It was a sunny day when the Gods decided SNSD could have no schedule until after lunch. They celebrate it by doing the easy, simple things they haven’t done in what seemed like ages. Usually when they had schedule, the morning would sound like doors banging, shouts from the “get the bathroom war”. There were usually sounds of running feet, the girls gathering their things and putting it together in their bags. And the shouts of, “Hurry up, we can’t get late!”.

That morning it was all peaceful. Tiffany and Sunny were sitting on the carpet, joking from the previous comedy talk show they watch. Hyo Yeon chose an Entertainment News and they all continued to watch it, as Seo Hyun finally laid down her book. Time with her unnies like this was too precious to be traded to some book reading session.

And then she watched the featured news.

Jung Yong Hwa making a CM with a y, beautiful girl. Smooth skin, light brown hair. To die for body. She sat on his lap and cheek to cheek, they faced the camera. Later, the scene showed them lying on the bed together, facing the camera again. Yong Hwa’s eyes pierced through the TV screen and he smirked to the camera as she put his hand on her shoulder.

Seo Hyun was shocked beyond belief that something like that could make her eyes pool with tears. What is this? Pain shot her body like nothing she ever felt before, spreading through her body like poison.

Her three unnies shot up to action.

Hyo Yeon jumped and reached out to her, hugging her tight and panicking, saying, “Hyun, don’t cry! It’s okay, it’s okay”. Sunny pushed the power button to stop that blasted scene from reaching Hyun’s eyes ever again. Tiffany gave her a glass of water and patted her back.

Seo Hyun wasn’t even sobbing. But the tears kept coming. “Unnie,” she asked to Hyo Yeon, “why am I like this? What is this?”. The image of that beautiful girl on his lap replayed in her mind again. And the pain stabbed her head again. A sob was heard from her and that’s when Sunny screamed, “Omo! Hyun! Please don’t cry!”. Hyo Yeon hugged her tighter, half swaying her like a little girl by now, “Hyun-ah, it’s okay. It’s okay, it’s okay”.

That was when Soo Young and Yuri came running from the kitchen, hands dirty with flour as they were making pancakes. All they could see was Hyo Yeon holding Seobaby so tight like her life depended on it.

“What happened?” Yuri inquired.

“It’s that Jung Yong Hwa” Sunny began. “He had a girl on his lap and—“

“HE WHAT?” Soo Young screamed.

Soo Young’s scream made Yoona came running, holding her netbook, as she was browsing for her university assignment. “What’s going on?”

Tiffany slapped Sunny’s shoulder. “It’s for a CM. Say it clearly!”

Yuri went to the couch, she put her hand under Seo Hyun’s chin and looked at her face. Hyun’s face was pale with lines of tears visible on it.

“WHAT DID HE DO TO URI HYUN?” Soo Young fumed.

Jessica came bringing her cellphone. With Tae Yeon from another way, holding clean laundry to be sorted out.

“What’s wrong?” Jessica frowned.

“There was a CM of Jung Yong Hwa with a girl” Hyo Yeon explained.

“She sat on his lap and they lied on a bed together” Tiffany continued.

Yoona ticked her netbook and tried to search for the CM. She streamed one video. “Is this what you see?” Yoona asked.

Sunny ran and watched the video. “Yup. That’s the one”. Tae Yeon, Soo Young, Yuri, and Jessica huddled to see the video.

“Wow. That’s bad. It must hurt a lot for uri Hyun” Yuri commented.

“Well, Hyun, did he tell you about this before it airs? I mean you must know already, right?” Tae Yeon asked.

Another surge of pain attacked Seo Hyun again, as she shook her head. “No. I know nothing about this”.

“Bastard” Jessica said icily. “He should at least tell her about this. Call her or something. How could he let her see it and made her sad”

“Unnie!!!” someone screamed form Jessica’s phone. “Is something happening there? Ya, unnieee! Answer me!”

