JUNGKOOK

I'm too young,I wish I knew what I know now what I didn't back then,it's love.

When I first met my hyungs one of them practically caught my eyes.I never seen someone so attractive before,I was drawn to him no matter what.I'm being creepy,my eyes followed him when his not looking.I wanna be close to him but I don't want at the same time,he makes me think irrational things.

         Will hyung find me cute?He always clings to me,does he like me?I'm usually shy around people & when they praised me I get so embarrassed.I'm not as good as they think I am.Having weird thoughts about my hyung is not nice.He always say I remind him of his younger brother that's why he clings to me so much.I don't get it why I hate that reason.

Because I don't know why I'm hating his reasons I'm pushing him away.I don't wanna be a reminder of his brother,I want more than that?What?

I'm so confused with myself,what more can I asked for.Hyung has been nothing but good to me,although I hate pushing him away I keep doing it cause I don't know how to control this unknown feelings.

We were asked to be playful with each other,I don't think that's a good idea,being with him makes me panic,I only did bad things when I'm panicking.I don't have a choice either way.I hate myself for feeling uncomfortable with him,I don't want him to think I'm hating him cause I'm not.

I prefer to be far from him,his not aware of it but my eyes stays with him.He looks so beautiful,when he smiles his eyes turned to crescent which is so lovable.The sound of his laughter calms me,make me smile as well unknowingly.

I admire everything about him.My heart beats rapidly whenever we're closed,his touches were electrifying.Makes me want to stay away but also loving it.

I'm afraid to be closed but I'm also not liking when he don't pay attention to me.I want his attention all the time & hates when other hyungs get it.

Between not wanting to be close & not getting his attention,I hate the latter the most so I endure my palpitating heart,I'd rather die from heart attack than see him being touchy with others.

The staffs want us to be together which makes me happier.When I'm done running away from the uneasiness,I get to know him more.I'm so happy to be with him,I love how he treated me so special.

Everytime I'm given a mission that involves him I get excited,I don't have to think for excuses to be with him.When the cameras were around us I get confident.When we are just hanging around I'm getting scared to approach him.I'm such a nuisance for him,he can't do anything in front of the camera but he can tell me off without one around.I'm afraid he will get angry with me.

I must have been so annoying so I stay away,he seemed relieved every time I does.All I wanted is to make him smile.He might be trying to be nice to me,I'm his favorite maknae.

But I realized sooner that I don't want to be just his favorite maknae,I'm young but I also want to be seen equally.Im a man as well,I'm not a kid anymore,I don't want him to treat me that way.It's a good thing that when puberty hits me,I grew taller than him.I like it so much that his shorter than me.

"Why are you teasing Jimin about his height?Do you want his attention that much?You like him,dont you?"

Those words from our hyungs opened my eyes.The unknown feeling now has a name,I like Jimin hyung so much.

The realization surprisingly so easy for me to accept,all along it was that reason why I'm indifferent with him.Now that I'm sure about my feelings I want to make him like me as well not as a dongsaeng or a maknae but as another man.

  But the only way I can express my feelings were thru teasing,a person usually teased the one they like,right?Saying your cute,nice or handsome in a weird way always gets to him.His reaction was priceless,just know I can make him speechless or breathless boost my confidence.

I'm impatient,I really wanted him to notice me more because day after day I grew so attracted to him I can't help myself.I almost screwed up all the time.

    Poking my tongue against my cheeks cause I hate seeing him with someone else or when his laughing not because of me.

  When he said something nice to me,I get so shy,I'm blushing,my hand caress my nape,my fingers touching the tip of my nose.

Infront of the camera,every time I get the chance,I'm glancing his way,later I'm staring.Members tried to distract me more often.I always make sure I'm beside or behind him every chance I can get.I have to watch him so he won't get hurt cause his clumsy that way.

