*~*~*~*

“KKANGSEUL!”

Seulgi snapped out of her thoughts. She shook her head and groaned.

She found herself sitting in her study chair. Looking at her phone, she realized that it was already night time. 10:37 pm to be exact. She groaned loudly and walked towards her door which is about to give in due to the violent and aggressive knocking of her roommate.

When she opened the door, Wendy’s voice seemed to be on speakers.

“YAH!” she shrieked causing Seulgi’s whole being to be racked. “I told you to get prepared! Were you sleeping? Your hair is still a mess and you still haven’t changed!”

Seulgi listened to Wendy’s nagging some more. She noticed that the other girl has already changed into something festive and party appropriate. Looking down, she saw that she was a bit underdressed with her baggy sweatpants and tattered tank top.

Changing is a bother.

“I’m not going” she mumbled softly but not enough because Wendy managed to hear it.

“What?!” she exclaimed in a menacing tone which made Seulgi shudder and regret saying that.

“Changing is bothersome” Seulgi whined. Wendy took a step closer at Seulgi and looked at her with eyes that can slit throats. Seulgi was taller but at that moment, it is as if she was an ant and Wendy was a kid with a magnifying glass ready to burn her alive.

Thankfully, she pushed past Seulgi and went straight to her closet. She began rummaging Seulgi’s clothes, throwing them on the other girl’s bed. When it seemed that she has found some suitable pieces of clothing, she pushed those in Seulgi’s arms.

“Change” she said to the taller girl. Her tone was not one for argument.

“But-“

“I told you earlier that I’m planning to drink my guts out” she interrupted. “And, as a way of making up for earlier, I suggest that you come with me and be my obligatory sober friend, to make sure I come home in one piece.” Seulgi bit her lip and sighed. She nodded.

“Great!” Wendy said as her face suddenly lit up. As Seulgi was about to close her door, Wendy called her out.

“Oh and Seul-“, Seulgi looked at the smaller girl who was slightly smiling at her, “It’s a party for us. It’s a place for us to let loose and have fun. It’ll be great, trust me. We both need it.”

Seulgi smiled in answer and continued to shut her door.

Well, guess I’m going.

She shed her clothes and put on the ones that Wendy picked for her. It was nothing special due to Seulgi’s limited taste in clothing.

Good thing Wendy chose black, I’ll just blend in the darkness.

Seulgi looked at herself in the mirror. She was sporting a pair of black skinny jeans and boots. Wendy partnered it with her favorite white band tee and black blazer. She nodded at her reflection. She then grabbed her bag at her table and was about to go out when she accidentally glanced at her bottom drawer; the one containing her sketchpad.

She impulsively opened the drawer and took the sketchpad out. She stared at it for a few more seconds then shook her head and left it on her study table.

She’s not coming.

Besides, I chickened out before, who says I won’t chicken out now?

She bolted to her door. While gripping at the knob, she looked at her table once more.

Maybe my definitions of ‘all the time’ and ‘always’ have changed.

And she shut the door tight.

She was going to have a good time.

She doesn’t need any of these memories.

*~*~*~*

                “Are you planning to sneak out food that’s why you brought that sling bag of yours, you bear?” Wendy asked while they were climbing down the stairs.

                “No. I just don’t leave the room without it. It contains necessities for when you barf all over later” she earned a punch from Wendy for that. “And don’t call me that.”

                “Hmmm?”

                “Don’t call me bear.”

                “Why? It’s been your nickname ever since-“

                “Well you call me by ‘KkangSeul’. Besides, it’s just a silly nickname that managed to stick. It’s not even accurate. I don’t look like a bear” Seulgi mumbled. Wendy looked at her incredulously.

                “Sure KkangSeul. You absolutely DON’T look like a bear” Wendy answered sarcastically.

                “Yah!”

                They chuckled a little more. They lived at the top most floor so they have to climb down some sets of stairs before they can reach their destination. The elevator in their building has been broken ever since they can remember. Rumor has it that it has always been that way because it was just put in for building regulations and was not really intended to be operational.

                Seulgi was still deep in thought while Wendy was fiddling with her phone. When they reached the 4th floor, Seulgi felt a smack on her right shoulder.

                “Owww! What was that for?!” she asked, gingerly rubbing the spot where Wendy’s fist landed.

                “Your phone”

                “What?”

                “Your phone!” she repeated. “Hwasa just texted me that she’s been contacting you since 8:00 pm.”      

