Chapter 3 - I Don’t Like Your Shoes

Change is difficult for many people, but it happens for many reasons, and it is an integral part of many lives. In fact, one may even define life as ‘change’. Life is simply a culmination of changes, and how the changes affect each other, or bring on other changes in themselves or other people. All of our experiences, emotions, feelings, actions, and opinions are shaped around the unique changes that have taken place in our life.

“Life is a rollercoaster” goes the popular saying. We will not always bask in our positive changes, our ‘highs’, nor will we constantly mult in our negative changes, our ‘lows’. Change is fluid, uncontrolled, and free-spirited - or that’s how it’s supposed to be. Those who seek to bring ‘change’ in others with an iron hand of fear and jealousy under a facade of love are not really bringing on natural change - that is what we call control. When Sehun was still a mere youth, he recalls nothing short of a controlling parent-child relationship. He was constantly under immense pressure to be perfect, whether it be in looks, grades, athletics, or following. His competitive nature and rumbling ambition were not a result of healthy self-motivation; rather, it was induced with a threat of the consequences of failure. Failure was wrong and unacceptable, and failure meant no success. The only way Sehun could be perfect in everyone’s eyes was to control. And control he did, from his schedule, to the cycle of clothes he wore, and his perfectly scheduled hair trims.

But Sehun missed a lot of this on the way. A patient teacher once told him he was taking himself to seriously, and explained why. “Don’t you want to be happy Sehun?” she asked.

“I do, teacher. Doesn’t everyone?” he replied, his eyebrows knitting in confusion.

The teacher smiled sadly at him and took his hand in hers, cupping it softly. She lead him to the lab sink in her classroom and the running water and the two watched it collect in his hands. “You see Sehun, when you keep yourself open, spontaneous, and giving, you will be able to achieve happiness. The water that runs from the tap will stay in your secure hands. But when you try to control” she tightened Sehun’s fingers into a fist “all of the water will spill out. Real happiness is not in control, and it is certainly not in the fleeting smiles of winning. The second you try to force change, that is the second you fail.”

Sehun did not understand his teacher’s words. He didn’t understand them for a long time. There were other things he never learned. Failure did not mean no success, but rather a stepping stone for it. Nothing could ever be perfect; and he in fact was far from it. But most importantly, Sehun never understood that control was not love.

He didn’t know.

--

Thursday, May 22, 2017

Haeundae Beach, Busan

It was the end of may, and that meant the end of exams and the weeks of hell leading up to it for all the students at university. As a means to celebrate the year’s now completed exam-terror, the school organized an MT trip for the students to Busan, where they would leisurely enjoy 4 days near the shore and frolic on the beaches. Da Hae, the perfect tourist, could not contain her excitement. In fact, she’s been talking about it for the past week to Joo Hyun, and now that they were finally there, she was ecstatic. “Okay so on Saturday we’re going to the sailing club - Joohyun!” she squealed. “They have paragliding and wakeboarding! We have to go this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Oh and I also talked to my friend Jaemi from Busan and she said there was this super delicious seafood restaurant like 3 blocks from this place-” “Oh my goodness enough Da Hae you’ve been literally talking my head off all day today! It’s just Busan” an exasperated Joohyun emphasized. Da Hae flashed an embarrassed smile at her. While to any passerby this may look innocent, Joo Hyun stopped in her tracks at her look. She knew that look. “You didn’t tell Sehun you were going on this trip were you? He thinks you’re not going for some godforsaken lie you’ve told him.” Da Hae sighed. She was caught. “I can’t tell him! He’s still mad about that comment when I dyed my hair” her hand went up to lightly touch the ends of her now choppy bob. “And even if I went he’d try to pay for me and I don’t like him spend