Rain continues to pour outside. The powers of mother nature must have read my mood. For most of the day, I've been pretty out of it. Until now, I haven't acknowledged any emotion. One could say it's because I had another nightmare but it's not that I didn't sleep well because on the contrary I slept like a baby until my alarm went off at 6:30 AM. I just have to know if J is willing to sing my songs. His voice is so beautiful that it mustn't go unheard. I may not give him an audience but the listeners will flock in the feed once they hear him. But will he even agree to it?

"Hey, hyung, you okay?"

"Ah... Jungkook-ah, sorry. I guess there's... just a lot on my mind."

"I can see that."

On my two days off from Angel-in-us, I work part-time at a PC Bang¹ with a co-worker I consider to be a younger brother. He's still in his first year of university but mature for his age. He's well-versed in music and dance that he could be an idol if he wanted to. But he's said a couple of times before that it's not his forte. This kid's also well aware of his surroundings and can read people's emotions. 

"Hyung, do you want me to take over mop duty?"

"No, it's fine. You can man the front desk. Not a lot of customers now."

"Yeah. It's a tuesday but once the night sets in--"

"--the war begins."

He and I snap and point fingers at each other as a sign of our camaraderie. There's only less than a handful of people I trust. Namjoon being the first of them all, but I can consider Jungkook among them. Although he's young, he's not as immature as I thought those in his age group would be. The 20-year old knows of my nightmares and does become concerned when it hinders me from doing well at my job. It's good to have anyone keep you in check when you're unable to do that on your own.

"Yoongi-hyung, were you able to write lyrics for that song?"

"Not yet. I'm still confused on what to focus on."

"You wrote down ideas like I told you, right?"

"Of course. You're my little helper."

"I'm not little!"

He groans in annoyance and I laugh for the first time today. He responds by laughing back and shaking his head. We snap our fingers and point at each other, our signature move.

One can hear the clicking of mouses, the tapping of multiple keyboards and the noise from the aircon situated in each corner of the PC bang. The floor had been dirtied by the patrons who care not if the place they're entering is getting stained thanks to their muddy shoes. As part of our duty, we take turns mopping the floor and monitoring the cubicles. We have 10 cubicles for each row and there are six rows in the entire space. Only 8 computers are occupied at the moment but there is one customer who has been here since my morning shift started.

I mop the floor starting from the first row going down the line and going around to the second row. The early bird customer is quite young maybe the same age as Jungkook. I make my way down to his side and he has his headset on. He doesn't speak in a loud voice but it's baritone and deep. He's playing an online game but talking to someone.

"Yeah, I have a shift later at SS."

It's bad that I'm eavesdropping but I'm near his vicinity and it's not hard to hear him talk with such a clear voice. He uttered the letters SS and I wonder if it's short for Sleep Service.

"You need me to cover for you? How come? Aahh. Okay okay. I'll cover for you tonight. You owe me one though."

The customer has finished his call and I finish mopping this side of the row and make way to the next row. However, this customer reaches his arm out to grab my attention.

"Ah, excuse me. I want to order cheese ramyun with egg."¹ 

"Yes, coming right up."

After receiving his order, I stand the mop on the wall and walk to the front desk to where Jungkook is. I tell him the customer's computer number and order to input in our system so that we can bill him for his PC use and food afterwards. 

"That guy's been here since this morning and it's his second ramyun in two hours."

"Oh, the guy with the deep voice?"

"You heard his voice, too, huh?"

"Hehe yeah."

"Your type, Jungkook?"

"Hyung!"

"Hehehe."

Jungkook stands up from his chair and leans over the counter to give me a punch on the arm. I know I don't exercise enough but I should be able to dodge his punch. Wrong. My attempt failed though and I can feel my arm in pain. This kid can pack a punch. We both laugh though so I know he wasn't as offended. I observe the twinkle in his eye from the mention of the deep-voiced customer. My instinct is telling me that Jungkook has a type and he's found it. 

"Jungkook-ah, I'll man the front desk. Could you make the ramyun?"

"Okay."

Jungkook doesn't protest and stands up again from his chair to go to the kitchen. He's become more attentive to the customer, contrary to what reaction I expected from him. Funny how a person can alter one's attitude even just for a moment. 

