A DIFFERENT MORNING

✸✸✸

It was not poetic. Kyungsoo did not wake up, see the way Jongin's hair fell over his face and cast a shadow that looked just right, and realize he wanted to hang the stars in the sky for the man. He did not reach out and trace a finger against his lips, wondering what they would feel like under his. He did not stare and wish that he could freeze time in this moment. Kyungsoo would not even realize this was The Moment until years later, as he recounts the first time he realized he was in love with his best friend.

It was any other morning. Kyungsoo woke up, shoved Jongin out of his bed for the umpteenth time ("I told you I hate it when you do that! You stole all the blankets last night!"), and kicked him for good measure. When he headed to the bathroom, he was elbowed by a taller figure and had to fight for the bathroom sink. Kyungsoo picked out the booger from Jongin's left eye as they brushed their teeth, scowling when Jongin gave him a smile full of toothpaste foam.

"You're disgusting," Kyungsoo told him. "Get out of my house."

"Your mom would never let me leave without breakfast."

"I don't care. Get out. I'll tell her you insulted her cooking and you'll never be let back in."

Jongin gaped. "You wouldn't."

"Watch me."

And so there's another fight getting down the stairs and heading to the kitchen. Kyungsoo pushed Jongin into a wall, only to be met with an arm stuck out to clothesline him. By the time they make it to the kitchen table, their bodies were sore.

"Good morning, boys," Kyungsoo's mom greeted them, amusement in her eyes as she set the table.

"MOM!"

"MRS. DO!"

The two boys screamed at the same time, before they both started talking at the same time, pointing at the other and making faces the entire time. Mrs. Do nodded and gave them affirming smiles, but it was clear she was only doing that to appease them and wasn't really listening. She had gotten used to this routine long ago.

They shut up when the food is served.

"No camera today?" Mrs. Do asked with a coy smile.

"Nope, Kyungsoo and me made a bet about how long I could go without vlogging. I said I'd last a week," Jongin said, sneaking a tongue out at Kyungsoo when Mrs. Do turned to look at him. "Easiest fifty bucks I'll ever make."

"Don't be so cocky," Kyungsoo snorted, rolling his eyes as he chewed on his pancakes. "We're going to Disneyland tomorrow and I know for a fact that you can't help yourself from filming whenever we go. I'll win by noon."

"You ."

"You."

"No, YOU."

"NO, YOU!"

"YOUUUUU!"

Mrs. Do cleared , effectively shutting them up but not keeping them from glaring at each other as they ate. Jongin began chewing with the most exaggerated facial expressions he could muster, and soon Kyungsoo was following. Within a minute, the two were choking on laughter and sausage patty bits.

Yep, just another normal morning for the two.

Until...

"Oh, speaking of Disneyland, I forgot to tell you last night because you fell asleep early" -- by early, Jongin means around midnight, but usually their deep talks didn't start until around 1am, when they're both too tired to start another movie but also not tired enough to fall asleep, and suddenly one of them would begin rambling on about something on their minds until they're two hours deep into a conversation about the complexities of space travel or if teleportation or mind-reading is a cooler power -- "but apparently Sehun heard from Yixing who heard from Taemin who heard from Amber that Krystal likes me?"

Huh. Kyungsoo paused in his chewing, feeling a burning sensation in his chest. Figuring he was eating too quickly, he chugs some orange juice, but the feeling's still there. Weird, he usually didn't get problems like indigestion anyway.

"So I invited her to Disneyland tomorrow," Jongin said with a nonchalant shrug. "Who knows? Maybe I'll be the first to get a girlfriend and you'll owe me another fifty bucks."

Maybe the sick feeling in his stomach is at the idea of losing more money. Kyungsoo was too focused on finishing college applications this year to get a job, so his wallet had been feeling a bit tight lately.

"Ugh, I don't want to third-wheel," Kyungsoo groaned, pushing his plate away and throwing his head back.

"I can invite Sehun if you want," Jongin offered, his grin giving away any attempt to act kind. Kyungsoo shot him a glare.

"Sehun can a . I'm still annoyed about the fact that he pantsed me in gym class last quarter."

Jongin cackled, and Kyungsoo ignored the concerned look his mom gave him. "That was hilarious. I wish they allowed phones in gym, I would've snapped so many photos just to capture the look on your face."

"And I would've snapped your neck if you tried."

"Kyungsoo," Mrs. Do warned, a frown on her lips at the violent threat that her son just said. "That's not very nice."

"Yeah, that's not very nice, Soo," Jongin teased, grinning until Kyungsoo kicked him in the shin under the table.

"I don't want to go tomorrow if Krystal's going," Kyungsoo repeated, firm. "Just give her my ticket then, it can be a real date then I guess." Ouch, there it was again. Kyungsoo wondered if he was constipated.

"No," Jongin whined, finally taking a break from eating. "We planned this months ago, we were going to wear our ears together." Jongin referred to the ears one of Jongin's fans sent him when Jongin admitted he had only been to Disneyland once as a child, and wanted to go but never had the time or money. Kyungsoo was also in that vlog, because out of Jongin's 25 vlogs out at the time, Kyungsoo was in 21 of those, and he teased Jongin for his love of Winnie the Pooh. Less than a month later, two pairs of ears, one Winnie the Pooh themed and the other a classic pair of ears, arrived in Jongin's P.O. box.

And thus this trip was planned. With money Jongin began earning from his rising YouTube popularity, he bought them both tickets and announced on Twitter he would be going soon, to the excitement of his fans.

"We have to do this together," Jongin insisted further.

"I am not going to third-wheel for an entire day," Kyungsoo said, crossing his arms. "I've done that plenty of times with Seungsoo and I am not doing that with my best friend."

"Fine, fine," Jongin sighed. "I'll uninvite Krystal, it'll just be the two of us again. Happy?"

Yes. Kyungsoo frowned, not understanding the relief flooding his system. "No. That's not fair to her, you already asked her out, just take her. Stop being so stubborn."

"Says the most stubborn person I've ever met."

"You."

"No, you."

"NO, YOU--"

"Okay, we already did this," Jongin interrupted, ignoring Kyungsoo's glare. "I'm texting her right now and that's the end of it. We're going tomorrow, and we're wearing those cute ears, and we're going to go on all of the rides."

Kyungsoo rolled his eyes, but he was excited. This would be his first time at Disneyland since his childhood too. From the way his classmates always hyped it up, he's ready to either confirm their claims or fight them for excessive exaggeration.

"We have a lot of work to prepare," Jongin said, expression suddenly serious. Kyungsoo let himself smirk, amused at the change in demeanor. "We have to figure out what to wear, what snacks we'll bring, what our course of action will be once we get into the park. This is important, Kyungsoo, stop laughing."

"I'm not!" Kyungsoo defended. "I just don't think that's that much work."

"Pft, not much work? I also have to figure out which camera to bring and what bag will carry it and--"

"So you're admitting you're going to lose the bet tomorrow and I'm going to be fifty bucks richer?"

Jongin pouted. "This is unfair. I forgot all about this when I agreed to our bet. Just let this be the exception!"

"Nope," Kyungsoo said, shaking his head and remembering all the times Jongin forced him to follow through with unfair bets. "I can't wait to buy a souvenir with that fifty bucks."

Jongin sighed, getting up to put his plate away. Kyungsoo just then realized his mom had long gone left the table, now washing dishes over in the kitchen. Kyungsoo helped clear the rest of the table and clean the counters before meeting Jongin in his room.

"Whatever," Jongin muttered, apparently still not over their previous conversation. "I'll just win back my fifty bucks when I date Krystal."

Suddenly winning felt a lot less appealing to Kyungsoo. "As if," Kyungsoo mumbled, walking over to grab his towel off his chair. "Why would anyone want to date someone with a face like that?" He ignored the whines of denial from Jongin as he made his way over the bathroom. He couldn't even laugh at how upset Jongin was at what he knew was an empty comment. Jongin heard compliments from his fans all the time, of course he wouldn't believe Kyungsoo.

If Kyungsoo took a little longer in the shower, he wasn't wiping away tears. He was just scrubbing a little harder than usual, making sure he was extra clean. And maybe he sat on the toilet for a little bit too, just to see if it would make the ache in his torso go away.

It didn't.

But that didn't matter, because as soon as Kyungsoo returned to his room, Jongin bombarded him with a map of Disneyland and his list of rides in order according to how close they were to the entrance and how long their wait times tended to be. Kyungsoo settled into the bed beside him, smiling as Jongin whined at how Kyungsoo wasn't taking this seriously enough.

 

-

A DAY AT DISNEYLAND! I HUGGED WINNIE THE POOH!
uploaded by kimkaiiiii

20 January 2015

watch me and kyungsoo eat way too many turkey legs and churros kekeke shoutout to @berrybear for the ears huhuhu so cuteee

thank you for watching, pls like and subscribe

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bbhyun k thanks for the invite guys. also first
jdaejdaecaptain kyungsoo's head looks so round with the ears lololol
jdaejdaecaptain also why do yall look like a couple in like half ur vlogs jongin
channieboy u both know Disneyland is my favorite place I feel so disrespected rn

click to expand [100+]

-

 

Feelings are weird. Kyungsoo stares at the new subscription notification on his phone, hesitates over clicking on it before giving in and laying on his back to watch the video. Jongin told him he wasn't going to upload until after midterms, but apparently he's a bold-faced liar and Kyungsoo's a for believing him.

He ignores the twist in his chest when Jongin's handsome features appear on the phone screen. It's nothing new to him anymore.

"Gooooood morning, my baby bears," Jongin greets, his usual greeting for the vlogs. "I'm supposed to be studying, and if you're Kyungsoo watching then please don't kill me, but I was so excited to upload this I just couldn't wait! As you all know, I went to South Korea with Kyungsoo over winter break, and it was a-ma-zing." The dreamy look on Jongin's face makes Kyungsoo smile. What a softy. "Editing this made me miss Korea already, I can't wait to go back and eat all the good food again. But we'll definitely have to choose a different airbnb next time, 'cause-- well, you'll see." Jongin winks at the camera.

Sleazy, Kyungsoo thinks but he knows he doesn't mean it.

"Anyway, I'll check back in at the end of this video. I really tried to be artistic with the editing of this video, so let's hope this works out!" Jongin transitions into the first footage of the trip, and Kyungsoo laughs when it's an image of himself half-asleep at the airport. They had a red eye flight, and Kyungsoo was already sleep-deprived after helping Jongin pack his equipment the night before.

"He's so ugly," Jongin whispered into the camera as he zoomed into Kyungsoo's nose hairs. "Look at this. Can you believe I stare at this face seven days a week?"

"I will kill you," Kyungsoo replied, half-heartedly trying to swat the camera away as he suppressed yet another yawn. The camera flips around to face Jongin again, who smiles into the camera, shaking his head.

Kyungsoo pauses the video, biting at his lower lip. The look on Jongin's face makes his stomach flip, the softness in his eyes and the teasing tilt to his lips. It's a look he's never seen in the vlogs unless Kyungsoo's involved, but he doesn't dwell on that.

He checks the time. It's almost 8am already, and he has class in an hour and a half. The video is almost 25 minutes long, and Kyungsoo can't afford to waste any more time when he still hasn't even showered. With a sigh, he exits the video, to watch for another time, and shoots Jongin a text as he gets out of bed. 'You uploaded a new vlog, you liar.'

Kyungsoo isn't even at the bathroom sink when he gets a reply. 'What'd you think of it?'

'Just started it, will finish it later after class and work. But if it's anything like the opening, I'll hate it,' Kyungsoo texts, balancing his phone and toothbrush in two different hands.

'sleepy soo is cute, don't be upset~ the fans think so too~'

'You called me ugly.'

