The Formalities of Friendship

Chapter 5: Hyeyeon

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* Goodbyes make you think. They make you realize what you’ve had. *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧
✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* What you’ve lost. And what you’ve taken for granted. *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

I tossed a disorganized stack of papers from our shared desk into a box that was already half full of my various other belongings.

This was it.

With little regard for the objects, I shoved the last of my knickknacks into the box and taped it closed.

I glanced around the room, a heavy sigh vibrating through my chest.

My last day in the dorms.

The majority of my other stuff had already been moved out.

The bunk that I used to stay in was now empty, resembling the state it was in when the group had initially moved in.

My last day with the girls.

I felt my eyes begin to sting as I looked over all of the other bunks.

Each was filled with brightly colored stuffed animals and other sweet gifts from our fans.

Now, their fans…

They were no longer mine.

I definitely was going to miss it.

There was a knock on the bedroom door.

Miss this.

“Hyeyeon-ah,” came Bora’s soft voice, “How are you doing?”

Miss them.

I didn’t bother hiding my tears as my members began to file into the room, led by Hana.

Noticing my sadness, Hana immediately pulled me in for a hug.

Her arms held me delicately, as if trying to protect me from the pain that I was going through.

“We’ll still talk,” I breathed out against my elder’s shoulder, my voice coming out strained and shaky.

I could only hope.

Did being a trainee again mean that I didn’t get to keep the phone that I had just earned back?

Would it be like with other bands - Jellyfish forcing the other girls to cut off contact with me?

My statement had seemingly come out of nowhere, though the members knew exactly what I meant.

As usual.

We just got each other.

Hana let me pull away from our hug, but kept her hands on my arms.

At the distance we were at I could see tears glistening in Bora’s eyes.

But I didn’t say anything.

Hana wouldn’t want me to.

She was having a hard enough time dealing with this, as the leader.

“Well, I hope so,” Sejeong playfully rustled my hair, attempting to lighten the mood, “You’re not going to get rid of us that easily.”

I forced a small laugh.

Normally Sejeong’s antics would have cheered everyone up, made everyone forget why they were upset in the first place.

But nothing would fix this.

“I’m sorry,” I rubbed at my dampened cheeks, blotching them with red spots.

“You have nothing to apologize for,” Haebin was next to step up, “You’re doing what’s best for you…All we want is what’s best for you.”

She had meant it sweetly, hoping to reassure me.

But it just made the guilt inside of me intensify.

I was doing what was best for me.

Not for my group.

And I felt horribly selfish.

“Hey,” Hana gave my arm a supportive squeeze, “Stop. You’re not being selfish. We don’t blame you.”

Hana was a wonderful leader.

She could read all of us, no problem.

And that just made me feel worse.

“Hyeyeon, study hard for your unnies.”

Mina stayed close to the door, keeping away from the crowd, and trying to maintain an unbothered façade.

Trying to pretend that this didn’t affect her.

But the quiver in her voice betrayed her.

It was especially hard on her.

We had been very close.

We had matured together.

“Mina-unnie…”

I wasn’t sure what to say, so I was relieved when Nayoung interrupted.

She was already bawling, every shred of composure long gone.

“Hyeyeon-ah! Our baby! I’m going to miss you so much!”

She shoved our leader away from me and roughly pulled me against her chest.

Everyone knew Nayoung especially loved her maknaes.

We were like her children.

“Nayoung-unnie. Please don’t be upset…Thank you for everything you’ve done for me.”

When I pulled away from Nayoung, I could barely make Sally out over the taller girl’s shoulder.

She was also crying.

Soyee was quick to take Sally in her arms to comfort her.

I forced myself to look away as I felt my own tears once again began to threaten to fall.

“I know you’re on a schedule. Sorry,” Nayoung gave me one last big squeeze, “I just don’t want to see you go.”

Last there was Mimi.

“I’m going to miss you, Hyeyeon.”

She was calm and stoic, her eyes hollow and dark.

She had never been this serious.

YalMimi was gone.

And I hated that it was because of me.

“Unnie, please cheer up. They need your happiness right now.”

But she didn’t say anything else.

I sighed, taking a step back from the group in order to speak to them all.

“I’m going to miss you all so much. Please don’t think that my leaving means that I don’t care about you,” I paused, attempting to hold back more tears, “Because I love you all. And I love everything that we have done together. I will cherish gugudan forever.”

Through her sadness, Hana extended her hand out to me.

We all followed suit, stacking our hands.

This was it.

On Bora’s count, we tossed our hands into the air.

My last day in the dorms.

“Gugudan break it!”

My last day with the girls.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*.*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

This one took me a long time to write… I was, and still am, extremely affected by Hyeyeon’s departure from the group. I just want what is best for her and absolutely support her decision, but that doesn’t make this situation any less painful.

I originally had a different prompt for Hyeyeon’s chapter. It was something along the lines of her about to be celebrating her 18^th birthday and being scared to become an adult. But after the news dropped, I thought this one might be better.

I’m sorry that it’s not that good. I really struggled with this. It’s hard for me to think about Hyeyeon, and even gugudan in general sometimes…

Anyways, please support gugudan, Hyeyeon, Act. 5, and Not That Type!