It's a week before the new semester starts. Jongin isn't going to be starting this new semester with the rest of his batch this time but he still keeps track of the days until the classes start.

The first thing he did when he came to the new apartment was fix a clock on the living room wall and a calendar on the kitchen wall. Jongin was nervous, he didn't know why exactly he felt so wound up most of the time. He had never really been nervous for college before, except for the first year, this was his final year and he wasn't even going. His hands felt tight and sweaty, this was exactly why he had decided to take the semester off.

Jongin had never taken a gap year before, he had taken a year off before starting university however and he told himself that this wasn't any different. He was definitely going to go back and get that degree, he just needed some time off to get things a little under control. Making his father understand this was hard, his old man wasn't okay with Jongin taking off in his final year. He is at the last leg, last year and he’ll have a degree and then he could go take even a two year long vacation if he damn well pleases. His father was exaggerating but Jongin knew he didn't really mean that. The hardest part of all this really had been just himself coming to terms with his decision. It didn't feel right a month ago and doesn't feel right now. He felt like he had dramatized and blown this entire situation out of proportion, that there was no need for him to take time off from university. He was overthinking, even now as he had submitted the letters to the college office and officially taken the semester off and moved out of the dorms and into the tiny apartment complex a thirty minute taxi ride from college. The tightness in his stomach hasn't died down since then, his body wasn't rational, it never really had been and Jongin was going to make it right this time, he really wanted to, he knew he had to even though it seemed unlikely he would succeed.

 

Chanyeol had stayed over last night after helping him  move his things to the new apartment. He was still asleep when Jongin got out of the mattress, they were going to set up his bed frame today. He wanted to make Chanyeol breakfast, he owed him one for all the help but the newly installed second hand fridge held nothing in it. Jongin washed his hands thoroughly, they were clammy, it seemed like his hands had sweat the entire night. He washed his hands twice and then towel dried them. His felt less dirty now. He had to clip his nails but he couldn't rummage through the boxes to find a nail cutter now, he didn't want to make too much sound and wake Chanyeol up. He looked for a post-it and a pen in the carton labelled ‘StuDY’ sitting in his room quietly, wrote Chanyeol a note, brushed his teeth and grabbed his wallet to go get them some warm food.

 

“Oh, you're up.”

Chanyeol was nursing a glass of water, sitting on the old couch Jongin had picked up secondhand from his father's store at a discount as well.

“What’d you get?” Chanyeol asked, his voice thick from sleep. Jongin handed him his to go cup of coffee and put down the plastic bag on the kitchen counter

“I was going to serve you in bed actually.” Jongin said as he looked for plays in one of the boxes. Chanyeol snorted, Jongin frowned, he wasn't joking, he really had meant to serve him in bed, he didn't say anything further. Chanyeol walked over to the counter and took out the food from the plastic cover and grinned. Jongin saw him smile as he finally found the plates, he almost dropped one, his hands had started to sweat again.

“Hey, I think washing them twice is enough” Chanyeol said, standing next to Jongin as he started to lather the plates with soap for the third time. It was enough, Jongin agreed quietly, his mother had sent him these plates and she had probably cleaned them well enough before packing them away, a quick rinse would've done the job. He needed Chanyeol to move away from him otherwise he is just going to have to wash the plates again and again. Chanyeol finally did move away and Jongin quickly dried the plates, handed one to him. They sat together on the couch and ate in silence. Jongin racked his brain to think of something to talk about while they ate. Chanyeol didn't seem like minded the quietness, he still looked a little sleepy, the faint impression of pillow crease still there on his cheek.

 

Setting up the bed frame didn't take long, they took their own sweet time. Chanyeol had a lot to tell about his break. He had interned at an accounting firm this entire break for extra credit. He talked about the people he worked with and the coffee he had to make in the break room.

“I'm never going to make coffee for anybody ever in my life after this, not even myself.”

“Lies.” Jongin said. Chanyeol was a coffee person through and through, he had never denied a cup of coffee offered no matter how many times a day and Jongin was sure he would have severe withdrawal symptoms if he was kept away from coffee even for a day.

Chanyeol stopped short, looking deeply offended. “Did you know I spent far more time in that break room than I did at my desk brewing coffee for people I didn't even know names of.”

Jongin might have looked amused so Chanyeol walked over to him and grabbed his shoulders sharply.

“I just kept making coffee all day Jongin. I kept making coffee and none of that was for myself.”, he said with a pained expression.

Jongin patted his chest sympathetically, shrugged off his hands and said “You'll get some good credit for making all that coffee at least.”