'you know I mean it lovingly'

'I hate you' Kyungsoo texts. 'lovingly’ he tacks onto a separate message.

Kyungsoo puts his phone down to finish washing his face and using the restroom. When he returns to his room, he throws on jeans and a t-shirt before checking the time. It’s only 8:20am, he can take his time making breakfast.

He’s scrolling through Facebook waiting for his breakfast burrito to heat up when he sees a notification. Under ‘On This Day,’ there’s a three year old post from Jongin that he’s tagged in, and Kyungsoo smiles fondly when he recognizes it.

It’s a post for their Disneyland vlog. Kyungsoo hadn’t thought about that in so long, especially since the two have been back multiple times ever since. It’s only a ten minute vlog, and Kyungsoo likes to entertain himself when he eats, so he clicks on the play button.

The familiar video opens with them in the car. Jongin’s mom had driven them to Disneyland, and Jongin was sitting shotgun filming himself and Kyungsoo behind him.

“It’s Disneyland day!” Jongin sang into the camera. “Are you excited, Soo?”

“Mhm,” Kyungsoo hummed, looking out the window.

Jongin leaned back and reached a hand out on Kyungsoo’s leg before pinching his thigh. Kyungsoo let out a sharp yelp, followed by a censored curse word.

“I’m so sorry, Mrs. Kim,” Kyungsoo apologized as soon as he said the word, and the Kyungsoo watching the video snorts. As if Mrs. Kim didn’t hear them curse plenty of times before. Then Kyungsoo turned to Jongin and mouthed ‘jackass’, and Jongin laughed into his fist.

Kyungsoo watches the video with nostalgia. Those were the good old days, before dumb crushes and college. It was just him and Jongin being themselves and having fun with each other, the way they have since they were five and six and Kyungsoo ran up to Jongin for the first time and asked him if he wanted to pretend being race car drivers with him.

The video finishes with fireworks before panning back to them, Kyungsoo’s chin tucked into Jongin’s shoulder. They wave goodbye before the video ends.

Kyungsoo sighs, locking his phone. He remembers that moment all too well.

It was the first time he ever wanted to kiss his best friend.

 

-

KYUNGSOO GRADUATED!!!!!!!!!!!! surprise he's an ugly crier
uploaded by kimkaiiiii

17 June 2015

my bff graduated and I may or may not have cried but whatever he cried first so.
congratulations kyungsoo don't forget me when you're a college student 3
thank you for watching, please like and subscribe!

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jdaejdaecaptain k you know me and baek and chan also graduated too? why are we in like 1 min of this video but kyungsoo gets 12?
kimkaiiiii ^ bc he's my best friend and I love him most
channieboy ^ gross

click to expand [100+]

-

 

When Kyungsoo arrives at the café, he knows he’s too early because of the look his manager gives him.

“Don’t you have class before this?” Junmyeon asks, eyebrow raised as he approaches Kyungsoo, who’s already putting his apron on.

“It got out early,” Kyungsoo assures him as he ties the knot around him.

“A whole hour early?”

“It was just midterm review,” Kyungsoo says with a shrug. “And I’ve already studied, so I left early. Don’t worry about it.”

“Well, we already have enough hands on deck,” Junmyeon tells him with a frown. “You’re going to have to wait until your shift actually begins to start.”

Kyungsoo sighs. “Fair enough.” He glances around the café and spots a seat by the entrance. He could use the time to study.

But first, maybe he could take a little self-indulgent break. He opens up YouTube, figuring he could try to finish the rest of Jongin’s recent vlog, but instead he finds himself scrolling down Jongin’s old videos.

He picks a shorter one, because he really should study since he has time and dipped on the midterm review. It’s the video Jongin posted for Kyungsoo’s high school graduation, including a clip of him walking across the stage.

Jongin surprisingly has very little commentary for this video. Kyungsoo remembers smacking Jongin when he first watched it, asking why he got such a short video. He was just teasing Jongin because he really didn’t care, but Jongin proceeded to post a cheesy essay-long post on Instagram for him afterwards.

The video ends with Jongin closing out the video talking about summer plans and clarifying that he himself hasn’t graduated, that Kyungsoo’s a year old than him. But he makes a promise to film his own graduation next year for his fans.

Ah, Kyungsoo remembers that video. It was thirty minutes of Jongin messing around with Sehun and Taemin in their graduation. Kyungsoo watched from the crowd, rolling his eyes every time he heard someone yell and knew it was them.

Kyungsoo locks his phone and takes out his notebook. Break time is over, now it’s time to buckle down.

As if Fate itself wants Kyungsoo to fail, Jongin comes walking in right as the video ends. The man’s face lights up as he spots Kyungsoo.

“Kyungsoo!”

“Jongin, what are you doing here?” Kyungsoo asks, crossing his arms. “Your midterm is in two hours, go study since you obviously did not do that last night.” His eyes narrow at the last part.

“I need to eat to do well,” Jongin says, matching Kyungsoo’s pose. “Besides, our lowest midterm gets dropped and I did pretty good on the last two, so it’s fine.”

“You could always do better,” Kyungsoo points out.

“I’m hungry,” Jongin whines. “Let me eat with you, Kyungsoo. Then I’ll go study or whatever.”

“Fine,” Kyungsoo sighs. “Wait here and I’ll grab you something.”

“A ham and cheese croissant?”

“Of course.” Would Kyungsoo be his best friend if he didn’t know Jongin’s favorite pastry from the café?

When Kyungsoo returns, Jongin is checking his phone. It must be something important, with the way he’s glaring at it almost, but when Kyungsoo puts the plate down, Jongin tucks his phone away immediately.

“Everything okay?” Kyungsoo asks, eyebrow raised.

“Yep,” Jongin hums, taking a bite and all but at the taste. Kyungsoo swears Jongin’s reactions have gotten 110% more exaggerated thanks to YouTube. His fans love to eat up his reactions, and Jongin is always giving the fans what they want.

“Have you eaten yet?” Jongin asks when he’s done practically ing over half the croissant. Kyungsoo will never understand why he has to do this every time he eats there with Kyungsoo.

“I ate a breakfast burrito at home,” Kyungsoo tells him as he opens his notebook to begin to try -- keyword try -- studying.

“You should eat more before work,” Jongin says with a pout. “Here, have some.” He reaches out to feed Kyungsoo a piece, but Kyungsoo dodges it with a glare.

“I can eat during my break.” Kyungsoo lightly smacks Jongin’s hand away.

“Eat now,” Jongin insists. “I don’t want to eat alone.”

Kyungsoo narrows his eyes at that. “Since when? I’ve watched you eat tons of times before.”

And there it is, that look Kyungsoo doesn’t understand. It flickers across Jongin’s face and settles into his features, leaving an unsettling feeling in Kyungsoo’s stomach. His lips tilt downwards, shoulders stiffen, and lips part. But worst off, his eyes -- they become clouded, guarded, something. Kyungsoo doesn’t understand, but he’s been seeing this look more and more often.

“Have you watched the vlog yet?” Jongin asks, and Kyungsoo blinks, taken back by the randomness of the question.

“Um, not yet,” Kyungsoo says after clearing his throat. “I was in class ‘til now. I’ll watch it later.”

Jongin’s gaze shifts. He looks more relaxed now, but there is still a hint of something more in there. As if he can read Kyungsoo’s mind though, his demeanor shifts completely as he offers Kyungsoo a grin and a dramatic sigh before saying, “Okay, let me know when you do.” Jongin returns to eating, and Kyungsoo frowns.

“I always do, so I don’t know why you’re telling me to.”

At least Kyungsoo recognizes this look. The look of ‘Jongin doesn’t know whether or not to speak’ where his eyes flicker back and forth and he bites at his lower lip.

When it looks like Jongin is about to finally choose to speak, the door jingles open and another familiar face enters.

“Oh, Taemin,” Kyungsoo greets with a smile.

Jongin turns around, sees Taemin, then turns back to Kyungsoo. Huh, that’s weird. He looks… unhappy. Taemin is one of Jongin’s closest friends, his dance best friend, as Jongin as fondly referred to him multiple times. According to Jongin himself, Kyungsoo is his childhood/ultimate best friend (“Dramatic, much?” Kyungsoo said when he heard that), Taemin is his dance best friend, and Sehun is his video game/fake best friend.

Yet why does Jongin look like he wishes Taemin was somewhere else?

“Hey guys,” Taemin says, walking over. “Got room for one more?”

Not really, the table is small and only fits two people, and barely at that. But Kyungsoo doesn’t want to turn Taemin away. “Take my seat,” Kyungsoo offers, standing up.

“You don’t have to,” Taemin laughs. “I can sit alone.”

“Yes, he can sit alone,” Jongin agrees, and Kyungsoo shoots him a glare.

“Don’t be stupid. There are barely any seats because of lunch rush.” True enough, most tables have filled up since Jongin sat down. “I can convince Junmyeon to let me start work early.”

Jongin looks like he’s about to say something, but Kyungsoo isn’t in the mood to get into a banter with him before work. He grabs his notebook and backpack and heads to the back.

It takes Junmyeon little convincing to let him work, since the lunch rush demands more hands. When Kyungsoo takes his place at the cashier, he notices Jongin and Taemin in a conversation, faces uncharacteristically serious.

 

-

helping kyungsoo move into his dorm + he has rats?!
uploaded by kimkaiiiii

28 August 2015

kyungsoo locked me out of his dorm when I told him what the title of this blog would be
thank you for watching, please like and subscribe!

one like = one more rat trap I buy for Kyungsoo

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channieboy literally I was in that room too, how am I in none of this vlog?
jdaejdaecaptain ^ just give up, I already have
kyungsoup delete this.

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-

 

“Remember when your dorm had rats?” Jongdae snickers as Kyungsoo passes him a drink.

The regret is real. Kyungsoo should’ve stayed at home.

Just a few hours ago, Kyungsoo was in his apartment, trying to relax after work by watching yet another old vlog (the boy’s whipped, okay?), when he received a call from Baekhyun. He knew he should’ve sent it straight to voicemail, but like the fool he is, he answered and that’s how he is where he is now.

In Sehun’s dorm, sitting on the floor across from his friends.

“My dorm never had rats,” Kyungsoo answers, scowling. “Jongin literally made that up for views.” He actually just finished watching the exact same vlog Jongdae is referring to. Despite ‘rats’ being in the title of the video, it was only talked about for less than a minute. Kyungsoo hates clickbait, but he hates Jongin’s clickbait the most because it often involves titles about him.

“Nuh uh!” Jongin protests, defending his own image. He’s sitting across from Kyungsoo, on the bed squished between Baekhyun and Sehun. “I really did think I saw a rat when we were moving!”

“It was your reflection,” Kyungsoo replies, deadpan, and Chanyeol and Jongdae holler at the burn.

“You two have a really weird way of flirting,” Junmyeon notes, amusement clear in his eyes. When no one says anything, and Baekhyun has the audacity to cough very loudly, Kyungsoo decides to be the one to break the news to his manager, who very recently joined their friend group after Jongdae insisted.

“We’re not flirting,” Kyungsoo says, forcing a chuckle. “This is just how we are. Right, Jongin?”

Jongin doesn’t say anything, even when Kyungsoo stares at him with an expression screaming at him to agree so that he feels less awkward.

“I’m uncomfortable,” Sehun announces to the room. “Can we please change the subject?” Kyungsoo glares at the youngest of them, but he’s secretly relieved for the shift in attention.

“Okay, new subject. I just watched Jongin’s new vlog. It was really--” Baekhyun is cut off by a hand thrown over his mouth, and Jongin is suddenly wrestling him. Kyungsoo watches, confused and entertained because he can’t say Baekhyun doesn’t deserve it, even if he doesn’t know the reason for it. Baekhyun always deserves what he gets coming.

