There wasn’t a time where we can have a normal and peaceful day, not to us especially. Every single thing, every single moment and every single time. It must be him, only him and no one else but the problem is that, no one can see him. I can only see him. He was a ghost that wonders around, maybe you can call him a lost soul that is in need to find something until they finally can be at peace.

But of all the people that can see what the others can’t, it feels horrible seeing him all the time and it’s been a month since I’ve encountered him. I sometimes wonder if he knew I can see him, yet he decides to follow me everywhere quietly without approaching. But I am quite relieved that he hasn’t approached me yet, I just want to stay away and live a peaceful life.

Unfortunately, I can’t because of him, quietly following me for over a month makes me even more curious. His death, his purpose and importantly, why me? Not only that I’m curious about, his name, his age, his family, his school, just everything. Amongst all the ghosts I can see, some of them used to bother me until they know that I’m not going to be concern on helping or anything to them.

Something about him makes me feel curious more and more each day, in and out from the house, around school campus and even during my work. He just follows and watches every step I make, and everything I do. Even though I tried to tell myself that I can’t get distracted during work, but I always fail to do so. He just bothers me so much.

I thought maybe I should give it a try after my work and maybe try to approach him first at the house, much more private than elsewhere and away from the people. Few minutes and few hours past till late night and till the closing time, I walked out at the counter to start cleaning up the tables.

I didn’t see him, surprisingly or confusingly? Again, it’s just make me feel weird without seeing him around me or nearby and for the first time I realised I’m worried, for someone who was a lost soul. Nonetheless, I just cleaned up before I clocked out and head home for homework and tomorrow class.

A typical night as I used to this feeling each time I choose to walk long distance back home than taking a cab or bus home, maybe to save money or maybe to exercise, who knows but not tonight. This feeling, it’s lingering for I don’t know how long and there was like a missing thing I might missed or might lost it. Those feeling when you realised you lost the most precious thing in the world, that’s how it feels now, looking around my surrounding yet it took me too long to realise what has been missing.

Him, of all the things today I must forget about him. I ran home as quickly as I can and tried to key in my house code as fast as I can again, yet he wasn’t around too. I grew worried and that night was the night I couldn’t sleep.

Yeah, I really couldn’t sleep and reached the campus looking so hopeless and lifeless. Even though I’m kind of anti-social kind and little introvert person, my classmates suddenly started to talk to me and asking how I am here and there.

Another day with weird things again but this time, I am tired for anything. I just kept quiet all the way with all those chattering that towards and directly to me. Question, words and little help from them doesn’t help me to find that mysterious lost soul that used to linger around me.

Who are you? Why do you come to me? What do you want from me? Do we know each other? Is there a memory that you can’t forget and think I might able to help you? Tons of question that I wanted to ask him, tons of things I wanted to know and tons of wonder I was wondering.

I decided to go home early for today, I dragged my legs today, I bought instant ramen today, I looked down while walking and I did everything slowly but, it’s not evening after all these slow moods of mine. I told myself, let it don’t bother me and let it out away from my mind. No matter how much I tried, it doesn’t work anymore because it’s him. Him whom I may not know his name yet.

As normal, keyed in the door code and opened the door while removing my shoes at the same time and put down my bag knowing I have nothing else to bring for the next day and walked straight towards the bathroom to wash my feet. Little I know, he was watching me earlier, yet I didn’t notice until I walked out of the bathroom to the living room and see him sitting at the end of the sofa.

How much I wanted to scream internally and run to him so that I can beat him up for the sudden appearance, but my body didn’t react what I expect but instead I asked,

“Who are you?” the first thing came out from my mouth while staring at him, waiting for him to respond in return. Yup he is, with the surprised face and slowly standing up from the sofa. “Wait, you can see me?” he asked, of course as I expected this question, so I just nodded.

His tall height when he stood up, his thick lips and for the first I was able to look at him properly from head to toes closely and not only me, so does he. Looking at me from head to toes for a front view as he always followed me from the back view.

This was going to take a few minutes until I cleared my throat to break down the awkward silent and we automatically look away of the shyness between us. “I’m just guessing that you knew I was following you behind quietly, wasn’t you?” I nodded of his question and he said, “my name is Chae Hyungwon and I’m 24 years old.”

He introduced himself while smiling and scratching his neck shyly which make me let out some soft chuckles naturally as I look at how cute he was at the same time. “My name is Shin Hyejin and I’m two years younger than you, 22 years old,” said it with my poker face back.