“Soojung-ah, you be quiet. I’ll hang up now”

The moment Jessica closed her phone, Tae Yeon grabbed it. “Yoboseyo? Information? Yes. I need the phone number and address of FNC Artist Management”

“What are you doing?” Yoona asked.

“I’m going to find him and give him a lesson. Nobody is allowed to make my maknae cry! Nobody!” Tae Yeon explained angrily. Comfortably changing from her easy going character to the protective leader that she was.

“I’m coming with you” Soo Young informed, pyjama still on.

Seo Hyun stood up so quick and ran to Tae Yeon. She grabbed Tae Yeon’s hand, “Unnie, no. I’m fine. I’m—I’m just a little upset. It’s nothing. I’m going to be okay. So don’t go to him”.

Tae Yeon could only stare at her.

“I need time. I think I’m going to my room. I—there’s this book I want to read” she took her book and walked upstairs.

“Hyun-ah, don’t you want to eat your breakfast?” Yuri called to her.

Seo Hyun turned back and smiled, “Gomawoyo, unnie, I’m fine” and she disappeared to her room.

“The hell she’s fine” Jessica argued.

“It’s her usual wall again” Hyo Yeon sighed, instantly worrying.

“I’m going to kill that Jung Yong Hwa” Soo Young fumed. “I mean, she cried for God’s sake!”

“He should've at least informed her. Prepare her before seeing it” Tae Yeon looked to Seo Hyun’s door.

“Oh! I’m so angry!” Tae Yeon leaned to the wall. “I feel like somebody slapped my baby! We took care to never hurt her! And now this guy—“

“Taeng-unnie,” Jessica started, “You’re forgetting something. CNBLUE is also scheduled to perform on Inkigayo today, remember?”

Soo Young exchanged glances with Jessica. “We’ll meet them backstage, of course”

“We’ll teach him a lesson” Jessica decided, head held high, “After all, Taeng-unnie, you’re right. Nobody is allowed to make our maknae cried”.

Tae Yeon sneered.
-------------------------------------------------------------

As she looked at the ceiling of her room, Seo Hyun wondered, is it even wise to feel angry like this. It’s just a job. She, of all people, should know how you should separate private life and personal life. Years on the entertainment world taught her that.

Still, it couldn’t stop the sinking feeling. When she watched that girl sat on his lap, it felt like her heart fell to the floor.

She’s beautiful and so y.

Does he think she is more beautiful than me?

Does he even think I’m beautiful?

Does he even think about me at all?

His recurring phone calls are not lies, right?

Or am I just a friend?

How come he didn’t tell me about this? If he thinks about me, if he considers my feeling, he should tell me about this first.

She felt like crying again. She wished she could curl and sob properly, now that her unnies is not around. One of them will surely come in 15 minutes, peeking in to see that she’s really okay.

They always treat me like their own little sister. I don’t want them to see me like this. I don’t want to make them worried about me. Oh come on, Seo Joo Hyun, come to your senses!
------------------------------------------------------------
Tiffany and Yuri were eyeing Seo Hyun, who was sitting alone in their bus, on their way to SBS. She had a book on her hands, but all she did was staring out the window, wrapped in her Keroro blanket. She rarely, if ever, spaced out and do nothing. Because Seo Hyun was forever doing something. She read, she played piano, she watched Keroro reruns, she made healthy drinks, she put mask on her face to make sure her skin stayed healthy. She studied, listened to music, practiced singing, learn English online, played with her unnies, call her parents, or when there was nothing else to do, she slept.

So seeing Seo Hyun stares blankly doing nothing was experience in itself.

“Ottoke? She looks so sad!” Tiffany sighed.

“First love hurts the most” Yuri informed.

“Ya! What’s love got to do with this? How long has she knows him? Two months! You don’t fall that fast!”

“Fanny-ah, are you in denial? You’re not ready to give our maknae to a guy, right?”

“There will be no giving!”

“Ei. I thought you would be happy if she got a good guy”

“I thought he would always make her happy” Tiffany huffed.

