“Kihyun-ssi!” Minhyuk calls, flicking the slightly-younger’s temple to get his attention. Kihyun jolts back in surprise, turning to glare at his same-age friend. Minhyuk purses his lips at the reaction, as if he’s somehow in the wrong, but he doesn’t point it out. He doesn’t want to get into another bout with Kihyun so soon, after all, and, judging by the man’s mood, they’d most definitely have another fight if he so much as breathed wrong. 

“How’ve you and Jooheon-ah been doing on your stage?” Hongsik asks, seeing now he’s gotten Kihyun’s attention. He and the seven idols under his charge are currently sitting around a long table, which takes up the majority of the conference room they’re currently in. This was meant to be an update meeting for the boys to tell their managers how preparations have been going for the upcoming concert. 

However, it seems all of them are either so exhausted they were unable to concentrate, or just mysteriously distracted in general. It was odd, really. Kihyun would always be one of the most focused out of all the boys, but today that seems to not be the case. 

That hasn’t seemed to be the case for a long time. 

“We’re playing around with some choreo ideas right now,” Jooheon intercepts, drawing the manager’s attention off his dazed-looking hyung. “I’m still working on lyrics, so we’re a bit behind where we should be… I’ll try to have them done before our next meeting.” 

“Do try,” Hongsik sighs, obviously disappointed by the status report. It’s nothing more than they had to report last week, and, with the concert inching closer and closer, he can’t help but begin to worry. But, they still have some time, so he isn’t too worried… yet. 

He adjourns the meeting shortly after, shuffling his papers and leaving the room quickly. With so much left to plan for the event, he's been rushing around like a chicken with its head cut off for the past month. The boys are used to it, though, and don't bother following for another couple seconds. 

"Let's get back to practice, guys," Hyunwoo suggests, standing from his chair with a soft groan and stretching a bit. Minhyuk and Changkyun quickly follow, frowning slightly at the sudden end to their short reprieve. At first, they'd been beyond excited about being grouped with their leader for a subunit, but now they're beginning to wonder why that had been, exactly, as he's been working them like dogs to perfect their stage. 

Hoseok and Hyungwon follow their example, already beginning to discuss just what they still have to do. Kihyun listens with a vacant light to his eyes, noting how much process they've made. Guilt drags down the vocalist's eyes, and he leans forward to hide his face in his hands in shame. God, they're so behind... There's no way they'll be ready by the concert, at this rate. 

"Hyung?" Jooheon asks, frowning at Kihyun's action. He moves to sit in a chair closer to the older, as he'd been at the other end of the table throughout the meeting. The rapper sets a gentle hand on Kihyun's shoulder, a touch that makes Kihyun jump in surprise and back away before he can even think to do otherwise. The reaction brings hurt to Jooheon's eyes, but he does his best not to show it. 

"I'm fine," Kihyun tells him, standing to leave the room. "I'm gonna go practice my part of the song. Try to have your rap done by next week, okay?" His voice is hard, grating against Jooheon's ears. The younger nods once, his heart beating irregularly at the way Kihyun is treating him. 

… Could he know, somehow? 

Kihyun leaves without another word, retreating from Jooheon's pained eyes as quickly as possible. 

 

Kihyun sits in the practice room they'd been assigned back when they were given their subunits, listening to the lyrics of this song that had seemed like such a good idea at the time. He doesn't know what's changed. Before, he'd absolutely loved this demon/angel concept, two halves of a whole coming together to speak as if they were the other's reflection, as they were going through the same pains. 

Now, when he thinks of the song, a certain sort of knowing strikes at his heart. He can't even bring himself to sing the chorus, the lyrics hitting too close to home. 

"You told me that they can understand the man that I am, so why are we here, talking to each other again?" 

He gulps down around a ball of guilt in his throat, remembering the last time he'd spoken to Minhyuk about all this.  

 

It was only the previous week, only shortly after the incident with Jooheon's towel. He'd been staring blankly at the television when Minhyuk and his subunit had returned to the dorm, he and the maknae arguing loudly about who got to hit the shower first.  

"Kihyun-ah?" Minhyuk asked, sounding surprised to see the slightly-younger there. "What're you doing home? We thought we'd manage to be the first ones back, for once." 

"Jooheon-ah and I are a bit behind," was all Kihyun could manage in reply, pulling his knees up to his chest. He could almost hear the look passing between his three friends, and immediately Minhyuk had ushered the other two out of the room. He'd sat down by his same-age friend, a look of concern plastered to his features. 

"Did something happen?" Minhyuk had asked. "Did you and Heonney get into a fight? Because, you know, you wouldn't be the only ones. Kkungie and I have been fighting a lot more than usual lately, and Hoseok-ah and Wonnie have been at each other's throats all day. It happens when you're working this hard like this for so long, and I'm sure that—" 

"We didn't fight, Minhyuk-ah," Kihyun sighed, his brow creasing together as he knew how ridiculous this was aboutt o sound. "I... I saw Heonney  the other day." All of Minhyuk's concern had fallen away to confusion in an instant, shifting in his seat slightly. 

"So?" he asked. "We've all seen each other a thousand times in the past couple months, at least. I know I've seen you  more times than I can ever hope of counting." He chuckled at his own joke, but paused at seeing that hadn't helped Kihyun's mood at all. "What? Did you like what you saw, or something?" 

Kihyun had visibly stiffened at this, gulping loudly as a light blush rose to his cheeks. Minhyuk gasped sharply at this, unable to keep himself from squealing excitedly. 

"You did, didn't you?!" he repeated. "Oh, this is so great! It's about time you and Heonney got together! Have you talked to him about it yet? Have you two kissed?" 

"Minhyuk-ah!" Kihyun shouted, physically recoiling away from the man's touch. "Jooheon-ah and I aren't getting together. First off, I'm not gay, so—" 

"You're not?" Minhyuk said, sounding more confused than ever. "I could've sworn you were... I mean, you're very motherly, and you've flirted and cuddled with us all on multiple occasions. And God, if I had a dime for every time you've checked out Hyunwoo-hyung on-camera, I'd be rich." 

"N-No I haven't," Kihyun grumbled, seeming absolutely shocked at the accusation. "I'm fine with you guys being gay and all, but I'm not like that. I've only ever been into girls, and I'm still really into girls, so..." He drifted off, his own defense sounding lame even to his own ears. 

"There is such a thing as biuality, Kihyunnie," Minhyuk pointed out, sounding a bit disappointed. He paused then, seeing how uncomfortable Kihyun had become with the conversation. "But, okay, if you say you're straight, then I guess you're straight." He'd stood then, adding over his shoulder, "You know we love and accept you no matter what, right? Who you're attracted to doesn't change who you are." 

Kihyun had hummed at that, earning only a sigh from Minhyuk before he left the room. 

 

The same line of the song brings Kihyun back to the present, and he can't help but stare at his own reflection with a hooded gaze. He remembers how hurt Jooheon had looked earlier when he'd pulled away, guilt gnawing at him.  

He doesn't know what exactly is going on with him, but he can't allow himself to do that to Jooheon again. He can't hurt his dongsaeng again, could never forgive himself if he did. He has to apologize when they get home. He's filled with dread at conversing with Jooheon one-on-one again, a reaction that's become common ever since the towel incident, but it's something he has to do. 

He needs to make things right with his Jooheonney.