To Mr Xu Minghao

You were laughing and smiling and your shoulders seemed less tense than usual.

It was a beautiful sight.

It distracted me too.

Distracted me from the latest news from my doctors. Distracted me from the pain my bruises continued to bring forth as it announced its presence.

What's funny was that usually, I had to look for you myself. Today, however, that was not the case.

When I looked up from my lunch table, there you were, one table across from me, surrounded by quite a few people.

To your left sat the sunshine guy and to your right, as usual, sat Junhui. Beside each of them were two familiar faces. One from my class, Wonwoo, and the other always surrounding the former, Mingyu. Across from them were two first years and a second year between them. And the only one standing was Jeonghan hyung. 

I didn't know many of them. 

But it seemed like you knew them quite well with the way you guys laughed and argued and spoke with each other.

One of the guys accidentally caught my eye- one of the first years but I looked down quick enough and continued to push my food around like it was nothing.

I'd lost my appetite.

I wish I could be in your shoes for a day. I really do.

It might have been easier to go on.

It might have been easier to continue through everything.

Written to you
With love
Lee Jihoon