TITLE 5/5

The title makes me think that Minah is going to have a crisis over whether or not she actually loves Siwan or Jimin. I feel like Minah will spend a lot of time anxious over whether or not her feelings for Jimin are real, or real enough to pursue in place of her husband.

DESCRIPTION/FOREWORD 9/10

I have some suggestions to make your description flow better. I've bolded the changes I made.

Three adults on their journey to find the true definition of love. Park Jimin, a young adult with little experience in life. Bang Minah, a young woman who got married way too soon. Im Siwan, a grown man whose mind was too complicated, even to his wife.

Jimin is a carefree kind of person. He thinks simple (no comma) and acts simple. But when he meets Minah, he learns that (not everything can be) simple.

Minah is a complicated woman (no comma) who tries to think simple, and tries to act simple. It does sound the same with Jimin's case at first, but it is not. When she meets Jimin, it seems like she finally learns how to be simple.

Is there a reason that Siwan doesn't get a secondary character description like Minah and Jimin? I could understand if there's not many details you can give about him that aren't spoilers. Or maybe you just didn't think it would work? Either way, this makes it seem like Siwan isn't as important of a character as Jimin (and Minah). The lack of a character description also gives him an air of mystery. If you're fine with giving off that impression, then good! Only add something if you really think you need to.

PLOT 25/25

It's obvious from the very first paragraph that Minah is deeply unsatisfied in her relationship and unhappy with the way that she's being treated as Siwan's wife. You start the plot moving right away, leaving me with questions. I want to read further. Is Minah secretly taking birth control to keep from becomming pregnant? It sure seems that way, and from very early on I have a sinking feeling that Siwan knows and just hasn't confronted her about it. This is addressed shortly after, of course, but this exchange does a wonderful job of further illustrating the problems in Minah and Siwan's marriage.

As of chapter two, I'm also starting to feel uneasy about Siwan. Is he a nice man, or does he hurt Minah somehow? The introduction of Jimin is really good. I think that it's interesting to set up a sort of...forced connection between him and Minah. The fact that Jimin is indebted to her presents furture opportunities for them to meet, and this is about the point in the story where I start to want to know more about Jimin because I want Minah to break it off with Siwan and meet someone who will treat her right, let her have her independence, and not pester her about having children and becoming a stay-at-home mom.

FLOW 7/10

I don't have much to say, because your story flows smoothly most of the time, but I think you could stand to work on your transitions so that you do less time skipping. Transitions are in no way easy. They require you to really know what's important to keep in your chapters, and are fairly hard to keep interesting and fresh. I've got some links for you to tips that I like.

http://blog.janicehardy.com/2012/06/moving-forward-writing-smooth.html

http://theeditorsblog.net/2010/12/16/mastering-scene-transitions/

http://www.be-a-better-writer.com/transitional-words.html

CHARACTERIZATION 25/25

I think you've set up your characters early on and kept them consistent.

GRAMMAR/SPELLING 20/25

I found some minor grammar mistakes that I want to bring your attention to.

You like commas! So do I.

First things first: comma splices. A comma splice is when you join two independent clauses without using a connecting word like and, but, or, so. Try to avoid comma splices and join your sentences with connecting words more often. This will make your sentences more complex and allow you to vary your sentence lenghts more frequently, helping the flow of your narrative. I have a few examples, but keep in mind that they are just suggestions and you are in no way obligated to change anything.

"In all honesty, the first thing Minah wanted in the morning was to wake up peacefully without the alarm going off." or "In all honesty, the first thing Minah wanted in the morning was to wake up peacefully, without the alarm going off, but it was just her wish."

"She would have done a stretch-out like usual if she had clothes on, but she was completely , just like the person next to her." and "He was still deep in his dreams and his breaths were stably calm." (Another note, I would write "his breaths were stable and calm.")

I'm not very good at spotting and avoiding comma splices myself, but I have a few resources that I can link you to at the bottom of the review.

Secondly, you use passive voice often. Passive voice is when the person or thing being acted upon comes first and the person or thing responsible for the action comes second. "The ball was thrown." instead of "She threw the ball." I really struggled with passive vs active voice for a long time, and only understood it when someone told me that if you can add "by Zombies" to the end of your sentence and have it make sense, you're using passive voice. (This doesn't always work, but it's good for simple sentences).

Passive voice can enhance your writing and help vary your sentences, but it can also obscure the meaning of your sentences, so I suggest going over your options for active vs passive voice often.

An example from your story: "While she was strolling casually towards the company she worked in, she caught sight of an acquaintance. As she wanted to greet the man, she drew closer to his direction." This is passive voice. Active voice would be more like, "She caught sight of an acquaintance while strolling casually towards the company she worked in." And the second sentence can either be, "She wanted to greet the man, so she drew closer to his direction." or, "She drew closer to his direction, as/because she wanted to greet the man."

So, here are the resources I think will help you!

https://www.grammarly.com

Grammarly is a free extension that is better than the free spellchecker that comes on your computer or phone, which also checks for grammar and suggests stronger words. It will help point out comma splices and passive voice.

https://www.slickwrite.com/#!home

Slickwrite is an indepth, customizable, and easy to use beta reader. It will tell you when you're using weak words, passive voice, cluttering your sentences, and switching tenses.

http://www.hemingwayapp.com

I mostly use the hemingwayapp to check the readability of my writing, and honestly don't always agree with the edits that it suggests.

Usually, I do my first pass of editing and then run my writing through all three of these to catch anything that I would have missed.

https://www.grammarly.com/blog/a-scary-easy-way-to-help-you-find-passive-voice/

This is the "by Zombies" trick, explained.

http://advice.writing.utoronto.ca/revising/passive-voice/

Tips specifically about how to use passive voice affectively.

https://learnenglish.britishcouncil.org/en/english-grammar/verbs/active-and-passive-voice

Examples of passive vs active voice.

https://www.grammarbook.com/punctuation/commas.asp

A refresher on when to use a comma and how.

https://www.grammarly.com/blog/comma/

The grammarly blog has a lot of accesible articles on grammar!

http://www.chompchomp.com/terms/commasplice.htm

Specifically about the comma splice.

And now, some resources to help you vary your sentences!

https://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/573/01/

https://academicguides.waldenu.edu/writingcenter/scholarlyvoice/sentencestructure

https://courses.lumenlearning.com/boundless-writing/chapter/keeping-your-writing-engaging/

OVERALL ENJOYMENT (BONUS POINTS) 5/10

Engaging storyline, high stakes, and drama! Keep it up and good luck!

TOTAL 96/100

I'm so sorry that this took so long! If you have any questions, or would like me to help you out more, don't hesitate to let me know!