Hana feels like she just got only a minutes of sleep when she heard a noise. She opened her eyes and saw Nayoung climbed down from her bunk.

“Nayoung?”

Nayoung turned around at her, surprised. “Unnie, you aren’t sleeping?”

“I am… I was, actually.”

“Oh, did I wake you up? Sorry, Unnie,” Nayoung said apologetically.

Hana shakes her head, smiles a little. “It’s okay, what are you doing? Why aren’t you sleeping?”

“I’m thirsty.”

Hana nodded, as she watched the younger girl leave the room and go to the kitchen.

Hana tried to continue her sleep, but for some reason, her mind didn’t let her to go back to the dreamland. For some reason, her mind keep thinking about the certain person who just leave the room. She shook her head, for some reason she didn’t want to go back to sleep, wondering to the darkness.

So she decided to try her luck. Maybe Nayoung would accepted her accompany, who knows? And maybe they can have some random conversation. Or anything.

Just some private time between them, only Hana and Nayoung. That’s her wish, her only wish.

In her defense, Gugudan has been too busy with their practices for the upcoming fanmeeting and their game event that even though they live together, the other members always with them for 24/7 and Hana misses talking to Nayoung about something else other than about work.

It’s funny, how she misses Nayoung despite they live together.

So she left the room, walking as quiet as possible to the kitchen, hoping to see the girl.

And that’s when she just heard a quiet laughs and excited talks from the kitchen.

“Sejeong-ah, stop making me laughs. You just got home and you should be sleeping. We all have to sleep now.”

Hana stopped walking further as she saw Nayoung’s laughing with Sejeong, who just got home after her late filming. Nayoung’s husky laughs continued as Sejeong sat there in front of her, keep telling many funny stories she got from the filming site. Even in her busy state, Sejeong still has those energies to stay up late and have conversation with Nayoung.

“But I still want to talk more with you… I miss you and the members,” Hana heard Sejeong said, and she can imagine Sejeong’s pouting even though she can’t see her face from where she’s standing right now. “And I don’t think I can sleep actually, I need to leave again in an hour.”

Nayoung nodded understandingly at her. Her stare is so soft. But Hana knows, behind that soft stare and understanding smile, Nayoung badly wanted Sejeong to take a proper rest. Nayoung wanted snapped at the management for making Sejeong works for her drama, preparing the fanmeeting, and still shoot for those CF, but she held herself in front of Sejeong. Because she knows, this is the risk of their choice to be an idol. And Nayoung knows, even if Sejeong is tired as hell, she enjoyed doing all those. And Nayoung has to be there to support her.

Hana knows because Nayoung poured all those thoughts to her before.

Hana can see, even from a distance, how much loves Nayoung have for the girl in front of her. Nayoung’s hand lifted as she caress Sejeong’s cheeks.

“I understand. Don’t forget to eat and sleep whenever you can, okay?”

Hana doesn’t need to see Sejeong’s face to know that the girl smiled brightly at Nayoung, because Nayoung just did the same to her, as usual whenever they are together.

And Hana stand quietly in her spot, looking at the two until she can’t take it anymore and went back to her room. Another heartbreak, for the nth times since God knows when.

She knows it’s a mistake to fall in love with the girl who love another girl. Nayoung loves Sejeong and Sejeong loves Nayoung, and everyone knows about it and Hana’s heart still stubbornly chose Nayoung.

She curled up in her bed, hugging her pillow as her eyes filled with tears.

It’s okay, she thought. You are used to this. It hurts but it will be fine later. Stay strong, Bora-ya.

And after a minutes, she finally fell asleep. Her pillow’s wet from her tears.

***

After like 6 hours (or more, they barely look at the clock) trapped in the practice room, Nayoung whined for some street foods to Hana. So after getting permission from the manager, they went to the small ttoekbokki shop near their building meanwhile the other members back to the dorm, saying they’re too tired to go with them.

So Hana walked with Nayoung. Half of the reason is because she finally have some private time with Nayoung, another reason is because leaving Nayoung by herself can lead to problem she doesn’t want to deal with. It’s dangerous enough for Nayoung to walk by her own foot because she would trip over nothing. So yeah, someone had to watch over her.

“Imo, I want 4 servings of cheese tteokbokki.”

“Okay, take away?”

Nayoung nodded happily along with her wide grin. As if a little kid buying her favorite candy. And it’s so adorable and Hana had to hold her squeals.

They went to one of the tables, waiting for the food.