I rarely smiled, or laughed but I just did, after for quite sometimes and I forgot when the last time I genuinely smiled and laughed. I just did, towards his cuteness and shyness, it’s felt like an awe and déjà vu. It went back to an awkward silent again but that was just a few seconds until he opened his mouth and said,

“I’m pretty sure you have a lot of question to ask me since you finally spoke to me and at the same I don’t dare to approach you due of your coldness vibe so I’m just going to answer all the possible question I might think you wanted to ask.”

He signalled me to sit down on the sofa as he sat on it at the same time, to make sure I feel comfortable while listening to him properly and focusing on him. He took a deep breath before letting it out.

“I died when I was your age and yes, it was two years ago with an accident, I think you might called me as the lost soul and I think I started being one just few months ago, quite some time before I met you last month. I followed you not because I need your help, but something makes me naturally followed you all day long, that mysterious white shadow behind your back and there was few flashback strikes in my mind time to time. So stupidly of course, I choose to follow you around and maybe not yesterday if you wonder. It was my second death anniversary and yeah, I have to disappear for a day.”

He sadly smiled but look down to his lap with his hands gasping together, almost wanted to cry but it was the dry tears and sad laughed came out. It’s my first time fully listened to someone and for the first time, I moved closer to him as I looked at his hand, whether able to hold his hand or purely invisible of it.

Slowly and carefully, I reached my hand out to grab his hand and to both of our shock, I can touch his hand and feel it too. Normally I thought I can’t as I always walked past the other ghosts and walked thru their soulless body but now, only him I can do this. I hold his hand as I look at him before trying my best to give a slight smile to him while he returned at the same time and patting my head.

“You should smile more than being so cold like this,” he jokingly said as I rolled my eyes and removed my hands away from him before standing up and walked towards the kitchen while ignoring him. Just simply went to grab a glass of water and he still follow me like a minion, more of like a ghost minion without any help given.

We didn’t talk for the rest of the night, it was extremely awkward between us, so he just stayed at the living room and stared at the tv meanwhile I stayed in the room while on my laptop to do my assignment as usual.

The next day were back as usual, we didn’t talk or make an eye contact to each other. Just him following me behind as usual while I just continued my day, going to class and library for assignment and project. None of us spoken a word, for a whole day again.

It’s continued this silent treatment to each other for few days until the last day of school before winter break start. Sure, it was the last day, but it was the same things to us, nothing changed, and nothing expected. Just students at the campus were saying goodbye and saying to enjoy the winter break before next spring semester.

At least I don’t have to say goodbye to anyone, alone to know anybody at the campus. Fortunately, I just packed my stuff and walked straight back home to spend the rest of the day in the room with my bed. Such a homebody I am that anyone maybe can related.

Again, he was in the living while I’m at the bedroom. The awkward tension increased each time I went out for water, food or to the bathroom. Both of us thought that one of us should take a move but again we couldn’t do it, again and again.

The night falls and I wore my thick oversized hoodies before heading out to my room’s balcony and look up at the night sky. Even though it’s freezing cold due of upcoming winter, I look on my right to see him out at the balcony from the living room too, I can’t help but to smile a bit by looking at his side profile.

His defined jaw line, his wide eyes looking at the sky and his silent deep sigh, why would a such person suffer such pain in early age of this. Nothing can be repaired, hmm? The night sky, the cold breeze and the shining stars, slowly a white little snowflake started to fall when both of us were still staring at the sky blankly then we look at each other at the same time.

It was our first snow fall with each other, again with the awkward silent but this time, staring each other without a word. It’s felt like no words can be spoken between us, just us looking each other and we knew what we wanted to say. The hidden telepathy, the hidden feeling and the hidden words unspoken.

Why do I have this feeling that we might know each other but we don’t? Was it the lost memories or was it some distant memories?

He walked over, more of like walking passed through the barrier invisibly towards me and stood in front of me silently, reading my face and caressed my cheek. I blushed of his sudden touch on my cheek and automatically look down, avoiding his eye contact yet his voice makes me look at him.

“Hyejin...” he called me before looking up at the sky with me. ”It’s the first time ever since my death, I get to see the first snow fall with you,” he smiled and give me a hug, even though there was no temperature or warmth now but the feeling of sincere was stronger than just a normal warmth.

