I remember the beating of my heart whenever I see him, especially when he smiles. Even if we are in a dreaded situation, seeing him smile makes it less painful to realize reality.

"Alli-yah" I turn around and see his grinning face. It was only a few days when we both knew we were the only ones with the same age in the house making us the youngest.

"Subin-ah."

"Do you want to play a game?" he was practically beaming.

"What game?"

"The hyungs have decided to play a little. I'm not sure what but you can join us."

I admire they're carefree attitude to be still wanting to play even though we ourselves were thrown in a game against each other.

"I don't think they would want me to join." It'll be him and the group of boys. I have no place there.

"Why? Seungsik-hyung actually recommended to have you."

"Me?" he nods. "Seungsik-ssi did?" Why?

Kang Seungsik. He's the second oldest in their group and has this infectious smile. His eyes crinkle everytime he does making them disappear in crescent shapes.

I remember him approaching me the day before to offer me food when they managed to cook something to fill their empty stomach. He gave me a friendly smile telling me to not let myself starve.

"Then I guess, it's okay?" Subin beamed at me, took my hand and pulled me where the boys are.

They welcomed me excitedly more than I imagined. No. I didn't even imagine I will be invited to join their group for a little game.

The moments with them were fun. I found myself laughing and enjoying despite the fact the our lives are put in a board game of reality. For some time, we forgot we were the chess pieces. We forgot that the game revolved around us.

I remember those times. We believed we were the one controlling the game.

But we didn't realize that the game we're in is cruel. So many horrible things happened that I got tired of it. I got exhausted and felt the need to end.

That's why I decided.

I didn't know what it will bring me but I did it anyway, for them and maybe for me too.

"You have no place in this world. Always remember that."

Black suit, slicked-back hair and a set of fierce eyes void of emotion. The man sitting in a grand chair told me after I surrendered myself.

Whenever I look back to the seven boys who played with me, I felt like I belong with them somehow.

But that feeling dissolved the moment I was told...

"You do not belong in this world"

And all the memories shattered into pieces like a glass. Whenever you pick them, they cut you and bleed you. They became painful reminders that it will never be whole again, it will never go back to its previous state. Never again. 

--------------

Back then I didn't believe him.

I always thought it was impossible to live in a place where your existence does not count.

But returning back to the world, I start to see the the truth in his words.

"I'm sorry but no one lives there."

I remember one week ago, when I came back to my apartment after I was sent back from that horrible nightmare, Mrs. Kim, the building owner, stopped me with that sentence when I was about to punch the code.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Mrs. Kim, It's me, Park Alli. I used to live here but I was out for 1 month. Don't worry. I'm willing to pay you the two months worth of rent"

Her face frowned. 

"I have no idea what you're talking about. No one has lived there for years. It's an empty apartment. Are you saying you want to take this room?" 

"No. I meant, I'm the one who lives here. I've been living here since last year of June"

"I'm sorry Miss. You must have been mistaken. I haven't rented out this room to anyone for 5 years."

"What?"

I didn't believe her so I punched the code of my apartment and it gave me a beeping sound indicating it was wrong. I tried and tried and tried until Mrs. Kim became frustrated and opened the apartment for me only to show an empty space.

My furnitures, my stuff are all gone. Only a cement wall, an untiled floor and some wire circuits hanging from the ceiling welcomed me. Even the pipes looked they were rusted in time.

"W-what happened?"

"I told you. This room has been vacated since 5 years ago. No one lives here anymore and since this room cannot be renovated anymore due to the damage pipes and electric circuits, I gave up on it. It'll be a waste of money to try and fix things beyond repair. You won't be able to take this room even if you pay me double the rent." 

She left me gawking, unbelieving how this happened to my apartment. I thought it was only a part of the tricks and games they're throwing at me. It was impossible that I have no record of residence here when Mrs. Kim even treated me as her own daughter.

"You have no place in this world"

Could this be it?

Could this be what he meant?

I asked myself.

But no matter how I wrack my brain....

I never got an answer.

But it seems to me that

This may be the start of my life...

..as an oblivion.