“Why four servings tho? Your stomach will exploded,” Hana asked.

Nayoung smacked her hand, and laughed. And Hana didn’t have time to react to the hitting because Nayoung’s laughs always distract her for a second.

“Duh, Unnie, you know how Mina can swallowed one plate for herself. 2 servings is for us all. The last one is for Sejeong because she’ll come home late and you know she loves this tteokbokki.”

Hana nodded. Of course Nayoung thinking about the other girl, never ever forget about her.

“I bet she skip her meals. Unnie, you have to talk to her.”

Hana nodded again. The next five minutes is filled with Nayoung’s talking about the Sejeong and her stories about her filming.

It’s always nice to spend time with Nayoung, to see her laughs and excited talks with her bright eyes. The sight that Hana loves the most: for Nayoung to be happy.

And thanks to those laughs and smiles from Nayoung that Hana can survived the five minutes of torture to her heart and keep her smile as she listened to Nayoung, until their tteokbokki arrived and they paid for it before heading back to the dorm.

It’s okay, she thought, meanwhile Nayoung never stop rambling about Sejeong beside her, She’s happy. That’s all you want, right? For her to be happy. It’s okay, Bora-ya.

***

“Unnie can I sleep with you?”

Nayoung said with her hopeful eyes, like a puppy, and it’s so cute that Hana’s breath stopped for a second. It’s always like that, she shouldn’t be so surprised now at how easy the younger girl affected her, even without trying.

It's not something new for them to sleep together. Mina and Mimi refused to sleep with the clingy Nayoung and Sejeong always come home late. So her only option is to go to Hana.

An annoyed voice beats Hana from answering the cute pleading.

“Kim Nayoung, you know you have your own bed, don’t you?” They heard Mimi said from her bunk, sounded upset. “Let Bora sleep peacefully. I don’t know why you are so clingy like a baby. Even Hyeyeon demand to sleep by herself and she is the maknae.”

Nayoung pouted, more to Hana, and Hana knows she just melted inside.

“Unnieeeee~”

Hana didn’t say anything. She shifted from her position, a gesture for letting Nayoung to come to her bed.

Nayoung beams into her usual bright smile (and Hana had to hold herself from kissing the chubby cheeks) and climbed the bunk. She hugged Hana, casually putting her head in Hana’s shoulder.

“Unnie, you are fine with me like this, right?” Nayoung asked and Hana can feel her breathing in her neck. Calm down, you ing stupid heart, Hana scolded herself. “I’m not bothering you, right?”

Before Hana can answer, they heard Mimi talked again.

“Duh, Bora is too nice to reject you, you stupid big baby.”

“Unnie! I’m not a stupid big baby!”

“Then stop whining like a baby and sleep in your own bunk!”

“But I’m cold!”

“You own a thick blanket, Nayoung-ah. Try again.”

“No,” Nayoung stubbornly said. “I prefer someone hugging me to sleep,” she said as tightened the hug to Hana.

Hana can’t hold her smile at the cute answer. “It’s fine, Mimi-ah. You know how she is.”

Hana thinks she heard Mimi sighs, but her same-age friend didn’t say anything more. Hana wondered why, but got distracted when a kiss placed to her cheeks.

“Good night, Unnie. I love you,” Nayoung said sweetly. Not too long and she fell asleep in Hana’s shoulder.

Calm down, Hana thought. It’s a friendly kiss, just a kiss in the cheeks. And it’s an ‘I love you’ as sister. Nayoung didn’t love you, Bora-ya, she loves Sejeong.

And just like that, even with Nayoung sleeping in her shoulder, Hana feels another heart break killing her inside.

Nayoung is right here beside her, hugging her closely, but yet she feels so far from Nayoung.

She looked to the sleeping girl in her shoulder, and kiss her forehead gently.

“Good night. I love you too, Naong-ah,” she whispered.

***

“Unnie, you know I love you, right?”

Nayoung always say that effortlessly, as if she didn’t mean it. But Hana knows that she meant it. Well, not exactly the way Hana felt to the younger girl, but she knows Nayoung loves her. As older sister. As best friend. That’s it.

Hana nodded, and smiles when Nayoung hugs and clinging with her like a big baby she always is. Hana only pat her head gently, hoping the girl didn’t hear sound of her own heart ripping into pieces. Because she knows Nayoung loves someone else, and those I love you from Nayoung will never meant for her

But it’s fine, as long as she’s with me, Hana thought.

.

.

tbc :3