We stayed in this position for few minutes until I patted his back to release the hugs and again, back to the awkward tension with a silent yet breezing air around us. “I think I should get inside,” I break this awkward silent as I entered the room due of the cold weather outside.

He followed me behind but with little cautious and wary, he still unable to touch mortal things so he couldn’t close the door behind. I turned around and to see how much effort he tried to close the door with his hands passed through it, I shake my head as I walked over and closed it instead before looking at his apologetic face towards me.

“It’s okay,” I said while looking down before walking away and sat on the chair next to the study table, let out a soft sigh as I cover my face with my arms on the table. Hyungwon slowly walk towards me yet standing behind me, looking at those photo frame I placed on the table. I it back straight and turn around to see him starring at those photos and I asked, “I may be quiet, but I do have those memories.”

“We don’t know each other story, why don’t we take this chance to tell each other about it? I’ll try to recall as much as I can but if it’s not comfortable for you, we don’t- ““It’s okay, it is best if I have someone to talk after for quite some time,” I interrupted while he was talking but nodded of what I said. From that night, we shared many things and little secret between us.

Before that, I went to the bed to lay down comfortably to listen his story first while he sits on it with his legs resting comfortably. From his life story as an elite student in the school, only child in his family and everything that happened before the accident.

I stayed quiet, listening to his story and without knowing that I fell asleep soundly. As he continued his story till he heard a deep breathing, he stopped and look at me while staring at my feature as well as pushing the strand of hair behind my ears. He doesn’t sleep, it was kind of the habit since he can’t touch or feel anything with his touch except her. Only her that he can touch and feel her at the same time.

“If I ever going to be able to be back alive or be immortal, I will come back to you again and protect you whenever I can. You’re the first one ever that able to see me and make me feel special, for now I’ll do my best to get a body or be immortal for you. Otherwise, let’s hope to meet again in our next life,” his silent thought that spoken his mind before getting up on the bed and walked while passing the door to the balcony as he looks back at me, “I’ll be back, I promise.” Until then, he disappeared in thin air.

The next morning, I woke up, he wasn’t beside me or anywhere else in the house when I got up and walked around. So, I thought maybe there were something he need to do which I may not want to know. I continued my day as boring as usual, sleep, work and eat, continuously without a thought of life.

Few days, few weeks and few months passed just like, without a word or anything from him, it feels like back to normal, very normal than expected. Things changed, I barely seeing ghost around, I barely get any disturbance from them and most importantly, I finally get the meaning of peace in my life.

But this peace end too quickly because the next thing I realised, summer semesters starting in a few days while I haven’t been preparing well for school or anything and I hope that it will still be the same till the graduation.

Few days passed by like a flash and next thing, never ending of me running for first day back to the campus as a senior. At least for a luck that the lecture hasn’t arrived but almost all the classmates are. I rolled my eyes and I grab a random seat on the middle section while left nobody sitting next to me, left and right except one or two seats away from me.

Typical as usual, expected as usual, what’s new nowadays? Nothing, except when the lecturer came with mysterious student behind him. I can’t be bothered so I just took out my laptop and stare at it while multi-tasking at the same time, to listen what he was going to say.

“Alright class, I would like to introduce you a new student which going to stay with us till the graduation so, introduce yourself to the class,” the lecturer smiled at him before going back to his teaching desk while the new student stand in front to introduce himself.

Something made me look up, the voice made me recognized who was it and the familiar face which make me speechless when he introduced himself and said, “Hello, my name is Chae Hyungwon and I’m going to be here till the graduation.”

Chae Hyungwon, the name rings in my head and then a flashback just happened. That disappeared lost soul, the one that disappeared without a word, came back alive like that while breathing and talking to the other, humans? But how?

The lecturer asked him to sit wherever he want to before he can start the class, so the first thing he saw was me, and smiled widely before lowkey excitedly walking and sitting next to me. Widen my eyes in surprised when he sits next to me and many question came up in my mind.

But those thought got cut off by him saying, “I know what you want to say but I’ll explained everything during break, when everyone leaves this room,” whispered the last part to my ears before focusing back to the class with him taking out the laptop.

For hours passed, I couldn’t focus in class but the only thing in my mind was just him, make me wonder so deep to the point I didn’t write any notes for today, till the bell rang for lunch break and free period.

Slowly, one by one left the room until the last person left, we stayed quiet until the door closed shut by the last person while awkward silent remained between us. Before I can say a word after few minutes of the silent, he cupped my cheek and kissed my lips.

