“This is our fifth time sleep together, why are you still hesitating about it?” Sinb ask just want to tease Yewon who lay beside her.

“W—what do you mean fifth time? This is the fourth”

“Ahh~~ so you really don’t remember it. That so sad, you even hug me tightly that night yet you didn’t remember any of it.”

Yewon try to process everything in her head. She didn’t have any memory slept with Sinb other than few nights that they confessed and that time. She widened her eyes and look straightly to Sinb who smiling beside her.

“Don’t tell me…”

“Remember now?”

“But how?” Yewon suddenly remember that time. The night where she let Sinb come into her apartment. The night where she let someone stranger into her apartment and also the night where she start to let the girl come into her life.

“I thought you must feel uncomfortable to sleep like that and I felt guilty about it, so it brought you and let you sleep with me. And wow, you  were even hug me tightly after a second I lay beside you” Sinb tease again. But true.

“Stop it” Yewon pinch Sinb playfully trying to hide her blushing cheek.

.

“So?”

“So? What?” Yewon ask, didn’t really get Sinb who already looking at her with her most beautiful smile she ever seen.

Her smile is so~~ charming. Wait!  Yewon shook her head, trying to focus to Sinb.

“What did you say again?”

“I’m asking you, why are you still hesitating about it?”

“Oh,” Yewon can only respond to that, still processing everything in her mind. She thought she get what Sinb mean but.

“B--but Eunbi-ah, isn’t all of that too early for both of us? I--I mean, yeah--I don’t think I’m ready yet….I--i just need a little time” Yewon say slowly still trying to hide her red cheek.

Meanwhile Sinb  already feel pricked in her heart. She thought after all that times they spent together,she can finally make Yewon her’s but no, she still fail. That is what she thought. She then let a sad sigh and smile bitterly to Yewon. She lost words, she need to understand Yewon, she need to. She just need to wait for a little more time.

….……………………..

Sinb is on her way to her apartment. She know it well that her sisters really gonna scold her but she can’t help it but to smile for the whole time. Her smile fade away right after she saw Yerin’s car beside her. She just realize, that the car that has been honking for a few times is for her, she walk slowly and goes closer to the car. She can see how grumpy Yerin’s face is, how unfriendly Yuju’s face that sit at the passenger seat. There’s no Eunha, Sinb herself don’t understand why Eunha keep avoiding her since that day, she miss Eunha, she miss her other Eunbi.

“U--unnie I--I--”

“Get in the car” Yerin didn’t even let Sinb finish her words and wait for the girl to get inside the car before drive away.

The drive is silent. No conversations, no Yerin’s voice that acting cute, no Eunha loud laugh, no Yuju’s voice that sing along to the radio The radio not even on. Basically it is literally silent. An awkward silent for Sinb. She know and she realize it’s all because of her. She is the only who feeling guilty.

….………….

“Unnie I--”The room door slammed hard in front of her face even before she can finish her words. It’s been two days her unnies keep ignoring her. No one talk to her nor her Yuju unnie, someone who always be there by her side. But this time, Yuju also avoiding her, didn’t talk to her.

The day she arrive at the house, she just know that Yerin already change her room. If before three of them slept at the same room and Yuju is on her own, this time Yerin go to Yuju’s room left her behind with Eunha. Even Eunha didn’t even comeback home yet make Sinb completely feel alone. Knowing that her sisters is in relationship, Sinb try to understand but there’s a moment where she feel lonely getting ignore by her own sister.

Sinb lost her phone. She tried to search it back but she don’t even know where to start. It’s her fault and she don’t want to burden her unnies again to buy her a new phone. Her sisters doesn’t even want to talk to her.

.

.

“I’m sorry unnies” Sinb apologize to the room door hoping that her sister will listen to her.

There’s a time that Sinb miss Yewon, wanting to meet the girl. How she want to be beside Yewon and tell the girl about everything moreover by the time that everyone ignoring her,  but Sinb stopped herself. She still need to settle her problem to her unnies, she know it’s her fault, she need to apologize and tell them a real story so her unnie could understand her.

.

“Unnie~~” Sinb wailing silently inside her room holding onto her stomach. Alone. She’s hungry. Two day she’s get ignored and it’s also two days she didn’t eat properly. She only have a cup of ramyeon yesterday and a triangle kimbap that she bought at the convenience store. It’s not because they didn’t have anything in fridge, it’s just Sinb never know how to cook and her unnies obviously still upset her.

“I’m hungry~~” Sinb keep saying it as she rummaging into her bag then her purse. She don’t have any money left. Her salary for last month didn’t credited into her account bank yet and she know it well why. She is just hoping that she will find a notes that can buy something to eat.

Going out from her room weakly and  make her own way to the kitchen. Sinb decide to cook something for her to eat. Even though she don’t have any knowledge about cooking, she will just want to follow her gut and make something. Anything will do. As long she can take a bite to it.

