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Hakyeon wish he could hate Lee Jaehwan.

A good looking man with tall nose, pretty eyes and even more pretty smile. He looks like an angel and a baby but at the same time look mature too. He is so cute, pretty, gorgeous, and kind man.

Hakyeon wish he could hate Lee Jaehwan.

But Hakyeon envying and liking him at the same time.

Lee Jaehwan who were crying and telling his boyfriend to marry another man and tell him that he will be okay sooner or later. He was sobbing like crazy and for some time can’t even utter a word just bow his head before his equally crying boyfriend who can’t do nothing but pat his back, hoping it can give a strength, reassurance or anything at that moment.

But what broke Hakyeon the most was Lee Jaehwan smiling face after he collects himself and his sob slow down. He was smiling so sincerely and genuinely congratulate his boyfriend on his marriage. “I’ll be okay.” He tells. “Don’t worry too much.”

His boyfriend can’t do nothing but crying some more and hug Lee Jaehwan tightly, thinking it will be the last time.

It still broke Hakyeon’s heart every time he remember that fateful day when he accidentally heard and saw what happened inside Wonshik’s office. It’s late at night and Wonshik said he will be at work till late and Hakyeon thought give Wonshik a surprise visit is a good idea. Maybe it was, maybe it wasn’t. Everyone on Wonshik’s floor was already left and Wonshik’s office door is slightly open, he heard people talking and he knew for the first time that Wonshik’s secretary is also his boyfriend.

Hakyeon wish he hadn’t come that day. Hakyeon wish he could hate Lee Jaehwan.

“You’re an idiot.” Taekwoon doesn’t know why he have to be here accompanying his miserable best friend (Taekwoon assume he can call the other man a best friend now, after all that what’s the other always want anyway) instead curled in his bed  under his warm blanket. It’s in the middle of the winter after all. He looks around the dimly lit bar and sigh. It’s a nice bar with elegant decoration and no loud noise, that one Taekwoon like the most.

He stares again at his best friend who still playing with his first glass of tequila. If you won’t drink why bother order that? But again his best friend is not a drinker and won’t drunk himself to oblivion just because he is miserable. That one of the things Taekwoon like about the other.

His friend put his glass down and buried his face in his folded hand, groaning. Taekwoon can’t help but place his large palm on top his friend head and start caressing lightly. Taekwoon is not good with words and doesn’t know either what he should say in this situation, so when he feels more than see the shoulder of this sad man begin to shake and his body trembling, Taekwoon pay the drink and hug his friend by shoulder then proceed to walk out of the bar with his friend clinging to him, hiding his face in his neck. Only after they seated in his car then his friend start crying. Painfully at that. Taekwoon lost count on how many he sigh in the last two hours.

“Come here,” he said and bring his friend to his embrace. He knows his shirt is gonna get dirty by tears and probably snot too but he doesn’t care. He will ask the later for laundry fee anyway.

“I wish I could ask you to stop crying,”Taekwoon said after some times, his warm palm still the other’s back gently and occasionally drop a light kiss on top of the other’s head. He can afford this much, he thinks. “But I think you need to cry as much as you need to, let your sadness flow with your tears. Okay I’m not making sense but I want you to get better soon so you can be the bubbly annoying friend of mine who always smile like an idiot,” his friend chuckle in his cry and Taekwoon can take that for now.

After some more crying and sobbing, the cry subside and the crying man take a deep breath and snuggle into Taekwoon even more. It’s not a very comfortable position to be honest, sitting in a car like this but Taekwoon can’t, won’t complain.

“You are an idiot, Cha Hakyeon.”

“I know and I hate myself for that,” Hakyeon wipe his face on Taekwoon’s shirt make Taekwoon grimace in disgust.

“You will have to pay for that, you know right?” He tells Hakyeon and get hit for that, he goes ouch and tell Hakyeon it hurts. It’s not though. “And it’s my job to hate you so please don’t hate yourself,”

Hakyeon hit Taekwoon some more and sit properly to look outside the windows. The snow still falling and the weather outside must be still freezing, good things they are inside a car with a heater on. Taekwoon stare at Hakyeon back sadly. He takes Hakyeon’s hand and give a light squeeze but strong enough so Hakyeon know that he is not alone in this.

“I can’t destroy what they have, Taekwoon-ah. I can’t take away their happiness.” Hakyeon squeeze the warm hand back, probably asking for strength. “Wonshik love Lee Jaehwan but feel obligate to marry me. Wonshik probably want to marry Lee Jaehwan but need to marry me out of duty as a son, perhaps as a friend too.” Feeling his eyes sting from a new tears, Hakyeon blink rapidly will the tears to go away. “I know I can’t destroy their happiness, but why I feel I can’t give up on Wonshik either? Why I always be a bad guy? Why I can’t have what I really want?”

The tears fall anyway. And it falls some more.

“Hakyeon..”

“I want to crush Lee Jaehwan and make him disappear but I can’t. How can I possibly do that to someone whose boyfriend had to leave him to marry me yet he still can smile and congratulate him so sincerely like that? You should’ve see his smile Taekwoon-ah, so that you can understand what I’m feeling right now.”

“Even if I see that, it’s impossible for me to understand what you feel right now, Hakyeon-ah,” Taekwoon hate seeing Hakyeon like this. Miserable and powerless. Cha Hakyeon is always a strong and can control everything in his life, that’s Hakyeon for Taekwoon ever since they met in Japan. An annoying fella who will follow him around and chatting nonstop even if his reply barely a complete sentence.

