JIMIN

I HAVE loved him since the beginning.

When I first saw him I was taken aback with his looks.He was so young then,so nervous & shy when his introducing himself.He can't even lift his head to look at us.That day he became the group's maknae.All of us was so doting to him,he received so much love.

I also show how much I adore him,he reminds me of my younger brother that's why I always clingy with him.He was so easy to teased,so cute when his so shy.Everyday seems lively with him around,my heart feels like going to explode with so much fondness.

Soon I'm not seeing him as my dongsaeng anymore,I don't know when it starts.I started to noticed how his hair looks good,how his eyes were so pretty,how his big nose compliments his small face,how his lips were so red.I can even tell how many visible moles he have.His beauty was beyond I can explain,everything he does,he did it perfectly.He was the Golden Maknae.

My touches became meaningful,my confessions of love was not brotherly.No matter how much I try to ignore my feelings & forget it,it's no use,everyday I grew more & more in love with him.

I know my feelings were wrong.It not right to be in love with another man.I really tried so hard but it's futile the more I tried to forget the more I fall.One day,I'm done suppressing what my heart wants.I decided to show how much he means to me.The members were so supportive,they never judge me for what & who I am.

Through small things like complements,praising & supporting,I make sure to do it for him.It's never easy for me.The younger hates it as well.

     He was so allergic to me,always called me clingy & stuff.When I get near him,he would immediately push me away.He can't stand being with me.When I declare how much I like him,he will say how much annoying I am.

Sometimes he also makes fun of me,with camera or not,he loves to mock me with my height.It brings loud laughters to him so I just went on with it even though it hurts my heart.To be constantly teased by him was fine as long as his smiling for me.

I became aware that our fans loved our teasing acts,I suggest we do it more often,he was against it at first but even the staffs says we look cute while doing it.We want to show what the fans love so we do the acts.I'm more thankful for it because I got to be with him most of the time.

As time goes by he became accustomed to my antics,his not pushing me away that much instead he was giving the same amount of closeness.He is no longer the shy maknae anymore,since he was so spoiled from his hyungs he became a little brat. 

I used to be the teaser but it became the opposite when he somehow gets flirty.I was flustered & bothered with his change of attitudes.Now he was the one to seek my attention & clings whenever he can. 

Everything he does makes my heart overwhelmed with so many emotions,he makes me so happy.His eyes were shining staring at me.His simple gestures trying to hold my hands,his words of appreciation making me blush.It's as if the younger have feelings for me. 

At one point he made me believed he does have a change of heart.Everything he does shows how much he likes me,not just me but everyone around us tells the same thing even the fans do.I am so happy knowing he must have fall for me too.I truly believes that,that somehow our feelings might be mutual. 

Although I get shy around him when he does something,the videos that captures those moments serves as proofs.How can his eyes shine so bright while looking at me,his not even discreet.When I'm paying attention to others he seemed so mad & will try to get my attention.Sometimes I like to see him tried so hard,it felt good. 

Why does the maknae so adorable?Why does he have to make my heart beats erratically?I don't want us to keep beating around the bush,we should talk about this,be formally dating in my hopes.

"Jungkook, let's talk." 

He agreed.I'm so nervous all day,just like any other day he was practically clinging to me.We are overseas that time,busy as usual the staffs giving us dares secretly to complete for our stay.Every mission we had means we'll get a reward,I'm not much as enthusiastic as the others,I don't care about winning.

Later it was revealed that the youngest won.The prize was a trip to Disneyland for two.Everyone assumed he will asked me to join him,I was waiting as well.It's a good thing cause I asked him to talk.The day passed & he never asked,we didn't get to talk as well due to exhaustion.Next day,we don't have a schedule,the day when Jungkook will go Disneyland.When I wakes up that day,a little late than usual,he was gone out & Taehyung went with him.

I was disappointed but tried not to show it.That day was boring,I decided to stay in room & spent it watching just anything.I realized I never get to know how Jungkook win so I asked one of our stylist noona.

"Make you say thank you to him." 

That explained why he was all over me last day,complementing just anything about me.

'A mission.'

Now that I think about it,every time we're given a mission,Jungkook usually wins,I never payed attention about it,I don't even know how he wins all the time.I decided to watch our previous videos when we are given a mission.

Just as I know,Jungkook wins almost every mission given to him but I'm not aware how.

"Any mission with Jimin hyung is easy."

Jungkook looks confident while saying it.He seems so sure he will win from the start,which he will eventually.

So almost all of his missions has something to do with me,I'm not even aware of that.I'm the reason why he always win.I browse to the comments section.I'm not ready to read them but at the back of my mind,somewhere I tried to hidden so much,I'm aware.Everything was just an act. 

"Why did Jimin oppa not getting it that Jungkook oppa often win because he always did what Jungkook oppa wants him to do?"

"Jiminie must be so oblivious to not noticed it until now."

"I'm sure oppa just want to make the maknae happy,you know Jungkookie hates losing."

"I'm really concerned about Jimin,it's like he was really not aware of it.I'm not trying to make our maknae look bad but it was really obvious right?He knows Jimin really likes him & used it to his advantage,I hope Jimin wont be disheartened when he realized it."

I stop reading,I pretended so hard not to notice,the sudden change of the other was a surprise.But I'm an idiot to think it's not impossible.Jungkook can like me as well,right?Why wouldn't that happened?Am I really not lovable?

When we're in front of the camera he was not afraid to show his affection but without it,he never approached me that much unless if his given a mission.Knowing that a hidden camera still follows them.

When he looked my way,it only stays for a couple of seconds really.He will divert his attention to someone else immediately like to Taehyung for example.

Truthfully,Jungkook will bother Tae than me,those two hang outs more often.He looks the happiest those time.

"I wanna have a vacation with Jungkook,just the two of us."

"No way,I'd rather be with Tae hyung,his fun to be with."

Why did I allow myself to be deceived by mu own fantasies?I knew it from the start but still went on with it.Perhaps,I'm hopeful.If I always show how much I care for him then maybe he will return it,I hold to that possibility.

Why did I'm still keeping it up I should have given up,both for me & Jungkook.I'm being troublesome for our group,I can't be the reason for us to fail.

I shouldn't be swayed by what Jungkook does,I must think rational,we practically raised him so he must be so attached to all of us,I won't ever think that Jungkook has ill intentions for his acts he was not like that.

I should have cried it all now & get over it the next day.Whatever it is that I'm feeling for him I must stop now.This is the price I must pay for falling in the wrong way,person,time & place.

After crying for God knows how long,I'm aware that I need to face him,to act like everything is okay.He was emotional,he gets upset thinking he might done wrong if I started treating him differently.Our maknae really cares about us,I must not burden him with my feelings.

That night the two came back from their trip,he immediately went to my room,I'm not ready yet but when will I'll be if it ain't now,I've showed the best state I can be.

"I wanna go with you hyung but you seem so tired & I don't wanna bother you while resting."

"Then maybe next time."

Let's just go back to how we used to be before,I'm the hyung & your my favorite maknae.Let's not give out unnecessary words.I must stop assuming things,I tend to believe my own fantasy so now I must stop. 

I HAVE loved him from the start...

Soon I should stop....




 

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I'm so emo while writing this,I hate sad Jikook stories but once in awhile I like reading them.I tried to make this emotional but I know this is crappy..... mianhe...