But of course being someone who never been in the kitchen would make a lot of trouble. A lot of noise. She even have a little cut her own finger while wanting to cut the kimchi into a small pieces. Sinb just want to cook her favourite dish. Kimchi Fried Rice. Sinb herself didn’t predict that she would end up finish cooking. Didn’t care about the look, she just shoved the fried rice and ready to eat it. But even before the spoon reached , someone slap her hand away, preventing her from eating make her completely startled. Sinb eyes start getting watery after she see her Yerin unnie take the plate away from her and throw her food into the dustbin.

She never feel that sad, maybe that is what Eunha feel whenever she took her food away from her other Eunbi. Without even Sinb realize a single tears fall from her eyes, silently. She take almost an hour and half to make that Kimchi Fried Rice and Yerin effortlessly throw the food that Sinb cooked for the first time in her life right in front of her eyes. And while she is starving to death.

“U--unnie--whh--why you--throw away th--e food?” Sinb ask. Weakly. With her tears already fall from her trembling eyes.

“You call that food?! It’s burnt! You pour half of the oil on it!! And Wine??! What are you trying to cook actually?!” Yerin shout. Mad to her little sister. Mad to herself. While Yuju, already bite her own lips, prevent herself from laugh out loud.

“I--I was j--ust. But I thought it will taste good. You didn’t even let me taste it” Sinb answer.Her eyes following Yerin who seems ready to cook another dish.

“Unnie, I--”

“Shut up Sinb! Don’t talk to me!”

Then she really did. She didn’t talk to Yerin nor Yuju. She just shut and silently waiting for Yerin finish cook the real food for her. She tried. She try to talk and make conversation but her unnies shushing her, didn’t let her to let out any words.

….………………………….

“Yerin…”

“If you want to talk about Sinb, I don’t want to talk about it. So please Yuju” Yerin mark her own words hoping that her girlfriend will understand her.

“Things will not gonna be better if you keep being like this. Babe please, I can’t stand watch her being like that. She feel lonely…Yerin. …Please just forgive her”

“It’s three days Yuju, do you know how worried I am?! How freaked I am?! Do you even understand it?!”

“I know babe. I know it well. But see, she is here right now? She is completely well. That night is raining so hard, really hard,  maybe she was just go back to Yewon’s apartment back when she on the way going back here, maybe Yewon’s apartment is still near”

“Are you trying to defend that girl now?! Yewon?! You defending her now?!” Yerin shout. Her face start becoming red as her blood already boiled inside.

“It’s not about the girl. I’m not talking about her, I’m  talking about our sister calm down”Yuju say softly.

“But still, it’s something related to that girl. She’s a killer Yuju. I don’t want it. I can’t stand it. Whenever Sinb goes to her, I can’t help it but to worry about her for the whole time”

“Babe, do you remember that I want you to believe in me? I told you right? I told you every time to trust me. Even if you didn’t trust that girl, but you will always trust me right?” Yuju ask softly as her right palm, caressing Yerin’s cheek want to assure the girl that everything is alright. Yerin just nodded. Weakly.

“So please, trust me if I said that Sinb will always be alright. She will be alright, okay? No matter how, she will be okay. Yewon, that girl.I will never let her do something bad to Sinb. So please don’t be worry, okay?” Yerin smile as Yuju pull her closer and hug her. So does Yuju.

“Sometimes, I feel jealous. Is it me or Sinb is your girlfriend? Seems like you care and love her too much than me”

“I love all of you in my life,I can’t lose any of you” Yerin bury her fast and tighten her hug to Yuju. A little pricked felt in her heart when Yuju ask that kind of question.

.

.

“I love you, Yuju. It’s you. Someone who I can’t live my day without. I may can’t continue my life if I lose you, I never want to live without you. I don’t even want to think about it. I don’t want to think about the times where I don’t have you, because I’m afraid. I’m weak without you. It’s hard. I can’t without you”

At first Yuju just want to tease Yerin by asking the question but, seems Yerin really take it seriously.But still a part of her feel happy and relieved. At least now she know, that Yerin love her. But still Yuju’s heart can’t be at ease. Because she want to know something, something that she has been dying to ask Yerin.

“I love all of you. I can’t bear losing someone again. I’m not gonna lose anyone. Not Eunha, Sinb even you. I can’t live without any of you. I don’t want to lose anyone”Then Yerin cried in Yuju’s arms. Yuju shocked.She didn’t thought Yerin will cry. Yerin barely cry.

“I--I’m sorry, I was ju--just kidding a--about it.I--”

“Don’t be sorry, I just want to be honest about my feeling. I just want you to know. It just I’m worried. I am really worry about Sinb. If anything happened to her, I will not gonna forgive myself. I already let her to be friend with that girl and now they even in relationship. I’m afraid Yuju. I really love you”

“Can I just ask you something? And I hope you will tell me and answer it honestly” Yuju ask. Yerin just silent waiting for Yuju to finish her words.

