“Hello, I’m coming in now.” Hongbin said as he stepped through the threshold of a comfortable looking apartment. He had opened Eunjung’s apartment door and took off his shoes. He felt bad that he showed himself in, but Eunjung had texted him to do just that along with her security pass key, because her back was hurting and she finally found a comfortable position on the couch.

This is the first time he actually entered Eunjung’s apartment. They have always met outside, either on a café or the hospital, or the few times he had dropped her off. But he never entered her living quarter. It’s a comfortable size for one person to live in, maybe a couple. A typical apartment with a lofted sleeping space.

When Hongbin walked past the entry way of apartment lined with cupboards and the door to the bathroom, true to her words, Hongbin found Eunjung laying on her couch, with a pillow to support the curve of her back. With the belly now grown and very prominent, she doesn’t look unlike a turtle flipped on its back. Every time Hongbin saw the size of her abdomen, he was still shocked. Even though he see her almost every week and she sends him pictures every now and then, seeing it for real still affects him. That hard hitting truth that he is going to be a father.

He set the take out box he had in his hand on the kitchen island, before moving closer to greet her. He peck her on the cheeks before caressing her belly. By now it feels like a comfortable thing to do. “How are you doing?” he asked her as he settled on the floor next to her, so that he can see her face.

“Sore, my back had been merciless. But other than that I’m mostly fine. I don’t feel nauseous anymore. But seriously it’s starting to get really heavy, the feet too. I’m starting to have to sit a lot more in the lab.” She said, looking at him on the floor, they are almost at the same eye level. And her hand reached out to brush his bangs back. He let her, and enjoy the soft comfort her touches offered. “We have an appointment tomorrow. Need to get my blood drawn too, just to see if everything is okay with me.”

“Yep, I will be there. Don’t worry.” He said, his fingers also moving small circle on the swell of her abdomen. “But seriously though, Eunjung-ah, you need to start reducing your lab time. Tomorrow I’m asking the doctor how long you can be in the lab on your feet. I don’t want you to get too exhausted. Your professors are cool with it right?”

“Yeah, I know they are cool with it, like me taking it a little slower. But Bin-ah, I love this project and actually like being in the lab.”

“Is it worth the back pain and your feet swelling though? Remember what dr. Min said, if your push it a little too hard, she will force you on a bed rest and you cannot be near your research at all. It’s way worse then.”  Hongbin reminded her. Threatening her to the possibility of being entirely cut off from her precious research. This got the desired effect, she sighed in defeat.

She then pointed to the kitchen island, “Did you get my ice cream?” Hongbin nodded. “Then why is the plastic bag just lay there in the island?? I wanted ice cream, not soup cream. Put them in the freezer please.” She shot him a sweet smile.

Hongbin got up, and take the ice cream container out of the shopping bag. “Seriously though, Ice cream and seaweed? Is this really your craving? Shouldn’t your craving passed already?” he then busied himself with laying out the lunch he brought her. Him asking where she keeps her plates and utensil, and her pointing at cupboards and drawers.

“Come on, get up. Let’s get you and Red Bean fed.”

“Help me get up.” She said as she extended her hand from her unmoving position on the couch. “I swear I’m only 19 weeks and I’m this big already, I can’t imagine how I will look in a couple of months. I will be the size of a house. God I’m going to look so ugly.” She ranted and Hongbin helped her to her feet with his arms supporting her back before pulling her to her feet.

“No, you don’t look ugly. And I think the bump looks cute on you.” He said, both of his hands now on her shoulder as she stood in front of her full sized mirror, him behind her.

“That’s just your cave-man instinct talking. You only say that because it’s your baby I am carrying, typical men.” She huffed. Then walked to her small kitchen island with the bar stools to enjoy their simple lunch Hongbin had brought. He tried not to get offended.

The conversation flowed easy between the two of them, they talk about anything and everything. They decided if they will not be a married couple with commitments, at the very least they can be friends, and surely co-parenting will be easier that way. They talk about Eunjung’s research and colleagues. They talk about possibility of Red Bean going to baby daycare center, they talk about the room arrangement back in VIXX’s dorm. They talk about Hakyeon’s new obsession with ravaging through online shopping catalogue for a stroller, crib and baby car seat. They joked about the increased occasion of VIXX members coming home with a shopping bag filled with baby stuff. They talk about the possibility of Eunjung feeding- which she has considered doing up to 3 months, with pump and all. Then they talk about VIXX’s decisions to push their comeback earlier to April instead of May, to get some time gap between the promotional period and the baby getting here.

“Wait, if the comeback will be April, when are you going to be done with the schedules. Roughly?” she asked.

“Middle of May, if things goes well, then even longer than that.” He looked up from his food. He was wary of her next sentence. Already predicting where this conversation is heading, and not liking it, at least not liking where it will leave him in the end.

“So that means, you will not be around when I am, you know, the most pregnant.” She looked at him with intense look, bordering on a glare.

“I know it sounds really bad. But it’s the best thing for the group and the company. I will try to talk to the managers to let me spend most time with you and Red Bean.”