“I’m incapable to feel those misery because I never experience a love that I can’t have.” A lie. “Now, let’s get you home and rest for today. You can continue drowning on your misery tomorrow.” And I’ll be there. Taekwoon reach out and wipe Hakyeon’s tears away and pat his head.

“I’m sleepy and tired,” Hakyeon whine

Taelwoon chuckle, “That understandable with all crying you did,” He starts the engine and drive away, “Sleep, Hakyeon-ah… I will wake you up when we arrive,”

The next day after he broke up with Jaehwan and his mood is still sour as hell. He doesn’t even text or call Hakyeon, he didn’t want to say something awful accidentally with his current mood, and the latter didn’t either, Wonshik assume that Hakyeon is busy. But again Hakyeon never busy enough to call Wonshik. So when Wonshik get a call from Hakyeon’s mom about Hakyeon being a brat (again) and refuse to come to work (he has important meeting for god;s sake Wonshik-ah!), planning to take a week off and go to Japan instead, Wonshik didn’t have any other option but call Hakyeon to maybe get Hakyeon come to his senses.

“What do you mean you didn’t have any work?”Wonshik know that Hakyeon’s stubbornness is a lot to deal with, “You can’t be have no work just because you are your own boss, Hakyeon-ah. So please come to your senses and go to work,”Hakyeon say something on the other line that make Wonshik scrunch his face in annoyance, “Of course you can take a holiday but not this sudden, I’m sure you have some important meeting and stuff,”

“My secretary can take care of it,”Hakyeon said and Wonshik hear a car door being slammed after Hakyeon’s mother yell at his son in the background, “Mom being noisy,”Wonshik can picture Hakyeon pouting with an annoyed face, and he can’t help but smile.

“Seriously tho, why so sudden?”Wonshik sign some paper and have to read some more that need to get done today before lunch, and its an hour away. He sighs and think how the best way to handle Hakyeon. “You miss Japan?” Wonshik chuckle hearing Hakyeon’s answer. “It’s just been a month… okay a month and half since you left Japan but no Hakyeon-ah, comeback to work and I promise you can have your holiday. I’ll even come with you to whenever you want,”

In that exact moment Jaehwan come into his office, after knocking softly and without wait for an answer because he never have to do that before. Their eyes meet and Wonshik doesn’t know what to do because from the look in Jaehwan’s eyes he understand that Jaehwan know he is talking to Hakyeon. Jaehwan smile a little and walk to his desk, put a few file and gestured Wonshik to sign and that it’s urgent.

“You want to go alone?”Wonshik sign the paper and can’t help but hold Jaehwan’s hand when he collects the paper. Jaehwan push Wonshik’s hand away gently and shook his head, “Yeah okay, do whatever you want then,”His foul mood comeback when Jaehwan walk away, and he hung up the phone just after yelling “Jae wait!’ and miss the broken  okay from the other end of the phone just before the line went dead.

“Jae wait, I need to talk.”

“Was that Hakyeon-ssi?”Jaehwan turn around and come face to face with a sad and guilty Wonshik, Jaehwan smile a little seeing Wonshik’s face. “You shouldn’t hang up on him like that. Go call him back,”

Wonshik know that his incapability and cowardness are what hurt Jaehwan, hurt the both of them, and maybe someday will hurt Hakyeon too. But what can he do? What can be done to prevent this hurtful situation? He knows that if he want to keep Jaehwan, he should refused to the marriage but he can’t do that too. He can’t disappointing his parents, and while Hakyeon (probably) will understand if he tell him the truth, Hakyeon’s parents won’t accept that. And that left Wonshik in this difficult situation. For the record, Wonshik think Hakyeon’s doesn’t love him and he agree to this marriage because the same reason as Wonshik and maybe for Hakyeon, it’s better to marry his best friend than a stranger, he said so himself. Then suddenly an idea come to his mind.

“Let’s tell Hakyeon,”

“What?”

Wonshik hug Jaehwan and refuse to let go when Jaehwan struggle to be freed, “Are you crazy, Kim Wonshik?” Jaehwan is trembling and wonshik have no idea whether it’s from anger, anxiety, or hope.

“No, baby, listen.”Wonshik kiss Jaehwan’s head, “Hakyeon doesn’t love me, not that way, so maybe if we tell him, he can help us.”

Jaehwan push Wonshik away and glare at him, “You are an idiot!! How can you not...”Jaehwan stop himself before saying how come you not notice that your best friend is in love with you , because Lee Jaehwan is hopelessly in love with Wonshik even more so than Hakyeon he believe. Being his secret lover all this time because no dating rule in the office and because Wonshik’s parent doesn’t approve of their relationship. Yes, wonshik introduce Jaehwan to his parents two months into their relationship, and while they are being nice to Jaehwan but they told Wonshik to break up with him. That led to them pretending that they are broke up, make Wonshik’s parents happy. Jaehwan is lucky that Wonshik parents still let him have this job even after that incident.

Cha Hakyeon is a sweetie. The first time Jaehwan meet him when Hakyeon come to this office for lunch with Wonshik. He is smiling and greeting everyone politely and even ask him to join them, but of course Jaehwan refused with an excuse that he still have work to do. Cha Hakyeon is a beautiful man who kind enough to bring him lunch when he comeback, saying that Jaehwan probably didn’t have time to eat, I know Wonshik is a meanie workaholic but he didn’t have any right to starve his secretary.

At that moment Jaehwan think, “Ah, I can’t compete with this man.”