“Can you tell me, what is actually happen? Why you always said that Yewon is a killer? Do you even know her? And Sojung ? Can you please be honest to me who is Sojung? Because……. it’s been a month that I keep heard you keep saying that name. You even repeated and said that you love her, in your sleep and you sleep beside me”

Hurt. A little bit hurt. Maybe much.

That is what Yerin definitely see in Yuju’s eyes and heard from Yuju’s tone.Yuju never know about her first love. And she never tell. Yerin hate it. She it when she see Yuju’s eyes that already look completely hurt. Even though the girl still smiling in front her, still eyes can never lie.

“Yu--Yuju, I--I--”

“Yerin, you don’t have to be sorry for me. I’m alright. It will be alright for me if you seeing someone behind me, because I love you. I will be happy if you are happy. Don’t worry about me, don’t think too much about. But, Yerin-ah, I just want an answer, I just want to ask. I hope you didn’t mad at me” Yuju try, she already try to hold her tears since the beginning, but she can’t win it. It just fall even without her concern. She’s is really alright, she will be okay if Yerin really love someone than her. Because she remember it, she know Yerin’s voice very well, she know her girlfriend, how fluttered her voice when she say something that she love.

 Sojung. Sojung. Sojung. I love you. Don’t leave me. I miss you. I want to hug you again. I love you.

Every single night, Yerin’s voice that keep saying that kind of words, that one name without fail.Every single night. And Yuju just know it when Yerin moved out from Eunbi’s room. Who doesn’t hurt, Yerin is definitely thinking about someone else in her sleep, even when Yuju is just right beside her.And seeing Yerin hesitate to say some words make Yuju feel afraid even more.

“Yuj--Yuju-- You--I--no--I was j--”

“I didn’t mad unnie, I just want an answer. And I really hope that you can answer me, without hiding anything”

“Is that why? Is that the reason why you refuse to sleep in one room with me and slept at Eunbis room instead? Is that the reason why you want to hide our relationship from specific persons? Be honest to me Unnie. I promise I wont get mad, and I will not gonna leave even before heard your explanation”

“Yuju actually…….”

Yerin sigh. She know it well this day will come, the day where she need to tell Yuju everything. From the start. Yerin never want to tell anyone about her first love, because it will just make her hurt even more. But she just don’t want to lose Yuju, because she might gone crazy if Yuju left her.

….……………………..

“I’m asking you, why are you still hesitating about it?”

“Oh,”

“B--but Eunbi-ah, isn’t all of that too early for both of us? I--I mean, yeah--I don’t think I’m ready yet….I--i just need a little time”

“Oh, alright. I will wait for you. Don’t worry, even if it takes forever I will wait for it Yewon. I love you”

“Both of us still young to ready for that. I just don’t expect this soon, I’m sorry”

“Why would you apologize? It’s not something to be sorry, I can’t force you. It’s your own decision and I respect it”

“But believe me. I really love you Eunbi”

“I love you too Yewon, don’t worry. I will wait for you”

“Thank you. Please just remember in you heart that I will always be your girlfriend and you are my girlfriend”

“Huh? But I thought you said you are not ready yet? What are you talking about?”

“Of course we are dating right  now? Then why would you ask that question if both of us not in relationship?”

“Wait, I confuse. You clearly said just now that you didn’t ready and now you suddenly said we in relationship? What is it? I don’t understand? If you claim that we are dating now, then what do you mean just now? Which part of it that you said you are not ready yet?”

“Ohh.. are you actually asking about us if we dating or not?”

“Yeah, that’s what I’m asking for”

“Ohh…”

“Yewon? What is it? What is the thing that you not ready yet?”

“I--I thought y--you were asking about something else”

“And… what is it?”

“I--I thought yeah, yyou as--asking for it. I mea--mean that thing”

“What thing?”

“Things that something l--like yeah, s--something closer th--I mean something in--intimate”

“Yewon-ah….y--you actually think about that already? I was just asking you to be my girlfriend, but you actually thought about something else”

.

.

“I--I --It’s misund--stop looking at me like that!”

“It just funny, your face, it’s completely red like your shirt”

.

.

“But hey Yewon, maybe it’s not a bad idea. We should--go to next level--”

“Stop talking! And stop teasing me!”

“I’m just saying”

“I don’t want to listen to anything! Go back to your home now, your sister might be worried. You has been here three days!”

“You just embarrassed, aren’t you?”

“Stop it Eunbi!”

......

hello~~~~ i hope you guys enjoy this update :) 

thank you for still here, reading and commenting ;) 

please stay tuned, next chpater i promise will reveal about Sojung. please wait for me ....