“Kyungsoo hasn’t seen the new vlog, and I don’t want anyone spoiling it,” Jongin says, ears red. Anyone else probably wouldn’t have noticed, but Kyungsoo is not anyone else. Is there something embarrassing in the vlog that he doesn’t want to spoil?

Kyungsoo’s stomach twists at the thought of what it may be.

“You two are weird,” Baekhyun finally says, recovering from the attack, panting. When Jongin glares at him, he relents. “Fine, fine. Let’s talk about, uh, I don’t know… corn?”

Kyungsoo is too distracted to ask what the hell Baekhyun is talking about, but luckily Sehun seems to be the hero of the day.

“Corn? What is wrong with you all? Can’t we just talk about sports or dance or something normal for once?”

“Hey,” Chanyeol interrupts. “I work at a corn lab. I want to talk about corn.”

Sehun groans, suffocating himself with a pillow. Junmyeon watches on with concern. And Kyungsoo can’t tear his eyes away from Jongin, whose expression went from unreadable to concerned and he doesn’t understand why.

 

-

What I'm Thankful For (ft. Kyungsoo)
uploaded by kimkaiiiii

20 November 2015

kyungsoo finally came home for thanksgiving so here's a special treat from us to you!
happy thanksgiving :)
please enjoy the holiday with you friends/family!

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bbhyun can i get one (1) vlog where you aren’t eyeing kyungsoo like he’s dinner?
ohsehuhuhuhu dude where’s my shout out
taemintyfresh ^ same, i’ve known jongin since we were in diapers and yet??? i’ve been in like two vlogs maybe
kimkaiiiii ^ it’s four, i counted
taemintyfresh k that’s still nothing compared to the 19203812038921 kyungsoo is in but thx

click to expand [100+]

-

 

“Remember that vlog we did for Thanksgiving that first year I left?” Kyungsoo asks, and Jongin looks up from his reading at the sound. They’re in his apartment, Kyungsoo invited Jongin over this morning after Chanyeol and Jongdae left for class, figuring it’d be quiet enough for them to study.

Jongin raises an eyebrow, unsure why Kyungsoo is mentioning the November holiday in late January. “Yes, why?”

Kyungsoo taps his pencil against the table. He’d been thinking of this ever since he watched the ‘What I’m Thankful For’ video from three years ago. He rewinded and replayed the same part over and over, but he still wasn’t sure.

“In the video, you said you were thankful for a special someone in your life,” Kyungsoo recalls, able to even reimagine the look on Jongin’s face when he said it. He looked so happy, and so… soft. The person was the last one Jongin mentioned in his list, right after his family.

“Mhm,” Jongin confirms, still waiting for the question.

“Who was it?” Kyungsoo asks. Upon Jongin’s even more baffled expression, Kyungsoo explains, “I was stumbled upon  it earlier, and I was just wondering. Cause I can’t remember you telling me if you had a crush on anyone back then or something.”

“You,” Jongin answers when Kyungsoo’s done rambling. He takes a sip of his banana milk, before saying, “I said it in the video, it’s you.”

Kyungsoo purses his lips. “Yeah, but you only said that in a joking way for the viewers. You can tell me the truth now.”

Jongin puts down the milk, never breaking eye contact with Kyungsoo. The air suddenly feels a lot warmer, and Kyungsoo is about to get up and crack open a window, which is silly because it’s winter and they’re both wearing sweaters.

“I wouldn’t joke about that,” Jongin says, voice low. “I meant it, I was talking about you.”

Kyungsoo gulps, not expecting this to turn into such a serious moment. “O-Oh, okay. Um, well, then thanks. I’m three years late but I’m also thankful for you.”

This is when Jongin should lean back, laugh, and say ‘of course you’re thankful for me, I’m the best thing to happen to you at six years old’ or something silly like that. This is when Jongin would flash him that 1,000,000 views-worthy smile and for watching old vlogs. This is when Jongin reminds Kyungsoo that they’re best friends, have been for almost 15 years now, and that’s all they ever will be.

But none of that happens. Instead, Jongin just continues to stare, and that unreadable expression is back. Kyungsoo has to break the stare first, or else his heart may jump out of his chest.

“Uh, I need to-to go print something,” he says, scrambling to get up and retreat to his room.

When he finally catches his breath and manages to print a random lecture, just for the sake of printing something, Jongin is back to studying. Kyungsoo wordlessly joins him, and the two finish studying in silence.

 

-

Christmas Haul, Practice Videos, and College App Updates
uploaded by kimkaiiiii

28 December 2015

Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays, whichever you prefer!!

this is just an update in my life since I've been MIA because of school, but I'll be back to more regular updates soon! and yessss, I will try to include more kyungsoo in my vlogs kekeke I miss his face too

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taemintyfresh im now in five videos! im finally famous
ohsehuhuhuhu i didnt even notice u were mia

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-

 

Jongin leaves sometime around 3pm, because he has class at 4pm, and Kyungsoo takes the time to clean his room after. He needs a break from studying, but he still wants to be somewhat productive.

Cleaning is an adventure, because Kyungsoo gets to find knick knacks he completely forgot about, like that one time he found his old Nintendo DS and wasted an entire day playing Pokemon.

Today is no different, when Kyungsoo shuffles through his drawer and rediscovers the birthday gift Jongin had given him earlier this month. To be clear, this is actually part of the gift, the other part being a soju bottle that Jongin had purchased in Korea. That part is long gone and fulfilled its purpose in life.

Kyungsoo takes the knife out of the drawer. It's still in its packaging, and to be honest Kyungsoo had forgotten about it because he left it in his room for so long. Kyungsoo remembers the first time he unwrapped the gift, lips parted because wow, Jongin bought him a fancy knife. These things were usually over $100. He'd been complaining about the dull knives in his apartment that Chanyeol bought from a friend, but he didn't think Jongin would actually buy him a knife, and a nice one at that.

"Where did you even get this?" Kyungsoo asked, amazed. He had been searching for knives at the department stores in the city, but they were all either too expensive or not up to par with his standards.

"I bought it in Korea," Jongin answered with a smile, totally ignoring the looks Baekhyun and Jongdae were giving them because 'what the , why'd you buy him a knife dude, that's weird.'

"Wait, really? How was I not there?" They practically spent every hour of every day together, so Kyungsoo can't think of a single time they were separated long enough for Jongin to go out and get a gift without him noticing.

"I have my ways," was Jongin's mysterious answer that he delivered with such seriousness that he received merciless teasing from the rest of everyone for.

Looking back, Kyungsoo still doesn't know when Jongin had the time to buy it. They were in Korea for about a week and a half, stuck sharing a cramped airbnb where they could barely fit their luggage in the room when they needed to get their clothes out. Even if Jongin had gotten a chance to somehow go shopping, Kyungsoo doesn't know how he would have snuck it in without him noticing.

Kyungsoo takes the knife out and walks over to the kitchen to wash it, when the door slams open. He turns to glare at the person entering, only to be surprised when it's Taemin.

"Oh, hi Kyungsoo," he greets with a friendly smile. "Chanyeol wanted me to stop by and grab his notebook, because he forgot it and he's stuck at work." Taemin leans over to pick up the tattered notebook on the kitchen table. He glances at what Kyungsoo is doing curiously.

"Damn, nice knife," he compliments. "Who got that for you?"

"Jongin," Kyungsoo answers as he washes. "He got it for me in Korea actually."

"Wow, that wasn't in the vlog," Taemin notes. "Can't believe he's hiding stuff from his viewers. Wait til the fan boards hear about this."

Kyungsoo laughs and waves Taemin goodbye as the man leaves to fulfill his quest for Chanyeol. But as he rinses off the knife, he thinks about the fact that Taemin said it wasn't in the vlog.

Strange. Kyungsoo thought Jongin would love to vlog himself shopping for his gift. After all, Jongin has vlogged a lot of his birthday and Christmas shopping before.

In fact, because Kyungsoo and Jongin were in South Korea for Christmas, he helped Jongin buy a lot of the gifts he brought back for his family. Kyungsoo held the camera for Jongin as he cleared store after store searching for the right gifts to bring back.

Maybe he just forgot. That must be it.

 

-

New Years Resolutions
uploaded by kimkaiiiii

2 January 2016

happy new years everyone!

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kyungsoup gross
bbhyun ^ rt
channieboy ^^ rt
jdaejdaecaptain ^^^ rt
kimkaiiiii meanies :(

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-

 

Kyungsoo is watching another one of Jongin's old vlogs, his New Years Resolution one from years back, as he cleans the rest of the kitchen. Jongin's listing his resolutions, which honestly sound the same as the ones from this year too. Kyungsoo makes a mental note to give Jongin about it.

A ping breaks Kyungsoo’s concentration, and he curses as it startles him. He reads the notification alert: he’s been tagged in a new Instagram post.

Figuring he could take a break from cleaning, Kyungsoo takes a social media break. It’s been weeks since he last checked Instagram; actually, the last time may have been in South Korea, when Jongin insisted he go and like the post of their temple visit he put up.

He’s surprised at the 100+ comments he has. Being Jongin’s best friend and most frequent vlog cameo meant that Kyungsoo often gained some of Jongin’s fans, but usually he didn’t have this many notifications.

It’s too many for him to check, but he figures it has to do with Jongin, so he clicks on his best friend’s page.

This is interesting. No new posts? That’s weird for Jongin, who almost always posts an Instagram picture after he posts a YouTube video.

Kyungsoo clicks on his last post, a picture of the fireworks that were going off in South Korea for New Years. A silhouette is visible in the picture, which Kyungsoo recognizes as his own. It's weird that Jongin didn't demand he come and like this post, and that this is the first time he's even seen it.

He scrolls down to read the caption, completely expecting it to be a long, cheesy, drawn out post about his time in South Korea, reconnecting to his motherland, enjoying the good food, because that's basically what Kyungsoo was stuck listening to the time they were there. Every night, after they got home, Jongin and him would delve into a long conversation that took up the rest of their night, reflecting on the day and talking about what they liked and could've changed. For someone whose Instagram page is full of photos of himself, Jongin really is not as shallow as some may believe. His reflective thoughts are the reason why Kyungsoo's crush has yet to go away, even after all these years.

But to his surprise, because apparently Jongin is now full of them, the caption is just a heart emoji followed by fireworks emoji, and the hashtag Happy New Years.

This only reaffirms Kyungsoo's suspicions that something is up with Jongin. He exits out of Instagram and makes his way over to Twitter, an app that definitely has not seen the light of day in months. But to his relief, Jongin's Twitter account is very much alive and active, his last tweet being just a few hours ago, a picture of his breakfast along with the caption 'bout to go study with soo.'

Maybe it's just a coincidence then, Kyungsoo thinks even though he's not convinced. Maybe Jongin forgot his Instagram password. Again.

 

-

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO US!
uploaded by kimkaiiiii

17 January 2016

me and kyungsoo's birthday was the past few days and our friends threw us a surprise party!

stay til the end to hear kyungsoo's karaoke singing ;)

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taemintyfresh happy birthday to one man and one man only, do kyungsoo!!
bbhyun i want to subscribe to kyungsoo’s singing channel give me the @

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-

 

The bus is running late, but this is a common enough occurrence that Kyungsoo comes prepared with a pre-loaded YouTube video. It’s one of his favorites actually, Jongin’s vlog from Jongin’s 18th birthday and Kyungsoo’s 19th. At this point, Kyungsoo has settled on going through vlogs in chronological order for simplicity’s sake.

When he arrives at the restaurant, he tucks his phone away and smiles as he takes a seat across the man waving.