                “Huh? Is it important?” Seulgi answered while fumbling through her pockets. When she can’t find her phone in neither one of her pockets, she rummaged her bag and found nothing. She looked up at Wendy with a sheepish grin. Wendy was about to blow off and scold her again when a voice interrupted them.

                “Seulgi-sunbae, Wendy sunbae!” the cheerful voice of Dahyun greeted them. She was carrying several boxes and almost toppled down if Seulgi wasn’t fast enough to catch them.

                “Be careful!” she said. Dahyun settled the boxes down and bowed in gratitude. Four boxes were a little too much for the small stature of the girl in front of them.

                “Are all of those for the party?” Seulgi asked. Dahyun nodded eagerly.

                “Extra stuff that Hwasa-unnie asked me to pick up” she replied. “I ain’t telling you guys what they contain though. It’s still a surprise party.”

                Seulgi laughed at her hoobae’s playful wink. She looked at Wendy who was only half listening because she still had her eyes glued to her phone.

                “Isn’t that a bit too much for only one person to carry?”

                Dahyun awkwardly averted her gaze. Seulgi knew that the younger girl needed help.

                “Well, truth be told,” she started, “Joy-ssi was supposed to help me but-“, she looked at Wendy again. “She got caught up with other things.”

                “So you need help then? I’m free” Seulgi offered. “We’re just about to head down there too.”

                “Really?” Dahyun asked a little to excitedly. Seulgi nodded and grinned at the sight of her adorable underclassman. She turned to Wendy.

                “Sorry KkangSeul. Turns out that the message Hwasa sent to you was kinda important” she said. “Tell you what; I’ll just rush up to our room and snag your phone. You help Dahyun with the boxes. I’ll run the errand.”

                Seulgi put up a thumb up indicating that she got the plan. Wendy took Seulgi’s bag because it may get in the way. Seulgi volunteered to carry three of the boxes so Dahyun could walk more carefully and to show off a little bit to her hoobae. It worked because Dahyun chattered all the way down their trip on the stairs about how Seulgi was a dependable sunbae.

                Nice.

                 It was tough holding three boxes in front of her face but it earned Seulgi a few compliments which was a nice change of pace. Her arms were starting to sore and her legs were nearing its limit when they finally reached the building’s final landing. Dahyun was about to lead Seulgi in when a familiar voice called out.

                It instantly froze Seulgi in her place. She held the boxes nearer her face, trying to hide using them.

                “Hey, excuse me” the voice said.

                “Good evening madam!” Dahyun greeted cheerfully like the ray of sunshine that she is. “How may I help you?”

                “My, my! What a courteous girl!” Seulgi can feel the smile in the voice of that person. She gripped the boxes a little tighter. “Sure am glad that my club’s still recruiting cute members with good personalities!”

                Seulgi can’t see much but she can vividly imagine Dahyun’s face blushing furiously.

                “Y-you’re one of the alums?”

                “Right you are kiddo!”

                The girl holding the heavy boxes swore that she can feel the warmth of the voice sweep in her system and at the same time, reactivate the butterflies in her stomach which she never knew were still there.

                “You’re so pretty! It’s very nice of you to still come despite the weather”

                “Well thank you for that compliment and I just had to go; it’s tradition. Besides-“ Seulgi heard some shuffling. “I have some unfinished business.”

                Seulgi scolded her heart. It was beating too erratically and loud that it might as well give her location away.

                “Business?”

                “Yep. Someone owes me something, owes me BIG TIME.”

                “Hmmm” Dahyun hummed in response. She was just a freshman so she was not that familiar with past members. “Is it with one of my sunbaes?”

                The weight of the boxes weren’t the only things torturing Seulgi.  Her thoughts were making her fuzzy. Her heart was not helping either.

                “Sunbae.. I never really imagined her to be one. She still is my favorite hoobae still...” the voice mumbled. Dahyun fidgeted in her place, probably wondering what the girl in front of her was mumbling about. Seulgi heard it clearly though and its effects was so strong she nearly let go of the boxes. “Yet I guess she is.”

                Dahyun was still intrigued by the new face in front of her. Seulgi can’t blame her, she too was a little curious on what she looked like after 3 years.

                Probably still beautiful.

                Then Seulgi thought of something that made her a little testy.

                Omygosh. What if she became more beautiful?

                “Oooohhh! I have lots of cool sunbaes in the club! One is actually-“, the bubbly hoobae was about to expose Seulgi when she immediately kicked the door to the basement open and entered it back first.

                “Dahyun I’ll go in first! I heard Wheein yell my name!” she said hurriedly in a disguised voice that sounded painfully like Kermit the Frog. She struggled with the big boxes due to her urgency but she thinks that she managed to get inside the basement door without showing her face. She pushed the heavy boxes inside first then squeezed herself in.

