s why I fell in love with her.”

“I wanted to let the world know how much I love her, but because of my job, I just can’t do it.” Regret was written all over Tabi’s face. “If I just have a solo career, I would have dated her in public. But I’m a part of a boy group called Bigbang. I just can’t let the career of my groupmates fall down because of my selfishness.”

Tabi paused as he looked at the streets of New Pasadena before he started sharing his story once again. “You know what, she always wanted to come here,” Tabi said. I was trying to look away from him fearing that I might see his sad face and that would trigger my desire to hug him. “She said New Pasadena has the best sunset view.” He sounded so sad and I cannot do anything at that moment but to listen to him.

“She asked me so many times to come here, but I was so scared that people might recognize me.” He laughed softly before he continued to talk. “She prepared everything, the plane tickets, my passport, my clothes, everything. She called me and told me to meet her at the airport at 6:36 PM. But I did not show up.” He sighed heavily. His voice was already cracking, but he tried to hold his emotions. All I can see in his face is a blank expression, but his deep voice sounded so sad and heartbroken.

“She went here alone.” Tabi continued. “She called me and told me that she just arrived. I told her to enjoy her trip. But she reminded me that that day was our third anniversary. I forgot it because I was so busy with promotions. She was pissed off, she said she wanted to break up with me. I thought she was too shallow. I even shouted at her because she couldn’t understand the kind of job that I have. What I did not know is she was diagnosed with cancer at that time. We lost contact for a month and the next news that I received about her is that she’s already gone.”

Tabi paused and he sighed heavily. I felt his pain. He was trying to look unscathed but just one look at him right now, it is obvious that he is broken. I cannot imagine going through something like what he had gone through. If it was me, I would have gone insane. I cannot bear to think how painful it was. He must have regretted a lot of things and the most painful thing is he can no longer turn back the time and make it right for her.

“How long has it been since she…” I cannot help myself but ask out of curiosity.

“A year...” he said. His voice is so calm but I can feel that he’s still in pain. “It’s been a year since she left without even saying goodbye. Without even letting me know about her struggles, about her pain. But I am also blaming myself for not being sensitive enough about her situation.” Tabi’s voice was filled with regret. His low and deep voice becomes lower and deeper every time he talked but he still tried to smile as he looked at me. “I’m such a loser, right?"

I wanted to agree with him but I opted to remain silent and keep my thoughts in my head. I don’t want to be rude to him after hearing his sad story. He bought me ice cream after crying so hard in the streets after all, so I decided to chill and keep my mouth shut.

“I was too scared to come here with her, but then, it ended up that I wasn’t even famous here. You did not even recognize me.” He laughed. “Stupid me.”

“Yeah, you’re not famous here,” I told Tabi to break the sad atmosphere between us, making him laugh.

“That’s good to know.” He smiled. “At least you’ll experience being with me without being followed by paparazzi. Cherish this moment Tabi Girl, because this is a YOLO moment. A lot of girls would kill for this opportunity.” Tabi sounded fine again, like the way he sounded when I first met him and that made me feel at ease, somehow.

“I just came with you to be distracted,” I told him to stop his vain thinking.

“Well, I guess we both need to be distracted then.” He laughed.

Yes. Being distracted from all the pain that we are going through right now is what we needed the most. Probably some fresh air, a beautiful scenery and some waves will be a lot of help. Going somewhere far will be a grand idea. I would even go mountain climbing at this point. I’m certain that Tabi is also thinking the same thoughts as me. All that we needed right now is an itinerary and we are good to go.

At that moment, a blue bus stopped in front of us. Tabi gobbled the last bite of his ice cream and grabbed my wrist.

“Let’s go.” He said.

“Wait.” I objected as I freed myself from his tight grip. “Where is that bus going?” I tried to check the bus number but Tabi caught my hand and pulled me again.

“I thought you wanted to be distracted?” He said. “Let’s just go somewhere and not plan anything, okay?”

Going somewhere without planning is definitely not my thing. As a Capricorn, it was already written in the stars that I am a person who needs a plan in order to give my life a sense of direction. But I cannot object nor reject Tabi for he already pushed me inside the bus.

