It was probably for the best.

No, it was for the best.

A future. That's what she would have now.

Happiness. That's the last thing I could give her.

When was the last time I've seen her smile?

The memory of her smile is so, so vague.

Just how much do her eyes arch when she smiles?

Do both sides of her lips curve up?

How does her laugh sound like?

Why did I take her smile for granted?

And now, all that's left is the emptiness, the void, and me.

I wish I told her, I wish she knew.

But I couldn't read her mind, and she couldn't read mine.

I love her, I still do.

-

The sofa was left unoccupied and the room remained dark.

The only source of light was from the flickering lights emitting from the television screen.

The owner of the house sat hunched up at the foot of the sofa, half-watching the festive movie that was on that night, half-immersed in her own little world.

The usual bucket of popcorn and chips was replaced by a nearly-used up tissue box and a floor of damp, crumpled up tissues covered in snot.

The intercom buzzed.

Taeyeon jumped a little, surprised at the sudden loud noise.

She glanced at the clock on the wall. Eleven p.m. Who could it be at this ungodly hour? Most of her friends she knew were out there partying hard.

Sauntering across the room, she pressed the button and muttered a quiet 'Yes?'

"Miss Kim? Um, sorry for the disturbance but you've got a parcel delivered. I will bring it up to you, if you don't mind? It's quite a large parcel." A masculine, yet worn-out voice said.

She peeked at the soundly-sleeping puppy at the corner of the room, worried that it would wake up from the commotion.

"Ah… Yes, please." Taeyeon stood by the door and scratched her temple, trying hard to remember what she had purchased online from the shopping spree a month ago. With her.

The sound of light footsteps could be heard from within. She could hear a faint shuffling before it stopped completely outside of her apartment.

Taeyeon opened the door before the doorbell rang and woke the sleeping puppy, only to reveal her ex-lover standing outside her door with her head hung low and hair covering most of her beautiful features.

. Of all days.

Silence.

Neither said a thing nor dared to make a sound, both equally aware that even one wrong intonation would ruin everything between them.

Sensing the obvious tension of her visitor, Taeyeon gave up the game of who-first-talks-loses and heaved a sigh.

"Do…do you want to come in?"

She wanted to explain her sudden invitation but held back as she did not want to hammer any unnecessary thoughts into her ex-lover's head: thoughts such as 'she still had feelings towards her'.

All Taeyeon did was to push her away, and she did a fine job at it, now is not the time to let her hard work go down the drain.

Head hung low and face still hidden, the girl outside the door gave a slight nod and Taeyeon shifted reluctantly to let her in.

Her unwanted guest stood by the shoe rack next to the door, as if waiting for further instructions.

Taeyeon proceeded to close the door behind her and felt arms gingerly snaking around her waist. She froze.

What the .

No. Push her away. Stop this.

She deserves so much more.

She has to be happy, remember?

"Tae… I know it's the end of the year and I'd… I'd probably be the last person you'd want to spend it with but just… listen to me this once, please?"

No… You don't know how it pains me seeing you choking back your tears trying to reason with someone as stubborn as me. You don't know how much I miss you, and how hard it was going out just to see couples walk past me holding hands every ten seconds and how I wish they were me and you.

"I don't understand. Why do you keep pushing me away? I know that I've been neglecting you these days but you know that it's just because of my deadline for this really important project…"

"It’s not because of your project. You know that very well." Sensing herself heat up in anger, Taeyeon spoke for the first time. Profanities nearly poured out of but she managed to hold them back.

Relax, Tae, relax. We will sort things out once and for all. For the sake of her, for the sake of us.

"Then what is it? Is it because of him? Is it because I've agreed to meet up with him for dinner? There's nothing between us anymore, Tae… You know I love you." The tremble in her voice was evident, followed by a faint sob.

"He's successful, you could be happy with him…" Taeyeon's voice lowered to a whisper.

"He did hint about wanting me back but-"

"See?! I told you, I ing told you." Taeyeon stiffened and cut her off, obviously displeased.

"Listen to me, Kim Taeyeon, I'm not finished. But if I still had feelings for him, I wouldn't be coming over on this ing day, at this ing hour, would I? I'm sorry for not making things clear, Tae, I really am… So please forgive me?"

Taeyeon could feel the arms around her tighten. She kept shut, not knowing how to reply. Deep down, Taeyeon knew that she was right, but her ego wouldn't let her apologize just yet.

"You know, I was going to ask you out on a date to Tokyo Disneyland for the holidays. And you…you've completely ruined my plan."

. I'm such an .

Taeyeon turned around to face that person she's been longing to see, pushing the messy hair away and revealing the owner's tear-stained face and swollen eyes.

"Hey… Shh… Don't cry anymore… I-I'm so sorry. It must have been hard for you. I never knew…"

A sniffle. A pause.

Her husky chuckle resonated across the empty room.

"Silly, now you know."

So that's how she laughs.