There are many reasons why I like you, Oh Sehun. But these moments are what I remember everytime I ask myself how I managed to fall for someone as cold as ice and as beautiful as the night sky with a billion of stars, or as mesmerizing as the sun setting.

 

I liked you when you were frustrated.

 

Remember when we had that Math activity and everyone had to work with a partner? I was paired up with you, of course.

 

I still remember the exact number of the problem that got you so worked up.

 

Problem number 7. I even had that number on my jersey for the intramurals in 2013 just to spite you. And soon, it became my favorite number. Why? Because that number showed me that you are not perfect, and that you still struggle with a lot of things even though people know you as someone who is perfect, as someone who knows everything.

 

You are a genius at Math, but you failed to remember the formula needed to solve that problem.

 

Your furrowed brows, pursed lips, and clenched fists were signs that you were frustrated. My eyes were focused on only you, and it felt like we were the only ones in that classroom.

 

I liked you when you were happy.

 

Your eyes shaped like crescents when you smile makes my heart flutter, especially when I know that I am the reason.

 

Your laugh is the most fascinating sound that I have ever heard. It is one of the reasons why I fell in love with you. It is one of the things that makes you so beautiful.

 

I liked you when you were mine.

 

You probably do not even remember that this happened, but this memory still feels fresh in my mind.

 

We were both absolutely wasted. Your parents were on a business trip so you invited me to keep you company for a couple of days.

 

Getting drunk was your idea. I was not totally against it, but I also was not the biggest fan of it. You wanted to drink so bad, though. You were so pure, so curious. That is why I decided to go along with it.

 

After a few bottles, you were already slurring your words. I was a pretty good drinker so I still managed to clean up the mess that we made and drag you to your room.

 

"Hey, Luhan?" What you said was barely coherent but I still understood.

 

"Yes?" I ask, my heart thundering in my chest as you snuggled your head into my neck. After I said that, you look up to me with your face dangerously close to mine.

 

"Tonight, I am yours."

 

And a kiss.

 

I knew I loved you when I left.

 

I knew that you were the only cure to my pain and the one who can fill the void in my heart when I left you.

 

The day before my flight, I asked you.

 

"Do you love me?"

 

That question was so out of topic. We were lying on your bed and talking about anything and everything, not paying attention to the movie playing on the television.

 

I quickly covered your mouth with my left hand. I did not want to know the answer. I was scared that I would not be able to leave if you told me you loved me too. Or maybe I was just too afraid to know that I am the only one who feels this way.

 

With a broken heart and the image of you sprawled on the bed alone, I got inside the plane to Beijing.

 

Do you find it strange too that after everything that has happened, after all the moments we have shared, we are strangers again?

 

As you walk out of the convenience store where we used to meet up before with Kim Jongin and his arm wrapped around you, I laugh bitterly to myself. If you think about it, it honestly is kind of funny. I am such a ing idiot, am I not?

 

But after all, I let this happen. It was my choice to leave for China, not anyone else's. It is my fault that I am hurting, and that you are in the arms of another man.