Epilogue 1: If Ever...

BGM: Joy - The Way To Me

Both Sungjae and Joy lay on the bed together, facing each other.

“Are you scared?” Sungjae looked at Joy concerned.

She shook her head. “Because it is you, oppa.”

“You shouldn't trust a guy so much, Joy.”

“I just want to be with you as much as I can for now.” Joy muttered softly like it was something intimate that only both of them can hear it.

How can he resist? When she was putting herself out in front of him all raw and bare for him to see. Unadorned of any makeup or glitters that were part of her celebrity life. He loved her when she was in this form. She felt closer to him. Here was his Joy, reciprocating his feelings and wanting to be close to him… he is a man. A man that has been missing her warmth for so long.

She inched closer to him. Wanting to bury her face on his chest.

“Joy?” Sungjae gulped. “You are too close. You said we going to sleep at the end of the bed..”

“Are you nervous, oppa?”

Sungjae nodded.

She lightly chuckled before erasing the non-existence distance between them to hug him.

“I love you, oppa.” She looked up to meet his gaze.

It was weird.. but she felt a strong urge to cry when she said that. It must be the strong overwhelming feeling of keeping all the burden to herself.

So, she held him tighter.

“I love you too, Sooyoung ah.” He whispered softly to her ears.

Sungjae backed away a bit.. to look at her.

She looked so peaceful.

Like a baby.

He smiled before leaning down to plant a kiss on her forehead. He then gently tucked down a strand of her hair to kiss her cheek. Then to kiss the tips of her cute nose.

He goes for her eyes soon after.

“You become a kissing monster oppa.” She mumbled and groaned sleepily. Protesting what he is doing.. but she was clearly smiling. Even a fool will know, she was indeed enjoying it. So he kissed the corner of her lips.

She opened her eyes.. as if questioning him. To come so close to her lips.

“Bwoh?!” Sungjae said defensively. “You are too cute when sleeping.”

“is that it?” Joy narrowed her eyes angrily.

He didn't get it so he frowned.

Joy sighed. This slow man.

Before he can respond he felt her lips around his.

Damn it Park Sooyoung.

She pulled away.. panting “I want you to kiss me, silly.”

He groaned, pulling her closer and she spared no time to wrap her arm on his neck.

It started slow and gentle then they started to struggle with dominance. Joy is a fast learner. She copied him… the way she his lips. his tongue.

His self-control is flying away. So he pulled back. Panting.

“Joy.. i can't hold back if we continue please.”

Joy just closed her eyes.

He knew.. she wanted it as much as he does too.

“Please.. oppa. Just once. Lets just not think.”

He cannot say no to her. Not when he desires the same thing as her. But if they were to go a long way. This is not the way to go with things..

So he flicked her forehead.

“you need to stop me.”

“I know.”

“I sleep in the car.”

“No. Oppa, please. Not when the manager let me stay here with you for the night.”

“I cannot believe your manager just let you be with me like this.”

“I think he knows…”

Sungjae looked at Joy.. wondering what she is about to say.

“He knows I’m at my breaking point.”

Her eyes were like those eyes that hide a thousand of pain inside. Pain that he was not there to see and it hurts him how much he has been absent in her life.

Sungjae gave her the softest look a man could possibly give and bring her closer to him again. Her small face buried deeply on his chest as she snuggled in for warmness. So, he hummed a song to her..

She placed her left ear near his heart to listen to his soothing heartbeat.

“Until when can we stay like this, oppa?” Joy lifted her face up to look at him.

She looked desperate and it is breaking him so much that she had grown so sad with her life. When he lets her go… he was under the perception that he was letting her fly. But here she was… with broken wings

“Let’s not think about tomorrow, okay? At least, not now. “

Joy nodded and Sungjae can hear her soft crying sound soon afterwards.

“Sooyoung ah..”

“Hmm.”

“Are you crying?”

She did not want to cry but… the thought of leaving his warmth breaks her. She can feel the vibration of his chest when he hummed to her… and his uneven breathing. He felt like her home. Sturdy and dependable.

She loves him. But it hurts her to know they were both in this business where love will eventually break.

“I just like you too much oppa…” She blinked her tears away. “i want to stay like this with you forever.”

“I know.. me too Sooyoung ah.” Sungjae slightly chuckled.

“We will be fine.” He gently reassured her. Inhaling the scent of her hair as much as he can. Feeling intoxicated… Like an addiction he has, he wanted to be here, smelling her hair. Wrapping his arms on her waist. Tucking her, to sleep.

“We will definitely be fine.” He whispered softly to her ear. Repeating it again and again. Running his hand on her hair to tell her, he is there.

