Summary : There's an end to every show.
Author's Note:

This was written in November 2010. At that time, I wrote that Yongseo's WGM would end in February, but in 2012. I was one year too optimistic, hahah. 

OST: Fall For You by Secondhand Serenade

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February 2012

At the second break on the talkshow shooting, Yong Hwa checked his cellphone for messages or missed calls. What he read from a message tore his sanity apart.

“Jung Yong Hwa-ssi, we regret to inform you, that we decided to end the Yongseo Couple part on We Got Married. It’s been two years and it’s time to move on and make an ending to your lovely story.The last shooting will be at the end of this month. Further information will be given to your manager and you are free to contact the PD in case you have any questions”.

Yong Hwa found he had to sit down to rearrange his body and soul. Because for the first time in his life, he saw black and felt like the world might crash in any second.

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Seo Hyun read the text message on her way to the stage. A second before, she was laughing cheerfully, together with her unnies. She had a last minute checking of her cellphone. Maybe Yong Oppa text me? She thought simply.

It was Soo Young who caught her on time. Seo Hyun read the message and immediately lost strength. Her feet couldn’t hold her up and she was falling to the floor. Only Soo Young grabbed her hand first.

“Hyun? What’s wrong?” Soo Young asked.

Tears were unstoppable. They streamed down Hyun’s eyes the very moment she processed the meaning of it, ruining her perfectly made make up.

“Oh God, Hyunnie? Waeyo?” Soo Young asked, panicking now. Everybody noticed by then. Since there were many crews and singers on that hall, her unnies escorted her back to their dressing room.

Seo Hyun seek for the comfort she knew, Hyo Yeon. She blindly hugged her unnie and sobbed on her shoulders. So hard, so sad, like it broke her heart from the inside. Understanding nothing but very much concerned, Hyo Yeon hugged Seo Hyun. “Tell me what’s wrong, Hyun. Tell us what’s wrong. Whatever it is, we’ll get through it together. Ssshhh, maknae, we’re here for you”.

Seo Hyun gave her cellphone to the nearest unnie. She didn’t know, because she was still sobbing and burying her face on Hyo Yeon’s shoulder. She almost collapsed and from her weight, Hyo Yeon finally sat on the floor, never letting go of her friend who was more than a sister to her.

They understood, when they read the text message. They tried to comfort Seo Hyun the best they could. Five minutes before performing, they retouched her makeup themselves, not wanting any stylist to know what happened. Before they went on stage, they whispered, “Hyun, be strong. You can cry all you want after this”. She nodded and swore to God she would perform professionally. She did it. The loud cheers of the fans proved it. She survived the whole show smiling. Afterwards, her unnies discreetly guided her to the dressing room, wiped her make-up and tears, helped her changed clothes, and together and quietly, they went to their van, going back to their dorm where it’s safe.

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“Hyun, listen” he said on the phone that night, “You have received the message right? You know that uri WGM is going to end”.

“De, Oppa, and it’s breaking my heart”

He could hear her voice shook but steeled his will.

“Hyun, I want you think really carefully, what do you want for us after this?”

Silence.

“What do you mean?”

“Do you still want to be with me?”

“Oppa!!! What nonsense are you talking about?”

He could feel that she was panicking.

“Hyun, I want to know. I need to know. That’s why I won’t call or text you for a week and you—“

“What!!! Why are you doing this to me again? I’m so sad right now and you must know why! How come you want to stop talking to me?”

“Because I want you to think carefully. Can you go back to the time when you don’t know me? When we were nothing but strangers? And please consider all of the difficulties you will face if you still want to be with me”

There’s no doubt now, she was sobbing over there, Yong Hwa thought, resolution almost wavering. He almost apologized and took back what he said.

“I won’t call or text you for a week. If you call me first, I’ll reject it”

“How could you!” Seo Hyun condemned.

“I need to know, Hyun. And after all this time, you should know me. When you can think clearly Hyun, you will know why I’m doing this. True, this is my selfishness. You've never thought about a guy before you met me. I’m giving you time. Make your decision. And we will meet after a week, Hyun”

“Oppa! Oppa, jeongmal—“

“No. You need this. I’m giving you this time to think it over. Okay?”

Yong Hwa closed his eyes and swallowed. “I’ll see you in a week, okay, Hyun? Rest well. And think carefully”.