“Don’t put your heads in the clouds, Dear. Nobody could make anyone happy forever. All you can do is always trying to make who you love happy”

Fanny looked at Yuri, mouth agape. “Where does this wisdom suddenly come from?” she wondered, eyes thinning into suspicious slits.

“I knew it. You secretly dated someone last year, right? Admit it!!!”

“No I did not” Yuri denied.

The girls sitting in the front rows could hear some screaming. Oh. It was Tiffany attacking Yuri again. Yuri laughed and screamed at the same time.

“Stop it you two! Fanny-ah, stop tickling Yuri. Yuri, stop screaming!” Jessica warned.

Seo Hyun looked at them and finally broke into laughter. She then took her unnies picture with her digital camera.
-----------------------------------------------------------

Why does it hurt so bad seeing him with another woman? Seo Hyun wondered, as she sat alone, wrapped in her blanket, watching the cars passed by from the bus window.

Because I don’t want to see him with someone else.

Why don’t I want to see him with someone else?

Because I only want him to be with me.

The answer sounded so small in her heart she almost missed it. But when she realized what she was thinking, her heart beat faster and she gripped the seat.

Accidentally, she saw the ring gleaming on her left hand. Their 2,000 won couple ring, practically gleaming under the light, like it was mocking her stupidity.

Why do I want him to only be with me?

Do I…..like him?

She gasped and looked around. Afraid she voiced that last one out. Luckily, she didn’t.

Well, do I like him?

She watched her reflection on the window. The girl on the glass looked lost and afraid.

Yes.

The answer was ringing in her heart. In her mind. Clear in her eyes.

Yes I do.

That’s why I’m so happy all the time we met.

That’s why his phone calls is the only thing I always wait.

That’s why I listen to his songs.

That’s why I want to play a song with a guitar for him.

That’s why I want to celebrate 22 days with him.

That’s why I want to donate blood with him.

That’s why my heart goes thump thump thump when he stares at me unwaveringly like he caught my breath.

That’s why I can’t sleep for hours after shooting.

That’s why I dream about him.

That’s why I feel so awkward around him sometimes. Because I understand oppas and sunbaes. Dongsaengs and fans and friends and families.

But I can’t categorize him into any of it. So there lies the confusion.

I like him.

What a revelation.

She touched her ring and played with it. Smiling to herself.

Maybe I am growing up. Maybe he’s the one who opened my eyes.
---------------------------------------------------------------

“Hyun, can you give this to Hee Chul-oppa?” Jessica asked, a folded paper note in her hand.

“This?” Seo Hyun confirmed.

“Yes. It’s important. He will be really angry if he doesn’t have that. And you do know that Hee Chul Oppa’s anger is bad for his dongsaengs right?”

“De. Arasseo Unnie, I’ll give this to him now”

“And…there she goes” Yuri informed, as she looked at Seo Hyun’s retreating back to the dressing room of Super Junior.

“Girls”, Jessica called, “Shall we?”

And one by one, they went to the direction of CNBLUE’s Dressing Room.

-----------------------------------------------------

A knock.

When they heard a “Come in”, they all went inside.

CNBLUE were sitting on the easy chairs, chatting leisurely, making the most of what little free time they have. Seeing the most famous girl group gracing their dressing room, they were surprised, but happily, all bowed in respect.

Jung Shin beamed in the presence of the beautiful girls.

Min Hyuk alternated between looking down and stealing glances to each of the girls.

Jong Hyun seemed like looking straight, but he was actually looking at the farthest wall.

But Yong Hwa was the one who realized that it was not going to be a pleasant get-to-know-each-other visit. He counted and made sure it was eight. The most important number nine wasn’t there.

Not one of them were wearing even the subtlest form of smiles. They wore a hard, tense expression. Their black costumes for Run Devil Run only added to the coldness of their glares.

Jong Hyun, Min Hyuk, and Jung Shin gulped. Because they could see who the glares were directed at.

None other than to their leader.

“Annyonghaseyo, CNBLUE” Tae Yeon greeted.

In reflex, they answered and bowed again.