  I want to confess,I'm getting tired of suggestive words & acts.The sooner the better.I finally got my chance,we are overseas doing promotions.We always get to do some missions,to my delight it'll have something to do with Jimin hyung.

I won the grand prize as usual,I get a ticket for two to Disneyland.Automatically,I wanna asked Jimin hyung to go with me.We will be together just the two of us,I will finally confess.

   Jimin hyung said he wanted to talk to me,I'm curious about what he wants to talk about,we decided to that night.We got exhausted the whole day we didn't get at home until late midnight,due to tiredness we haven't get to speak with one another.

I also haven't get the chance to ask him to come with me to Disneyland.

'Tomorrow,I'll ask him.'

Due to excitement,I still wake up early the next day.Our off day,six in the morning & I'm all ready,the amusement park opens at 8.

The hallway was empty & quiet,seems like not a soul were awake like me.Silently,I went to hyung's shared room with Tae hyung.I open the door quietly & peek inside,instantly I saw a very sleep Jimin hyung.He looks so tired & I'm contemplating if I should wake him up.

Tae hyung came out of the shower & gesture for me to be quiet.Apparently,Jimin hyung slept like 4 in the morning so Tae hyung don't want me to bother him.I dont have the heart to wake him up.Nothing is going in my way.I wants to confess soon but I won't get the chance.

I went out with Tae hyung instead,his the only available to go.I just let Jimin to rest.

   We had fun but I wish next time I'll be able to come back with Jimin hyung.As soon as I get home,I rushed to his room.He was busy with his phone.

"I wanna go with you hyung but you seem so tired & I don't wanna bother you while resting."

"Then maybe next time."

I didn't expect him to be fine with it,I thought he will get mad but he looks fine.I wanna talk with him more but he dont look like he wants to so I decided to go back to my room.

There's something strange about him,he was looking and smiling to me but it's different,what it is I can't tell.

I don't feel like sleeping so I busied my self watching our previous episodes.It will be totally fun if I got to go with Jimin hyung.I decided to read some comments & it makes me feel worst.

"Why did Jimin oppa not getting it that Jungkook oppa often win because he always did what Jungkook oppa wants him to do?"

"Jiminie must be so oblivious to not noticed it until now."

"I'm sure oppa just want to make the maknae happy,you know Jungkookie hates losing."

"I'm really concerned about Jimin,it's like he was really not aware of it.I'm not trying to make our maknae look bad but it was really obvious right?He knows Jimin really likes him & used it to his advantage,I hope Jimin wont be disheartened when he realized it."

What are they saying,me taking advantage of Jimin hyung?Do I really make it seem like that?I know Hyung treats me special,I'm his favorite but I never take advantage of that.I'm happy & excited with my missions because I get to be with him without having excuses.

I wanted to be with him always but I don't know how if not for missions.I'm afraid that he won't like it if I'll be with him all the time for no reason.

What if he also misunderstood & thought think I'm taking advantage of him?No,I can't let him think that way.

Days,weeks & months passed by,everything seems right,I was treated the same,the beloved maknae of the group.Nothing changed just like how Jimin still treat me as the kid of the group.

Something is different with the way he treated me,I thought there's a time when he was seeing me more than a kid but I guessed I'm wrong.He still care,showed loving antics just how he does when he first met me.The courage I have before was gone I'm afraid I will ruined everything if I cross the line of just the maknae of the group.

No matter what I do I'll always be just the kid he first met before.I hate it but I can't do anything.I wish I'm not the youngest,why it was so hard to see that I can be the man who can take care of him?He always make me feel like everything I does to show I like him was just me being the thoughtful dongsaeng to him.

He was near me but beyond reach.Every time I get closed he would slip away.I wanna scream to his face & said stop treating me as a kid,stop loving me just like a younger brother.

'I wish you would see me more than that...'

It hurts so bad,it hurts so bad sometimes I can't help but cry.Why can't I treat him like a hyung just like the rest,why must he be so special?