End of my shift. The moment I exit through the back door I curse under my breath. I regret not bringing an umbrella today. The rain hasn't stopped pouring; concern written all over my face. I'm not going to be stuck here all night, right? I check the time on my wrist watch and it displays 5:32 PM. I had planned to continue my music for a few hours and maybe finally give lyrics to my mp3 file but that may just be thrown in the gutter. I keep myself sheltered using my jacket whilst running towards the nearest bus station that's half a kilometer east. I'm able to dodge others running the opposite direction until I reach the bus stop, fixing my jacket and revealing myself who'd just been soaked. I pat myself down and check the bus arrival time displayed above me. Bus 41 is delayed for five minutes due to heavy rains so it's not going to arrive for another fifteen minutes.

I observe the seats and there's one space between a middle-aged woman and a guy in his twenties. I walk towards them and sit between them, squeezing in the already crowded space. The woman glares at me for disturbing her peace and I give a slight bow.

I take out my earphones and phone to listen to some music while I wait for my bus. Each bud is in my ear and I play a song on shuffle. I ear piano chords and a male voice join in. Upon listening, I know it to be Melomance's song "짙어져". Although this song is about a break-up, I can't help but listen to a part of the lyrics and resonate with its meaning.

The night that you dreamt
I'm afraid
Now the night became scary to me
You don't know that

I take in the lyrics then recall the night I left home. It was a rainy day just like this one. Although I could have acted better, my fit of rage was the result of a few drinks too many. I came home that evening with intent to disrespect. My aim was to voice out to my father my dream to be a singer-songwriter. We couldn't see eye-to-eye in my teen years. And the last day I saw him, full of resentment, was the last day I saw him alive. 

As I reminisce my painful past, I feel a buzz in my hands. The music is cut short by my ringtone and "Mom" displayed on the phone screen. I tap the green button to pick up and instead of my mom on the other line, it's my older brother.

"Yoongi-yah."

"Oh hyung. Why are you calling using mom's phone?"

"She's busy. She told me to call you about dad's memorial."

"Ah... right. When is it?"

"In three days."

"Okay... I'll be there."

"And she also wanted me to ask if you're coming home."

"What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean."

"Can't she tell me that herself?"

"That's mom for you."

"Look, I... I don't know."

"Mom says that you can always come back. For real this time."

"Yeah... okay... see you in three days."

I hang up the call before the conversation escalates any further. My mom doesn't want me to stay in Seoul and be far away from her. It's been a year since I first left Daegu. I can imagine how disappointed she must have been when I didn't come home for Chuseok². But I spent that holiday with Namjoon and his family. At least with them, I felt more welcome than I did with mom and my brother.

Over my earphones, I still hear the rain drops hitting the concrete ground. The crowd had gotten smaller every few minutes, a bus would arrive picking up and dropping off passengers but the guy to my left still hasn't gotten on a bus. With an iced americano from Angel-in-us in his hand and his phone on the other. He hasn't budged since. Bus 161 arrives and the guy stands up. He pauses from his game as a call arrives. He walks towards the front of the bus to enter and answers his call.

"Hello?"

Wait... that voice. It's J. It's him! My mouth opens to call out for him but I hesitate because I don't know J's real name. Just shouting out a letter would make me sound stupid. I stand up to look over and maybe catch a glimpse of his face but he's blocked by the fog covering the bus window.

"..."

I sit back down on the bus stop bench and hunch forward, elbows on my knees and fingers combing my hair. I want to pull out every stand on my head. How could I have missed him? But, even if I did catch him for a second, what would I say? Hey, J, it's me Yoongi and I like your voice. Tough luck if that were to ever happen. Finally, after all that my bus arrives. This couldn't get any worse.

The whiff of old carton boxes engulf the air while I am making my way down the stairs to my music studio. I begin to worry that because of the heavy rain the water may have reached the ground floor and found its way to the basement where my studio is. Each step I take, I observe the amount of water that's slowly adding up. I arrive at the last set of steps and the landlord is outside my studio, wearing a raincoat and boots to match. The light inside my studio is on and illuminates the confines. The ceiling is dripping water and my equipment scattered.

"Mister Kang! What happened?!"

"Thank God you're here! Grab some rubber gloves while you're at it."

"Mister Kang, the... the..."

"Don't worry, kid. I salvaged most of your stuff."

Mister Kang, the landlord of my apartment, appears to have been doing this for at least an hour as evidenced by his tired appearance and disheveled gray hair. Following his instruction, I grab a couple of gloves in the supply closet. I hurry back down the basement and watch him bring up boxes one by one to the middle floor on the staircase that connects the ground and basement floors. I swoop in before he brings up another heavy box and give him the rubber gloves.

"Kid, just let me do the heavy lifting."

"No! I can't let you do that. These are my things, Mister Kang."

"I'm not that old, kid."