“We’re here tonight, for justice. Or at least, an honest answer, Jung Yong Hwa-ssi”

“Of what, Tae Yeon-ssi?”

“Of a bad incident that happened this morning” Tae Yeon continued, glancing to Jessica.

“You have made uri maknae cried” Jessica pointed matter of factly.

“I what?!”

“You. Made. Joo Hyun. Cried” Jessica spelled, eyes getting sharper as she tried not to scream. No. It will be too scandalous.

Yong Hwa could only stare and stare and stare. I made her cry? I hurt her?

“But—why? What was the reason? She didn’t tell me anything and how do I—“

Jessica looked at the ceiling. A sign that she would soon scream profanities to Yong Hwa. So Soo Young interfered.

“CM? A girl on your lap? Lying so close on a bed?” Soo Young questioned. “Ring a bell?”

They could all see Yong Hwa’s expression changed to memories tracking and finally he said, “Ah. That one”

“De. That one”

“She cried because of that?”

“She cried because of that”

“But it was just a job!” Yong Hwa argued.

“You don’t get it, do you?” Jessica asked.

“No. Please enlighten me” Yong Hwa said, emotions started to rise within him, but he remembered not to lose his head, so he gritted his teeth and listened.

“Has it ever occured to you to…I don’t know, tell her maybe, that you would be doing that?” Tae Yeon wondered.

“Or have you lost your phone to the black hole?” Soo Young added.

“Of all the people in the world” Hyo Yeon said, shoving her friends aside, “I thought you would be considerate”

“Instead, you made her cry because of your silly CM”

“But it was an order from the ma—“

“I don’t care!” Hyo Yeon yelled. “You should’ve told her personally! You should’ve prepared her! You shouldn’t let her see that without knowing anything! You don’t know how it feels to see her cry and to hold her as hard as you can but her sadness didn’t go away! She’s our maknae, Yong Hwa-ssi! We love her so much!”

Being Seo Hyun’s roommate, maybe Hyo Yeon was the most protective of them all.

“Don’t you understand? There has been no one before you! All of this feeling is new to her! We have told you, be careful!” Hyo Yeon screamed the last two words.

“Look”, Tae Yeon stepped in, as she was afraid Hyo Yeon would do something more than screaming. “It doesn’t matter who you are for her. What you will or will not be. We're just here to hear you promise, that you will never hurt her again”

Yong Hwa stood there, just accepting the floods of anger coming from her unnies. They love her alright, no kidding. And he was grateful for that. He was grateful that Seo Hyun grew up with these 8 girls who doted on her. The sentence youhurther youhurther kept repeating in his head. He knew those words would keep ringing on his ears that night, robbing him off sleep.

“So?” Soo Young questioned. “Do we have your word?”

“I’m sorry. But I can’t do that”

“WHAT!” Hyo Yeon screamed. A scream that will guarantee that they would be heard by all the singers backstage. But SNSD were pass caring.

“I can’t promise I won’t hurt her. Or make her cry”

Jessica was rolling her sleeves up, looking every inch like she was finally ready to give bodily harm to this insensitive person when Tae Yeon tried to make sure, patience thinning by the second, “Just what exactly do you mean?”

“Because, I think, there is no guarantee that you won’t get hurt. In anything”

For one rare moment, they were all quiet and eager to let him continue.

“It’s what happens when we grow up, when we enter this so called entertainment world. When we care of someone. Of course we’ll get hurt”

He looked at them one by one.

“Seo Hyun is special. I respect her so much. She is more than just a filming partner for me. And well—“ he drew out a long breath, “While you are all here, her family, I think I can say that I want more from her. But, I can’t promise she will never cry or get hurt again. But I promise I will do my best in avoiding that to happen”

Again, they gave no immediate response. Eight pairs of eyes scrutinized him. Is he telling the truth, is he for real?

“Unnie?”

