Yoongi stirred his soda with his straw while he contemplated whether or not to tell Jimin the story.

“It can’t be that embarrassing, can it?”

“No...but...it wasn’t my proudest moment...it starts with me going to a bar and picking a guy up. I took him back to my place and we were drinking at my house, but we got hungry so I told him I’d make us some food. He kept telling me I was way too drunk to cook but I kept telling him ‘No no, I got it.’” Yoongi sighed as he realized for the hundredth time how stupid he was to try and operate a kitchen appliance with so much alcohol in him.

“My words were slurring and I was a little wobbly, but I thought I knew what I was doing. I was gonna make some beef strips and some ramen, so I got the meat out and I was cutting it, but my guest was getting antsy and , so he started kissing my neck and flirting with me and I got distracted, so as I was cutting, I sliced my finger and there was...quite a bit of blood.”

“I’m disappointed that you could get so distracted by ,” Jimin scolded as he tried to hide his smile.

“That’s not even the embarrassing part.”

“There’s more?”

“Unfortunately. I told him like ‘I might need stitches, call a cab’ and he was like ‘no, you’re fine, you barely cut yourself just use this’ and he handed me a paper towel and started kissing me again and I was just like ‘alright it, my hand isn’t that bad’ but then...how do I say this…” Yoongi paused for a second to gauge Jimin’s reaction so far, which was very amused.

“Long story short, he started giving me head and I ended up burning the palm of the same hand I cut on the hot pan on my stove.” Jimin’s jaw dropped in disbelief.

“You can’t be serious.” Jimin couldn’t believe that someone could be that -driven. Yoongi held out his left hand and showed Jimin the faint, diagonal scar on his middle finger.

“After I burned my hand, he got frustrated with me and left while I nursed my injuries. Luckily, I didn’t need stitches, but it still left a mark.”

“How long ago was this?”

“About six months.” Jimin felt like words couldn’t describe his disbelief for Yoongi’s actions.  

“Do you think with your ?”

“Only when I’m intoxicated which is why I haven’t cooked drunk since then.”

“I mean you could still cook drunk, just without company.”

“No, you don’t understand. When I get drunk, I’m regardless of whether there’s someone else there or not. I’ve had other close encounters without anyone else being there. Alcohol and cooking just don’t mix for me.”

“I see.” Jimin mulled the story over in his head, thinking about how ridiculous Yoongi’s story was, but it still wasn’t that embarrassing.

“It’s your turn,” Yoongi reminded as he took a sip of his drink.

“Ah...right...so my story starts off with some weekend drinking. It was a Sunday and I was off the following Monday because the business wanted to do some kind of meeting thing that didn’t require me being there. I was with Hoseok and Taehyung at their place and while we were drinking, he asked me if I could help him at the studio tomorrow with a group of kids he was working with and I told him of course I’d help. It wasn’t the first time I’d helped him and it was fun to do. So everything was fine that night, but the next morning I woke up feeling terrible. I felt nauseous and like I wanted to throw up but I thought it would pass so I just got ready and met Hoseok at his studio. Well we got the kids together and we started dancing with them and I felt nauseous all over again and it got worse and worse and…” Jimin paused because he really didn’t want to say the next part.

“Did you throw up? That’s not so bad, it happens to everyone,” Yoongi said nonchalantly as he sipped from his soda again.

“I threw up on two of the kids there,” Jimin said shamefully, burrowing his face in his hands.

“You did what?”

“We moved into the next dance move and without warning, it just all came up, I couldn’t stop it or get out of the way in time. Turns out the wine we had drunk the night before didn’t agree with my body and I got sick from it.”

“What about the kids, how did they take it?”

“They were both girls. One was mortified, the other didn’t seem too bothered by it. She told me she had a younger brother that had thrown up on her a few times before because he’d eaten too much sugar. I apologized to both of them over and over again, luckily they both had a change of clothes and some of the female dancers there helped clean them up in the bathroom. I tried making it up to them by buying them ice cream after the practice, but I don’t know if that makes it any better.”

“It’s better than nothing, right?” Yoongi asked to try and make Jimin feel better, but he only shuddered at the thought of it, no agreement or disagreement, just discomfort.

Yoongi reached across the table for Jimin’s hand and held it in his. “It’s not as bad as you think. I’m sure they barely remember.”

“I remember.”

“We all have embarrassing stories though, that’s what makes them fun.” Yoongi tried giving him an encouraging smile but it wasn’t working.

“I could share another story if you want.” Jimin nodded. “I walked in on Hoseok and Taehyung having .”

“Who hasn’t?” Jimin murmured. He clearly hadn’t meant to say it based on the shock on his face, but that just made Yoongi laugh.

“You’ve got a point. They go at it like rabbits, don’t they?”

“Pretty much.”

“What about you?”

“What do you mean?”