And he hung up.
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The best thing about tonight’s that we’re not fighting

It couldn’t be that we have been this way before

I know you don’t think that I am trying

I know you’re wearing thin down to the core

Yong Hwa had been lying on the couch for hours. His dongsaes were out for a dining at a barbeque restaurant. He had no energy to follow them. He knew his silence that day had got them wondering. But they didn’t dare to ask questions. Yet. Which he felt grateful for.

He’s afraid that right now she’s crying at her dorm. He hoped her unnies will be there to help her. She hated his silence. He had—maybe foolishly—tested her with silence a long time ago, and had to struggle for two months to win her back.

But he had to do this. For them. For her. He needed to know, once and for all, how far would she go. Their WGM would end soon. Would she go back to the state before they know each other, before they were put together by chance, before they were used to each other?

She’s hurting now. He was sure of that. Her “Don’t do this to me again” kept replaying in his head that day.

Are you thinking that I’m hurting you with no reason? Are you thinking I’m happy with this? Are you thinking that not speaking to you this time is not heavy for me too?

Would they still be able to stay together after this?

Would she still want to be together after this?

Yong Hwa had to cringe as the stabs in his heart got sharper.

The managements. What would their agencies do?

Because tonight will be the night that I will fought for you

Over again

Don’t make me change my mind

I won’t live to see another day

I swear it’s true

Because a girl like you is impossible to find

You’re impossible to find

He wondered what would he do if she decided to let go of what they have. What if the pressure would be too much for her? If she gave up, he knew he would not die. No. He’d continue to live in a world where he and Hyun were not Together. But would he live as a whole person? He’s not sure he would. Would the pain of knowing her and then became a stranger again would ever disappear? He didn’t think so.

Because he was sure a girl like her was impossible to find. If not for the show, where else would he find a girl so close to his imaginary soulmate? She’s beautiful. She’s feminine. She’s so smart. She got principles. She’s so pure. He was her first love. She knew nothing about men before she met me. She sang. She played piano. She’s so polite. She respected her parents so much. She knew what’s important in life. She’s Seo Joo Hyun.

Where else would he find a girl like her? Where? It’s impossible.

He always thought he would find true love around 35. 30 the earliest. Instead, he found her at 22.

He felt a lump was forming in his throat, so he got up and walked blindingly to the small music studio. Instead of the trusted guitars, he sat in front of the organ. He started to play “Falling Slowly” and every memories of them rushed in, chasing after one another. Her words, her expressions, her laughters. Her eyes, her questions, her voice. How many times had she sung Falling Slowly beside him? It had been one of her favorite too. He could recall all of those precious quiet hours where she leant on his shoulders, humming the song as they sat in comfortable silence.

And hold on to your words

‘Cause talk is cheap

And remember me tonight when you’re asleep

He needed her to make up her mind. To make her decisions. To hear that she would do anything to maintain their relationship. He had always believed there was more to “I Love You” than what it sounded. You had to be willing to sacrifice to keep it true.

He heard laughter and the front door opened. His dongsaes were home. Their laughter died when they got in and saw the dark room. He didn’t put on any lights. He will still feel it’s dark even if he lightened everything. Worried callings of “Hyung?” could be heard as their steps got closer to the studio.

“Hyung?” Min Hyuk called. “What are you doing?”

Jung Shin reached him in long steps, “Hyung, why are you sitting in the dark?”

“What’s wrong?” Jong Hyun asked sharply.

When Yong Hwa didn’t say anything, he repeated, “What’s wrong?”

Min Hyuk the studio lights.

Jung Shin’s eyes widened as he saw Yong Hwa’s expression. He’s frightened. Their leader’s eyes looked fierce and lost.

“Uri WGM is going to end”.

Nobody said anything. Because his voice sounded raw and scratchy. Like he had been crying. Like he felt defeated. Like he was breaking down somewhere deep inside.

They walked closer. Wanting to help but not knowing what to do. Wanting to calm him but didn’t know what to say. Finally it was Jung Shin who cleared his throat and outstretched the paper bag. “Dinner? I—it’s your favorite”

He looked up and said, “Thanks”. But he didn’t move to accept the food, instead, he only looked to Jung Shin like he was pleading for something Jung Shin did not have.

“I’ll get you some water, Hyung. You must be thirsty” Min Hyuk informed, walking to the kitchen, guessing correctly that their Hyung didn’t do anything useful since they left them hours ago. Jung Shin opened the package and gave him the chopsticks. Yong Hwa took it but only look at it like he didn’t know what to do of it.