They heard a familiar voice asking in disbelief. Everybody in the room turned to the entrance. Where Hee Chul was leaning on the wall, with Seo Hyun beside him, eyes wide in confusion and worry.
-------------------------------------------------------------

Seo Hyun bowed as she entered Super Juniors dressing room. Smiling and greeting her sunbaes. They were all eager to meet her, the current “it” girl that evolved behind their very eyes for all these years.

She searched for Hee Chul, and found him sitting cross legged on the sofa, chatting with Dong Hae.

“Hee Chul Oppa” she called, bowing again respectfully, “Sica unnie wants you to read this. She said it is important”

“Oh Hyun-ah! Hey! Sica gave me this?” he said, reaching for the paper note.

He opened it and instantly frowned. And then burst into laughter.

“Have you read this, Hyun?”

“No” she shook her head.

“How typical of you”

“Has Jung Yong Hwa done something bad to you recently?”

Seo Hyun got pale. “Wh—what?”

“What?” three heads turned instantly when they heard Hee Chul’s question.

“What did Jung Yong Hwa do to her, Hyung?” Dong Hae asked.

Hee Chul chuckled. Before his fellow members started to get more curious, or even more protective, he said, “Come with me, Hyun”

“De?”

But she followed anyway.

“Oppa, where are we going?”

Clueless, clueless Seo Hyun. Hee Chul thought.

“You have no idea? Well, to CNBLUE’s room, of course”

And they walked together. Hee Chul laughed by himself as he remembered Jessica’s note again.

“I think you will be angry if you miss this. We’re giving Jung Yong Hwa a much deserved lesson of how to treat Hyun. Now”.

------------------------------------------------------------

When they arrived at CNBLUE’s dressing room, Seo Hyun saw her unnies, clad in all black, were cornering Yong Hwa and being furious with him.

Why? Oh yes, they are still angry. I was angry too.

And she walked past her unnies to him.

What was I angry about? That CM, yes.

Yong Hwa saw her walking to him, heart jumping faster again. Not from joy, but from anxiousness.

She finally stood in front of him, as her unnies moved away a little to let her pass. Of course, her face was devoid of any traces of tears. She looked flawless. But very serious. Something tugged his insides painfully.

He desperately tried to read her, trying to decipher her silence.

And then she broke into a smile.

It’s not something she could hold off or prevent. The moment she saw him, she felt happy again, and couldn’t help but to smile at him. What she realized she was feeling earlier was getting clearer by now.

“Hi” she greeted.

“Hi” he smiled too.

“I think my unnies are angry at you”

“I think they have all the right to do that” he said, still desperately trying to read her eyes, trying to understand her feelings.

“What about you, Hyun? Are you angry too?”

She didn’t answer.

“Did I hurt you?”

“That CM?”

“Yes, were you hurt?”

“I was…very upset” she admitted.

And his heart was squeezed painfully. He almost cried out by the feeling.

“Mianhae Hyun-ah”

Seo Hyun took in that words and took a long, deep breath.

“Why didn’t you tell me first?”

“Mianhae, I thought it would be better if you don’t know”

“How do you think I won’t know, Oppa?” she asked, voice gentle, but her eyes speak more than her words do. “If not on TV, then I will surely stumble upon it online”

“I know. I think it was stupid of me hoping that you won’t see it. But really, it was just a job. Trust me” he pleaded.

For five seconds, Seo Hyun thought of keeping him in suspense. But she didn’t have the heart to.

“I understand. Don’t worry” she said.

He heaved a sigh of relief.

“Thank you” he said. And unconsciously moved closer to her.

“Did you really cry?”

She laughed. “A little. I was being silly, I guess”

“Why?” he couldn’t help himself. He needed to ask that.

“Do you really must know?” she said in an almost whisper, he had to moved closer again to hear her.

“If you’ll let me” he answered.

“I felt bad…looking at that CM. Is it strange?”

“Would it feel better if I told you earlier?”

“I’m sure it would. It would give me some kind of shock shield” she joked.

“I’ll never do this again. I’ll tell you everything from now on, even the worst. I wanted to protect you, but instead, you cried because of it. Mianhae”

“Promise?”

“I promise” he said.