“It’s been so long!” Hyunsik greets with a warm smile. “How’ve you been?”

“Good!” Kyungsoo says, matching his smile. “I can’t believe it’s taken us this long to grab dinner.”

Hyunsik nods, handing him the menu. “It’s been a year and a half? Since we last had class together?”

“Yes, I loved that class,” Kyungsoo sighs, remembering his freshman quarter of English. He sat beside a quiet but smiling man who turned around right away and introduced himself. The two became fast friends, and Hyunsik was one of Kyungsoo’s first university friends.

“Me too,” Hyunsik agrees. “How’ve you been? Are you still a psychology major?”

The conversation weaves through academics for a while, and they order somewhere in between. When the food comes out, they’ve moved onto more a personal conversation.

“I saw your last Instagram post by the way. You went to the motherland?” Hyunsik asks with that classic eye smile of his.

Kyungsoo chuckles. “Yeah, South Korea was amazing. It was my first time, but Jongin had already gone before--”

“Wait, you went with Jongin?” Hyunsik interrupted, eyebrow raised.

“Yeah,” Kyungsoo says, taking a bite of rice. “We rented an airbnb and stayed in Seoul and-- please stop looking at me like that.” He rolls his eyes at Hyunsik’s waggling eyebrows.

“So are you two together?” he asks, recalling midnight conversations after they stayed up together, working on projects for class, where Kyungsoo would be texting Jongin while explaining his situation to Hyunsik.

Hyunsik is one of a handful of people who know Kyungsoo’s deepest, darkest secret about Jongin. He trusts Hyunsik, in part because they are such good friends, but mostly because he’s separate from his main group of friends that include Jongin, so if he tells anyone, it won’t directly affect Kyungsoo.

“No,” Kyungsoo says. “But it’s fine, I’m used to this whole one-sided crush situation. I’ve liked him for years, that’s just how it is.”

“Wow, you haven’t changed,” Hyunsik remarks, impressed. “I thought there would’ve been more progress after all this time, but nope. Still the same old, classic Kyungsoo.”

“You know what they say -- don’t fix what’s not broken.” Kyungsoo grins when Hyunsik taps him on the shin.

“Is Jongin still a YouTuber?” Hyunsik asks.

“Yeah, he actually achieved Platinum on a few of his videos,” Kyungsoo says, unable to keep the pride out of his voice. “I wish I could say I didn’t get why, but I do.”

“Is it weird that your best friend has fans?” Hyunsik laughs.

“At first,” Kyungsoo admits. “But it’s normal now. I don’t blame them. I’d be his biggest fan too if I watched him.” His voice is nonchalant as he takes a bite of his food.

“As if you’re not already,” Hyunsik teases, and now it’s Kyungsoo’s turn to kick him in the shin.

 

-

I GOT INTO UNI + Other College-related FAQ
uploaded by kimkaiiiii

20 March 2016

answering YOUR questions you sent me via twitter/ig!!
but to answer the most popular question:
kyungsoo and i will NOT be living together.
but to find out, you’re going to have to watch the video ;)
(but yes, we are going to the same uni!)

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jdaejdaecaptain i got a question for you: who is the coolest guy named kim jongdae u know?
kimkaiiiii ^ none.
ohsehuhuhuhu ^ sad

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-

 

The light in Kyungsoo’s room is on when he gets back, and he already knows who it is before he opens the door.

“Can’t you at least text before you show up so late?” Kyungsoo asks, even though he knows it’s meaningless. Years of letting Jongin get away with whatever he wants means he knows that Kyungsoo doesn’t actually mind if he shows up unannounced.

“I didn’t want to bother your dinner with Hyunsik,” Jongin hums, putting his book down. “How was it by the way?”

“It was nice. We caught up and stuff, I didn’t realize how much I missed talking to him,” Kyungsoo admits. Hyunsik has a way of creating an open, welcoming environment for Kyungsoo to relax into.

“Hmm.” Jongin is staring at the wall now, and Kyungsoo takes this moment of silence to put his bag down and take a seat beside Jongin on his bed.

“So what’s up? What’re you bumming around in my room for?” Kyungsoo asks, knocking shoulders with Jongin.

“I just wanted to see you,” Jongin grumbles, looking the other way.

This is nothing new. Jongin has always been the needier of the two, and Kyungsoo indulges him a bit too often. “Alright, you’ve seen me, now get out.”

Jongin scoffs. “You’re not getting rid of me that easily.”

“Fine, what do you want to do then?” Kyungsoo asks, leaning back. He just finished his last midterm this week earlier today, so he’s open to anything.

“I dunno. Maybe a movie?” Jongin offers, referring back to their old high school days when they would sit in and watch movies all day.

“We watched a movie this weekend,” Kyungsoo says. “Let’s do something we don’t usually do.” Kyungsoo hums, trying to think of something to do. His eyes wander around the room for inspiration, but all he can see is the junk Jongin tossed around his room while he was gone. Does he not know where the waste basket is?

Thank goodness they’re not roommates. Kyungsoo remembers the Talk they had when deciding if they should room together in college. He heard way too many horror stories from his peers about rooming with best friends going wrong, and Kyungsoo has his own layer to add that would risk their friendship if they lived together (cough having a crush on his best friend cough).

But the way that Kyungsoo and Jongin are always at each others’ places, it’s not like it matters.

“Let’s go get a drink,” Kyungsoo finally announces, remembering the little soju he had with Hyunsik and how delicious it tasted. “We can finally try out that bar that opened up downtown.”

Jongin eyes Kyungsoo warily. “We don’t really drink. Why would we go to a bar?”

“For fun,” Kyungsoo insists. “Come on, it’ll be fun. We can play drinking games.”

“Drinking games? With just the two of us?” Jongin is not convinced.

“Yes, we’ll make it work, like we always do,” Kyungsoo says, sliding off the bed and yanking Jongin’s legs.

“Like we always do,” Jongin echoes, and Kyungsoo wonders why he did that. He’s about to tease Jongin when the man finally jumps off the bed too.

“Do you wanna go grab your camera?” Kyungsoo asks, knowing that this would likely be a prime time for his friend to get some footage. His viewers would love to see Jongin drunk.

“Nah, we can just go.” Jongin leaves his book on Kyungsoo’s nightstand and walks over to the door, waiting for Kyungsoo to follow, but the man just stares at him like he grew another head.

“You’re really not going to vlog this?” Kyungsoo crosses his arm. “What’s wrong? What hate comment did you get this time? I swear, I will hire a private detective to track down whoever it is who made you doubt--”

“Kyungsoo,” Jongin interrupts. “It’s fine. There’s nothing wrong, I just… don’t feel like vlogging right now.”

“You once vlogged inside of a beach bathroom,” Kyungsoo scoffs. “You always feel like vlogging.”

“Are we really going to fight about this when we could be getting drunk?”

Touché.

“Fine. Let’s go. I’ll film on my phone, but don’t complain to me when the footage is hazy,” Kyungsoo warns, taking out the device. He’s opening the camera app when Jongin’s hand covers his.

They’ve touched, and even held, hands before so many times, but this time feels strangely intimate. Kyungsoo has to will himself to look up at Jongin to ask what he’s doing.

“I said I’m not vlogging this,” Jongin repeats, voice stern but soft. “Thank you, though, Soo. For thinking of me.”

Jongin lets go of his hand, and Kyungsoo slowly puts his phone back into his pocket. “Of course… you know, Jongin, you’ve been acting strange lately.”

“Have I?” he asks, beginning to walk out. Kyungsoo follows, turning off the light behind him.

“Yes -- and don’t forget your jacket -- you’ve been more, hmm, reserved?” Kyungsoo says, grabbing his large coat from the closet. He watches as Jongin pulls on his own coat left on the couch.

“I didn’t realize it,” Jongin admits, and to Kyungsoo’s relief he sounds honest. “I don’t mean to be more reserved.”

Kyungsoo is skeptical, but doesn't say anything.

They walk out the door, and it's a lot colder than Kyungsoo realized. Maybe walking downtown wasn't the smartest idea. But he's dedicated to the idea of a drink now, and he's not going to let some wind stop him.

"I found the knife you gifted me earlier, by the way," Kyungsoo says, glancing over at Jongin, whose hands are stuffed in his pocket.

"You lost it?" Jongin asks, hurt.

Kyungsoo chuckles. "No, I just put it in my drawer and forgot to take it back out. Thanks again, by the way. It really is a nice knife." He smiles when he sees Jongin's lips curve upwards. "Seriously, tell me, how much did you spend on it?"

Jongin fake gasps. "That's bad manners to ask, don't you know?" He laughs when Kyungsoo bumps into him, falling off the sidewalk for a moment before he falls back into pace beside Kyungsoo.

"I've literally seen your bank account before, and have pulled out money for you," Kyungsoo reminds him. "There are no manners between us."

"Sure," Jongin agrees with another chuckle.

"So how much?" Kyungsoo asks again.

Jongin takes a hand out of his pocket to waggle a finger at Kyungsoo. "You said there are no manners between us, but not no secrets." This time he foresees Kyungsoo's attack before it can happen, and sticks his arms out to stop Kyungsoo from charging.

The two bicker for the rest of the walk to the bar, and Kyungsoo is reminded of their high school days when they would walk to and from school together. Jongin and Kyungsoo would start off their walk calm, talking about school, and eventually one of them would say something that would set the other off. Next thing they knew, they were chasing after each other down the street, a symphony of laughter and screaming.

When they arrive at the bar, Jongin orders a soda because he's not a fan of the taste of alcohol, which has always humored Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo orders a rum and coke for simplicity's sake. Jongin leaves to grab them a seat, and Kyungsoo pays the tab. He's about to bring their drinks back when he notices someone has slid into the booth beside Jongin.

This is nothing new, but Kyungsoo's gut still wrenches every time it happens. A unrequited crush he can handle, but the idea of watching Jongin potentially meet someone special is still something Kyungsoo isn’t sure he can face. Luckily (and surprisingly), it hasn’t happened yet. But Kyungsoo hasn’t let his guard down yet, knowing that with Jongin’s face, it’s bound to happen any day.

With a sigh, Kyungsoo returns back to the bar, puts the drinks down, and stands there. Now he wishes he had taken up Jongin’s offer to stay home and watch movies instead.

 

-

MY FIRST DAY OF COLLEGE
uploaded by kimkaiiiii

25 August 2016

in this video:
- a college tour by yours truly!!
- kyungsoo yelling at me like the Mom he is for not eating lunch
- me trying to fight people for a seat in my 500+ lecture

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kyungsoup ur such a freshman 3
channieboy i thought i smelled fresh meat
bbhyun get ready to be eaten up by college life, son
kimkaiiiii ^ again, stop calling me ur son baek ur not my dad and i refuse this nickname

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-

 

When Jongin got into the same university as him, Kyungsoo was elated. No more hour-long drives to hang out with Jongin, no more Facetime calls as they watch the same movie, no more listening to Jongin mope on the phone when Kyungsoo tells him he has to hang up because he’s in the library. They could grab lunch together whenever they want, study together til past midnight, and eat late night snacks together just like the good old times.

The reality is less idealistic.

Their difference in age and majors make it hard for them to see each other, because when one is in class the other is out, or when Jongin would be free, Kyungsoo would have work. Jongin’s roommate in the dorms hated having guests over, so Jongin would always have to come to Kyungsoo’s apartment, except his apartment was on the other side of town so Jongin could never stay too late or the busses would stop running and he’d be stranded.

Still, they made it work because that’s what best friends do.

Kyungsoo asked for time off to watch Jongin’s winter showcase performance, Jongin bought a bike so he didn’t have to keep relying on the spotty bus schedule to visit, and they both managed to create class schedules where they had at least an hour overlap to eat together.