Jong Hyun sighed. Grabbed a chair and sat beside Yong Hwa. Jung Shin followed his action and sat at the carpeted floor. Min Hyuk came bringing a jug of water and he saw Yong Hwa looking blankly on his food. He bent close to Yong Hwa’s face. “Hyung. Eat up. We have two performances tomorrow. You can’t get sick”.

Like waking up from a trance he nodded and started to eat. While his dongsaes sat in silence around him.

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Seo Hyun woke up and, as it was a habit, she fumbled her sheets to find her cellphone. She frowned looking at the blank screen, only to realize that of course, he wouldn’t be saying anything. It’s the first day of his one week time. Time to think, and rethink, he said. She sighed heavily.

Jinjja, Jung Yong Hwa, how could you be so mean sometimes?

She got up, annoyed, and stomped to the bathroom for an early shower.

As she did her activities that day, she couldn’t help to think that soon, very soon, their WGM was going to end. Being in this business and having a relationship was sure not easy. But they were fine so far. But would they be fine after WGM ended? Would they have a chance to meet? Would it be a bad scandal if someone knew?

By lunch, she felt already miserable. She was so used to their continuous texting through the days, that it felt empty without it. His texts were what made the days without seeing him bearable. As she and her unnies sat together, waiting for their turn to go on stage and have final rehearsal, she absent mindedly bowed to a member of MBLAQ that passed by. And wondered what would it be if she and Yong Hwa stop seeing each other and became random acquaintance. The thought made her blinked. And she instantly covered her eyes.

“Hyunnie-ah, did something got into your eyes?” Tiffany asked.

“De? Ah, yes” she confirmed, grabbing the chance for an excuse.

“Really? I’ll go to stylist unnie. I bet she’ll have some eye drops”

“Gwaenchanayo, unnie, I’ll take it myself” she said, walking away to the direction of the dressing rooms, not knowing that Hyo Yeon started that worried look on her again.

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Nearing midnight, she couldn’t sleep. She felt dead tired, exhausted. Mentally worried and physically drained. But she couldn’t sleep. She clutched her phone tight, staring to the wall beside her. She is too used to calling him before going to sleep. To wish him good night and to remind him to take good care of himself, until they could meet again. Will there be a time when they won’t be able to meet again?

She finally played his songs. And it put her to sleep. Although restless.

She dreamed of a conversation with him. About a year ago. They just filmed an episode in a park. The PD said it was break time, so they lazed around and sat together on a wooden bench. It was a beautiful day. Greens everywhere, birds chirping, lovers holding hands, the wind whispered “Summer, summer, summer”.

“Tell me something about you” she had asked him.

“About what?”

“Something I don’t know. Something you've never told anyone else”

He smiled to her. That smile that always made her left her cocoon and reach out to him. That smile that she always wanted to see when she opens her eyes.

“Why?” he asked. Because he was always like that. He always craved for honesty. He always dug deeper. He always wanted me to bare my soul and really see me.

“I just want to feel closer to you” she explained.

He smiled a happier smile and turned to be serious.

“I’m afraid one day I can’t sing anymore” he said, voice raw and true. She gasped and covered . She took a good look at him and saw genuine fear in his eyes. His voice. His life.

“I never tell this to anyone. Especially not to my dongsaes. But sometimes I’m worried, though it’s been a year since the surgery. That’s why I’m trying to take better care of myself. Though it’s hard with the crazy schedules”

“I’m sure you will always be able to sing. Just take good care of yourself. Rest when you can, okay?”

He patted her knee and leaned back on the bench.

“Tell me your story then” he pleaded.

“What kind of story?”

“Something ugly” he laughed. “Because you’re always beautiful. Tell me something bad about yourself. If you have any” he said the last words while staring straight at her, the way that always sent her heartbeats to accelerate.

She took a deep breath and start, “You have heard a lot of rumors spread by our antis, right? They say we can’t really sing. They say we had plastic surgeries. They say we’re arrogant, heartless girls…I could take all of that. But there is something that hurt us so much we cried when we heard it. That we immediately called our parents to deny it”

“What is it?” he inquired, hand gripping the bench.

“The rumor that we sell ourselves to rich men…..” she said, smiling through the bitter words.

His eyes went wider.

“What a crazy, horrible rumor!” he commented.

“I know. It’s silly. We should just laugh at it. But it still hurts sometimes, especially something as nasty as that”

They then sat in comfortable silence, watching the crews preparing for a new scene concerning bikes.