 

Chanyeol had work the next day. He worked at the university’s library and if it had been like any other day, Jongin would have accompanied him to work, found a book to read or done his homework. Jongin felt a sharp tug of nostalgia pull at his chest, he could still go to the library if he wanted, there was nothing stopping him but it wouldn't feel the same. If he had continued the year, he wouldn't be here, living on his own, he would be at their shared dorm sleeping or watching spongebob squarepants together or doing something else entirely.

He walked Chanyeol to the door but right before closing the door, he heard Chanyeol exclaim, “Baekhyun!”

A little alarmed and curious, Jongin opened the door to see Chanyeol looking very pleasantly surprised and sporting a large grin, following his line of sight he noticed a man standing at the neighbouring door with a similar expression mirrored on his face, probably his new neighbour, who he hadn't had a chance to meet yet.

“Chanyeol? Oh my god!”

It's almost comical how they both rush at each other with open arms in disbelief. Jongin watches them exclaim at each other some more as they hug each other, patting each other on the back.

It takes a good two minutes for Chanyeol to notice Jongin had been at the door the entire time and quickly calls on him to introduce him to the new guy. Jongin feels embarrassed suddenly, he doesn't know why he stood there at the door for two whole minutes stare at two, what looks like, old friends catch up with each other, it was rude. He tries to apologise immediately, feeling very bashful. Both of them don't seem to hear him say sorry, their loud voices easily overwhelming his slightly timid one.

“We both went to the same school.” Chanyeol explains. Jongin had guessed as much. Baekhyun holds out his hand and Jongin instantly panics. He doesn't have a choice so he meets Baekhyun with a quick handshake. He can easily tell his clammy hand bothered Baekhyun, Jongin is not offended when he notices him furrow his eyebrows lightly, he is worried Baekhyun might say something, so he quickly tries to think of an excuse. The explanation dies down quickly on his lips when Baekhyun begins to speak, taking over Chanyeol's introduction.

“I was his senior by two years. I tutored him in maths during my last two years, that's why we hung out a lot together.” Jongin nods, smiling, vaguely remembering Chanyeol mention Baekhyun's name in the passing. He crosses his arms against his chest, his hands are starting to feel impossibly warm, he discreetly flexes his fingers trying to dispel what feels like an oncoming cramp.

“He was my favourite senior.” Chanyeol is gushing.

Baekhyun laughs good naturedly. “Of course I was. I didn't feed you all that damn candy for nothing.” He tugs at Chanyeol's ear and that action seems practiced and normal.

They talk some more, referencing the past, things Jongin doesn't know. He stands there awkward, shifting from one leg to another and has half a mind to let these two catch up and head back inside.

“So you're the neighbour right? You're the one who moved in, right, not Chanyeol?” Baekhyun turns to him. Jongin nods and wonders briefly if Baekhyun wishes Chanyeol had rather moved in. Of course, it makes complete sense, Chanyeol is his old friend.

Jongin feels like his hands are dripping with sweat and his arm muscles ache lightly from the tension. He continues to keep his hands crossed tightly across his chest, trying to can the urge to look at his hands.

Chanyeol has to leave quickly so he bids them goodbye. He reaches the elevator and then quickly runs back to hug Baekhyun and yells a final goodbye and promises to text them both later. Baekhyun is still chuckling in pleasant surprise muttering, “He doesn't have my number though”. Jongin can easily pick up a topic to talk about but he decides to leave.

 

Jongin had spent the last month at his parents house. He hadn't visited home since he had started university, he had spent all his semester breaks working, trying to save up money. He hadn't really planned on visiting his hometown last month, it was unexpected, he had even started work at the family diner downtown when his mother had called him one night. She talked for a long time about their business, their neighbours, how lately there is a lot of leftovers because she always makes a lot of food for two people and how there is nobody at home to finish it all anymore. She made it sound like their appetites had decreased and he couldn't help but think how it also sounded like she missed them a lot and couldn't seem to cook for just two people, always made enough to feed five hungry mouths. He called home the next day and told them he was coming back.

It was impulsive, Chanyeol was surprised when he informed him because Jongin wasn't really impetuous. The nervousness set in on the drive to his home in the bus. It was a slow realisation, he hadn't done anything weird or wrong but the realisation irrationally built up steadily within him and settled heavily in his stomach, growing bigger, seemingly bigger than his body could contain and instigated motion sickness and clammy hands. He vomited the minute he got home. His parents were rightfully alarmed.

