I’m back again. Well, I hope you won’t get bored of me updating JongSica fanfics like I know there will be tomorrow. I’m a JongSica and OnSica hardcore. Please, understand me 8’) I can’t unloved them or even ignore them for a second, I’m still sad over Jonghyun, but what can I do? Writing these fanfics are my way to cope with his death.

So, I hope you’d enjoy this one too!

If I close my eyes, If I close my ears

Will I be able to forget?

I can’t ever see you

Or hear you again

He thought he wouldn’t be able to hear or see her again afterlife. But it was wrong. He was happy with himself, he finally was able to feel peace, but why does his heart still breaking?

He looked at her sleeping face, she looked so peaceful yet tired. And he tried to touch her, sadly he can’t.

“How long you haven’t been sleep well, Sica-noona?” He whispered it bitterly. “You should have taken care of yourself well. Didn’t Soojungie do well?” He continued while watching her.

Kim Jonghyun was here, in her room. Soon it would be the 40th days of his death and after that he’d finally be done with world issues. He has been visiting his other friends, and tonight was her. He had visited SHINee’s member and they did well, they were staying at their dorm together every night so Jonghyun wasn’t worried about his brothers being lonely. And Leeteuk was also did well, his girlfriend had stayed with him. Yeri also the same. At first, Jonghyun thought that Yeri was the hardest one to deal with his sudden death but he guessed it wrong. Jung sisters were the hardest. Maybe because they didn’t show emotions. He visited Krystal few days ago, and Krystal was busy with her work, he also knew that Krystal was thinking about her sister a lot. So, after he visited his noona and mother, he decided to check Jessica out.

People thought since Jessica left SM, they weren’t friends anymore. Well, wrong. Jonghyun was always there for her, and Jonghyun secretly had so many Blanc&Eclare stuffs. Mostly sunglasses, hats or even passport holders, either he bought himself or Jessica sent it to him. He also bought her albums, and sometimes they would catch up at Han River past midnight or having dinner secretly at some restaurants.

Jonghyun was the closest to Jessica after Key. Well, Key and Jessica were having the same fashion sense thingy so, no one can beat him though.

“I look like a creepy stalker now.” He mumbled to himself and look around to see how her room is now. He walked slowly to a desk. Chuckled at what he found there. Pictures. Their pictures with friends, with Soojung, or just both of them.

“You still have this, noona?” He took a look at the frame, “Sica noona, I’m happy for you that you’ve become more lively now.” He smiled to himself, and he kept talking like Jessica was awake and could reply his words.

“Remember? Back then, it was so hard to see you smile. But you’ve had always showed me your smile. I felt lucky.” He said it as his mind drifted back to those moments they had spent together. On the stage, off the stage. Those secrets they told each other.

He turned around, his eyes on her. And those eyes showed so many emotions. Sad, anger, confused.

“I’m sorry.” He said it. He finally said to her. “I’m sorry I left first, I’m sorry that I never confessed.”

The more I hate and resent you

The more pitiful I get

They said I would forget once the first snow falls

But only my season has stopped

He wanted to hate her and resent her so bad, he hated the fact that he was the reason she cries all alone at the night. He hated the fact that he couldn’t even tell her about his problems back then. And he wouldn’t let her down because of him. But now look at her. She cries almost every night, she locks her room and turns off the light, sobs through the night. Jessica’s daily night routine has changed because of him.

He hoped he could do something, but he can’t. His season has stopped.

Love me

Understand me

Like a white snowflake in a winter dream

You ran to me with a bright smile

He glanced toward her because he saw that she woke up out of sudden. He looked at her, watched her carefully. She didn’t have any expression, and he can’t guess anything.

“Stupid. Why did I dream of him?” She hissed at herself.

He shocked at her question, with widen eyes he asked her, “Him? ya, noona! I thought you were single!”

“I’m sorry, but I missed you Jonghyun-ah.” She whispered, and Jonghyun suddenly felt startled. But soon his expression got soften.

“Why do I feel so empty all of sudden?” She asked and Jonghyun could see her eyes were teary.

Oh how he wish he could hug her.

“Noona, I’m here.” He took the empty space beside her.

The clock’s sound interrupted him. He glanced at the clock. It was 2 am.

And Jessica was crying silently.

“It was hard, Jjong. They judge me because they think I didn’t hurt about your death, I didn’t cry at you. How could they think like that?” She complained while crying.

“I know, I know. Ya, noona. You said you don’t need anyone to see you crying over me. Now stop crying, please.” He recalled those stuffs she said when she visited his cemetery.

“You’re silly, Jjong.” She commented, and Jonghyun was