“How are we supposed to pay? I don't have a card.” Tabi asked when he noticed that the bus driver did not bother to check our fair.

“What card?” I asked.

“Public transport card, for the fare.”

“Oh, we don’t have that here,” I said and walked straight all the way to the back seat of the bus.

Tabi looked at me with a puzzled expression but he just sat beside me as I took the eighth seat from the front and occupied the one near the window.

The bus started to move. Suddenly, I felt my heart started to beat fast. For the first time in my life, I do not know where I am supposed to go or what I am supposed to do. I have no plan, I have no checklist, I don’t even have someone to consult about anything or someone who would ask me what time will I be home. This time, I felt free. It felt strange, but it felt good as well.

I was looking at the view outside the window when Tabi tapped my shoulder. I looked at him and he pointed a man standing in front of him, wearing a red polo shirt and black pants, carrying bus tickets and a ticket puncher.

“Who’s that?” Tabi whispered.

“That’s the bus conductor,” I whispered back. “He’ll collect our fare,” I explained to him and I noticed him nod his head.

“Where to Ma’am, Sir?” the man who is probably in his early twenties asked us and smiled at us warmly.

“Where is this bus going?” I asked, hoping that he’ll say somewhere far, probably somewhere outside the city.

“Downtown.” He answered.

My jaws dropped in disbelief when I heard t about the destination of the bus, making me want to jump out of it and ride a different one. “Downtown only?” I asked with a surprised and disappointed tone. “You’re not going any further?” I asked again to make sure.

“Not anymore Ma’am. Downtown is our last stop.” He confirmed.

I sighed heavily and glared at Tabi. I wanted to smack his face so bad but I don’t have any other choice but to continue the ride because the bus cannot stop anymore. “Two tickets please,” I told the bus conductor in the most polite way possible.

“Give me a dollar!” I screamed at Tabi as I gave him an angry stare. He looked so surprised that he just took his wallet from his back pocket and gave me the bill. I gave it to the bus conductor in exchange for two bus tickets and then he left before he could hear me scream again.

“What’s the problem?” Tabi asked when he noticed that I am still glaring at him like I am going to eat him up any minute.

“We’re going Downtown. That’s the problem.” I said, still giving Tabi an angry stare.

“Why? What’s in Downtown?” he asked, looking excited.

“Stores,” I replied in a pissed off tone.

Downtown is New Pasadena’s Rodeo Drive. It’s a four-kilometre shopping district located at the heart of New Pasadena known for its shopping malls and stand-alone stores of high-end fashion brands. If you wanted to empty your bank account, then Downtown is the place to be.

“Stores?” He repeated as his excited expression slowly faded. “Just stores?”

“I told you, we should have checked the route first but you did not listen!” I tried to smack his shoulders but his pouty face and puppy eyes stopped me from hitting him.

“Sorry…” He said.

I rolled my eyes away from him and focused on the view outside the running bus, trying to stop myself from throwing Tabi outside. It was the view that I am very much familiar - a few trees here and there and a lot of buildings everywhere. This is my first time seeing this view since I broke up with Jake. I am so used to him sitting beside me on a bus and resting my head on his broad shoulder. But now, I am admiring the view all by myself.

I thought I’d feel heavy inside me, but to my surprise, I felt light, excited even. Though I was so pissed off with Tabi for picking the wrong bus, my heart is thrilled about this experience.

“What should I do in Downtown?” I thought to myself, trying to plan out the stores that I should visit and the things that I should buy in my head. But then, Tabi’s voice interrupted my thoughts.

“Tabi Girl?” He whispered in my ear and I felt chills down to my spine as I heard his deep voice.

For some reason, his voice sounded so y when he called my name, making me forget that I’m still pissed off with him. I looked at him angrily but to my surprise, he was leaning closer to me and his face was so close to mine that my lips almost touched his. I was still for a few seconds before I realized that I have to pull myself away from him.

“Wh..What?” I was stuttering but I blinked my eyes and reminded myself that I should just calm down. I don’t have to be distracted by his handsome face.