“It’s not my biggest fear” he suddenly blurted.

“What?” she asked, surprised.

“That I won’t be able to sing again. There’s something I fear more than that”

She never asked what it was. She felt she knew it. She was afraid he would say it out loud. Like saying it would jinx it to be true.

“I’m afraid you don’t really understand what you feel. I’m afraid you love me because I’m the first guy who ever asked your hand. I’m scared that when this show ends, you’ll find someone else better than me”.

And Seo Hyun woke up with a start.

What is this? Why am I remembering that conversation now? 

She told him he was acting stupid. That though she had zero experience in love, she knew she would never want somebody else.

Is he having doubts? Is he doubting my feelings for him now? No, no, no. This is impossible! Please tell me this is not what he is thinking!

She panicked and dialed his number. Only to find her call being immediately rejected. She closed her eyes in frustration. Jung Yong Hwa could be really stubborn sometimes. If he said one week, then it’s one week. He refused to talk to her before that.

“Oppa, are you doubting me now? But I know I love you” she said miserably to the darkness, almost crying.

Hyo Yeon listened, but decided to say nothing and pretended to sleep again.

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She felt lightheaded as she walked with her unnies to the radio show. She had no appetite for breakfast earlier, and had to force herself to eat. She could barely smile as the famous DJ congratulated them for another successful single on the charts.

The show ended and they walked together again, straight to the elevators, to go to their vans and go back home to get some free time. That was when they stumbled to Alex from Clazziquai.

And Seo Hyun froze like she saw a ghost. He was a senior and they exchanged bows. Tae Yeon and Jessica already starting a polite, cheerful conversation while she mumbled “Bathroom” and sprinted to the nearest.

She realized she was trembling all over. Alex-sunbaenim never did anything wrong. He just represented all of her fears. Because he was on the first WGM season with Shin Ae-ssi. They were so lovely together and looked like darlings. And suddenly she got married with someone else. It’s nobody’s fault. But it painfully reminded her how WGM was a show. A show. Any feeling there could be just acting.

Tears threatened to spill but she tried not to. Unnies would question me. Unnies would be worried.

But we are real right? 

Me and Yong Hwa-oppa are real. He promised. We promised.

She washed her face and sat on a chair. The sterile smell of disinfectant kept her senses together. Analyzing time.

Seo Joo Hyun, get a grip of yourself. Why are you feeling like this?

Because I’m so afraid.

What are you afraid of?

I’m afraid I can’t be with him again after the show ended.

Why?

Because I’m not sure SM will let me. Or FNC will let him. Or the fans will let us be together.

There. Defined word for word. Now what?

“Hyun?” the bathroom door opened and revealed a worried stricken Hyo Yeon.

“What’s wrong?” she walked to her. “You don’t want to tell me?”

Hyo Yeon was answered by muted silence. She sighed and took Hyun’s hand. “Ahrasseo. If you don’t want to tell me, at least let’s go home. Cry all you want there”

“I’m not—“

“If you’re going to say you’re not crying and you’re fine, keep that words to yourself because I don’t want to hear it” Hyo Yeon warned her. “I know you’re feeling terrible. And I know you’re not telling me or your other unnies because you don’t want to worry us. But we’re your sisters. Let us help. For seeing you sad makes us sad too”

Hyo Yeon saw her bit her lips hard as she stared to the floor. “Ahrasseo. I won’t ask you anymore. Let’s just go home”.

Hyo Yeon could feel Seo Hyun clung to her as they walked together to the elevator. “Maknae, are you okay? Why didn’t you say anything?” she asked in her mind.

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She wasn’t trying to be dramatic. But just trying to imagine a world without him broke her heart already. She saw a couple walked together on the street and she screamed inside, “Could we be like that? Is that possible?”

As the hours passed, she missed him more like never before. The fear of losing him torn her apart, made her lose any optimism and she felt helpless.

That was how Hyo Yeon found her that night. Curled up on her bed, sobbing like a child. The sound pierced the room as she cried like she lost her most precious dream.

Knowing nothing, but got an instinct of what it was all about, Hyo Yeon almost cried too. She walked to Seo Hyun’s bed and knelt down to be on the same eye level.

“You still don’t want to tell me? I want to help, Hyun-ah. At least let me share your sadness. Don’t carry it alone”

Seo Hyun sat up and hugged Hyo Yeon. On her shoulder, she let go and cried. “The show is going to end, unnie. You know that already, right? And I’m so afraid I can’t be with him anymore”.