It was easy at first, to pretend that Kyungsoo stopped having feelings for Jongin. The year he spent away from home, Kyungsoo came to terms with his not-so-platonic affection and decided that nothing was worth risking their friendship. He’d get over his crush eventually.

He’s still waiting for that to happen.

Jongin doesn’t make it easy either. Not when he smiles at Kyungsoo like he is right now, or when he grabs Kyungsoo’s hand and pulls him close to whisper a secret into his ear.

It’s hard. Feelings are hard.

Which is why Kyungsoo suppresses all of them as Jongin approaches him.

“What are you doing over here? I thought you were going to bring the drinks over?” Jongin asks, eyebrow raised. “I tried calling you, but you didn’t pick up either.”

“Sorry, phone’s on silent,” Kyungsoo says, ducking his head.

“Well, I lost our table,” Jongin says, turning around to look at the spot he was previously in, now taken by a group. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay. We can just drink these then go.”

Jongin lowers his head to meet Kyungsoo’s eyes, even though the latter tries his best to keep focused on the drinks in front of him. “Are you okay? What’s wrong?”

“What do you mean?” Kyungsoo asks, stirring his coke and rum.

“You were excited as hell to come here, and now that we’re here, you want to leave,” Jongin states plainly, pursing his lips.

Kyungsoo sighs, picking up his glass. “I forgot how expensive drinks were, okay?” he lies.

Jongin still doesn’t buy it. “Kyungsoo--”

“Cheers?” Kyungsoo interrupts him, tilting his glass questioningly.

Jongin frowns, but he picks up his soda and raises it anyway. “What are we cheering to?” he relents.

ty one-sided love. “Friendship.”

“Friendship,” Jongin repeats, and Kyungsoo doesn’t miss the fact that his frown has deepened, but he also is too eager to chug the entire drink down and leave before someone else approaches Jongin.

Their glasses clink, and Kyungsoo feels the burn of alcohol in the back of his throat, but he keeps going until he sees the clear bottom of the glass. He finishes the drink with a grimace.

“Are you going to tell me what’s wrong now?” Jongin asks after he finishes his soda and lets out a long, satisfying burp.

Kyungsoo shakes his head. “C’mon. Let’s get out of here before it becomes even more crowded.”

Jongin doesn’t get another word in as Kyungsoo begins leaving. They weave through the crowd, Jongin doing his best to keep up with Kyungsoo and not get lost. Once they step outside, the cold air hits their skin and Kyungsoo feels more refreshed than after that drink.

“It’s so stuffy in there,” Kyungsoo comments as soon as Jongin catches up to him.

Jongin narrows his eyes at Kyungsoo. “We could’ve just drank at home if all you wanted was a rum and coke. And it wouldn’t have cost you $12.”

“Let me live a little,” Kyungsoo replies, leaning over to flick Jongin in the ear. They’re red again. Cute.

"I still don't get why you didn't come sit with me. You know how hard it was for me to get a seat? I had to fight off at least three sorority girls and two frat bros. You know I feel about Greek life."

"You joined a frat," Kyungsoo points out with a snort.

"And I left it for a reason."

"Because you didn't have time." Kyungsoo remembers laughing at Jongin when he quit his frat just weeks after joining, because he claimed they were way too intense during the rushing season. Kyungsoo doesn't blame him either, remembering the angry tears he witnessed as Jongin recounted the horrible hazing he witnessed by other brothers.

"I barely had time to study for my classes," Jongin whines.

Maybe it’s because the rum is starting to kick in, and Kyungsoo has become a lightweight due to his lack of alcohol adventures. Or maybe it’s because Jongin’s face looks absolutely stunning when illuminated by neon sign lights. Or maybe Kyungsoo just really, really wants this.

He leans over and grabs Jongin’s hand. The younger startles, eyes wide as he looks between their hands and Kyungsoo’s face, but Kyungsoo just looks straight ahead and keeps walking. Eventually, Jongin takes the initiative to link their fingers.

“Just like old times,” Kyungsoo sighs, content.

"Hmm, I used to remember you hated holding my hand," Jongin points out. "Whenever I tried holding your hand when we walked home from school, you would push me away and start running."

"In my defense, your hands were almost always covered in dirt and I wasn't sure where else they'd been. I've seen you use the restroom and not wash your hands before."

"When?!" Jongin demands.

"When you were seven," Kyungsoo replies matter-of-factly.

"Okay, but after you yelled at me that one time, I washed my hands after every single use."

"Do you expect me to be impressed?" Kyungsoo snorts. "You're almost 21. I would hope you wash your hands now without me telling you."

They lapse into another silence. Kyungsoo counts the number of steps it takes before he reaches the next crack in the sidewalk, losing himself to the dizziness that the alcohol brings.

"Where are we going?” Jongin asks, tearing Kyungsoo from his wandering thoughts.

“Oh. I thought you knew,” Kyungsoo says, trying his best not to slur his words.

Jongin tilts his head. “Are you tipsy now?”

“No.” Yes.

Jongin chuckles, releasing their hands (Kyungsoo internally whines) before wrapping his arm around Kyungsoo’s shoulder to balance him (Kyungsoo internally cheers). “Jeez, what happened to the Kyungsoo that would down eight shots like it was nothing?”

Kyungsoo rolls his eyes. “That was sophomore year when Chanyeol would drag us out to a party every weekend. I haven’t drank in months now.”

“Still, you only had a coke and rum,” Jongin points out.

“I haven’t eaten in a while, okay? Stop interrogating me.”

Jongin squeezes his shoulder. “Fine. Let’s get you home then, because I know that a tipsy Kyungsoo is a sleepy Kyungsoo.”

Kyungsoo knows there’s no point in arguing, because Jongin’s right. Instead, he leans into Jongin’s warmth, despite the fact that the alcohol is warming him up just fine from within.

“Are you tipsy enough to tell me what was wrong back there?”

“No.”

Jongin huffs. “Fine, fine. Since when do you keep secrets from me though?”

“Since the day we met.”

The scandalized look on Jongin’s face is cute, but Kyungsoo is probably (100%) biased. “Like what?!”

“Like you didn’t really win that first race,” Kyungsoo says, way too arrogant about an event that happened over 15 years ago now.

“You mean our fake race car race?” Jongin asks, incredulous. “How could you lie to me about me winning?”

“Well, it was sort of a lie,” Kyungsoo adjusts. “I meant I slowed down so you could beat me.”

Jongin narrows his eyes. “You’re lying. I won that race fair and square.”

Kyungsoo shakes his head, but the motion feels weird to Kyungsoo’s tipsy mind. “Nope. I really did let you win, because I liked the way you look when you smiled, and I wanted to see it again.”

When Jongin doesn’t reply, Kyungsoo figures it’s because he’s upset at him. That was their first memory together, their first meeting, and now Kyungsoo just admitted it was a partial lie. He’s getting ready to console him, when Jongin finally does speak up.

“I lied too.”

Kyungsoo raises an eyebrow, or at least he thinks he does. He can’t really feel all the parts of his face right now.

“I left the frat, because I didn’t have time, but not to study or whatever. It’s cause I didn’t get to see you as often as I wanted.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

Kyungsoo purses his lips. “That’s… a dumb lie.”

“Hey! I kept that in for years, and when I tell you, you don’t even think it’s important?!”

“Yep,” Kyungsoo replies, popping the ‘p’ sound for emphasis. “You could’ve just told me you missed me. I miss you all the time.”

“Do you really?” Jongin’s voice softens.

Kyungsoo bobs his head back and forth. “I do. Especially that first year without you. But even now, when I don’t see you for two days, I somehow miss you.”

“Wow. That’s actually pretty bad. Are you obsessed with me?” Jongin’s voice takes on a teasing tone, but it’s still soft and his arms are still around Kyungsoo.

“Shut up,” Kyungsoo says, changing the topic before his face burns from something besides the alcohol. “Are we almost home? I’m ready to pass out.”

“Yes, yes, we’re almost there,” Jongin assures him. True to his words, within the next block they’re back at Kyungsoo’s place. Jongin grabs Kyungsoo’s keys for him, even though he strangely enough hesitates when Kyungsoo tells him they’re in his back pocket. As if Jongin and Kyungsoo haven’t changed in front of each other or given each other friendly pats before, this should be nothing new.

Despite his protests, Jongin helps Kyungsoo wash up and grabs his sleeping clothes for him, tossing it into the bathroom. He even stays until Kyungsoo is fresh and ready for bed, going so far as to tuck him into bed.

“I’m not even that drunk, you know,” Kyungsoo points out.

“Still, I want to make sure you’re fine,” Jongin says, placing a glass of water beside his bed.

“You spoil me,” Kyungsoo replies, voice dry with sarcasm.

“Only you,” is Jongin’s teasing reply. “Good night, Kyungsoo.”

“Good night, Jongin.”

The next morning when Kyungsoo wakes up with a slight headache, he’s grateful for the water Jongin left beside his bed. He takes large gulps before falling back into bed. He can never fall back asleep after he wakes up after drinking, so he pulls out his phone, reads the text from Jongin saying ‘got home okay!’, then pulls up YouTube.

It’s a habit now to go straight to Jongin’s channel. He hesitates over the South Korea vlog, before sighing and scrolling down and clicking on Jongin’s vlog for his first day of college.

“Look, there’s Kyungsoo on his way to class! I’m going to go surprise him,” Jongin on-screen says, a sneaky look on his face. Hot, Kyungsoo thinks unfortunately.

Kyungsoo can remember what happens next from his own perspective, but it’s even worse seeing it play out on-screen. Kyungsoo yells and jumps, before punching Jongin over and over as he groans at being hit.

Suddenly, the door opens, and in walks Jongdae brushing his teeth.

“Are you to Jongin’s voice or something?” he asks with a mouth full of toothpaste.

“What?!” Kyungsoo yells. “No! I’m just watching his vlogs. Get out of here, you ert.”

“Just saying, because it sounds like it out there and I was not going to have my morning ruined by your lack of discretion. If you’re going to wank it, at least do so quietly.”

Jongdae leaves after that, but it’s too late. Kyungsoo can feel his headache intensify.

 

-

WINTER SHOWCASE! aka me dancing ;)
uploaded by kimkaiiiii

8 November 2016

ahhh it’s finally here! I worked so hard on this, I hope you all show lots of love for it!
thank you to kyungsoo for filming this for me

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taemintyfresh who’s the hottie with the red hair
ohsehuhuhuhu ^ i think u mean silver hair
bbhyun i think you mean NO HAIR woo go kyungsoo love the bald look

click to expand [100+]

-

 

Kyungsoo is in class, but his mind is elsewhere. He just watched a few of Jongin’s dance videos before this, and boy was that a mistake, because now Kyungsoo can’t stop daydreaming.

Against his better judgment, he takes out his phone in the middle of lecture and texts Sehun: ‘you have practice today at 2?’

Sehun answers right away: ‘ye y’

‘are you saying yey or yeah why?’

‘2nd one’

‘cool, i’ll be there then so don’t lock the door’

‘coo c u’

Kyungsoo tucks his phone away and wills himself to focus for the rest of his lecture. When it’s over, he all but books it to the studio across campus.

He’s late when he arrives, but luckily he sees a familiar face as he enters.

“Kyungsoo, are you here for Jongin?” Taemin asks, smiling as he holds the door open for him.

“And Sehun,” Kyungsoo lies, even though he swears Taemin gives him a look that says he sees right through it.

“Well, I would suggest sitting at the right then,” Taemin says, gesturing to the bench farthest from the door.

“Why?”

“Because that’s usually where Jongin’s position is, and that’s where he leaves his stuff.” Taemin winks.

“Do you want to fight?” Kyungsoo asks, deadpan.