Soon after, the soft crying sound subsided and he took a peek on her face.

Sleeping.

He gently smiles and brushed her cheek lovingly with his thumb.

She looks like a baby. Her eyes puffy from crying too much.. funny how just a few hours before she went to the stage looking like some unreachable starlet when she was this fragile and unprotected. Still, she looks pretty to him. The prettiest in this kind of setting..

He sighed. Why is she so pretty even when sleeping and how can she so peacefully sleep in the presence of him?

Still the same Joy. Too trusting of man. He went outside to sleep in the car.

It is insanity to share the same bed with a girl he is deeply in love with at the first place

He woke up the next morning… and found the sunlight hitting his face. He frowned in dismay before jolting up immediately… still rubbing his eyes trying to be sane enough to walk.

He wanted to make sure she sees him… she must be afraid of being left alone.

He opened the door gently.. he was anticipating her morning look. The look that not any guy can see. His heart dropped at the moment when the door creaked.

The bed is empty.

If his heart can be crumpled down and beat repeatedly. This is the moment.

Did she leave?

When?

He felt numb.

Powerless.

Stupid.

He made his way to the bed… sitting on the edge. Trying to inhale her leftover scent. He found himself being absorbed by the silentness of the room as his eyes felt as if it was being stung by unwanted cries.

A trail of tears drops from the corner of his eyes. He covered his face with his palm.

He should have come earlier.

“Oppa?”

Sungjae chuckled. Is his delusion even playing him now?

“Oppa… are you okay?”

He felt a soft hand touching his thigh.

He looked at her. Speechless. “Y-you.. I thought you left.”

“Not yet oppa.” she smiled… before noticing his reddened eyes. “Did you cry??” she leaned in closer, eyes gently looking over at him.

He spares no time enveloping her into a hug.

“i just miss you so much…”

She stayed silent before patting his back. “Me too. So i went and sleep beside you in the car. I snoop in, to sleep beside you. You didn't notice because you have been sleeping soundly.”

“you did?”

She nodded. “I’m going to treasure it.. your warmth”

Sungjae looked at joy.. she is looking way better than the walking doll she has been. Her eyes are a bit sad… but she was smiling as if she understands the world and willing to accept it as it is.

“Are you going to say goodbye now?”

“Oppa…” she looked at him. Guilt was apparent on her face. “I love you and you promise me.. we will work it out right?”

“Yes.”

“Then see me off, will you?”

“I don’t think I can, Joy.”

“Oppa..” Joy bites her lips.. her eyes watering trying to hold back her tears.

Sungjae eats everything up and stood up. His hand gently pulling her with him as his thumb soothe the back of her hand.

“Its gonna be okay..”

At the sight of her manager and his manager. She felt like her sanctuary will be taken away from her so she clings more to him. Pulling him with her… tightening her grip.

“Joy.. we must go now.”

“But..” Joy looked at him. Her heart is aching at the sight of him tearing up with her.

“I will make it work. Us work. Trust me okay?”

Sungjae cupped her cheeks for one last… and long kiss to help them endure this torture.

“Can you not be so hard on yourself while I’m not there with you?”

“I think I can. I will forever treasure our moment and hold it strongly as my strength. If I did that… I think I can be happier. Thank you for last night oppa..”

She went.. sniffling while walking. And entered the car… eyes looking at him all swollen.

He just stood there dejected while his manager pats his back.

“your wife is taken away by her father?” the motel ahjumma asked.

Right.. she did not know anything.

“yes.”

“stay strong son. I'm sure things will work out.”

“I hope so too. But I need to be fast.. so that she won't suffer too much.”

“Come Sungjae, it is time for you to go too. You have schedules to go.” His manager ruffled his hair and walked in front of the man to head towards the car.

He was going to miss this place… and all those precious sweet memories he created with her last night. It was a fleeting moment but it was something that he can hold onto for a long time because they know it was going to end somehow.

When he made his way to the back of the car, his manager suddenly turned back.. “Oh, your father called. I just said you were going away for a short while to collect your thoughts. I think it is better for you to give him a call.”

Sungjae nodded and called his father. “Hi appa..”

“Son, what’s going on?”

He knew he wasn’t supposed to do it.. he knew he was supposed to be a man about all of this but he broke down crying. It goes on for 1 whole minute before the loud burst of tears became a soft inaudible sobbing sound.

“I let her go..” He muttered soft enough for his dad to hear.

It was as if his father get what he is trying to say… with the old man keeping his silence on the other line. “It must be tough..”

“It is.. I cannot bear to even look at her face when she was looking back at me. I make her a promise I did not know I can keep but she was so broken.. I cannot leave her alone.”