“Are there any hair shops in Downtown?” he asked as if there was no awkwardness between us after what happened.

“Yes, why?” I replied, trying to act cool.

“Can I go there?” He asked, trying to look all cute and innocent. “I want this off.” He said pointing his messy man bun.

“Okay.” I agreed with him.

“I think you also needed a haircut.” He said as he touched my messy, raven black hair.

“What’s wrong with my hair?” I asked as I slightly pushed him to make him stop fondling my hair.

“A lot…” he whispered.

“What?” I exclaimed. I tried to punch his arm but he dodged it and continued to speak.

“I mean, you know, after what happened with you and that police officer, I think it’s better to cut your hair for a fresh start,” he explained.

I paused and thought about what Tabi said. I remembered Jake told me not to cut my hair because he wanted it long. He also told me not to dye my hair because he just liked my raven black hair. But I have always wanted to try a short haircut and dye it light. A nice light brown shade with highlights would be nice.

“Should I cut my hair short?” I asked for his opinion.

Tabi moved closer to me again but this time, I tried to act like it was nothing. He was fondling my hair to see what length would suit best for me before he opened his mouth to speak.

“From the point of view of someone who has a lot of experience with hairstyling, I think you should cut your hair short, enough to show your neck.” He said.

“That short?” I was a little hesitant. All my life, my hair has always been long. It might be a little frizzy but it’s fine when I comb it. I am torn. “Should I cut my hair or not?”

“Well, your face is small. I think you can pull the hairstyle off.” He said. I felt a little bit of assurance that I would still look decent even after the haircut.

“I also wanted to dye my hair…,” I said.

“Haven’t you tried it yet?” He asked.

“Not yet,” I replied.

“Let’s dye our hair too,” Tabi said excitedly. “Let’s go with extreme colours like pink or yellow. What do you think?”

I was raising my eyebrows with his colour suggestions. “I can’t even decide if I should cut my hair or not. And now you are telling me to dye my hair pink or yellow? Are you out of your mind?” I thought.

“Changing your hairstyle after a break up can help you move on faster,” Tabi said. “It’s like creating a new you. Someone bolder, someone fiercer, someone stronger.” He smiled at me as he spoke.

I still cannot decide what kind of hairstyle should I get. But because of his words, I am sure that I will definitely change my hairstyle when I arrived in Downtown. I looked at Tabi and I remembered the sad story that he shared with me at the bus stop. His face looked more relaxed now and his expressions became bright. He is an actor, that may be the reason why he is good at hiding his emotions.

“Is that why you are cutting your hair too?” I asked. “You’re also trying to move on?”

“No, I just want a clean cut.” He said.

I laughed at him, thinking that he actually wanted to free himself from a very heavy emotional damage. But as it turns out, he just wanted a shorter haircut. But judging how well he hides his true feelings, I can’t help but wonder if he is telling me the truth. Or is it just his way of hiding his feelings?

Tabi is a man full of surprises. He looked like a very messed up person, but he is actually someone with sense. It’s only been hours since I met him but I can’t help but be curious about him and his perspectives on life.

As I looked at his face - his well defined facial features, his sparkling eyes, his tall nose, his thin lips - I felt thankful. At this moment, God had given me a person who could accompany me in one of the saddest phases of my life. He might be someone who is equally damaged as I am but at least, we both wanted to start afresh. At least for now, we both wanted to be distracted and having each other by our side will be helpful. We know we are both sad, hurt and broken. But at least we are not alone.

“Downtown stop!” the bus conductor announced as the bus made its stop in Downtown.

Tabi and I got off the bus. I sniffed the air and spread my arms, trying to feel the warm city breeze. “Downtown, here we come!” I screamed, trying to sound excited. “Gosh, we travelled so far just to be here.” I was trying to sound as cheerful as I could be, but Tabi said I was being sarcastic. But I just pretended I did not hear him.

“Let’s go, Tabi Boy,” I said and for some reason that I have in my mind, I grabbed Tabi’s hand. I smiled as I looked at his face.

“Let’s go, Tabi Girl!” Tabi replied as he smiled back at me.