“Do you like to have a lot?”

“Isn’t that kind of personal?”

“Maybe. You don’t have to answer it if you don’t want to.” Yoongi’s words were supposed to put Jimin at ease, but the way he said them almost sounded like a challenge to Jimin. It was some kind of weird reverse psychology he was doing, and it worked.

“What’s ‘a lot’ to you?”

“Hmm...every day is a lot I think.”

“Not every day, I was usually too tired from work to do it every day.”

“How about three times a week?” Jimin thought about that one for a second and then said, “Yeah I could do that.” Yoongi smirked in response, unconsciously biting his lip as he did so. The expression made Jimin shift in his seat.

The waitress returned then and set each boy’s meal down in front of them before returning back to the kitchen. Immediately, Jimin forgot about the conversation and was focused on the food in front of him. The smell of it alone made his mouth water with anticipation and he quickly picked up his chopsticks to begin his meal.

“It’s so good,” Jimin groaned through a mouthful of food. Yoongi made a sound of satisfaction to confirm Jimin’s statement and the two sat in silence as they made their way through their meals.

---

With their stomachs full, neither of the boys wanted to start working again, so instead, they laid themselves across Yoongi’s couch and watched a drama. Yoongi’s head was at one end and Jimin’s was at the other with their feet meeting at the middle. Every so often Jimin would break the silence between them by yawning.

“If you’re tired, you can go to bed,” Yoongi offered.

“I don’t feel like getting up and going home.”

“You don’t have to leave, just go get in my bed.” Jimin would have taken Yoongi on his offer if it wasn’t for him remembering the other man that was in Yoongi’s bed this morning. He made an unconscious sound of disgust.

“What, my bed not good enough for you?” Yoongi teased. Jimin quietly shrugged and kept his eyes trained on the TV screen. “What’s up with you?”

“Nothing.”

“Yeah, something’s wrong. Tell me.”

“Why should I tell you?”

Yoongi tilted his head in annoyance as he picked up Jimin’s sharp tone. “Well, for starters, I’m the only one else here. We’ve also spent the whole day together without an issue except for when we talked out earlier, and suddenly you’re upset with me.”

Jimin remained silent.

“Why won’t you tell me?” It was more of a demand than a question.

“Cause it won’t change anything,” Jimin grumbled with even more attitude. Now Yoongi was fed up. He’d always had a short fuse in confrontational situations, but it was even shorter now considering Jimin’s response was unprompted.

He reached for the remote and paused the show. Before Jimin could protest, Yoongi was on top of him, one knee between Jimin’s legs and the other leg resting off the side of the couch to stabilize himself. He had Jimin’s wrists pinned down and held an irked expression.

“Alright, here’s how I do things. When you have an issue with me, you say it. I don’t have time to waste trying to guess why you’re upset. You’re acting like a brat and that might work on someone else, but that doesn’t ing work on me. So you can either tell me why you’re upset or you can fix your attitude. I’ll get up when you decide.” Yoongi’s voice didn’t sound as irritated as he looked, but it was firm and told Jimin that what he was saying wasn’t negotiable. He had to do what Yoongi was offering.

“I don’t wanna sleep in your bed,” Jimin murmured.

“Why not, you think I’ll do something to you in your sleep?”

“No...it’s because...every time I think about your bed, I think about the guy that was in it this morning.”

“Why does that bother you?”

“Because it feels like you’re keeping a secret! You won’t even tell me why he was there.”

“It’s none of your business why he was there. You’re not my boyfriend, I don’t have to tell you anything.”

“Don’t you think that’s a little hypocritical?”

“No. I’m not being a brat, I’m keeping my privacy.”

“Does the fact that I like you mean anything to you?” Jimin blurted out in a raised voice.

“It would if you ever did anything about it! You don’t act like you like me, you keep your distance and push me away and that’s fine if you wanna do that, but don’t turn around and act like you’re trying to make something happen with me.” Yoongi finally released Jimin’s wrists and sat up straight.

“I get that you need time, but Jimin, you can’t act like you’re entitled to what I do in my personal life and not make any commitments and just give me meaningless flirting.” Yoongi ran his hands through his hair and massaged his scalp as if it would make him calm down. “I need to go lay down,” he said finally and got up to go to his room.

Jimin heard the door close and sighed in a tired way. If he could, he’d turn off his emotions so he wouldn’t have to deal with everything that came with them. Yoongi had a point, Jimin had to admit that he probably flirted with him more than he was supposed to while keeping the front that he needed time and wanted space. He could easily see how he was being unfair to Yoongi, but at the same time, he couldn’t understand why it was so hard for Yoongi to just admit why he’d asked that guy to stay over. He was very attractive and Jimin found it odd that a complete stranger would be so willing to sleep over just because Yoongi asked him too without anything having gone on between them. It felt like Yoongi was hiding something.