Figured. What else could send the rational Joo Hyun to this state?

“This ring” she showed her ring with Yong Hwa, “Will I be able to always wear this? What if I can’t? What if the company said we have to break up? Then what will I do unnie? How can I get through with it?”

Hyo Yeon got into her bed and hugged her, letting her cried all the tears she had to shed. But after awhile and she didn’t stop, she finally made her sat up.

“Hyun, listen, do you love him? Do you love Yong seobang?”

Seo Hyun almost broke into another sobs but she exhaled and nodded.

“And do you really want to be with him, whatever the consequences are?”

“I don’t want to do anything to hurt uri So Nyeo Shi Dae…Or his CNBLUE….”

“Okay. I know that. Hyun, I know your feelings. And to make everything clear, why don’t we choose the most honest way? Get real answers. It’s really scary but I think it’s the best way”

“How?”

“Call manager–oppa. All four of them. Say truthfully that you have a relationship with Yong-seobang and ask them to ask the higher management. I don’t exactly know who. Maybe Lee Soo Man himself? Tell them to ask, can you have a relationship or not”

Seo Hyun quieted down but she was thinking and considering.

“Do you think it’s good, unnie?”

“I think it is. I think for these things…we better be honest. We’re humans. We fall in love, Hyun. And I think the managements are humans too. They can control us. Maybe we owe them that. Dating could ruin our image. Maybe. I don’t really know. Will it be different with the antis? They always hate us anyway. Will our fans stop liking us? Are they fans if they stop liking us if we date? I’m not sure. But the managements, they sort of—raised us, you know. I think they deserve to know the truth. Just be honest and ask for what you want to know.

What you want most is permission, right Hyun? From the management, from us your unnies, from your parents, from the fans. So, openly asking for it is the solution”

Seo Hyun thought for a moment. Then she finally nodded. “Okay. I will ask the manager-oppa to ask to the higher management. Or Lee Soo Man himself. Will you come with me?”.

“You mean you want to ask now?” Hyo Yeon asked, bewildered.

“Yes”

“Hyun-ah, Seobaby-ah, it’s 1 am!”

“I know. But I want to ask them now. I can’t continue living like this!”

“Alright, alright. Let me just change and comb my hair”

Seo Hyun agreed, and called the managers.

When they finished putting on formal clothes, Yuri randomly entered the room for an early morning chat.

“Are you girls going somewhere?”

Hyo Yeon looked at Seo Hyun. She nodded so Hyo Yeon said, “Maknae here, is preparing to attack”

“Mwo?”

So Hyo Yeon explained.

“Hyunnie, you’re going to ask to the management are you allowed to date or not?” she checked.

Seo Hyun nodded.

Yuri walked out and screamed “Everyone, come here quick!”

Six girls came to the bedroom.

“I’ll come with you” Jessica decided.

“Unnie, you don’t have to. I don’t want to trouble you”

“What? But why are you taking Hyo Yeon with you?” Jessica asked.

“Because…because I don’t want to be alone”

“Hyun, aren’t we all sisters?” Tiffany asked.

“Didn’t we promise we’ll always be together?” Yoona added.

Seo Hyun looked to them one by one. All serious, concerned faces that grew up together with her, shared the same life, the same journey.

“Gamsahamnida” she finally said.

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There they all were, sitting closely together wearing jeans and shirt, facing their managers who always took care of their schedules. They had always been stern about rules. “Don’t make scandals” was what they always say. They always reminded them to do rehearsals. To behave well. But despite the rules, they always took care of them well.

But now, they sat face to face to tell them something big and heavy. This was not just about Seo Hyun and Yong Hwa. This was about all of them. Basically, this is about having a private life. Could they have it or not? Could they still have a career and love at the same time?

“So, Seo Hyun-ssi, here we are. You have called for a formal meeting at this very late hour. It is very unusual. But since we are here, please tell us. What is it that you want to tell us?”

“Well, Hyo Yeon unnie here, said that it’s better for me to be honest” Seo Hyun began, voice trembled a little but determined to go on. Seo Hyun looked aside and Hyo Yeon, who sat beside her, immediately held her hand.

“What is it that you need to be honest about?” one of the manager asked her.

“Did you do something wrong?” another one asked her.