 

    Jongin started work at the diner again, he worked full time and he had a day off on tuesday. He also had a family discount and called Chanyeol on Wednesday night.

“You want to eat dinner with me?”

“Tonight?”

“Yeah”

“Is it free?”

“No Chanyeol. It's not. I've been working here every single break and you still ask me every time I ask you out?”

Chanyeol chuckled and replied in mock surprise, “You're asking me out?!”

“Nevermind, bye.”

“Wait! Sorry. Can I get pancakes?” He was still snickering, Jongin let it slide.

He would have to plead a little to give Chanyeol his pancake and coffee fix, he didn't mind that.

“Alright.”

 

Chanyeol showed up after Jongin had turned over the bright flickering ‘OPEN’ neon sign at the door and was mopping the floor. There were two people at the far end corner of the diner getting ready to leave. Chanyeol looked around, checking if any other employees besides Jongin had stayed behind, there was nobody else.

“I have to reheat our plates. I'll do that after I'm done here.” Jongin said, moping underneath the tables.

“Or you can go ahead and heat your plate and get started if you don't want to wait.” Nobody besides the staff was allowed inside the kitchen but there was nobody here to mind and Chanyeol could be trusted inside the kitchen.

They weren't allowed outside their dorms past ten during school nights, this was fine because classes hadn't started yet. They usually didn't sneak out during school nights, swamped with a lot of class work and assignments, all the handful of times that they did manage to sneak, they always did it with a larger group. They had only sneaked out for some parties and that one time because Jongin really wanted chocolate milk at eleven thirty, that had been somewhat traumatising for Chanyeol because Jongin had been whining insistently for almost two hours until Chanyeol finally caved and stole out of the dorm to get some for him from the 24 hours open pharmacy five blocks away. Chanyeol still kind of holds that against him.

 

“This looks so good Jongin!” Chanyeol loves his food. “Oh and coffee!” Jongin rolls his eyes, it's pretty easy to please and surprise Chanyeol with the same old usual things.

They talk a little in between large bites about this and that.

“How much is this?”

“The usual. Half price on the pancakes and free coffee.”

Chanyeol grumbles a little about there are other diners that offer better benefits but Jongin thinks he just likes to innocuously gripe about money and work occasionally, it makes him seem middle aged really and besides this is a pretty good package for him.

Jongin washes their dishes while Chanyeol hangs outside.

“You don't have to pay by the way.” Jongin tells out from the kitchen.

“What. Why?”

“It's a thank you, you dingus. For helping with the apartment.”

He can almost hear him grin from the kitchen.

“Oh, Can I set up your entire apartment for two more plates then?”

“Nope”

 

Chanyeol has a scooter, a secondhand, and he offers to drop him off at his new apartment. Jongin is grateful, that was half the reason why he asked him here besides paying back for the help. He feels far too tired to walk five blocks and wait for a bus.

Jongin turns off all the lights and the flickering neon sign board on the door, locks both the back and front door. He has to drop off the keys at the post box of the woman working the morning shift and her house is just a little away from the diner. Chanyeol waits for him at the backdoor.

 

“So, I'm going to leave the dorm this year.” Chanyeol starts as Jongin is putting the helmet on. Chanyeol already has his on and is sitting on scooter, facing away from Jongin.

“Oh” Jongin says.

“Yeah” Chanyeol clears his throat. His forehead creases, like he is thinking over his words. Jongin doesn't understand why Chanyeol seems uncomfortable.

“Where are you going to move to? Do you have a place yet? You know you can move in with me right?” Jongin continues when Chanyeol doesn't respond. “Chanyeol do you want to move in with me? Hey.”

Chanyeol finally turns around to look at him when he nudges him, shaking his head. “No no. I do have a place. It's that complex near the cat cafe. I got it last week.”

Jongin is a little startled. Chanyeol doesn't need to tell him everything going on his life obviously, he is totally allowed to keep things to himself until he feels comfortable enough to talk about it but this feels like the sort of information you tell the important people.

“Did you move in already?” Jongin keeps his voice passive, this is not that big of a deal but he suddenly finds it hard to keep his tone stolid.

“Yeah I did. I moved in last week actually when you were packing to move here.”

Jongin nods and hums lightly.

“Can I drive?”

“Wait, no Jongin. That's.. “ Chanyeol is fumbling, he seems irritated, at what, Jongin has no idea and he wonders if he is mad at him but he can't think why either.

“Look. I thought we could move in together towards the end of last semester but I didn't talk about it because finals.” Chanyeol looks a little flustered as he continues.