I was shocked, until he pulled back the kiss, I am still shocked about the sudden action. It was just a few seconds until a tear from my eyes fall and I look at him, moving my hand up to hold his left cheek and realised the cold feeling against it, so does his hand too.

“Firstly, I want to apologize to you for disappearing without a word. Secondly, I know you do want an explanation and thirdly, I’m not a human again,” he smilingly said that in the calm and manner way. How can you be calm, expecting oh it was nothing when he was not a human again?

I was, still on my poker face while listening to his story. From his disappearance to the place to the world where it doesn’t exist in our kind of world to how hard he begged days to month just for me and the hidden secret he can’t tell me yet for sure but he trusted me, he told me that he wasn’t an ordinary human nor a human himself but a grim reaper which I didn’t even once thought about it.

First was the kiss, second was him as a grim reaper and thirdly, what’s now? It’s getting more confusing the more I think and the more headache I’m getting it, but I guess the matter now was I don’t have to be afraid to talk to him, right? Or should I be worried?

Worried because after the class dismissed and we walked out together while he companies me to my locker, there were tons of whispering and staring at him or to some, judging both of us together. Fine, I can admit that he was a good looking, still the same look when he was the lost soul but just that his hair was apparently burgundy.

Maybe it’s rare to them to see someone that walking beside me and knowing and talking to me, when I was known as one of the quietest in the campus. Unfortunately, this time it was him that beside me, a new yet handsome student among the girls in the campus.

I wondered, while on the way home with him beside me, not behind me anymore. Too many questions in my mind again until I felt a pat on my head, I turned to see him with his hand on my head. I instantly frown but he just smiled and lower his back slightly to my eye level before poking my nose.

Again, he knew I have a lot of question again this time around but he told me he will tell everything again when we reached my house, I asked if he coming over yet he said that it feel like a home to him naturally during those ‘ghost’ day of his so of course he invited himself unknowingly by me which he ended up leading the way as he grabbed my wrist to hold onto it so that I won’t get lost.

It feels comforting at the same time while walking with his hand on mine, I feel safe at the same time and I feel secured after a long time. Not long till we reached my apartment and he just casually key in the house code like it was also his home.

Just as I removed my shoes and put on my house slipper after him, I was being pushed against the wall softly while being trapped under his long arms side by side. Only the silent filled around us with his glare on me, I tried to look away and move away from his warm arms, but my body didn’t react the way I wanted.

I just frozen, while looking into his eyes as he still staring at it, smiling like he finally has me all alone. His face getting closer to mine, of course by instinct of mine, I move back a bit while knowing I’m already trapped and nowhere to go.

His eyes colour changed, my hands which on his arms were warm and the tension were getting stronger. His hand moving from my cheek to my lips before getting even closer until just an inch distance between us.

I can’t move, I don’t move as I wanted, my mind and body have been separated and my heart was pounding so hard. It’s unusual, it’s the closest I can ever be with someone and that someone is.

Him.

He kissed my lips this time but in slowly movement, my eyes still opened until few seconds, I decided to close my eyes and kissed him back. Moving my arms to wrap around his shoulder while his arms slide down and wrapped around my waist as he pulled even closer.

Instantly he pulled me up and carried me, my legs naturally wrapped around his torso but to realise that I’m up from the ground and tapped his shoulder while pulling back the kiss. He looks at me and I look at him, in the awkward position from my view.

I let out a soft chuckle, so does him. He walked towards the couch and sit on it while I’m on his lap, staring at him and caressing his hair. For once, I finally felt and understand the word of love. So, this is how you feel in love, and maybe truly feel like you’re belong to him.

He as well, smiling widely as he imprinted on me. He as well, caressing my hair too while complimenting one by one which make me blush the reddest I can ever be. Yet again, I have many question in my mind.

Can I trust him? Can I love him? Can I believe in him? Can I truly be with him? Those typical question people may thought but it’s meant a lot to me. To the point I lived alone, I have no friends and naturally little introvert than expected.

Of all these, he gets to break all those walls I built as the years passed by till I met him. From a lost soul to a grim reaper, in order to protect me and his sincere to be there for me. Of all these, I fell in love with someone who used to be a ghost which I first opened up.

We stayed in this position until I rest my head on his shoulder before I closed my eyes and fell asleep with his patting on my back. It was never felt so much comfortable than a bed but with someone I can feel secured.