“For me, it’s not wrong” Seo Hyun said, looking at them one by one, “But I don’t know what you will think”

“Let’s not waste time, Seo Hyun-ssi. Tell us what you want to say”

Soo Young, who sat at the other side of Seo Hyun, took her other hand. Seo Hyun smiled at her. Holding her sisters’ hands, she felt a little stronger. At that very moment, she firmly believed that whatever happened they would always be there for her.

“I…” she stopped and took a deep breath, “I have a relationship, with Jung Yong Hwa-ssi”

Nobody said anything. So she continued.

“Real relationship, outside of the show. It’s been going on for more than one and a half years. We have been very careful and tried not to show it”

“You have been careful, indeed” one of them responded. “We have our suspicions. But we were never certain about it, you both never let anything show for us to speculate about”

“And, Seo Hyun-ssi, what do you wish to get for telling us this? I might be wrong, but you wouldn’t just tell us this if you don’t want something in return, right?”

“Oppa,” Jessica cut in, always the first to protest something unjust, “you made it sound like it's a hideous thing!”

“We’re just being blunt, so as to not waste the time. And to continue what my friend said, Seo Hyun-ssi, there must be something you want to ask, right?”

“I—“ Seo Hyun stopped, feeling how heavy it was, as tears of anxiousness started to wet her eyes. Hyo Yeon squeezed her hand, “You can do this. Say what you need to say. Unnies are here for you”

“I want—I want permission. You already know that uri WGM is going to end. And I want you to permit us to  have our relationship. Is it allowed? I mean, can we date? What’s the worst that's going to happen? Will you ever tell us to stop seeing each other?”

Four of the managers stared at Seo Hyun. No one could deny that this was really important for her. This is not a casual crush for her. They admired her bravery for being honest, faced them straightly like this, and asked what no one, in the history of SM Entertainment, ever openly asked to them.

“We need time to call our superiors. Will you all kindly wait outside? We’ll give you a definite answer as soon as we can. It won’t be long. We just have to report and be sure of what to say to you”

Seo Hyun nodded. And together with her eight sisters, she walked outside and they all waited, sitting at the waiting room.

They all waited in silence. So different from their usual cheerful selves. They always squealed and laughed. It was not the time for any of it. Yuri and Yoona decided to get busy by getting coffee for everyone from the nearest dispenser. Tae Yeon sat silently beside Seo Hyun, watching her maknae. The fact that Yong Hwa and Seo Hyun loved each other, was not a secret to SNSD. They embraced the changes he brought to their beloved maknae. She knew, instinctively, that it’s not just a fling, never a light thing to be thought of. What Seo Hyun had with him is something genuine. It’s strong. It blossomed. It’s deeper than anyone of them could imagine. If she could protest at all, maybe out of worry for her, was that her true love came too soon. But who were they to choose or postpone? Seo Hyun was lucky. To find him. To have a love like that.

There’s no coming back. Tae Yeon knew that. Much more now than ever. She wished, with all her heart, that Seo Hyun would not have to face this agony. Because she understood what they wanted. They want to be together. Not just now in their twenties. Seo Hyun and Yong Hwa wanted to always be together. That much she had it figured out.

She first knew Seo Hyun as a sweet 10 years old. She was brought up well. So polite, so charming, so innocent, so pure. Seo Hyun gave herself whole heartedly to her career. She gave herself to her unnies. She trusted them, she took care of them all like they were sisters. Seo Hyun was not an easy person. She held in her emotions. But once she opened her heart for someone, it will be for forever, Tae Yeon thought. She was so unaware of boys. But once she met Yong Hwa, and decided to give her heart, it’s a signed deal. Did Yong Hwa understand that? She wondered. He better be. If he didn’t, he will face the wrath of eight girls who were ready to make him see the light.

But maybe he understood. Maybe when he asked to hold her hand for the first time, he knew he was in it for well, forever. Because Seo Hyun rarely changed her mind. Did she ever? No, never. Seo Hyun was very firm. It’s black and white with her. Always. Yes or No. Love or hate. Never or Forever. For Yong Hwa, it’s Yes, Love, Forever.

Look at how hard she was fighting for him now. This little maknae. So brave.

Tae Yeon sighed. Yong Hwa-ssi, you better be doing something useful. You better fight for her as hard as she is doing for you right now. More, even better. If you’re not, well, we unnies will make you do it.

She took a good look at Seo Hyun. Who was staring to the air with faraway eyes. Tae Yeon touched her hair, brushing it from the top of Seo Hyun’s head to the end of her beautiful wavy hair.