“I was going to wait till I was sure about moving out before I suggested it you but before I could do that, you took off to your hometown.” His tone sounds a little accusatory and Jongin quickly takes offense and opens his mouth to defend himself. Chanyeol beats him and quickly backtracks, “Hey no. Listen. I’m not mad about that. I’m not mad at anything Jongin. That's not what I meant. I was just surprised really. The entire time it seemed like you didn't want to go back home at all but you then suddenly up and left. I was just a little surprised.”

“You didn't even tell me why. I tried asking you but all you said was your mother missed you. I didn't know what to think because it honestly seemed like there was more than that, that something else was the reason but you wouldn't tell me.” Chanyeol looks confused and a little miffed, Jongin had thought of this, worried about this even.

He didn't know how to respond despite multiple similar scenes having played out in his head numerous times. He had tried to come up with justifications in his defense but it all seemed untrue. Chanyeol waited, Jongin only continued to stare hard ahead at the road.

Chanyeol sighed.

“It's okay I guess. I figured you just needed some time to sort things out. I thought you would come back after a week or two so I called off the dorm housing. I should've waited and talked to you before I did that but I didn't. You didn't show up and I couldn't get to talk to you properly, it didn't look like you wanted to. It just seemed like you needed more time than I initially thought you would.”

Jongin wasn't prepared for this conversation, it didn't really seem like preparing for this would've made it any easier but still was a little glad they were doing this outside at night. The cool night air helped a little with his rapidly rising body temperature and allowed him to fill his chest with cold air. He was sure he looked like he was going to cry, he sure felt that way but Chanyeol kept his eyes downcast, probably trying to pick his words carefully.

“I had to find a place obviously because you said you were taking a gap year and weren't sure you were coming back here in the meantime. I didn't want to bother you with the details because you just sounded so weird and distant, Jongin. I couldn't see you and I didn't know what was going on and you wouldn't talk clearly. When you called me at last to tell me about moving here I was going to offer my place, it sure would've been easier on my wallet.” Chanyeol tired to force a chuckle. “Would've been easier on both of us financially obviously to live together but anyway, the best choice seemed to be to leave you alone for a while, however long you want, to take time to fix things.” He ends in a quiet voice. There is probably more from where this is coming but Chanyeol decides to stop.

 

Jongin clears his throat, “So can I drive?” he asks with an eyebrow raised and his palm open for the scooter keys. Chanyeol stares hard at him for one long second and Jongin almost flinches from the intensity. Chanyeol drop the keys on his outstretched palm and scoots back. “Do you even remember how drive?”

Jongin snorts, “You don't forget how to drive a two wheeler Chanyeol. Nobody does, once you learn, it stays.”

Chanyeol keeps his arms wrapped around his waist the entire while to his new apartment complex, hugging him but it doesn't feel good. He doesn't want to shrug him off so he just bears down the feeling of a million little tiny ants crawling from the bottom of his belly to the tips of his fingers.

 

 Jongin hasn't gotten around to setting up his apartment yet. Almost everything is still in boxes and now they are all messed up from him constantly rummaging through them to find things. His new place looks very bare and he doesn't like it here at all. There is nothing majorly wrong with the structure of his flat but he can't help but nitpick. The kitchen counter is not wide enough and is unnecessarily long. The right wall in his bedroom is not exactly straight, it's a little diagonal in an annoying way. The plug board at the study desk is far too low, he will have to buy new longer extension cords because the ones he has are not long enough now.

He almost trips on one of the boxes on his way to the kitchen to get a glass of water. He grabs the glass and it slips out of hand and falls back on the counter, it didn't break, it only slipped out from a small distance and thankfully it didn't roll over and crash on the floor, it definitely would've broken then. It takes Jongin a couple of seconds to realise that his middle finger of his right hand is a little different now.

There is a tiny tan colored pea sized head with large glazed compound eyes and two hair thin shriveled up antennae of the same color curling against the length of his finger. There is a hint of protrusion below the pea sized head, the thorax, Jongin remembers. It's still growing, it'll take at least another six hours for the wings to appear, Jongin thinks, and it looks dead, the usual.

Suddenly Jongin was eighteen again, waking up early in the morning on the first day of March and finding a small  shriveled up dying butterfly implanted in his forefinger, trying to extricate it's mint green wings carefully embedded around his finger. Jongin had yelled and cried hysterically then, when his father had came bursting into the room he had said he had had just the worst nightmare.

He didn't feel