                The door leading to the basement was slightly small and low hanging so Seulgi in her haste, had to tilt the boxes to fit. As she entered, she just remembered that upon entering there was a small flight of stairs that lead down to the main basement itself. She had to hold the boxes to keep them from falling and finally, put her hand on the doorknob. With a last peep at the crack, she was about to close the door.

                She doesn’t know if it was her imagination but she saw a pair of eyes stare at her direction.

                Was it her imagination?

                Because that glance was certainly familiar. It magically turned Seulgi inside and out.

                Like it always did.

                Then the door closed and Seulgi was again left with her fluttering feelings.  She gripped her chest lightly and felt her heart beating livelier than ever.

                Maybe nothing changed.

                Maybe her always is still the same.

                It still involved her and it is still her..

*~*~*~*

                Days were fleeting and they passed by fast.

                Seulgi knew that and she spent every waking moment that she had to make sure that she uses that time to spend with her sunbae.

                Ever since the last time they spent alone in the club room, Seulgi found some self-esteem to talk to Irene more often. She even had the courage to ask her about her day and occasionally invite her for coffee and sometimes, even just to pass time in the park drawing.

                They practically talk about anything and everything at the same time.

                These little things help made Seulgi fall deeper and deeper. She couldn’t really ask for more. She’s contented with the way they were. She’s happy that she gets to spend time and make some memories with her ‘favorite sunbae’. She was happy.

                Or was she?

                Spending time with Irene made her ask herself more questions every passing day. She knew that she like the older girl, but is she sure that she’s contented on just being friends? There was something comforting and missing in the breadth of the word ‘friend’.

                Yes, you’re with that person. You get to spend time with them and be always by their side no matter what. Seulgi liked the idea of that.

                But Seulgi also ‘liked’ that friend of hers.

                To extents still foreign to even herself.

                So was she contented on being a friend?

                Drats! Seulgi was overthinking.

                She partially blamed her favorite sunbae because every time they talk, Irene always suggested that they ask each other question.

                “Favorite song?” Irene started to ask. They were currently sitting with their backs against each other at the nearby park. Seulgi was busy sketching while Irene was just removing the pair of earphones from her ears and turned to the younger girl.

                “Uhmmm... Anything really. I don’t have a particular favorite” Seulgi answered. She can’t really concentrate anyways because Irene kept leaning at her back. And if Irene Bae decided to lean at your back, well, good luck concentrating on whatever you’re doing honestly.

                “Yah~!” Seulgi felt a slight tap on her shoulder. “That’s vague! Give me a song!”

                “Well sunbae, like I said. I really don’t have a favorite. I just listen to what’s on the radio or something”

                “That’s lame Seulgi-yah~!”

                Seulgi felt the blood rush to her face.

                “Well then, I’ll just ask you the same thing..” She turned to the girl beside her, “What’s your favorite song sunbae?”

                Irene made a beeping noise.

                “EERRR!” she said, slightly startling the younger girl. “You can’t ask the same question. All questions comes on a first come, first serve basis” she smirked. In defeat, Seulgi pouted and racked her brain for a song that she liked and which she also remembered the title. She was bad at remembering which branded her as an airhead.

                “Well, why do you ask sunbae?”

                Irene smiled at her.

                “Well, for starters. I just thought of you as someone artistic and all that mumbo jumbo” she faced Seulgi. She will never get tired of her face. “Not just because you draw magnificently also. I just imagined you as someone who likes to listen to songs and convey them in one way or another. Songs are inspirational for different reasons to different people you know?”

                Seulgi nodded, digesting all the things her sunbae just said. She was probably staring for too long because she felt Irene’s palm on her face and slightly pushed her to look at another direction.

                “Staring is rude you know” she said. Seulgi mumbled a quick apology. Irene’s face lit up because of that. “Sooooooo? What is your favorite song?”

                The younger girl pondered a bit more. It’s true that she rarely listens to songs and only a few stuck to her.

                “Hmmmm.. Probably this one song called 'yLonely Eyes’?” she said. Irene immediately tapped the title in her phone. She plugged her earphones once more and put one in Seulgi’s ears. Her fingers slightly brushed on a part of Seulgi’s skin which made her shudder a little bit inside.

                They listened to the tune. Seulgi hummed along. She won’t call it her favorite song but she liked it a lot, especially the lyrics. A part of her actually suggested it because she wanted her sunbae to hear it.

                When they finished, Irene looked at Seulgi.