“Son, I’m proud of the man you have become… but you know what? Today I’m even more proud of you. Being a man is someone who will not let your loved ones being hurt… to always reassure them. You are being one to her. I trust you to carry your words well… you always do. You are capable of that. You have a heart big enough for an ocean to fit.”

Sungjae nodded as if his father can see it.

“I trust you to be sturdy tree for her and bring her back to your mom and me okay? So we can finally meet her.”

He finally smiles… anticipating of that one day where they can finally meet her. “She is great, appa. Really great. You would love her.”

***

Joy slides her phone open with her fingerprint… and see a lot of missed calls and text messages. A lot of it came from her members on why is she not coming back to her dorm.

“Did the members know where I was?”

“I told them.”

Joy nodded. She closed her eyes momentarily.. recalling his soft touch on her body.. on her lips. She smiled although she can feel the slight heartache making its way it was worth it. Last night was worth it.

Yes, it amplifies her leftover feeling for him. But, it also gave her hope. Hope that there is happiness at the end of the road she was heading.

“Manager oppa..” Joy trailed off.. “Why did you let me leave?”

“Joy.. as cruel as we are to be working you day and night. We know when our artist is heading towards a breaking point. With what happened with Jonghyun.. I don’t want such things to happen again. I want you to be happy too… and I know being with him makes you feel treasured. I know being with him will make your insecurities to be lowered down. I know the way you two look at each other. I’ve been with you since what.. when you just newly debuted? I’m not that mean.” Her manager oppa smiled reassuringly to the woman who looked nothing short than a puffy fish.

“I know it is not my place to ask… but do you feel better?”

Joy nodded. “I realised that I’ve been too into my head. I will talk to my members once I’m back.”

“I’m glad to hear that.”

Once she steps inside the dorm, all the member stood up.

“Joy!” They spoke in chorused.

“We are worried. What the hell are you thinking?” Irene went ahead and smack Joy’s back.

“Unnie, calm down.” Seulgi tried to pull the older girl away from Joy.

“Where have you been?” Wendy asked.

“Somewhere.. I’m not sure where have I been.”

“To be exact, with who?” Yeri chimed in.

“Sungjae.”

“Yeah, we know. Sooyoung, are you not telling us anything? You have been awfully quiet. I want to ask you but i’m scared you will break. I know your schedule is too tight and we barely spend any time together but this is getting worrying.”

“Sungjae called me before,” Irene mumbled. “He asked what is wrong with you. I hate the fact that other people can see it but we are not even able to do anything for you.”

“I thought you love us?” Wendy complained.

“Of course I do unniedul. I’m just…” Joy bites her lips and clenched the side of her shirt. “I’m sorry.” She immediately broke down crying.

The four members looked at each other frowning before Seulgi went and initiate a hug with her. “Aigooo..”

The rest of the three following her later while Wendy gave all four a big bear hug.

“I should have talked to you guys.. but I’m too in my head. I feel so lonely, so I close myself. I’m so sorry.”

“No, we are sorry. I as a leader should check up on you more.” Irene argued.

“No, it’s my fault, I’m your fan! I should have known.”

“Aniyo, it’s me!” Seulgi shouted.

“You what, unnie? Busy being a bear.” Yeri rolled her eyes.

They all laughed in chorus.

“I miss you guys.” Joy smiled being squeezed even tighter by her members till they all fell down to the floor.

“OUCH!” Irene shouted. “You are too heavy!” Irene pushed Yeri away while the rest continued to laugh even more.

“You know what? Lets just for the night. We all sleep outside together. All five of us.” Irene suggested.

“Maybe we should.” Seulgi nodded.

“Yes. And let's spend the night talking and catching up.” Wendy agreed.

“Any other day I would have refused but I kind of miss Joy unnie too. We barely talk.”

“You guys..” Joy looked at the four faces smiling at her now feeling overwhelmed. How has she failed to notice that these four girls wish nothing but happiness for her. “I'm sorry.. I’m sorry but thank you. Thank you for being here for me.” Joy looked at them, gratefulness was clearly evident in her eyes.

That night the girls spend the time to mend their broken relationship but sometimes, she will space out for a few seconds. Thinking about him.

She woke up the earliest the next morning due to the ringing of her phone. She tip-toed out of the room so that she can take the call without waking up her members.

“Joy.”

“Yes, manager oppa. Why?”

“The management wants to see you, tomorrow night?”

“...” Silence was heard.

“Joy.”

“Okay, oppa.”

“I’m sure it’s nothing. Probably, they want you to do some other kind of promotions.”

Joy shut her eyelids tightly.

When will this ever end