I hope this will stay longer and forever. I wish nothing will happen between us, or anything at all. He carried me up in bridal style towards my room and put me gently on the bed before walking out the house for his stuff.

When I woke up, I look out the window next to the bed and realised it was night time as I checked the time on the side table, it was 9 o’clock at night. I got up and walked out of the room, realising he wasn’t here so I can only assume for now that he maybe went back home or disappeared for a while.

My mind was hurting, and I can’t recall anything that happened this afternoon, I can’t really remember. My eyes getting dizzier while walking towards the kitchen, shaking my head while taking a glass of water as well as the painkiller.

Just as I took it, an arm suddenly wrapped around my waist once again and it was him. “Sorry for the sudden disappear, I thought I’ll be back before you wake up, but I guess I’m little late,” he said as he turned me around to face him.

“Where are you staying now?” I asked as I removed his arms from my waist and washed my cup. “With you, I just brought all my stuff quietly while you’re sleeping,” he grabbed my wrist and pulled me to the bedroom to show me this new wardrobe that I didn’t noticed when I woke up.

“I managed to get the bigger one to fit for both of our clothes,” back hugged me as he kissed my cheek. The word ‘ours’ getting little more and more unusual yet comforting word between us. I never felt I have been in love this fast and this deep, it’s totally a new world.

What I always used to see couple from the television and public were way different because what I see love were just a useless thing, where you will always disagree each other and ended up break up, especially married couple ended up divorcing.

With him? I don’t know if I can trust the word love and forever with him, the fact that he won’t age no matter how many years passed, meanwhile, I have to grow old and what’s not. Now, we ended up on the couch, cuddling each other while watching the television, after so many years without switching on.

We stayed quiet all night long, we watched all night long or maybe not all night I guess. I fall asleep without knowing and he just continued staring at me before switching off the television and carried me in bridal style to the bedroom while gently putting me on the bed.

While he lied down beside me as he patted my back before he falls asleep as well till the next day early in the morning. I woke up early for the first time and the first thing I see once I opened my eyes was his sleeping face while his arms were around us, I smiled and caressed his cheek.

Is this going to be the first thing I wake up from now on? I thought before slowly removing his arms without waking him up and got off the bed before heading to the kitchen. I wanted to cook for him but there were barely any ingredients in the apartment except few basics things.

I’m kind of lazy to go supermarket now, instead I wrote down what ingredients to buy for later after school and I almost forgot, now he’s same school and class with me as if anyone ever going to find out, that’s it for me. I don’t know to feel safe for this or to be alright that maybe it’s normal for couple to stay together?

Many questions once again in my mind, too much thought nowadays too. Instead, I just grab my clothes before heading to the bathroom and get a shower as I get ready for school, all within less than thirty minutes.

Just nice, he was waiting quietly for his turn and I just quietly left the bathroom without looking at him while he just entered and do his business. These all take almost an hour for both of us to be out of the apartment.

We walked to the campus together, of course there were a lot of staring and whispering about us as he was only on the second day in here, at the same time he already in this close to me to the point we were walking to school and companying each other to each other locker.

I tried to hide my expression and everything of how I felt about these attention and staring but he leans to my ears as he whispered, “do you know that I can tell how scared you are, I guess you don’t know how easily and open book you are that I can easily read.” Luckily, I wore hoodie today, so I can immediately hide my face with the hoods and quickly walk towards the class.

As usual from class to lunch to work for me repeatedly without a fail while he was just there, quietly there without disturbing. Days to weeks to months, it was repeated continuously, endlessly and diligently. I don’t even remember when we were first met nor our anniversary or maybe between us, there weren’t much.

I don’t remember things but he does, our first words and meeting to our real official together, that day when he came back after he disappeared. Time to time, every week he will be gone one or two days somewhere else as a grim reaper.

I’m kind of scared at the same time I do not as I’m slowly used to it. His kissing, our cuddling and anything between us. Even though I may not be that expressive, he knew in the other way around for me. Even walking to the campus were getting normal except girls still eye candy over him.

Time flies fast, quite fast till our graduation was in two days. I haven’t get myself any graduation outfit yet meanwhile he will just be wearing tuxedo. I quietly left the campus without him knowing while he disappeared to the lecturers’ room, heading towards the town unknowingly while being lost.

Randomly entered a random café and grab a drink before sitting down as I look up some good shop to see if anything interests me but instead, I grabbed my drink and walked to the mall as I strolled around.