Taemin only chuckles. “You two are so funny. And by funny, I mean sad.”

“Those sound like fighting words,” Kyungsoo warns.

“Calm down,” Taemin sings. “I have to go practice now, but I’ll let Jongin know you’re here when I can-- oh wait, nevermind. He knows. Of course.”

Kyungsoo ignores the sarcasm in Taemin’s voice to turn and look at the group of dancers. Within a second, he spots Jongin, who is staring at both him and Taemin with his eyebrows furrowed. Oh no, something’s wrong. Kyungsoo knows that Look.

“Sheesh, he really does have an intense glare.” Taemin whistles. “I thought he saved it for performances though.”

With that comment that Kyungsoo isn’t quite sure what to make of, Taemin puts his bag down and makes his way over to the rest of the group. Kyungsoo waves at Jongin, who doesn’t even seem to notice him, before heading over to the far right seat on the bench. He ignores the waggling eyebrows Taemin throws at him.

The entire practice, Jongin’s expression doesn’t relax. It’s unlike him, because Jongin is always one to let the music take over when he dances. Kyungsoo watches, unable to keep a frown off his own lips. Something must really be wrong.

When practice ends early, Jongin doesn’t even say anything to Kyungsoo besides a curt ‘hi’ before grabbing his bag and storming out. Sehun gives Kyungsoo a confused look, while Kyungsoo is unable to keep the hurt from showing.

“What happened between you two?” the younger asks as he gulps down water. “I’ve never seen Jongin look so upset.”

“I thought you would know,” Kyungsoo answers with a frown. “I didn’t say anything to him.”

“Well, he looked upset when he saw you come in,” Sehun notes. “Did you tell him you were coming?”

“No, but he’s usually fine with that. In fact, the last time I surprised him, he wouldn’t stop bothering me about it for a week because he was so happy.” It was a nice week of Jongin hanging off his arm more than usual and cooing at him.

“Hey Sehun, can I talk to you for a sec?” Taemin asks, leaning into their conversation.

“Sure, what’s up?”

Taemin nudges Sehun over, and Kyungsoo watches as the two talk in hushed voices. What are they hiding? Kyungsoo purses his lips.

When they do return, Sehun looks even more tired than before.

“What’s wrong?” Kyungsoo asks. “Is a bug going around or something?”

Sehun shakes his head, but he doesn’t look at Kyungsoo. “No. But you should go after Jongin.”

“Why?”

“Because he’d want to see you.”

Kyungsoo doesn’t know what that means, but he figures Sehun may know more than he does right now. He picks up his bag and stands up. “Fine, good job today. See you later.”

Kyungsoo calls and texts Jongin multiple times as he leaves, but they all go to voicemail or unanswered. Reasoning that it’s possible Jongin’s phone died, Kyungsoo decides the best mode of action is to go to Jongin’s apartment and wait for him there.

 

-

Spring Break ROAD TRIP
uploaded by kimkaiiiii

5 April 2017

me n kyungsoo n three of our annoying friends go on a road trip
surprise, it turns out stuffing five men into a hot car for hours on end makes for some not-so-nice times
but i still had fun exploring, 10/10 would do it again

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bbhyun welcome minsockit to stardom
jdaejdaecaptain mannn i wish u told me i looked like trash, i woulda worn make up!
kimkaiiiii ^ make up cant fix ur face
jdaejdaecaptain ^ literally how are u so rude
bbhyun that’s my son

click to expand [100+]

-

 

Jongin’s housemate Yixing lets Kyungsoo in, greeting him with a nod before he goes back to his game. Kyungsoo sets up in Jongin’s room to stay out of Yixing's hair.

At first, he figures Jongin will be back soon so he hops onto Jongin’s bed and plays on his phone, occasionally checking to see if Jongin read his message. But once half an hour passes with no sign or word from Jongin, Kyungsoo takes out his laptop and begins working on a paper due later next week. It’s never too early to start.

Despite his better judgment though, Kyungsoo decides he deserves a little break, and settles into another one of Jongin’s later vlogs. This one is the vlog from their spring break road trip to the countryside, which they took with Jongdae, Baekhyun, and Minseok.

A majority of the video is Baekhyun and Minseok bickering in the car ride over what music gets played, Jongdae interrupting them to suggest a podcast which is shut down immediately, and Jongin talking about their plans for the week. Kyungsoo makes an appearance only when Jongin gets bored and begins zooming in and out of Kyungsoo’s nostrils until he smacks his camera away.

It’s one of Jongin’s prettier vlogs though, outside of the car clips, because it was around this time that Jongin began focusing more on the cinematography of his vlogs. He wanted to experiment since they would be visiting a variety of destinations. Kyungsoo has seen Jongin go through his YouTube phases, but he’s most impressed by the amount of work gone into the quality of Jongin’s videos over time.

Kyungsoo smiles as the clip of them on the beach plays. Jongin films them setting up their beach mat, setting up their lunch and whatnot. The two of them stay by their belongings as Jongdae, Baekhyun, and Minseok chase each other into the water. Jongin turns the camera onto Kyungsoo.

“How are you enjoying the trip so far, Soo?”

“It’s nice. Would be nicer if our companions knew the beauty of silence, but it’s nice.”

Jongin chuckles. “Let’s do this again then, just the two of us.”

“Neither of us has a license.”

“Let’s get one when we get back! Sehun’s studying for his, we can just tag along with him!”

Funny enough, they actually did end up getting their license after that. Kyungsoo hasn’t ever had the need to use it, since their university is in the middle of the city where public transit is the cheaper alternative.

But whenever they go home, Jongin and him go on long drives with his parent’s car. They drive through back roads and play music with the windows down. It’s relaxing. Kyungsoo could use that right now.

Eventually Kyungsoo returns to his paper after the video. He’s brainstorming ideas and rechecking the prompt when Jongin finally returns. Kyungsoo hears him before he sees him.

“What’s up? You look upset,” Yixing comments.

“It’s complicated,” Jongin grumbles.

There’s a pause before Yixing says, voice sounding oddly measured and restrained, “Kyungsoo’s in your room.”

“What?” Jongin asks, and before Yixing can answer, the door opens and there’s Jongin in all his glory, hair clinging to his forehead sweat and slightly panting.

Kyungsoo isn’t sure what to say, but somehow “You didn’t answer my calls,”  sounds wrong. Yet it is exactly what he says.

“Sorry, my phone was on silent,” Jongin says, still unmoving.

“Is everything okay?” Kyungsoo asks, even though he knows the obvious answer.

“I really don’t want to talk about it,” Jongin says, eyebrows furrowed.

“Alright, well, since I’m here do you want to watch some YouTube ASMR videos? Those usually soothe you.” Kyungsoo scoots to the side of the bed and pats the spot beside him, but Jongin is still standing at the doorway.

“I’m not in the mood, Kyungsoo,” Jongin says, sounding tired. He drops his bag beside his desk, but still manages to stay by the door. He looks like he’s ready to leave at any moment.

Kyungsoo’s confused, because the last time Jongin had this look in his eye and that downward tilt to his lips, it was when he found out he failed an exam he studied all week for. The disappointment weighed heavy in Jongin’s heart, and not even pints of ice cream delivered by Kyungsoo helped. Even after receiving an A as his final grade in that class, Jongin still held resentment and frustration when he talked about that test.

“Jongin,” Kyungsoo says, standing up how. His stomach twists when he notices Jongin take a step back when Kyungsoo moves closer. What’s happening?

Jongin shakes his head, eyes closed. “I can’t tell you, Kyungsoo. Not this time. Not until you at least watch the vlog.”

“What does the vlog have to do with this?” Kyungsoo asks, dumbfounded.

“You’ll know when you watch it.”

“But—“

“I’m going to go shower now. Get home safe.” Jongin’s gaze lingers before he heads down the hallway.

Kyungsoo doesn’t need to ask to know he’s being kicked out by his own best friend.

 

-

First Year Wrap-Up (Thoughts/Reflections/TIPS)
uploaded by kimkaiiiii

30 May 2017

I learned a lot my first year at college, so I thought I’d share them with you!
for example, DO NOT buy the textbooks for a class unless there’s homework in it.
save ya self hundreds of dollars with this simple trick X.X

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channieboy I literally told you most of this before u started but u didn’t listen
taemintyfresh where’s the tip on how to handle ur annoying needy best friend
kyungsoup ^ i got some tips for you if you need them

click to expand [100+]

-

 

It’s really hard to write an essay when all Kyungsoo can think about was the unreadable look Jongin gave him before he left.

Still, he tries, because at least writing will make him feel productive.

It’s an identity autobiography assignment, meant for Kyungsoo to reflect on his upbringing and future aspirations. He’s staring at the rough outline now, and it dawns on him that a lot of what makes him Kyungsoo revolves around Jongin.

Kyungsoo chose to be a psychology major because of a class he and Jongin took in high school, where their project on mental illness spurned a love for the science. Kyungsoo chose this university because, sure, their psychology department was impressive, but he may or may have known that their dance department was one of the best in the country.

“This is actually kind of weird,” Kyungsoo grumbles to himself as he continues to reflect on his identity. Surely it isn’t healthy for so much of his life to be a result of his friendship with Jongin. They may be childhood best friends, but there are usually boundaries that stop these things from happening.

Boundaries. Right. Maybe Kyungsoo crossed theirs when he decided to fall in (more like clumsily stumbled into) love with his best friend. That would make sense.

This is no good. Kyungsoo can’t focus with Jongin on his mind, especially not after their last conversation, or lack thereof. He leans over and grabs his phone off the bed, letting out a sigh of disappointment when there are no new notifications.

Kyungsoo switches tabs to the last video he was watching, Jongin’s wrap up vlog about his first year at college. Kyungsoo isn’t in this video directly, though the viewer may hear him in the background talking to Yixing in the living room about a movie that just came out. He opted out because he didn’t want to see Jongin get all sappy, as he usually does in these types of videos. It’s cringeworthy.

Besides, Kyungsoo doesn’t need to hear Jongin reflect about his year because Kyungsoo was there living it with him. He watched Jongin grow with his own eyes, probably in ways Jongin himself doesn’t even notice.

Glancing back at his paper, Kyungsoo sighs. Maybe he should just rip the band-aid off of everything. Off of his crush, off of this vlog, off of everything that Kyungsoo deemed need a band-aid because he didn’t want to face it.

Taking in a deep breath, Kyungsoo clicks on Jongin’s YouTube profile, thumb hesitating over his latest uploaded video, The Trip of a Lifetime.

-

Cooking with Kyungsoo!
uploaded by kimkaiiiii

15 July 2017

We try out recipes you all sent in after I “accidentally” let it slip that Kyungsoo is the best chef, third to my mom and his mom. Wait, make that fourth, I gotta include my grandma in there (LOVE YOU GRANDMA, THX FOR WATCHING MY VIDEOS)

Please don’t roast me for my cutting skills, I’m ~sensitive~ and I’m trying my best and Kyungsoo already roasts me enough D:

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jdaejdaecaptain i’m salivating, feed me kyungsoo
bbhyun why won’t kyungsoo ever cook w me
kimkaiiiii ^ b/c he doesn’t trust himself w/ a knife around u

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-

 

After Kyungsoo clocks out from work and bids Junmyeon goodbye, he whips out his phone and texts the person who’s been on his mind all day.

‘dinner?’

‘when’

He lets out a sigh of relief when Jongin replies. Even though Kyungsoo was 99% sure Jongin would have cooled down by now, he also has never seen Jongin react the way he did yesterday before.

‘in 30 min, my place? i can cook’

‘okay’

That was surprisingly easy, he thinks, despite the fact that his heart is currently pounding in his chest.