Jimin felt that all too familiar knot in his chest, the same one he felt whenever Jungkook would come home late smelling like cologne that wasn’t his and saying that he was just out with friends. He knew Yoongi would never do something like that but...he thought Jungkook would never do something like that too and look at what happened.

“That’s ridiculous,” Jimin scolded himself for thinking they could be the same. There were red flags with Jungkook that Jimin purposefully ignored because he didn’t want to see them. Yoongi had been open and honest with everything Jimin asked, even the terrible stuff about his childhood that he probably didn’t want to talk about. Yoongi never hid anything, so why would he start now with that man?

Either way, it wasn’t any of Jimin’s business and he was beginning to feel guilty for trying to force Yoongi to admit why he was there. He wasn’t cheating, they weren’t together, it was fair even if something had happened. Yoongi would tell him when he was ready, right?

Jimin reached for his phone and checked the time. He told himself that he’d give Yoongi ten minutes of alone time before he went in and apologized. Until then, he idly scrolled through social media, glancing at the clock every time a minute ticked by.

Once the full ten minutes were up, he got up and walked to Yoongi’s room. He raised his hand to knock on the door but hesitated. Realistically, would anything actually be accomplished if they talked about this? If Jimin apologized then what? He still didn’t feel comfortable sleeping in the bed, but he doubted Yoongi would be happy about bringing Jimin home this late. He shrugged and figured worst case scenario he’d just sleep on the couch.

“Yoongi? Can I come in?” Jimin asked as he gently knocked on the door. There was a pause and the sound of shuffling before Yoongi opened the door. He leaned against the door frame.

“You’re right,” Jimin started. “I have no right to try and make you talk about your personal life, and I shouldn’t have pushed it. If you don’t want to take me home this late, I’ll just sleep on the couch.”

Yoongi didn’t say anything, just folded his arms across his chest and sighed. “You’re not really upset that it happened, you’re more upset over the fact that I won’t tell you, aren’t you?” At first, Jimin didn’t really register Yoongi’s words until he repeated them in his head and realized that he was right. He didn’t like the idea of Yoongi not being open with him because he’d dealt with it so much from Jungkook.

“Yeah, it bothers me, but I know it’s-”

“I’m not him you know,” Yoongi cut him off.

“What?”

“I’m not Jungkook. I wouldn’t lie to you and hide things from you like he did. That’s what this is about, yeah?” Jimin nodded, too ashamed to say anything. He looked at his feet and suddenly felt very small in front of Yoongi.

“There was a night while we were on that ferry,” Yoongi began softly, “where I didn’t have my nightmare.” Jimin looked up at that, but Yoongi wasn’t looking at him. He was looking past him, at some distant thought.

“I was always reminded of your presence because of how warm you were, and it’s like you were some kind of charm that prevented me from having it. I don’t know why it didn’t happen at the hotel, but I thought about it a lot.” Now he looked down at Jimin. “I didn’t go to the bar in the hopes of picking someone up, it just kind of happened like that. I asked that guy to stay because I wanted to test my theory.”

“Which was?”

“I thought maybe if I slept next to someone, I wouldn’t have the nightmare. It didn’t work though.”

“Why wouldn’t you just tell me that?”

“Cause it’s stupid, there’s no proof or real science that something like that would work, but I clung to it because, for the first time since he died, I went through the night without waking up in a cold sweat.” Yoongi reached for his hair again, which Jimin recognized as a tick of his. He did it whenever he was restless, whether it be from anxiety or embarrassment.

“It’s not stupid,” Jimin said, grabbing Yoongi’s hand, “and you should stop that before you pull all of your hair out.” Yoongi didn’t fight Jimin and let him hold his hand. Jimin’s hand was warm holding his and when he looked down at them, he noticed that Jimin’s hand was half the size of Yoongi’s.

“Stop looking at my hands, I know they’re small,” Jimin said, self-conscious of Yoongi’s wandering eyes.

“They’re cute,” Yoongi replied more to himself than to Jimin. He held it in both of his hands and carefully examined his palm and fingers as if he were looking for something. Jimin didn’t say anything, just watched him and focused on his gentle touch.

“Listen to me,” Yoongi said. “You can’t let your past experience with Jungkook determine your future ones. It’s not fair to you or your future partners. Yeah, he ed you over, but not everyone’s like that. I get that it’s hard to trust, believe me, but...you have to or else there’s no point in even trying. And I can tell you want to try, but you’re holding back. It’s sink or swim now.”

Jimin understood Yoongi perfectly and it was like a switch flipped inside of him. He knew what he wanted, but he kept holding himself back out of fear. If he let his experience with Jungkook dictate his reactions and emotions in his future relationships, he’d never get anywhere.

“I wanna swim,” Jimin said. Then he leaned in and kissed Yoongi.