“But you will be too busy, too tired, too preoccupied to care at all…”

“……”

“Bin-ah. I don’t want to be a burden to you, but when we started this you promised me that you will help and you will be around. I didn’t know that I will be left alone when is the hardest.”

“You are not alone, Eunjung. I will never leave you alone. Please trust me at least that much.” He reached across the table and took her hand. Sensing that she was on the brink of tears. “I will be there as much as I can, if you have to move in with us, then that’s what we will do.”

“Do you want to haul me off to some weird house with 6 men in them? Makes me feel even more out of my comfort? For what?! So that I can wait for you to come home, like a good little obedient helpless wife?! IS THAT WHAT YOU THINK I WANT?!” emotion got the best of her. Anger and frustration obvious. Her face painted with tears that carries both of their fear and anxiety.

Hongbin slowly moved to her side of the island. Took both of her hands in his. Hands that were hugging herself so tightly as if protecting her from him, creating a wall to keep him out. The posture hurts him, as if she does not trust him. But he knew that he had said the wrong thing by suggesting she moved in to dorm, once again his mouth got ahead of his brain. So he did what he knew best.

He wrapped her arms around himself, getting into her personal cage. Trying to in her despair, a gesture that he hopes would show her that he will be around until the end of this mess they got themselves into. He put her head to his chest and tuck his own in her hair, arms around her. “Eunjng-ah… we can do this, and we will do this together.” He just heard her sob, and she clutched the back of his hoodie tighter. “Eunjung –ah I’m sorry that we are in this mess. I’m sorry that I was stupid for asking you to drop your life to move with me. I’m sorry that I have caused you all of this stress.” He whispered in hair. Laying bare all of his soul for her to attack.

What she did next surprised him, but he didn’t complain. She looked up, saw his face and put it between both of her palm, transferring the heat. Then she pulled him in and kissed his lips. Close mouthed, quiet, nothing ual. Just a touch of lips that conveyed all of the fear they shared together, and of an unspoken promise they have in the name of their unborn child. The kiss was long, drawn out, but at no point did it get deeper not moved in a seducing way. But the longer their lips met, the thinner Hongbin strength got. He was the one who broke the kiss, because he was starting to shake. And for the first time, he cried in front of Eunjung. He cried on her shoulder. Showing her the lost and confused boy he actually is, despite his attempt to calculate, to plan and to stay calm.

The rest of the day was spend a little more quietly between the two. No more emotionally raising their voices nor tears shed. They figured they need to be able to calm down if they were to have any hope in succeeding this impossible mission they set for themselves. They need to be able to carry their own emotions, keeping them in-check.

The two settled into snuggling on the couch, Hongbin’s tablet was open and they dive into Hakyeon’s new favorite pastime; they went online shopping for Red Bean. The tub of ice cream balanced on Eunjung’s belly. A few giggle here and there when they came across items that just does not make sense, such as marbles that showed smiley faces when it’s submerged in the right temperature water. By the end of the evening, they have managed to put a lot of things in their shopping cart, a few too many milk bottles and onsies all with cute patterns and designs. But they lay off from buying any big ticket items, wanting to make sure how everything would fit into Hongbin’s bedroom and bathroom.

As the night rolled on, with bellies once again full with warm meal that they have delivered to the apartment, Hongbin decided to stay the night. In hindsight, the conversation that went right before Hongbin declared that he was staying over was quite hilarious. With the both of them stating that it’s getting late and suggesting it should be about time Hongbin to leave, but neither ever actually said Hongbin should leave. Neither is willing to detangle from each other, to let go of the warmth that had accumulated between their bodies and anxious minds. Neither was ready to let go of the comfortable feeling this day gave them.

So that night, Hongbin slept in Eunjung’s bed for the first time in a borrowed t-shirt. Her back to his chest, his palm resting on her bump with hers covering it. Hongbin’s defense was that this was too comfortable to let go. Comfortable was how he decided he will try to figure out what is between himself and Eunjung.

In the middle of the night, Hongbin was shook awake. With much effort, he peeled his lids open. He was met with Eunjung’s face in the lowlight of her sleeping loft. Her face was excited. Not what he was expecting to be woken up to in the middle of the night. She had shifted to face him now, Red Bean between them.

“Bin-ah, feel this.” As she took his hand and put it on her belly.

“What….?” He was confused why she had done that. It’s not like he never put his hand on her belly before. He looked up at her, face reflecting his confusion.

“Shhtt…. Wait for it..”

And then he felt it. Under his palm, Red Bean moved. The sensation under his hand shocked him awake. His eyes widen. “Is that….?”

“Yes, yes that was Red Bean kicking. This is the first time I felt it.” She said, beaming at him.

He moved his finger, caressing Eunjung’s stretched skin over her soft shirt. Wanting to caress the baby contained within it. To his surprise, the bump moved some more, he felt a push towards his palm. He gasped.

“Look that that. I guess she knows it’s her Appa.” There were happy tears in her eyes. Worlds away from the tear tears shed earlier in the day.

Hongbin looked up at her, his eyes wide awake and excited. Bewilded. His heart was full of feelings it’s threatening to spill over. For a moment his fear and anxiety was replaced with excitement and hope. For the first time he was impatient to meet his little Red Bean.