Kyungsoo stops by the grocery store and picks up the ingredients before heading home. Jongin may come over before the food finishes, but that’s fine. He’s used to waiting.

The water is still boiling when Jongin enters. Chanyeol greets him from the couch, signaling Kyungsoo of his arrival.

“I’m in the kitchen,” he calls out.

“Hey,” Jongin greets, as he enters. He glances around, before asking, “Kimchi spaghetti?”

“Yep, just like old times.” Kyungsoo adds salt into the water before pouring the pasta in, setting a timer before he gets to cutting the kimchi.

“Is there a special occasion?” Jongin asks warily. “You haven’t made this in a while.”

“I was just in the mood for it,” Kyungsoo says with a shrug. “Here, why don’t you go and cut the onions.” He gestures to the onion laying on the counter beside him. “You know how it goes right?”

“Yeah, I think so,” Jongin says, rolling up his sleeve before he washes his hand.

“Great.” The two set to work together in a comfortable silence, the only sounds that of their chopping and the TV Chanyeol is watching.

“I’m using the knife you got me,” Kyungsoo points out.

“I noticed. Does it work well?”

“Yeah, it cuts like a dream. One day I’ll get you to admit where you bought it.”

Jongin chuckles, using the back of his hand to push the hair out of his eyes. “Keep dreaming.”

There’s still an unspoken awkwardness in the room, but Kyungsoo does his best to push past it and act like everything is normal. He cuts up the ham once he’s done with the kimchi, and combines his and Jongin’s work onto the warm pan.

“Smells good,” Jongin hums.

“Yeah, I bet Chanyeol’s going to stick his head in any time soon asking for some.”

“Are you going to give him any?”

Kyungsoo glances at the amount of food they have. “Yeah, I’m making plenty.”

He’s stirring the onion and ham together with the tomato sauce as Jongin drains the spaghetti. “Pour it over here,” Kyungsoo says, moving aside for Jongin to dump the pasta onto the pan. He mixes the ingredients, trying his best to ignore Jongin’s gaze on him.

“Can you get the baking dish out?”

“Already done,” Jongin says, holding up the dish.

He pours the contents of the pan onto the dish, and with Jongin’s help sprinkles a gratuitous amount of cheese on top. The cheese is the best part, after all. He lets Jongin pop it into the oven as he washes his hands.

“Now we wait,” Kyungsoo says as he sets a timer.

The two stand side by side for a moment, neither of them moving. Jongin opens his mouth to finally speak, when Kyungsoo cuts him off.

“Are you feeling better now?”

Jongin blinks, before rubbing the back of his neck. “Yeah. I’m sorry about that, I just… I don’t know. I wasn’t thinking, I guess.”

Kyungsoo raises an eyebrow. “Are you going to tell me what was wrong now?”

The younger turns around and takes a seat at the counter. “It’s going to sound dumb to you.”

“I watched you go through your hardcore anime phase in middle school. Nothing is going to beat that.” Kyungsoo sits across from him.

Jongin sighs, leaning his elbows on the table and positioning his head in between his hands. “So Sehun may have told me that he heard that you like a certain dancer” -- Kyungsoo’s blood freezes -- “and the way he worded it made it sound like it was Taemin.”

There’s an awkward pause as Kyungsoo tries to think of what to say to that.

“Where did Sehun hear that from?” Kyungsoo settles for as an appropriate follow-up question. His money is riding on Baekhyun, who is known for spilling secrets by ‘accident’ all the time, like the one time he texted the group chat about Minseok’s fungal infection because he ‘forgot’ the change the message.

“Baekhyun.” Bingo.

“I’m going to kill him,” Kyungsoo says as calmly as he can manage, before sitting up straighter. He struggles to make eye contact with Jongin, who luckily isn’t even looking at him.

“Is it true then? Do you like Taemin?” Jongin asks in a small voice, eyes still cast downwards. Kyungsoo hasn’t seen Jongin look so unsure of himself like this in a while, not since they were both unsure teenagers.

“Why would I like Taemin?” Kyungsoo counters softly. “And if I did, don’t you think I would’ve told you?”

“I dunno, maybe you didn’t because he’s my best friend,” Jongin grumbles, rubbing his neck. “Besides, if not Taemin, then who? You don’t really know anyone else besides us and Sehun. Wait, don’t tell me it’s Sehun.” Jongin finally looks up with wide, horrified eyes.

Kyungsoo blanches. “It’s not Sehun.”

“Then who…” Jongin trails off. Their eyes meet, and Kyungsoo gulps.

“I don’t know why you trust Baekhyun at all,” he tries with an awkward laugh, hoping it’s enough to divert the conversation for now at least.

“True. But you have been coming to practice more often.” Jongin still maintains the gaze.

“Well…”

For the first time in Kyungsoo’s life, he can say Chanyeol has truly saved him and come to his rescue. Food is apparently a signal for the man, who comes jogging in.

“Is that cheese and ham I smell?” Chanyeol asks, before skidding to a stop when he sees Jongin and Kyungsoo at the counter. “Oh, am I interrupting something?” The smug look on his face makes Kyungsoo want to punch him.

“No, no. I’m making kimchi spaghetti. It’ll be done soon, so you can sit down and join us,” Kyungsoo says, clearing his throat and standing up. He puts on his mittens and glances at the timer to check.

“I’ll just take my food to go,” Chanyeol says, smirking. “I’m almost done with my k-drama. Although the one in here is quite spicy too…”

“What do you mean ‘the one in here’?” Jongin asks, confused.

“Ignore him,” Kyungsoo quickly answers. “Food’s done!”

That does the trick of officially distracting the both of them. He cuts up the baked dish and serves it. Chanyeol, true to his word, dashes off as soon as the food is on his plate, Kyungsoo rolling his eyes at his back. Jongin, on the other hand, waits for Kyungsoo to serve two plates before he brings them both back to the counter.

The two eat in silence after their previous conversation. Aside from the casual comments like ‘how is it?’ and ‘it’s delicious,’ Kyungsoo finds himself anticipating the question he knows is coming.

“Have you watched the vlog yet?”

Kyungsoo picks up a glass of water, takes a sip, and shakes his head.

“No. Not yet.”

-

APARTMENT TOUR
uploaded by kimkaiiiii

19 August 2017

ft. kyungsoo’s shaky video-taking skill
i hope you all enjoy this vid! i’m sharing an apartment w/ people so i can’t show ALL of it, so maybe a better video name would have been “room tour”... OH WELL

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ohsehuhuhuhu wow it’s so clean, i give it 2 days
taemintyfresh ^ 2 hours
jdaejdaecaptain ^ 2 minutes
kyungsoup surprisingly it lasted 3 days so

click to expand [100+]

-

 

Jongin sticks around after dinner to help clean up the dishes and study a bit. Kyungsoo is in his room, organizing before Jongin comes back in. He’s hanging up his jackets that were piling up on his desk chair, only to realize that half of these aren’t his -- they’re Jongin’s. When did he even leave them here?

He leaves Jongin’s out so the younger can remember to take them home. He doesn’t want Jongin to wake up one morning for class to realize he has zero jackets left, because honestly that sounds like something the man would be capable of doing.

When the room is at least clean enough to be studied in, Kyungsoo takes a break and lies across his bed.

He doesn’t know why he said ‘no’ earlier. Well, he does, but he doesn’t. This should be what he wanted, but instead he finds himself fearful of what that vlog means for their relationship. The friendship they have now is central to Kyungsoo; it’s what he grew up with and what he leans into for support. To change that now would be to risk their friendship.

The scenes from the latest vlog replay in Kyungsoo’s mind whenever he closes his eyes. With a sigh, Kyungsoo whips out his phone and opens up YouTube to distract himself.

He scrolls down to his older videos before settling on one fairly recent, from less than a year ago: Jongin’s apartment tour video. Kyungsoo somehow managed to get roped into that video too, as the person filming, and of course when Jongin showed his collection of photos hanging on the wall, Kyungsoo was in a good amount of them.

“Oh, this one is my fave. Your mom gave this to me. This is from when Kyungsoo was in a Julius Caesar play.” Jongin dodges Kyungsoo’s flailing arms to show the camera the photo.

“Why would she give you that?!”

“Because she loves me.”

“I’m pretty sure you stole it from my house!”

It was actually eye-opening to see how many of Kyungsoo’s belongings also made their way into Jongin’s own apartment tour. Items he thought he misplaced or lost were either in Jongin’s closet or his nightstand drawer. It seems Kyungsoo is equally guilty of leaving his things at Jongin’s.

Maybe that last vlog was actually a long time coming, Kyungsoo wonders. Maybe he should’ve seen the signs long ago.

Still, you can never be too confident with things like this.

Jongin finally returns to Kyungsoo’s room, wiping his wet hands onto his t-shirt.

“You know we have cloths for you to dry your hand,” Kyungsoo sighs.

“Too lazy,” Jongin replies with a shrug, falling onto the bed beside Kyungsoo. He leans onto one side, propping himself up by his elbow to look at Kyungsoo. “Ready to study?”

“Yeah,” Kyungsoo says, leaning over to grab his textbook. “Do you need me to help you review or something?”

Jongin’s eyes soften. There it is, that Look. Kyungsoo wonders…

“Thanks, but you have to study too,” Jongin says, patting his thigh before he grabs his own textbook.

Kyungsoo clears his throat. “Alright then.”

Across Kyungsoo’s bed is a mirror. He re-adjusts his glasses as he gazes at his reflection.

Ah. So that’s it. Kyungsoo understands Jongin’s new look now.

 

-

First Day of My Sophomore Year!
uploaded by kimkaiiiii

27 August 2017

another year wiser!
i just realized that’s the lyric to the rugrats: all grown up tv theme song skajklks
but it’s appropriate so i’m going to roll with it!
stay til the end of the vlog for a surprise performance!!!!!

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ohsehuhuhuhu i look gud here
channieboy YALL RLLY LET ME STEP OUT OF THE HOUSE WITH MY HAIR LOOKIN LIKE THAT?! WHAT HAPPENED TO SUPPORTING YOUR FRIENDS
jdaejdaecaptain ^ i thought you were going for an untamable beast look

click to expand [100+]

-

 

It happens.

The scene is straight out of a damn shoujo anime, with the sun streaming in through the windows and illuminating Jongin’s face, the only shadows caused by strands of his hair out of place.

Kyungsoo curls his fist. He is not doing this right now.

He doesn’t remember when he fell asleep, but he does remember that Jongin was the first to knock out, textbook still open. Kyungsoo had to push him further into the bed to make room for himself to continue studying until sleep eventually took him too.

The irony in the situation is not lost to Kyungsoo. The fact that this morning mirrors many mornings Kyungsoo has spent with Jongin, waking up beside Jongin, yet feels unlike any other is both hilarious and heart-wrenching. Against better judgment, Kyungsoo finds himself reaching out to gently push the hair away from Jongin’s eyes.

No one ever said falling in love with your best friend would feel like this. This being the stone in Kyungsoo’s stomach, this being the hiccup in Kyungsoo’s breath, this being the tingles he feels every time he becomes acutely aware of the places their bodies touch.

It hurts in the way that it hurts when someone tickles you until you’re breathless, sides aching with laughter. Kyungsoo feels like a masochist for wanting time to slow down to savor the moment.

Jongin’s alarm breaks the spell. A loud beeping from the crack of the bed jolts Jongin awake as he scrambles to turn it off. Kyungsoo leans as far back as he can before falling off the bed as he watches Jongin hurry to press the snooze button.

After taking a calming breath and stretching, Jongin lazily meets Kyungsoo’s gaze. In a moment, he becomes alert.

“Did I…”

“Fall asleep last night after studying for just twenty minutes? Yes,” Kyungsoo answers for him.

