“Hey, I saw you talking to her” hara said to me as I sit beside her. “Everything’s okay?”

“Yeah” I forced a smile on her.

“I don’t think so…”

“It’s okay, we’re okay, I’m okay..” I told her. But deep inside me, I was hurting. I don’t know why. Maybe because I was hurt by Jessica, its been 3 years but she had a big part of me since then, maybe I was just affected because she had a big role in my life before.

‘yeah that’s it’

“You’re not, stop pretending that you are okay, because you’re not. Stop pretending that it’s okay, because it is not. And stop lying, because you know and I know and WE both know, that you’re still hurting” hara told me those words, and I just shut my mouth because everything she said was true. I’m not okay, that I’m pretending to be oaky, and that everything that is happening to me right now is okay.

“Sorry…” I said to her embarrassed of being caught.

“We’ll talk about this later.” Dismissing the conversation we have.

I saw Jessica entering the living room staring at me and hara, looking very envious of us.

‘it was your fault.’

She cleared and that gained everyone’s attention.

“Uhh guys, I’m sorry but I need to leave now, I still need to pack my things, I actually have an appointment outside the country, and I need to get up early for it, you know.” She said to everyone, most of the girls disagreed but they couldn’t do anything. And just bid goodbye to her.

“Don’t worry, we’ll meet again sometime, I’m still gonna visit you, I’m just one call away girls” she told us.

‘Really? I don’t think so’

Everyone stand up and hug her, but as for me I didn’t I just pat her shoulders, I know it was awkward.

“Thank you for the food, I had a great time with all of you again.” She told me with a half-smile on her face

“No worries, you could hangout with us some more time, I know you’re a busy person Creative Director Jung” I offered her a small smile. Her smile vanished from her face. And I heard coughs again. Just the atmosphere is awkwardly silent.

“Why don’t you send her to her car Yul?” taeyeon said and I looked at her, with this ridiculous face telling her if she’s crazy, she just shrug it off.

“Okay..” as if I have choice, she’s still my visitor. I walk through outside still hearing them say goodbye to Jessica. We were walking through the hallway to the elevator with a silent atmosphere.

‘this is suffocating’

“So was your business doing?” I started a conversation just like that. Just looking at her through the reflection.

“Blanc is doing good, I’m gonna launch another batch of apparel” she told me

And again we were both in silence.

“Uhm so how are Uhm so how are you and tyler?” I asked her. She looked at me like I was asking her a very ridiculous question but still answered.

“Still business partners”

“Oh no romantic relationship? I thought you already admitted you were in a relationship with him? Well that’s what the news told” I know I sound so so. I don’t know how to explain this.

“We are in this industry Yuri, Not everything you hear right or wrong. I never had said I was dating him, people just assumed things  like we are dating. I don’t even like him. And I had only one relationship since I was born Yuri-ah we dated for 6 years.” She told me and I scoffed.

‘What 6? We dated for 5 years, you’re not counting.’

“It was just 5 years”

“No it was 6 years, we dated for a year, but the broke us up, and stayed like that for months and we patch things up and reconciled then we dated for 5 years until we broke up 3 years ago, so that still counts as 6 years” she eyed me intently, looking at me like I was not thinking straight. The elevator opened we were on the basement. We walked through her car. She went to the back and open her trunk to get something maybe, and then she returned holding a medium size gift.

‘so you’ve still counted that huh.’

“This is for you, sorry I couldn’t give it to you  a while ago” she gave it to me.

“Thanks?? You shouldn’t have bothered to give me this”

“I insist, Sorry for only giving it to you now, I know I haven’t attended any of your birthdays in 3 years. But I’ll be honest with you, I was there watching every birthday fan meeting you have, I was there. I was watching you from a far. I was there on every achievements you have as you or with the girls. I was there on Tokyo dome screaming my lungs out while crying because at last you’ve completed our dreams I maybe not there. At least you’ve done it. I was at every comeback you had. I was in every concert here in seoul. I watch you every time, cause I’m missing you so bad, I wanna be with you, hug you kiss you and just be close to you, because I love you.” She was crying so bad, but I just stayed there looking at her, not knowing what to say, I stayed on my place not knowing what to do. But for me I hate to see her cry, most specially I hate myself for making her cry.

“Why??” It was barely audible. “Why tell me this now?” it was I could say for everything she said.

“Because I can’t hide it anymore! I want to be with you all, with you! But the company is not letting me to. I can’t hide it anymore I’m missing you every day. I thought I can still be with you, but I guess I can’t… but I still love you” she sobbed and its hurting me to see her like this. “ Just once, maybe this would be the last time, but please