"Seungsik-ssi, choose me." the words came out of my mouth and I can't take them back.

"Alli-yah, you're not the stranger." his face frowned. He doesn't seem to be happy with my decision.

"It doesn't have to be the right answer. He just said we need to choose someone. The only consequence comes in if we don't choose."

"You're right. But what if there's a catch? What if your sacrifice will mean nothing? And... you don't have to do this. We can find the real stranger." he held me in both shoulder, trying to convince me out of this mad idea.

"What if it's one of your friends?"

He was taken aback. The thought didn't occur to him.

"I'm tired of pointing fingers at people, Seungsik-ssi. We're already running out of time. Let's just finish this."

He took back his hands not knowing how he can respond.

"We all want to go home."

"What if it's me? I should turn myself in, right?"

I smiled at his effort to save me from this madness. "We both know it's not you." Sadly, he cannot return back the smile I gave.

"Why can't I sacrifice myself instead then when you can?"

"Because people need you. Your friends need you."

"And you? You think no one needs you?"

I smiled at him.

I didn't tell him: No one needs me. Not even you.

___________

That was 3 years ago.

I opened my eyes and found myself leaning to the window of the bus seeing the tiny droplets of rain that try so hard to cling to the glass pane as if they're begging to hold on to them but they slide down nevertheless.

I repositioned myself on my seat and looked for any signage on the street that will tell me where I am now. Instead, I found people walking along pedestrian lanes, cars moving towards their predestined direction. Everyone knows where they will go. I don't.

The bus came to stop so I decided to get off on this random place. A sharp cold breeze welcomed me outside and I tried not to shiver in this sleeveless dress. Everyone opened their umbrellas telling the rain drops to go away, never bother them. Maybe I am the only one who embraces the rain's existence.

I looked up to the dark sky and searched for some semblance of recognition, that maybe the crying clouds know me because this world, this world doesn't remember me.

My failed effort became tiring. I continued to walk by the side street along with the busy people of the world, hoping that maybe if I go with the flow, it will lead me somewhere nice or wherever. Wherever is better than nowhere.

The crowd halted just before a crossing lane signaled by a pedestrian stop light.

After the several heart beats, everyone walked to cross looking unified in some way. But even when I'm among this crowd, I can feel the separation and detachment. It's as if my presence itself has voluntarily pulled away from everyone while I'm still here with them.

In the absence of my mind, I felt a hard bump on my right shoulder. Someone has made his presence known and after bumping to each other, our eyes met, our feet halted from their steps.

There's a flicker of recognition in his eyes. Those eyes, I know them well.

"You.."

I don't know which had me tensed up, the word of recognition or his voice.

"It's you, isn't it?" His unbelieving eyes made contrast with the question.

No. I will not answer.

This is not supposed to happen.

This world should not know me.

And I don't know why he does.