Chapter 1: i saw you on the aff chat asking for an opinion on your fic so here goes!

- proofreading is vital! you made a typo "yagama" and you forgot to add "him" in the clause, "Upon seeing no reaction from."
- interesting premise! i really like how this is a death note game au! it's really refreshing! i hope to read more! i wonder what he's gonna do!
- grammar/punctuation! you should revise on the punctuation associated with dialogue as there were basic errors in here which you can easily fix in no time.
- AND HAHA I DONT KNOW HOW TO FEEL ABOUT YOU USING ;-; IN YOUR WRITING. IT MAKES ME QUESTION THE SERIOUSNESS OF YOUR WRITING. IT'S FINE IF THIS IS A CRACK FIC, I GUESS?