Nothing interest me and I’m not good in fashion, I went in to the pastel look store and the shop assistant approached to me if I need any help. I took this chance to let her to grab a random full outfit for me to try it out for the graduation.

This was like the forth outfit I tried and it’s not that bright, revealing, cute or y kind. It’s not a dress nor a skirt, it was a plain, silk-y white with long sleeves with high waisted patterned pants. So, I decided to get that and just nice, it wasn’t that expensive nor that cheap, it was in between where I can afford to.

Meanwhile Hyungwon was just finished settling and helping the lecturers, he walked back to the room as he didn’t see me there nor the locker or the library. He can’t contact me either as my phone battery’s dead. He mentally slapped himself in his mind while worried as he was on the way back to the apartment.

It’s kind of took me a while to even realised that my phone was dead, and I am still lost around the town area, the place I rarely went. I tried not to panic of the crowd and the noises around it, walking aimlessly without looking properly at my surrounding.

I just walked towards the road to cross over until a hand grabbed my wrist and pulled me back before the car passed by in front of my eyes. Widen my eyes in shock as I look behind to who that pulled me back and it was him.

If it wasn’t for him, I would have an accident that will happen before in front of my eyes without knowing. If it wasn’t for him, I would be stuck in the hospital but on the way back home, it was extremely quiet along the way.

I was just quietly following him behind while he was in front with his frowning face which I may not predict what was he thinking about. I felt guilty, I felt that it was my fault and I can’t bring myself to tell him I’m sorry. All I did was looking down to my feet and his feet while walking, turning deaf ears to the surrounding and eyes slowly forming a tear.

I don’t know to feel sad or to feel bad about it, I really can’t let out a sound but a few droplets of tears. Stopped on my track as I softly sob which make him as well stop and turn around to see me frozen on the spot, sobbing quietly and wiping my tears.

He approached me and gave me a hug without a word, just a hug and little pat on my head. It felt like everything around us just stop but in extremely slow motion, like those drama moment between the main character but today, I was the main one with him and I don’t want to let go of this moment nor forget about this.

We walked home with our hands intertwined, again without a word till we entered the house. Sat on the couch facing the television until both of us said it at the same time but he wants to say it first, so I let him say it first.

“I think we are not doing anything, we both are getting busier than expected and we don’t talk anymore, so I don’t really want you to have a wrong idea, but I want to suggest for us to have a break,” he said before looking down and look at me to see my reaction.

I couldn’t bring myself to look up but instead I look down and nodded to let him go, I closed my eyes and hear him getting up to the room as he started packing into his backpack. He walked out and stand in front of me but I couldn’t lift my head up and I tried hard to hide my tears as much as I can.

I couldn’t, again. Because he lifts my chin up to kiss my lip and my tears fall from that kiss, before he pulled back and left the apartment regretfully. From then on, I don’t really hear from him ever again because first, he was really serious with his words as he changed his number faster than I thought.

Secondly, I haven’t move on. Thirdly, I kept injuring myself and there were a lot of bruises on my legs and arms due of my clumsiness. Lastly but not at least,

I missed him.

I kept telling myself, why do I deserved to see people that doesn’t exist in this world? Ever he came into this world with a second chance given, all those things that haunt me since I was born were gone, gone like a flash.

I never felt so in love and in need of someone badly until he came into my heart, but do I deserve this? This punishment right now, the punishment that he left me alone now? Were this what people nowadays say, you’re blind in love?

Several weeks to months, two years passed by again in that way. I don’t hear from him anymore nor spam call the number he used to have. I moved on after 7 months after he left me, and I picked myself up to continue working harder and telling myself to not get injured or anything fragile.

I still missed him, but slowly it’s faded. I’m quieter than I used to be, I barely go out from the house unless important meeting or things to buy at home. I may change something little worse for myself but the only thing I can’t change was my number.

I don’t dare to change it because deep in my heart, I do want him to remember my number and give me a call of how he was, how’s everything and I wanted to say to him something I don’t usually or always say,

“I missed you and I love you.”

Until the day where the cherry blossom bloomed, I was walking back home with my laptop on my arms and small backpack on my back. I regretted going out today the most of all the days because of the people around me were holding hands and arms to arms.

Letting out a sigh doesn’t help me, alone looking at those cherry blossom above me. I let out my hand out to see if any of the petal ever going to fall on my hand but there was one, I just turned around with my body facing the road and watched the petal fall on my hand slowly without even catching them.

