Prompt: Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional

Requested by: TheA1999_ a long time ago

The tree gives me the shade I needed at the moment, while the wind trying to comfort my feeling. I needed time to be by myself. Time where to understand myself better and to sort my twisted feeling inside of me. I keep looking at the field in front of me. Nothing interesting is happen at the moment other than the sun shining so bright, bring warm to my surrounding. How I wish it would be cloudy because it seem like mocking me.   

On a second thought, perhaps it is better this way so that I could untangle every twisted thought in my mind sooner. I know I shouldn’t feel this way because I didn’t have the right to feel so, even though deep inside of me there is a right for me to be like this. However, thinking that I am one of his best friends, I know that I shouldn’t be selfish.

Yeah, I’m in love with my own best friend, Suho. We were friend since kindergarten, where he approach me and asked me to be his friend. Honestly, I never thought that I will have a friend. Why? Because being a new kid in the block mean an unhappy life and always be a bully’s victim. It wasn’t that I was weird or some sort of, but it is because I look like someone out of their league since I didn’t like to wear fancy thing like them.   

If you ask me whether I can afford it or not, my answer will be yes because I came from a wealthy family. Not to brag, but my parents owns most of the five stars hotels and resorts all over Korea. They also own some of the famous restaurants. Unfortunately, I didn’t really like to spend their money on something that I could get in a cheap price,  but a good quality. I also admit that I wasn’t pretty or fair compared to the other student. That’s maybe one of the reasons why I got bullied a lot.

The fact that I didn’t fight back, which make me their favorite victim, oerhaps makes me look so vulnerable and desperate to be free from their grip. It maybe the reason that make Suho come to my rescue. Recalling back the memories, I can be said as damsel in distress. Since that day, we become friend and best friend.

Well, it kind of cliché on how I’ve been falling for him, but what can I do when it is one of the things that I couldn’t control? If my feeling could have a remote control, I’m sure that I would click the stop button when I realised that he wasn’t going to see me, the same way he look at Yuri. Perhaps erase the feeling that he wouldn’t know, since I didn’t have the courage to confess. If you wonder on the reasons why I didn’t confess is because I didn’t want to ruin our beautiful friendship that we current have. He also didn’t seem to look at me as a girl. 

Yeah, I know that it’s kind of pathetic to be here all alone, upset and feeling heartbroken, when he is getting ready to make a confession to her somewhere in the school ground. What more pathetic is that I’m the person who give him the advice on what to do when making a confession. I wasn’t volunteering myself in helping him but he is the one who asking for my help. Before you make a judgement, I’m sure that you too wouldn’t be able to decline his request when you see how desperate he is. Thus, having no choice, I decided to help him even thought that I knew that I would end up crying during the night, just like last night.   

Right now, I didn’t know what to do exactly. I know that I want her to reject his confession but I also want him to be happy. I feel like I want to march to him and pour out my feeling to him, but I just couldn’t. Honestly, I didn’t hate Yuri. In fact, she is my only female friend. After knowing her for a while, I know that she like him too. I was in dilemma and I didn’t know how to act in front of them. I just wish that I could disappear and froze the time. Without realising, I sigh and tears starting to form in my eyes.

“I know how you feel right now. I feel the same too.” A voice comes from my side. I didn’t even realize that someone is sitting there. I didn’t even know since when did he arrived. I turn my head to look at the source, and found out that it was Byun Baekhyun, one of Suho’s best friends.

Baekhyun and I wasn’t that close to begin with. In fact, we didn’t know each other that much. He just happen to be in the same group as Suho is, and I sometimes talk to him casually, whenever he happen to sit beside me which is very rarely occasion, compared to the time I sit beside the others. I always feel awkward around him and so does him because every time we’re together, he always in his shy mode. I didn’t know why and I didn’t even ask what the reasons are. After all, my attention always toward Suho.   

“What are you talking about Baekhyun? You didn’t know what you talking about Baekhyun. You just don’t.” I said in a soft voice and turn my head to look at my front. I look at the empty field in front of me with a mixed feeling. I didn’t know whether he seriously know what am I thinking about or just trying to lift up my mood by being my company.   