We are celebrating cause I'm finally legal,I'm old enough but I don't feel like it cause nothing changed.They make a simple surprise party for me & provide everything.I get to have a kiss,no one is interested but him.

He was joking so much just how he did before when he became legal two years ago,he wanted me to kiss him.That moment is what made look at him differently,he was not just a hyung because I secretly wanted that kiss too.I would like to give it to him but he always say it in front of the camera & teasing me.

That night when he fall asleep,I secretly went to his room.I quietly kissed his cheek.

"I'm sorry hyung I love you."

I'm looking at him intently,how much longer would he treat me as a joke I don't think I can take it anymore.What I'm feeling for him is not just a joke.

"I want that kiss hyung."

Shocked is an understatement when I said that in front of everyone,I'm serious challenging him to answer me.Everyone became awkwardly quite looking back & fort between us.

I know I ruined the party but I don't care anymore,here I am going legal but being joked again.Those words shouldn't be said casually,it might mean nothing to him but for me it means a lot.Because I've been wanting to do that.

The other members decided to leave & make us talk.Jimin hyung was quite looks like wanting to leave as well.Am I going to continue or should I say I'm just joking?

I can't read his face,void with any emotion.

"You shouldn't joke like that,the others will be uncomfortable."

How should I act hearing that,I'm getting furious,am I the one joking around,am I the one who always said I love you jokingly.I never received any confession before,Jimin hyung's teasing confession was the first.It taken me aback so much,I always saw him so beautiful & then he would say those words to me,what did he expect me to feel?Even though he might be joking I take it seriously.Everything he would say I intently listen & stored it in my heart.

I'm so frustrated I can't help but cry,I don't care anymore.I felt my heart is going to explode.Jimin hyung was so surprised while I'm continue sobbing,my tears just won't stop falling.

"You have been making fun of me from the beginning.You always say you like me but when I finally show I did too, you left me.You go on as if I'm nothing but a maknae to you.You are the one that's joking,you make fun of me because I'm a kid,you don't care how would I feel when you carelessly said those words.Do you know how much your words affect me?Saying you like me all the time nonstop make me feel the same way about you."

I have a lot more to say,I want it out.I wanted him to know everything.He held me in his arms trying to calm me but my hearts can't rest at all if I don't say it all.I want him to hug me & say he feels the same way.I want to be selfish,make him like me.Should I cry more so he would feel responsible,I would.

"It's alright,Kookie.Hyung is so sorry."

I tighten my grip on his clothes when he was trying to let go of me.

"I have something to say."

Jimin hyung managed to pull away but he didn't let go of me completely,I stared at him with teary eyes,he grimace & wipe my tears.He was patting my hair,I'm not sure if it's fondness I'm seeing on his eyes.What kind,towards a kid or towards a guy that confess to him?

"Hyung... You're not mad & leave me,right?"

Jimin shakes his head.

"Do you like hyung?"

I nod blushing,so shy for what I did.He was smiling never breaking our eye contact.I can't stand it,my taller than him but I felt so small right now.He didn't react bad but his not also accepting me & his not telling me how he felt.

Maybe I'm thinking so hard cause I didn't realized that his lips were touching mine,just a light kiss,a couple of seconds that frozen me.My eyes were wide & when he lean back Im shamelessly trying to follow but his fingers touching my lips stop me.

"We should date first..... for formality."

What?We already kissed why aren't we lovers yet?A date first for formality?I was left stunned but it sink to me.

He left me,just then I realized I haven't heard it back!

"Hyung!You love me,right?!"

I don't care when the other members looked at me so scandalous,I knew they won't be against us.I followed Jimin hyung around who just keep on smiling but never said a word.

A date.After that I should hear those words.

I'm not regretful that I only realized it now.I'm now old enough to understand what it was that my young heart can't handle before.

                 ****

I already have Jungkook 's answer to Jimin way back I end Jimin' s part..... cause I don't want sad Jikook.. (ಥ﹏ಥ)