Once it landed on my hand, something or someone distracted my sight as I look up across the road at who was it. I was squinting my eyes until I realised, we both saw each other across the road. The only things that both of us changed was our appearance.

He had bright pink hair that matched the cherry blossom, in his casual hoodie look and the fake glasses meanwhile, I cut my hair to my shoulder length and I dyed into light brown, with my almost formal yet casual outfit.

It felt like everything between us just slowed down like those day, that day I almost got myself into an accident and he comforted me in silent, also the day we broke up. Everything just flashed back in front of my eyes and everything around me feel like it’s paused at the moment.

I didn’t think of anything except him, until a car passed by and his outfit changed into formal suit with his burgundy hair back, his hat and a card on his card. The look that I met him for the first time, I didn’t hesitate to walk toward the road without thinking.

My ears turned deaf, my body feel numb and my eyes were on him. I didn’t think twice and ran direct to him and towards the road till a loud high-pitched noise from a car on my side clashed on me.

So, I thought that’s it? I ran into a car and got myself in real accident, so that’s it? Never I thought I would die for someone who I wished to come back, for someone who made empty promises and for someone who I truly loved.

I thought I was dead but it was just left my soul standing where I used to stand before the accident. I look at my own body laying helplessly on the road with few crowd surrounded me and trying to call for help. I guess it’s hopeless to bring me back to life, I turned to the sound of sobbing and to see him with the hat on his head.

“Shin Hyejin, aged 25 years old, died in a car accident, am I right?” he said while trying to calm himself without crying but failed. I smiled instead and nodded in agreement before saying, “yes, that’s me, Shin Hyejin.”

Everything happened in a flash and now we ended up a place that he called a tea house where he helped the soul to choose the path or know what’s they went wrong in the past. Now we were sitting across each other with our looks we met each other and talked to each other few years back.

It’s been a while I have seen him and he still looking good as usual, yet I don’t feel anything special anymore. I moved on but looking at him in front of me doesn’t make me feel like I really missed him. He was once special in my heart and the first and last person I will loved.

Hyungwon was staring at me for like I don’t know how long but deep in his thought, he knew that he was in the worse punishment that given to him direct in front of his eyes. A punishment and the last mission for him before he can truly go back to the heaven and into new after life.

He felt unfair at the same time, for this punishment of all the things and people, it has to be me. As much as he tried to hide his sorrow and tears in front of me, he couldn’t but instead he kept apologizing to me when it’s useless and pointless now.

He placed a tea that can removed every memory that kept and move on without remembering them for the next life but he told me that I have a choice, to not drink and move on to the next life with him together or to drink and forget every single thing in this life.

It was silent, like how silent we used to be together. No words can describe everything right now and no words can be expressed now. We couldn’t look at each other eyes, the tension was really awkward, just like how we were met and talked officially to each other.

Stayed in this silent moment for an hour as my hand still on the cup of tea that was given by him. He cleared his throat and said that he will make a new one but I told him don’t. I knew by his shaking voice and maybe I should make up my mind as soon as I can before I can really move on this life.

Away from him or be with him, one way or another.

“It’s okay if you drink the tea, I understand and it’s my fault at the same. I have so much thing to tell and explain to you but I guess it’s too late, so I will accept any choice that you will choose,” he said as he looks at me with his swollen eyes.

I stood up right after he said that, I gave a small smile and reach out my hand to him which make him confused. So I genuinely said, “no matter what, you’re part of me. You broke my walls and stay with me quietly, love me as I am and understand my silent more than anyone. I won’t drink this tea but I will go and be with you.”

He immediately smiled and ran opposite the table to hug me and kissed my lips before pulling back and hold my hand. We walked hand in hand towards the door for the next life that awaited for us.

Finally I guess? For next proper life for both of us and a life that we both deserve to have? I think I really went head over heels for him, so does he. I guess this death wasn’t that bad to die for someone you love and to be with, especially he who used to be a lost soul.

For the next life, we will find each other once again but in the earlier year than we used to meet, earlier than anything and remembered our past life incident when we looked at each other eyes.

Destiny, fate and hope. We have faith for each other with the silent and no words can be spoken. If you truly love the person, love the way as they are. Imperfection are perfect and love will overcome everything if you trust yourself and your partner, like the way we did for each other.

One line that have to be spoken with a sincere,

I love you.