"But--"

"Fine fine fine. I'll handle these storage boxes and you take care of your stuff. The gloves are for you."

He throws me back the rubber gloves and takes the box I just took from him. I take each glove and wear them on my hands. The rubber gloves are for me to be careful with the wires that may have been drenched in the flood. Each item I carry up the stairs weren't as wet as I thought. Mister Kang must have thought of coming down when the rain had just started. 

"Mister Kang, how long have you been down here?"

"Don't even ask."

His answer silences me and even stops me in my track. I imagine how much physical labor this had cost him. Mister Kang sees me standing still with my synth in my arms. He utters complaints about how I'm too emotionally invested in my equipment.

"You shouldn't be too upset, kid."

He and I pass each other like moving vehicles trying to avoid traffic. We spend no time in getting all items out from the basement room and to the staircase. It's looking like a bodega.

"Thank you, Mister Kang. And I'm sorry..."

I bow to him to show my apology for having him take care of my equipment before I arrived. The guilt builds up as I can imagine his anger. I can't say that Mister Kang's temper is pleasant to witness. I see him raise his arm and I flinch, expecting to get a few hits. Instead, I feel a warm hand pat my back. I stand back up and Mister Kang isn't frowning but instead showing a hint of a smile. 

"Don't worry, kid. I'm not mad."

"I... I thought maybe you'd yell at me."

"Why would I yell?"

"Don't people complain to you about my music?"

"Yeah, they do. But why would I yell at you for that?"

"Let out some steam maybe?"

"Hahaha, you're funny, kid."

He gives me a couple of pats on the shoulder and heads up the stairs with a hand on his waist and the other on the wall helping with his balance. Before he reaches the top of the staircase, he turns around.

"Kid, I'll ask my nephew to help repair your equipment. Just... cheer up."

I bow in response and contemplate on his words of encouragement. From the reassurance of Mister Kang, this is unfamiliar to me. I can't recall any time my own father giving the same positive words. He and Mister Kang would be the same age. My father's adamant opposition of music continues to haunt me to this day. I look at my equipment spread out before me. On one hand, I want to bring them up and check on each one and on the other hand this could be considered as a sign telling me to give up on it all. There's no reason for me to continue. 

I go up the stairs and don't look back. I walk all the way up to my apartment on the fourth floor. 

It's about time I've yielded to my mother's request to just live with her in Daegu. My work on music has gotten me nowhere just as she predicted. I don't have a label, a guide singer, or even an opportunity. There's no card in my deck that I can show for a winning hand.

I reach my apartment and I don't even bother to turn on the lights. I've memorized the entire floor, by memory I ensure I don't trip on anything as I make steps over the clothes scattered from the entrance to my bedroom. I let my bag fall to the floor as I fall backwards on my mattress letting my body surrender to its cloud-like softness. The light from outside finds its way into my room, illuminating the ceiling above me. I stare into the light and my mind wanders. It's already been set in my mind. Music is not for me and the signs have led me to it.

Is music right for me?
Were they right all along?
Why did I even leave home?

Questions pop up in my head that it's giving me a headache. I cover my face with my palms and move it in a circular motion, dragging the skin that it comes in contact with. My eyes closed momentarily and as I reveal my face and open my eyes again, a loud scream escapes me. I sit up immediately and turn on the light by flipping the light switch just a meter away. I stand with my hand still on the switch and scan my room. There's no one here. For a moment I thought I saw a figure above me. It... It was the same figure from my nightmare. The nose-less, eye-less, and hideous creature. It was staring back at me for a second.

All of a sudden, my phone rings, making me jump. I tilt my head and click my tongue, it's not already 10 PM, is it? I take my phone out of my pocket. The screen displays 'Sleep Service' and my eyes drift to the top of the screen that displays the time and it's only 7:14 PM. Why is J calling so early? I answer the call and instead of the soft, tenor voice I expected a much deeper voice responds.

"Hello?"

"Uhh... Hello?"

"Customer Min Yoongi?"

"Who's this?"

"My apologies, Customer Min Yoongi. I know you were expecting J but he cannot receive a call tonight. I am V by the way."

This voice. It's familiar to me. I've heard this voice. Where did I-- aha! It's the guy that ordered three ramyuns and played games at the PC bang for eight hours! The fact that I'm able to put a face on a voice, I feel relieved. Because maybe, just maybe, I can put a face on J's voice when the time comes.

"Okay... J's not able to take my call?"

"Yes, that's correct."

"Uhhh..."

"Ah! You must be wondering about tonight's call. Don't worry! J left a recording for you."

