In a world where all things possible, dying is just a fixation. To other people, it’s a wish, an obsession that will end their hardships. To some, its salvation— a hope for heaven and paradise to their tired souls—While for others, it’s the thing they are running from, the finish line after a life of nothing. It’s a one-time thing, a bullet to your head and you are dead. An excessive pumping of the heart and you are done. A cut in the wrist and, yes—gone, but to Seungkwan— it’s every day, every minute and everything “Hansol” to his life.

It all started during middle school where he had to travel to Seoul and visit his uncle. Hongdae was a pretty normal place with pretty normal stuff to do that is, for ages like him, spending your time in a park. He seated on an empty bench in that park, holding his yogurt drink, sipping on it as if time is just nothing to worry about… well, to a young like him at least. He watched other kids play with each other and not him, the new guy. He watched until something has caught his eyes and he hated the sight.

“Let him go please,” He said calmly but inside? He was far scared. He hated bullies because they love to bully him too.

“What? What will you do hu—“Seungkwan poured his drink to the kid's face and got glared at…

He closed my eyes because whatever that’s next, will be a price he has to pay trying to defend a person.

“Hyunshik— You child you come here!!” He was saved he knew. He yet again was saved more by the sight of a bucket coming off someone’s head.

He’s an angel. Hansol has always been an angel to Seungkwan the moment he took the bucket off his head and vowed to never let the bullies get to him and to Seungkwan as well. He knew he got himself a friend.

Until summer ended, he had to go back to Jeju and study there.

“Kwannie~ what should we do?”

“You have my number pabo so you get your phone and text me Korean words and call me and not sing Hotline bling or whatever that is you keep on singing.”

“How will I be able to survive?”

“Eat …” He stared blankly at me, judging me high-key

“…and wait.” I patted his cheek and he leaned his head against Seungkwan’s warm hand.

You know it caused his heart to skip a bit. That day, he learned how hard it is to say goodbye and to actually like, in a romantic way, your best friend who is a guy.

He waved at Hansol as he entered the bus. It was a wave that’s too heavy he can barely move his hands to do so, but it’s Hansol and he wanted to be strong for Hansol, just how he saw him when he defended him with the bullies. He sat at the bus starts to move and steal a glance at Hansol’s small figure until it’s gone. He felt awfully sick. There’s a pit to his stomach, a missing piece and lump on his throat. He coughed it off and a petal came off.

“Mr. Boo, I believe you have a rare disease. It’s what we call a Hanatoride Disease. It’s a terminal disease from which it originates, the Hanahaki disease or “unrequited love disease”. Happening to a person, alone one, with unrequited love or in a relationship and coming from negative feelings afar from romantic pain. It’s Psycho-digestive illness, basically, a disease wherein your stomach reacts to your feelings causing you to vomit amount of flower petals that go with the intensity of the feeling it goes with, particularly strong negative ones like pain and anger, jealousy is a part of it too. It's still incurable as of now and all I can suggest is to take meds to keep your feelings in moderate and master anger management yoga.”

“Am I going to die?”

“It may lead to death if not checked.”