                “What is it sunbae?” Seulgi asked. Irene’s stare was having some effects on her.

                “Nothing” she nonchalantly replied. “I’m just not surprised that my adorable sunbae chose an adorable song.”

                “There’s nothing special about it. And it’s a little cheesy” Seulgi reasoned.

                “Cute” Irene mumbled. “Any reason why you picked it?”

                “Nothing really.”

                Irene raised her eyebrows at the younger girl as if waiting for her to say more. When she didn’t, she looked at some nearby kids playing. A few more minutes passed and Irene kept her gaze away from Seulgi.

                Seulgi was immediately alarmed. Did she do something wrong? Was the song too lame? Did she read in between the lines and thought that Seulgi was creepy?

                A lot of things started flooding her brain.

                Not thinking, she suddenly blurt out.

                “I was kidding! That song was actually not that cheesy! I mean, it is but I still like it. And if we’re talking favourites then it could be mine! It actually reminds me of us hanging out... You know? Like, I’m very fortunate to hang out with you all the time and I can just sit here with you sunbae and be happy about it! We’re just sitting here but I enjoy your company so much that I would gladly do it with you all the time!”

                Irene still wasn’t looking at Seulgi. The younger girl became nervous as to what was actually running in her mind. She braved it up and took the courage to peek at her sunbae’s face.

                She was surprised.

                Irene was red all over. Her hands were over , trying to hide the smile that she has. Even her ears were blushing. She looked so adorable that Seulgi wanted to take a picture.

                “Irene-sunbae?” Seulgi curiously asked. Irene looked at her with the mixture of surprise and embarrassment.

                “Stop! Don’t look at me!” she wailed, covering her face more.

                Seulgi was beyond amused. It was rare for her sunbae to lose composure like that. She earned the courage to a little more.

                “Did I make sunbae blush?”

                “Yes! Because you kept saying weird things! Where did you learn to be cheesy like that?!”

The younger girl let out a small laugh. That calmed Irene down and they began to laugh together. Seulgi thought that she liked this comfort; comfort that she can probably experience with her times with Irene.

They stayed like that for a while.

And Seulgi was contented.

“Sunbae!”

Seulgi, once again, had to snap out of her thoughts. She has some serious spacing out issues today. You can’t blame her though.

She just saw the girl she liked tremendously after 3 years.

And to be honest, 3 years just made everything worst and better at the same time.

Seulgi held her forehead in her palm. She gently rubbed it and let out a small sigh. Hwasa and Wheein who were busy handing out drinks to the members who just arrived looked at each other. Then they looked at their upperclassman at the same time. Their looks were full of concern.

“Are you sure you’re okay sunbae? You can just lay low for a while you know?” Wheein said. “This is technically your party; you can do anything you want.”

Seulgi answered her with as smile.

“Thanks, I just....” her eyes drifted around, no sign of her. She can’t say if she’s relieved or disappointed. “Have a lot on my mind i guess.”

With that remark, Hwasa’s hand arrived at Seulgi’s back and she started to pat it awkwardly. Seulgi can’t help but to stifle a laugh. This hoobae of hers is not the best when it comes to consoling someone. Nevertheless, she was thankful.

“Yoh pup” Hwasa suddenly called out to Wheein. “Look. Your idols are here.”

Seulgi glanced at the direction that Hwasa was pointing at. She grinned at the familiar faces. It was her own sunbaes, Solar and Moonbyul. They were just entering the door and were speaking casually with each other. When the others saw them, a bunch of cheering erupted. Damn they were popular.

Wheein can’t seem to contain her excitement as she began to straighten her clothes and fix her hair. Hwasa was looking at her judgingly.

“They are not going to interview you, ya know?”

“It wouldn’t hurt to be presentable in facing our alums” Wheein shot back.

“You still look like a pup in a dress if you ask me”

Wheein punched Hwasa then turn to run away at Moonbyul and Solar’s direction. Hwasa’s eyes were livid and Seulgi started laughing. The two of them watched Wheein as she started to talk to the two new arrivals. They can’t help but notice the young girl constantly fumbling and pushing on her clothes. They chuckled.

“Sooooooo, sup with you sunbae? Having a hard time?”

Seulgi turned to Hwasa, eyebrows raised.

“Whaddaya mean?”

“You know” her underclassman rolled her eyes. Nasty habit of hers. “About you-know-who, I sent you a text about it giving you a heads up.”

“Well, I left my phone and haven’t seen your messages actually. Wendy will bring it to me though” Seulgi averted her gaze. The music was starting to be loud indicating that the pac