"A recording?"

"Yes. Sandman Agents should never leave their customer without providing a substitute. So, we leave recordings or voice messages for our clients to listen."

"..."

"You must be excited!"

I let out a humourless laugh as response to this V guy's excitement. This company's considered every angle in customer service. I can't say that I'm shocked but honestly, I am. Would the messages left to the client be a scripted message? I wonder. Do Sandmen have scripts they record for their clients? How is this going to be an authentic message? Wow. I take a step back on my questions because, in my head, I sound as if I'm evaluating a company. But, then again this is a legitimate company with staff doing their jobs. J is just doing his job. This audio message won't mean anything to him... and it shouldn't mean anything to me.

"Customer Min Yoongi. To hear the voice message left by J, you need to drop this call and dial a new number. The message will automatically play."

"Uhuh..."

"Do you have any questions, sir?"

"No."

"Okay. The number is 010-9900-0099."

I memorize the number by mouthing the numbers repeatedly. The agent gives his final greeting which I ignored and hang up the call, not forgetting the numbers. It didn't matter to me that it's still early. I needed to hear his voice again. I select the phone app and the number dial display appears. I type in the numbers I have orally memorized. I pace back and forth in an attempt to keep myself from exploding in excitement. I hit the greet call button after just a couple of rings a message comes through.

"Hyung"

A voice so recognizable that it rings in my head over and over like a song on replay. His voice left a strong impression on me. Even the way he says hyung is so...cute.

"This is J. Do you recognize my voice yet? Hehe."

How can a guy's voice be this cute? I stop pacing and sit down on the edge of my bed and increase the volume of my phone and put it on speaker. 

"I'm sorry I had to leave a voice message. I had to--uhm... I just had an appointment. I hope you're doing okay."

An appointment? It's not bad, is it? Is he telling the truth? If I saw him earlier today, then... where did he go? What kind of person even is he? There's so much about J that I don't know about. I close my eyes and just imagine he's talking to me in person.

"So...I don't want you to have any nightmares tonight. I'll sing a lullaby, okay? "

He's speaking in a soft melodic voice that is hard not to fall for. A giggle unknowingly escapes me.

"Don't laugh, Hyung!"

Whoa. How? How did he--

"Okay. Here goes."

Goodnight, sweet Prince.
Goodnight, blue sky.
Goodnight is not the end
Goodnight is not goodbye

I'm here for you
I'm here always
Sleep well, sweet Prince
Tomorrow is a new day

A lullaby I've never heard before. Did he make this up himself? His creativity astounds me if that were true. There are a few more verses he sings and repeats it again. The lullaby lasts for about a minute before he speaks again.

"Did you like it? It's a lullaby I listened to when I was younger. I wanted to share it with you. I hope you sleep well tonight. Goodnight, Hyung."

And with that, the message ends. I open my eyes and stare back at the phone with my face reflecting back at me on the black screen. The happy expression on my face hasn't faded yet. Having listened to J and heard his voice, my mind is clear of all unanswered questions that's been bothering me today and even for the past year.

Along with everything that has kept me in desolation, I abandon such thoughts. 

I have one remaining hope.

One of these days... be it tomorrow, next month, or even next year!

I will meet J. 

AUTHOR'S NOTES:

1 - PC bang / Internet Cafe. These are common in Korea and popular among young people and gamers who don't have their own gaming set-ups at home. Most internet cafes are equipped with everything. You can even order food but mostly fast snack foods like ramyun or kimbap. 

2 - Chuseok is a huge holiday in Korea. It's a 2 (or 3)-day holiday where people go back to their hometowns to be with their family.

AUTHOR'S COMMENTS: 

There was VKook if you squint hard enough. Hahaha. I always like adding other couples but I don't make it so obvious... as I'd like to believe. 
I realized that Yoongi and J have only talked twice. This is the third night and J had to miss their call leaving Yoongi disappointed and bringing him down;;; But hey! J left a voice message. A really adorable one :3 Yoongi likes it. Hehe.

Any Jimin-biased fan will agree that he has such a unique voice that you can distinguish it among others. Riiiight? XD

I honestly felt bad for destroying Yoongi's music equipment :( I know musicians are attached to their instruments and stuff. Yoongi thinks these are all signs telling him to stop. Even at the end of the chapter, he forgets it for a while thanks to J but Yoongi's pretty set in stopping music altogether. We'll see in the next chapter if J is able to save Yoongi's dream!

What do you think will happen next? WILL YOONGI AND J EVER MEET??? Leave a comment and tell me what you think! <3