“Hyun-ah” she called softly.

“De, unnie?” Seo Hyun answered, a bit startled as she didn’t realize she was staring into space for a while there.

“You have grown a lot, do you know that?”

Seo Hyun smiled a little, linking her arm with Tae Yeon’s. “Am I, unnie?”

“Of course you are. And so brave. I’m very proud of you” she smiled widely. “You’re so brave. For keeping what you have with him. I wish, I pray, with all my heart, that you will have your happy ending. You’re making us believe that we all could have our happy endings, if we work hard enough to make it happen”

Seo Hyun was speechless. She knew her eldest sister was praising her. Nothing else came to her mind except, “Saranghae, Taeng-unnie”

“Paboo. I love you too. We all do. It’s going to be okay. I know it’s scary. And we don’t know what they will say,” Tae Yeon said, looking at the closed door where their managers were still inside, having a discussion and calling the superiors. “You must keep what you have with him”

“I know. It’s not like I can let him go anymore” Seo Hyun smiled.

Tae Yeon nodded. “Be strong”

Seo Hyun smiled tiredly and nodded.

And the doors were open and one of the manager said, “We have reached a decision. Please, So Nyuh Shi Dae-ssi, come inside”

They all stood up and together, then walked in.

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“Seo Hyun-ssi,” the manager began. He took a deep breath. That action made Seo Hyun wondered, did it mean good or bad?

“We spoke to our superiors and have reached a decision”

“We are grateful that you have decided to come clean about your relationship with Jung Yong Hwa-ssi”

“Come clean? Was it a dirty secret before?” Yuri cut in. Tae Yeon squeezed Yuri’s hand hard to make her stop protesting.

“We’ll appreciate it if you could wait until we finish here, Yuri-ssi” the manager scolded.

“It must need a lot of courage to tell us like this. We admire you for that. You have been the first SM artist who requested a formal meeting to admit a relationship. More or less, we understand your reason to keep it as a secret until now.

Seo Hyun-ssi, we know that you’re just an ordinary woman. You have the right to feel what you want. We thank you for maintaining your image all of this time. We are sure that you are aware that you have debuted with So Nyuh Shi Dae since 2007 and it has been five years. It was written in your debut contract that you are not allowed to publicize a relationship with a man until you have debuted for five years”

Seo Hyun nodded. She remembered that.

“We are pleased to tell you that since this is 2012, you have fulfilled your obligation and from now on, you are free to be in a relationship with any man. However, there is a major drawback”

Seo Hyun felt her stomach churned so bad she was afraid she would throw up.

“SM Entertainment has a lot of power in Korea, as you may well understood. That’s why we checked Jung Yong Hwa’s contract in FNC Management. We particularly asked them about “relationship” issue. He also had a deal not to publicize any kind of relationship with a girl until he has passed five years of CN Blue’s debut. Now, CNBLUE debuted in 2010. So he still has to wait for three more years”

“What does it mean?” Seo Hyun asked.

“It means, we have to respect his contract. You have to respect his contract. Because we will ask any other company to do the same to respect our decisions. You can’t be seen with him in public”

“Seo Hyun-ssi, let us make this clear for you. SM doesn’t forbids you if you want to have a relationship with Jung Yong Hwa-ssi. However, it will be a breach of contract if he is seen together with you in public after your show ends. Don’t go with him in public. Don’t even show that you are together. So you have to stop using um—accessories that pointed that you are together”

Seo Hyun started to cover her ring.

“Just, act like you don’t contact each other after your show ends. It’s the best way. If you do more than that, it will endanger his career”

There was a long silence after that.

“It might be best for you all to go back to your dorm now. You have schedules in a few hours, remember?”

Since nobody moved, the managers decided to stand up first. “We shall end this discussion now. Thank you very much. Take care of your health”

The managers went out.

“Well” Sunny cleared , “it wasn’t as hard as we thought it would be, right?”

Some of them exchanged looks.

“Let’s go home” Seo Hyun said.

And she walked first outside. A jumble in her head. She walked faster, showing her back to her unnies, not wanting them to see that tears started to form on her eyes again. Three years. Three years acting like strangers. It wasn’t so bad after all right?

It would be. Only if the most honest part of her could agree. But she couldn’t. Three years acting like strangers sounded horrible.

“Hyun! Seo Hyun!” her unnies called her, trying to catch up with her.