“Oops. Sorry, your bed is just so comfortable,” Jongin sighs, leaning back. “Did I kick last night?”

“No.”

Jongin peeks over at Kyungsoo. “That’s good. Did my alarm wake you up?”

To answer ‘no’ would be to imply Kyungsoo has been awake earlier than Jongin, and would have to have an excuse as to what he was doing before. But to answer ‘yes’ would be to guilt trip Jongin, and as hilarious as that sounds right now, Kyungsoo doesn’t have it in him to joke around right now.

“No. I woke up a little before your alarm went off.”

“Oh.” It’s quiet. Jongin is staring at Kyungsoo, and Kyungsoo isn’t looking away. How can he, when Jongin still manages to look beautiful with boogers in his eyes and drool stains down his chin?

“I--”

“Jongin--”

“Oh, go ahead,” Jongin says.

“No, what is it?” Kyungsoo sighs. This is so. Awkward.

“I was thinking, for my next video, we could do a best friend tag,” Jongin begins slowly, as if to wait and gauge Kyungsoo’s reactions. “How does that sound?”

“A best friend tag?” That would be confusing for your viewers, after your last video, Kyungsoo thinks but doesn’t say. “Didn’t we do one a few years back?”

“Yeah, but I think it’d be cool to do an updated version. See how much we’ve changed and all,” Jongin trails off.

Ah, yes. There’s been a lot of change indeed since that last video.

Maybe it’s time Kyungsoo stops running from them.

“Jongin, I need to tell you something.”

The seriousness in his voice brings Jongin upright. He sits up almost immediately.

“Is something wrong?” he asks, worry etched into his forehead creases.

Kyungsoo shakes his head, slowly sitting up to match Jongin’s position. He keeps his eyes focused on the hamper in the corner of the room, afraid that if he looks at Jongin, he’ll lose his courage.

“There’s nothing wrong. I just--” Kyungsoo clears his throat. Here goes nothing. “I wasn’t being honest with you yesterday.” Upon the confused look on Jongin’s face, Kyungsoo continues, “I actually did watch your vlog. The South Korea one.”

“Oh.”

Kyungsoo turns to look at Jongin, recognizing the tone of voice. Jongin is upset, Kyungsoo knows that from the way he lets the sound linger in the air. Not an ‘oh’ but an ‘ohhh.’ But more importantly, Jongin is afraid, and Kyungsoo knows that without the help of any cues. He can feel it.

“So does that mean…” Jongin trails off, wringing his fingers over and over. Now he’s not looking at Kyungsoo, but at the loose threads on the blanket.

“I just watched it yesterday,” Kyungsoo clarifies, in hopes of helping the situation just a bit. “I just… needed time to think about my response.”

Jongin bites on his lower lip. “Okay.” He gulps. “Do you still need time then?” His voice is tight, and Kyungsoo’s heart swells. As if Jongin hasn’t waited long enough, with how long Kyungsoo took to watch the video. Of course he would respect Kyungsoo and give him as much as time he needs.

But Kyungsoo doesn’t need any more time. He knows what he wants now. “No. I have my answer.”

Pretending like his hands aren’t physically shaking in anticipation and anxiety, Kyungsoo reaches out and grabs Jongin’s hand.

Jongin’s eyes widen as their fingers intertwine. They’ve held hands before, but this time, it’s different. This time, they know why their palms are sweaty. “Does this mean…?”

Kyungsoo smiles, still feeling shaky from the nerves, both from anxiety and excitement. “Yes.”

That’s when Jongin moves his body entirely so he’s facing Kyungsoo. It’s a bit awkward, with the blankets bunched around them, and Kyungsoo 99% sure he has morning breath that Jongin can definitely smell from this distance. Not that Jongin seems to mind anyway.

“I’m going to kiss you.”

Well then.

“Uh.”

“But only if you want me to!” Jongin hurries to clarify, red from the neck down. “It’s just that, I’ve been wanting to kiss you for the past few days -- well, years, actually, but these past few days have been especially tough. Every time I saw you, I was scared you were going to either punch me or hug me.”

Jongin is rambling, which he does whenever he’s nervous or excited, which means he’s feeling all the same things Kyungsoo is feeling. That’s… really nice to know, Kyungsoo realizes. He really meant all of it.

“Jongin?” Kyungsoo says, interrupting Jongin’s train of thought as he continues to go on about how he was close to locking Baekhyun in a closet for telling Kyungsoo about the video before he could watch it.

“Yes?” Jongin stops immediately, eyes wide.

“If you kiss me, will you stop freaking out?” Maybe he’s teasing too much, but it’s just too easy. Jongin may be Kyungsoo long-held crush, but he’s also his best friend.

“I am not freaking out,” Jongin defends himself with a slight pout. “I was just explaining my side of this. I thought this was going to be a lot more romantic, you know?” Jongin reaches out and picks at the booger in the corner of Kyungsoo’s eye for emphasis.

“You’re the romantic one here,” Kyungsoo points out. “Not me. I’ve loved you for years too, but you don’t see me confessing with a sappy vlog.”

“Hey, I wanted something we could remember-- wait. Years?” Jongin pauses. “For how long?”

“Since that Disneyland vlog,” Kyungsoo admits. At Jongin’s gaping expression, he laughs and says, “What? Why are you so surprised?”

“Because that’s so long!” Jongin exclaims, shock written all over his expression for a few seconds longer until it settles into a pout. “Wait. That means I owe Taemin fifty bucks.”

Kyungsoo raises an eyebrow. “Did Taemin tell you I have a crush on you?” Taemin always was one of Jongin’s smarter friends.

“Yeah, during freshman year,” Jongin admits, at least having the decency to look sheepish. “I didn’t believe him though.”

Kyungsoo rolls his eyes. “Obviously, if you thought I had a crush on him.”

Jongin whines, leaning forward to rest his forehead on Kyungsoo’s shoulder. “Stop, I already said I was embarrassed about that.”

“Did you though?”

“Well, I’m saying it now,” Jongin says, and Kyungsoo can hear the pout in his voice. He’s disgusted but not surprised that he finds it cute.

“Anyway… so about that kiss,” Kyungsoo mentions, and Jongin shoots up.

“Really?” Jongin asks, voice a few pitches higher.

“I think we’ve both been patient enough,” Kyungsoo says with a smile, even though on the inside his heart is racing a mile a minute.

Jongin leans in, and Kyungsoo braces himself, shutting his eyes closed. It’s really happening. The summation of years of suppressed feelings and pining are coming to an end, because Jongin likes -- no, loves -- him back and he’s going to kiss him right now. At this very moment. Any time. Kyungsoo is waiting.

Seriously, why hasn’t he done it yet? Kyungsoo opens his eyes to demand to know why there’s a hold-up, when he finds Jongin staring at him, a mere inch away.

“Um, is something wrong?” Kyungsoo barely manages to get out. He can feel Jongin’s breath on his cheek.

“No, I just want to savor this moment,” Jongin whispers, a tenderness in his eye that Kyungsoo recognizes. It’s always been there, from the very start.

“Do you want to whip out your vlog camera or something?” Kyungsoo teases, because he isn’t sure how to handle the tension in the air.

“No. This is for my eyes, and my eyes only.” And with that, Jongin closes the distance.

Kyungsoo’s been kissed before, and to be honest, they’ve never been anything special. They just feel like skin against skin. But this one is different. Maybe it’s because Kyungsoo is kissing his long-held-crush-slash-best-friend, or maybe it’s because Jongin runs a good two degrees warmer than Kyungsoo it seems, but this kiss is exhilarating.

Jongin is the first to pull away, apparently holding more willpower than Kyungsoo, who wants nothing more than to push Jongin back down onto the bed and continue this further. But that may be moving a little too fast, and Kyungsoo knows they have time for those things later. For a lot of things, actually, and the thought excites him.

“Um. Wow.”

“Did you seriously stop kissing me to say ‘um, wow’?” Kyungsoo asks, even though his breathlessness gives away how he’s feeling too.

“Kyungsoo,” Jongin whines, even though he’s smiling ear to ear.

“Are you really getting embarrassed now?” Kyungsoo chuckles, endeared. “Aren’t you the one who used the quote, ‘My wish is to make you mine’? Come on, Jongin, what sappy love song did you pull that one from?” he teases, even though he’s guilty of memorizing the quote himself too.

Jongin flushes, hiding his face with their combined hands. “Stop embarrassing me, I already heard enough from Baekhyun about this!”

“Is Baekhyun your boyfriend?”

Oh. There it is. Jongin freezes, and Kyungsoo himself feels his blood run cold. It just sort of slipped out, but now it can’t be taken back, so here goes nothing.

“Boyfriend,” Jongin repeats, sounding breathless. He’s still hiding his face, but now an eye is peeking out at Kyungsoo. “Do you mean that?”

“Yeah. I mean, we basically have both confessed to each other, so… it makes sense, right?” Kyungsoo asks, clearing his throat as he feels his face heat up. Feelings are so awkward to talk about.

“It makes sense,” Jongin agrees, nodding very seriously. “So since we’re boyfriends… does that mean I can kiss you again?”

Kyungsoo lets out a bark of laughter in shock. “Are you really going to ask me that again?”

But Jongin remains resolute. “Yes, because I want to hear you say it.”

“Say what?” Kyungsoo gulps at the intensity of Jongin’s gaze.

“‘Kiss me.’”

Sheesh, he’s really trying to kill Kyungsoo here. “You’re seriously gross,” Kyungsoo manages to say, even though he’s subconsciously leaning in closer and closer to Jongin.

Kyungsoo can feel Jongin’s breath fan against his cheek, but Jongin won’t budge. “Say it, please.”

“You’re going to pay for this,” Kyungsoo warns, voice low.

“Okay.”

Damn it. Kyungsoo can’t win this one, and quite honestly, he doesn’t think he wants to this time. He takes a deep breath, before whispering, “Kiss me.”

Jongin’s face blooms into a smile. “Was that so hard?” Jongin asks as he surges forward, capturing Kyungsoo’s face with his hands this time and pushing him back onto the bed to complete the request.

What a different morning indeed.

 

-

kimkaiiiii just uploaded a new vlog

The Boyfriend Tag

1 February 2018

my best friend is now my boyfriend <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
this should come as no surprise to any of you ;)

 

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A/N: I have MANY folks to thank for this final product. As the saying goes, it takes a village to raise a child, and in this case, the child is my fic heheheh

Thank you to 
❤︎ Daze for reading its roughest first draft, then second... and third? haha you're the best for putting up with me!
❤︎ Amy for going through it with a fine comb and offering lots of excellent insight on where to make changes
❤︎ Naomi and Mila for reading it one go and giving me much needed feedback on how the story flows, especially because Naomi isn’t even in fandom anymore and Mila had her thesis to work on! I do not deserve such friendships.
❤︎ Fufu and JQ for offering their translation skills on The Vlog (specififcs at the end of that vlog)
❤︎ my twitter folks in general for their emotional support. This fic was almost a month in the making, and helping it grow was PAINFUL and tlist probably knows from how much I complained about it u_u 

Speaking of twitter, I am over there crying over my personal life, writing, and kaisoo/exo/miscellaneous things. I love having conversation with folks, so please feel free to hit me up over there!

{ twitter | curiouscat }

The following chapter is That Vlog. It was originally meant to go before the final Boyfriend Tag vlog, but honestly it was getting too long and it was basically becoming a oneshot of its own, so I decided to make it a separate chapter. Plus, I thought this part alone was strong enough to stand alone; the vlog is just an extra fun part. It'll be uploaded tomorrow after a few more revisions, so please look forward to that!

Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed it or at least smiled somewhere along the way ;;