---------------------------------------------

“Look, she already forgot she felt bad” Tiffany mumbled to Sunny.

“They stood so close, talking all lovey dovey, I think they forget they are in a room full of people” Sunny observed.

“Well, as long as she’s okay” Yoona added.

Tae Yeon cleared and Yong Hwa and Seo Hyun looked up at her.

“You seem to clear up your misunderstanding already. And we’re glad for that. But bear this in mind, Jung Yong Hwa-ssi. Take. Good care. Of her. Or else you’ll be hearing more from us. And what you see today is only a little taste of it”

“Oh unnie, you don’t have to be this harsh” Seo Hyun pleaded.

“We have to. We’re you’re older sisters. This is how we take care of you” Hyo Yeon explained.

“Let’s go, girls” Soo Young said.

“Remember, we’ll be watching you” Hyo Yeon said, before they turn around and exited the room.

“Let’s meet after the performance” he said to Seo Hyun.

“Okay” she nodded.

“And I’ll call you tonight”

“I’ll wait, Oppa” and with that, she walked out.

Jessica was the only one who lingered, chatting with Hee Chul, who seemed to enjoy the scene. And then she turned to Yong Hwa again.

“Incidentally, Jung Yong Hwa-ssi,” she began.

“Yes?”

“Have you ever heard of Carribean Bay?”

“Carribean Bay? Oh yes, I know. But never been there. Why?”

“Seo Hyun will make a CM soon. It will air next month”

He sensed there will be more coming up, so he said nothing.

“We’ll see how you manage to see Seo Hyun, wearing very little clothing, standing very close to Chan Sung from 2PM” Jessica informed smoothly, a cold smirk in her face.

Yong Hwa felt a heart attack coming up.

And Jessica turned her heels, satisfied with the bomb she dropped. Now she felt it’s even.

“See you later. Don’t pass out just yet. You have a performance soon. See you Hee Chul Oppa”

Hee Chul waved to her.

“Wait, Jessica-ssi!” Yong Hwa called. “Please explain!” he ran to the door. “Jessica-ssi!” he called louder, as she was already far ahead.

Hee Chul finally burst again into laughter.

“Hyung, you must know! Hyung, please tell me what is this all about” he asked Hee Chul, frantically holding his head.

“Don’t worry, it’s just one of the SNSD jobs”

“But what—“

“I think it will be better if you ask her yourself. Oh, geez. Jessica is evil. She always revenges more”

Yong Hwa stared at him in utter anxiousness.

“Hong Ki asked me for another hang out night. I guess you’ll join us, right?” Hee Chul asked.

Yong Hwa was still not capable to form any kind of reply. Mind busily wondering what will Seo Hyun do with Chan Sung from 2PM with very little clothing on?

“Hahaha! Okay. Pull yourself together, dude. Don’t let this mess up your performance” he patted Yong Hwa’s shoulder.

“I’ll see you tonight with Hong Ki, hopefully” he said. Yong Hwa could only nod at him. And then Hee Chul went out, still laughing in merriment.
-------------------------------------------------------------


Author’s Note :

6 October, 2010

Both Yong Hwa's and Seo Hyun's CM were real.

I mean no disrespect in this. Especially not to Jung Yong Hwa. I was just trying to imply how protective SNSD were to their maknae. And I imagine if that happens, Yong Hwa would just accept and listen to it.

I found defining Seo Hyun’s feeling, especially when she realized she likes him, very difficult to write. I struggled 3 days to write her contemplation on the bus.

I almost decided to not post this altogether. Feeling the SNSD confronting Yong Hwa scene too fanfic-ish and unreal, but then decided against it in the spirit of “It’s alright, this is fiction anyway”.

Having said that, I think you would understand that this particular piece is the one I have less confidence in since I started writing Seo Hwa.

And this piece got longer than I intended. I don’t know why.

One more, please, please, if you like what I write, write a comment. One sentence will do. That simple thing could make me really happy.

Okay. Whew. This is long. Thank you so much for reading.