“I know exactly how you feeling Jihyo. Believe me when I said that. I’ve been feeling the same for a lot longer. You not the only one hurting.” he said ensuring me that he too feels the same way as I am.   

“I’m not hurt” I quickly denying the truth. I keep fidgeting because I didn’t know that my feeling is that obvious for other to acknowledge. I just wish that he didn’t know who the reason behind my heartbroken is. I just wish.   

“You are Jihyo. You are. You just didn’t want to admit it. You even refuse the help, especially from your brothers. I’m sure that they were worried sick by now. You didn’t need to be alone Jihyo.” he trying to wake me up and make me look at people around me.   

“Do you like her too?” I ask him without knowing why. It just comes out from my mouth and I couldn’t stop myself from saying that. As the question is too late to be taken back, I grow anticipating about his answer. I look at him and start to wonder if he has fallen for Yuri, as I’ve fallen for Suho.   

“Who? Do you mean Yuri? Nah. I like somebody else, but that someone likes somebody else.” He says with a sad smile and looking straight in front of him. I could see hurt radiant from his smile even though he trying to seem happy. I know he been heartbroken because I too feel the same.   

“Why didn’t you let her know?” I ask, still looking at him. I know that I wasn’t the one who should be asking such question because me, myself, is afraid to make a confession about my true feeling. However, it makes me curious if and only if he has the same reason with me for keeping the truth.   

“It is because I’m afraid that she would distance herself from me when I told her the truth, even though we didn’t have much interaction to begin with. I’m just afraid that I would completely lose her since she like someone else even when she is not even mine to be lose. Just like what you did with Suho.” he says and looks at me. I found myself surprised with the fact that he knows about my feeling toward Suho.   

“W-What? Did y-you, but h-how? I- I” I got shock and keep shuttering. I found myself breathing faster than normal and my heart jump all of a sudden. I didn’t know but it feels like I’ve been caught red-handed by him. I know that I shouldn’t shutter because it only bring the fact that he hit his target.   

“I know you have liked him for a long time already, but I’m not sure since when. You have those eyes when you look at him. The same eyes when Suho look at Yuri, and the same eyes when I look at you.” he says and look at me straight in the eyes.   

I look at him and I can see love, hurt, affection and hope decorate his orb. I keep staring as his voice travel down my ears and goes to the brain to be process, word by word. My eyes become wide and I can feel my jaw drop when I’ve process what does he mean. I wasn’t really a fool for not knowing what does he meant a second ago.   

“I like you Jihyo. Since the beginning, I’ve fallen for you.” He says and I couldn’t believe my ears. Baekhyun just freaking confess to me. With my current mantel state that obviously unstable, I become speechless. I didn’t even expect that he like me all this long.  

Memories of spending time with him, even though it just a bit, flashback right through my mind. All his gesture, all his behavior when around me clearly show that he like me. But due to my crush toward Suho, I couldn’t see his feeling. I suddenly feel so stupid for being blind and selfish, but love make me this way. 

“I..I..” I can only shutter and run my eyes to look elsewhere, other than his face. I then open my mouth just to close it back, as my mind still couldn’t focus at anything, or the answer to his confession. I didn’t know what the right thing to do at the moment. 

His words keep replaying in my mind like my favorite song, which my heart wishes that it would come from somebody else by now. Something inside of me feels so twisted. I didn’t know whether it is guilt for not knowing about his feeling of hurt because he knows that I’m deeply in love with somebody else, or it is something else. 

“I know you still aren’t ready to let him go, and I didn’t expect you to answer my confession right away. I know that my time wasn’t really that appropriate, since you were hurting by now, which I know how does it feels like. But I didn’t know when I will get the chance to let you know.” He says and turns his head to the front. I can see he took a deep breath before continuing his explanation. My inside feels so twisted and I didn’t know what to do. 

“I’m sorry for that but I hope you didn’t feel burden by it. I just want you to know that you wasn’t alone, and I’ll always be with you.” he said with a soft voice, ensuring me that he not forcing me to answer straight away, and I feel grateful for it. In fact,