The Formalities of Friendship

Chapter 4: Nayoung

.｡*ﾟ+.*.｡To long for love is the most natural feeling a human being can haveﾟ+..｡*ﾟ+

.｡*ﾟ+.*.｡So then why does it hurt so muchﾟ+..｡*ﾟ+

I’m clingy.

Yes, I know.

“You tend to ask the members to sleep with you.”

“You love physical touch.”

“Nayoung is an affection seeker.”

They loathe it.

Yes, I know.

“It’s very annoying.”

“I don’t really like it.”

“Haebin hates it.”

When we got back from the interview, I immediately went to my dorm room without a word to my members.

I settled onto my bunk, tugging the privacy curtain shut and pulling my knees into my chest.

I couldn’t help that I craved affection.

I wanted to be loved, was that so much to ask?

We were new idols.

We weren’t allowed to date.

We rarely got to see our families.

Of course I missed being loved.

I hugged my legs tighter, simply wanting to feel warm again.

My members didn’t get that though.

I knew that they were going through the same hardships, but they dealt with it in different ways.

Bora liked to write music to distract herself, while Sojin wrote poetry.

Sejeong and Mina were social butterflies; They got their love from their many friends.

Hyeyeon and Sally loved to dance because it took their minds off of any problem they were having.

Haebin cooked her feelings away, while Mimi attempted to do the same.

I, on the other hand, didn’t have a way to cope.

I had tried.

I had spent many nights with each of the members trying to distract myself with their various hobbies.

In the end, I was still always left with that same empty feeling.

I still always found myself begging one of my members to let me share a bed with them for the night, pleading with them to hold me while I tried to sleep.

I closed my eyes, pressing my chin to my knees.

Why?

Because I didn’t want a distraction.

I wanted love.

Actual love.

That warm feeling of knowing someone cared about you.

Then there was a faint knock against the side of my bunk.

I opened my eyes, but otherwise remained motionless.

“Nayoung unnie,” it was Mina, “Please let me join you.”

She spoke softly, and I already knew that I was going to give in to her.

“Fine…Come in,” I whispered back to her.

She pulled the curtain to the side, just enough for her to crawl in and sit next to me on my bed, and then she tugged it shut.

I closed my eyes again, not having the strength to look at anyone at the moment.

“Unnie, I love you.”

My breath hitched.

What was this about all of a sudden?

I felt her shift next to me, the bed shaking slightly with her movements.

Suddenly her arms were wrapped around me, and her forehead was pressed to my shoulder.

“I love when you hug me. And I miss you when you share a bed with the other girls. And I don’t mind when you kiss my cheeks when we’re backstage…”

She hesitated.

I felt her take in a shaky breath, her sharp inhale vibrating through both of our bodies.

“And I know that feeling…that one in your chest…in your heart. I feel it, too, unnie.”

Her tone was so sincere.

I finally dared to open my eyes.

“I’m sorry, Mina.”

She chuckled.

It was cold, almost devoid of emotion.

“For what, unnie?”

I wanted to apologize for everything.

Make her feel better.

Because I knew exactly what she was going through, and I hated it.

I didn’t want her to have to suffer the way I did.

“I’m sorry for making things about myself. For not recognizing how you felt. For not being able to help you. For-”

She squeezed me tighter, silencing me.

“I don’t want you to be sorry. Not for how I feel and not for how you feel.”

I leaned my head to the side, resting it softly against hers.

For a moment, there was nothing but silence.

Until I dared to lower my knees from my chest, and turn to face her on the bed.

We now sat cross-legged in front of each other.

I immediately missed the contact.

And I know she did, too.

She was the first to break the silence.

“I will always be here to love you, Nayoung unnie. When you think there is no love left for you, mine will still be there.”

She let her eye smile come out, and I couldn’t help but want to smile back.

Sitting there, looking at her soft cheeks, her gentle eyes, and her sweet smile, I was suddenly reminded of the tiny Mina that I had first met when we were trainees.

And I suddenly wanted nothing more than to protect her.

“I don’t want you to ever feel that way again,” I felt myself getting shy as my words became a bit quieter, “I want to make sure that you always feel loved, too, Mina.”

She reached her hand out to me, and when I took it in mine, I could feel a warmth, that warmth that had been absent from our lives for so long, once again surround us.

And I suddenly remembered what it felt like to truly be loved.

And I never wanted to lose that feeling again.

.｡*ﾟ+.*.｡ﾟ+..｡*ﾟ+

I neglected my marketing homework to finally finish this, so I hope you guys liked it lol.

A few quick notes about the story: First, I’m sorry that these chapters are so short :(( Second, all of the gugudan members love each other (obviously), but in the context of this chapter, Nayoung is longing for a constant source of love, a particular kind of love, one that I don’t really know how to explain lol. Third, the love that Mina and Nayoung are talking about isn’t really a romantic one. That may be a small underlying feeling that they share, but the main point of their shared love in this is one of sort of wanting to protect the other and make sure they know that they’re not alone. Lastly, the bolded quotes in this chapter are from their Celuv TV interview on 180208.

Also, thanks to jokerdawn for encouraging me to start writing again. Honestly, if it weren’t for them, I would’ve thought people didn’t care about this story hehe.

I’ll try to continue updating this when I get time, so stay tuned. The next chapter is about our golden maknae, Hyeyeon~

As always, I appreciate all of the support :)