Have you ever wonder if the guy you like likes you? Have you ever wonder if the guy you like is thinking of you like you are thinking of him? Have you ever wonder if you guys will end up together and maybe get married? Well, I have wonder these things and every time I have these thoughts, I get my answer. No, the guy that I like does not like me. No, the guy i like is not thinking of me like I am thinking of him. No, the guy I like never ended up together with me and it is not possible for us to get married. It is pretty sad to hear all these no isn't it. Though, I know my answer, like a fool I ignore it and still pursue those guys that I like. I never really knew or learned how to stop liking the guy that I like. All I could do is move on to the next guy that was there and fall deeply in love with them. But, in all my years, not one even thought of me like a woman. They thought of me as a friend that is just there. A friend that they can vent to. A friend who they will never think of being in a relationship with. Even though I know this, I did not care. The guys I like either comes to me for advice for the girl they like. Every time. It was like I was their adviser. It did hurt. Me holding onto the words in my mouth that I like him or love him. Me smiling at him and telling him what he wants to hear. Lying by saying him and the girl will make a cute couple. Me hurting myself all the time. I never understood why, but I will just smile and tell them to go after the girl. I just can not say 'do not go after her.' 'Do not do it, chebal.' And beg him on my knees. I can not. Nor can I say i love you to him and ask him to go out with me. I can not. So, I just smile like everything is okay and that I am happy for him. They say if you truly love him. You will let him go and be happy when he is happy. But I am selfish and I can not let him go. Nor can I be happy if he is not with me. Does that mean I am a bad person? Does that mean I do not deserve his love? Does that mean I do not deserve to be loved? But in the end, I push away my selfish needs and tell them to  go after her. 'Go to her.' And they do. And then I break my own heart, because they become a couple. A fool ain't I?

"You are in love?" I repeated. I do not understand what he means. Is he professing his love to me? I just do not know. The thing about Jiyong is that I never understood him or knew what he was thinking. There will be times that I think he likes me and those times that he is talking about another girl. I know I am clueless. My friends tell me that he likes me that he is shy, but I always, always disregard it. Why would he like someone like me? My face is chubby and I have short hair. My skin is too pale and I am not lady like. I am just not anyone's type. I stared into Jiyong's eyes. He seems serious. I do not know what to do. If he is confessing......then I got to stop it. "Parents locks up kids in the basement in the United States." I started reading an article that popped up on my computer screen. I can not let him confess. Well, is he confessing? I glued my eyes to the computer screen, not trying to look at jiyong and read out loud, pretending not to hear Jiyong.

"Did you hear me?" Jiyong asked. Of course I heard you, Jiyong. Please do not ask me. Please do not say it. I am too scared..... I know this is an opportunity for me to confess to Jiyong, since it seems like he is confessing. but........

"Huh? What did you say?" I replied as Jiyong rolled his eyes. This is why I am probably going to stay single for the rest of my life. Why am I acting like this. Jiyong moved closer to me and made a serious face. Jiyong always smiles and laugh, so whatever he is going to say. It must be important.

"Nevermind." He said, moving to get off the bed. I grabbed his arms and pulled him towards me. I really do not know what to say to him. I cleared up my throat and pouted.

"Jiyong, okay I will listen. What did you say?" I asked tightening the grip I have on his arm and he stopped moving and breathed heavily. He looked at me and cleared his throat. Is he seriously going to confess? I my lips and let go of him and started to play with my fingers. My cheeks became red and hot. I am nervous. I would lie right now if I said I was not. I am scared out of my mind. I sighed right after he cleared his throat.

"Why is it that you never listen to me? Sometimes I feel like you think I am not here, when I am just right in front of you." He stated. It is true. He is not lying. But I have a reason. Every time he will say something weird like you look pretty today or whatever, it makes me fall for him more and if I listen and reply then I am probably going to hurt myself in the end. So, I just ignore him and ask him what did he say and he stops there. I always wonder what if i just said thank you or even say you look cute. What will happen? What will start from there? Nothing? Or maybe something?

"Sorry, I will listen." I apologized and braced myself for what he was going to say next. I then buried my hand in my face, hiding the fact  that I was blushing. I do not want him to confess, but what if he is not.

*Jieun elementary school 2009*

I went into a dark classroom and it was an empty one at it too. Sitting and waiting for Gook Ju. She told me to wait here, so we can go ride the bus together, but she said that she will be right behind me. I rolled my eyes. Well, that was a lie. I looked at the empty dark room and notice Taeyang's name tag on a desk to the right of me. I forgot this is Taeyang's class. I blushed and becamee red as a tomato. I touched my cheek and pressed against it with the back of my right hand. 

"Taeyang." I called out and touched his desk. I then pulled out his seat and sat on and laid my head on his desk. I started smelling the desk and noticed that his smell was imprinted on the desk. "My Taeyang." I called out once more.

"Bwa? My Taeyang?" Gook Ju laughed, walking in the classroom. I quickly stood up and pushed the chair in. Ugh it is truly embarrassing. I know she knows that I like him, but.....still it is quite embarrassing. "Yah, I told you to pack my bag for me, so we can just leave straight. You are talking about ' your Taeyang'" She laughed some more scolding me.

"Ah, I forgot." I said, laughing it off. I quikly packed her things in her bookbag and turned around, seeing Taeyang and a group of girls. What are they.....

"So Oppa, who is it that you like?" Rose, a girl with long dark brown hair and pale skin asked. Rose was the main bully I had that bullied me. For some reason she hates me and I do not know why. She always let me feel down when I am happy. She is that girl that everyone likes. The pretty girl. I sighed and turned around, so I do not hear his answer.

"Jieun. Lee Jieun." He answered. I turned around out of shock. Does he not see me here? Or maybe he does and this is his time to confess.

*Back to the present*

"You know what......never mind. I am going to the gym. Do you want me to get you something?" He said. Yes, I want you to tell me who you love. I know I can not say that. He will know that I am desperate to know about his dear love life. I rolled my eyes when he was not looking and said.

"I will just starve to death." I replied to him and sighed heavily, hoping that he hears me.

"Oh good, cause I was going to say that I am broke." He answered. I laughed and threw my long white soft pillow at him, which forced him to leave. Wow, he is seriously not going to confess. I guess he was not going to confess in the first place. I turned around and laid on my side. I then heard Jiyong rushing back to my room like he was in a hurry to be somewhere else and forgot something.

"I just want you to kno. When two people hang wih each other a lot. They tend to have feelings for one another later on." He softly spoke and ran out of my room and left through the front door.

"Bwa?"