The Formalities of Friendship

Chapter 3: Sejeong

♥*♡+:｡.｡We are not what other people say we are.｡.｡:+♡*♥

♥*♡+:｡.｡We are who we know ourselves to be. We are what we love.｡.｡:+♡*♥

♥*♡+:｡.｡And that’s okay.｡.｡:+♡*♥

You are the only person who ever truly knows the real you.

You know yourself from the day you are born until the day you die.

But sometimes the you that you know changes.

And sometimes you may not understand those changes.

Or you may not like those changes.

Because you had grown accustomed to the self that you used to know.

But you can’t stop those changes.

You can’t fight them.

No matter how hard you try, there’s never any going back.

Because those changes have already manifested themselves inside of you and changed your very being.

You’ve already become a stranger to yourself.

I didn’t even realize that I was changing.

To me, I just always thought of myself as the same Sejeong that I had been since I was young.

The same Sejeong who loved playing around outside in the sun.

The same Sejeong who would spend countless hours practicing singing trot songs in her grandmother’s living room.

The same Sejeong who liked boys.

But I guess that’s where things get hard.

Well, harder, I suppose.

I guess it’s not really a change.

That desire, that attraction, it had always been there.

I just didn’t acknowledge it.

I didn’t want to.

But it’s still so much easier to tell yourself that it was a change.

Because if you had changed, there was still the possibility that you could change back.

You could lie to yourself.

Tell yourself that you weren’t always like this.

That you used to be normal.

That you could very well go back.

That you could once again accept yourself.

Because if you couldn’t accept yourself in this new state, this new form, then how could you expect anybody else to?

How could you expect your best friend to?

 “Nayoung, I think I like girls. I…I think I’m gay.”

It was the first time I said it aloud.

It wasn’t that I hadn’t tried; It was that I couldn’t.

I just couldn’t bring myself to say it.

Because if I said it, it would make this real.

But Nayoung was my best friend.

Is my best friend.

She gives me strength even when I think I’ve run out.

The strength to fight, and the strength to persevere.

She deserved the truth.

All I could do was watch her, waiting defenselessly for her response.

Our dorm room suddenly felt like a prison.

Cramped and uncomfortable.

There was no escape.

And it was my fault that I was here.

I held my breath.

“Sejeong,” she finally spoke.

But then said nothing else.

Her eyes held mine through the silence.

I wanted to look away, but the power in her gaze told me not to.

Suddenly I was enveloped in a hug, Nayoung’s arms pulling me tightly to her chest.

“I will love you no matter what, Kim Sejeong,” I let my forehead come to rest against her shoulder, “You’re my best friend.”

My heart trembled at her words.

And then I was crying.

God, how I wanted to be as strong as she was.

I tried to speak through my sobs, wanting to make her aware of the weight she had taken off of my shoulders, but nothing came out.

Except more sobs.

I don’t know what I would have done if she hadn’t been so understanding.

What I would have done if I lost her.

Having to change because you lost someone who means the world to you is more painful than being forced to change for yourself.

I felt her hand rub softly at my back, trying to calm me.

And in that moment I knew.

She didn’t mind changing for me.

And she didn’t mind that I had changed for myself.

I still wasn’t sure if this was who I wanted to be, but I was sure of one thing.

“Sejeong, I’ll always be here for you.”

Nayoung would always be there for me.

Regardless of my changes.

Regardless of who I was.

♥*♡+:｡.｡｡.｡:+♡*♥

Sorry that this is a short chapter. I felt that what I wanted to convey was best written in brief. I hope you liked it, regardless.

I just wanted to say that I support love in all it’s forms, and that you should accept yourself for who you are :)

Also, this is obviously a work of fiction. Please don’t harass Sejeong about her uality lol