Jooheon glances over at Kihyun’s reflection, watching as the lead vocalist repeats the same moves of their choreography over and over. They’d been at it for hours, just practicing the same portion of their subunit performance for the world tour, but the vocalist just hasn’t been able to get it yet. It’s not even that it’s particularly hard choreography. They’re more of just trying out all these different moves to the song to try and find something that’ll work with the beat. A task that’s proven difficult for the both of them without their two dancing hyungs there to help.

But, they had insisted on doing it themselves.

“Hyung,” Jooheon finally says, standing with a tired sigh, “you’re burned out. Let’s work more on it tomorrow, after we’ve gotten some rest.” Kihyun releases a frustrated breath, finally turning away from the mirror with a nod of defeat.

“Have you gotten any further on your verses, yet?” the older asks. He walks over to the bench where Jooheon sits, electing to give his body a moment of respite before they begin on their trek to the dorm. He shoves his hair out of his face, and bends over to pick his water bottle up off the floor to take a drink. Jooheon watches as the vocalist moves, his gaze unwavering as he studies the way his thin t-shirt sticks to his sweaty back, the way the cloth curves and wrinkles along the slope of Kihyun’s spine.

“Um,” he mumbles, having to shake himself out of his own trance, “not yet, hyung.” He clasps his own hands together tightly in an attempt to keep them to himself. His heart beats a smidgen faster, as it always does when he stares at Kihyun for too long, and he has to tear his gaze off the older to get it to resume its normal pace.

“You okay?”

Jooheon jumps slightly at the question. He outright avoids Kihyun’s gaze, instead standing and beginning to gather his things. He can feel Kihyun’s eyes still on him, a feeling he’s gotten used to over the years, and he wants nothing more than for the older to close the growing distance between them, and kiss him like he’s never been kissed before… Which, if he’s to be completely honest, he’s always thought is how it’d feel to be kissed by Kihyun anytime, anywhere.

“Jooheonney?” Kihyun asks again, the concern in his voice making Jooheon feel incredibly guilty for ignoring him. It’s something that’s been happening a lot lately, but it can’t be helped. It isn’t as if they could actually talk about what’s bothering him… not really. Then it’d make it too real. It’d legitimize it somehow, and, at least this way, they can still avoid their shared problem.

“I’m fine, hyung,” Jooheon finally answers, his voice deepened by the lie. God, he’d honestly just let it all out if he could finally just stop lying to the older.

What he wouldn’t give to just stop lying to everyone right now…

 

“Hyung,” Changkyun mumbles, pulling at Jooheon’s arm with a pout. Jooheon glances up from his phone screen, and chuckles at the cute sight of his dongsaeng.

“What, Kyunnie?”

“You seem down,” Changkyun explains bluntly. Jooheon visibly ripples at this. He presses his lips together at the maknae’s words, and finds it difficult to meet his eyes. “Is it… about…?” The maknae seems unable to find the right words to describe what he’s referring to, but Jooheon knows exactly what it is. After all, Changkyun’s the only one who knows about Jooheon’s… difference.

“… Yeah,” he answers, unable to meet Changkyun’s gaze all of a sudden. He knows the younger doesn’t judge him for this, but he’s only just gotten to the point where he’s accepted this about himself, much less able to face anyone he cares about who knows about it.

 

He hadn’t even meant to tell Changkyun that night three months before. He and the maknae had been partying at Changkyun’s studio. AKA: They had been getting as drunk as humanly possible and just seeing what kinds of songs they could come up with in such a state. It had been a particularly stressful day for Jooheon, which was why he had agreed to it in the first place, but writing different songs about love and lust and passion had just done something to him.

Next thing either of them knew, he was coming out as homoual to the maknae. Or maybe bi, he still isn’t really too sure. Either way, he admitted much more than he had ever mean to admit in his entire life… including his ever-growing love for a particular vocalist who he’s been paired by the company with to do a moving duet.

Changkyun had sobered up inhumanly fast, and comforted his tearful hyung that everything would be okay. He was immediately accepting of Jooheon’s uality, and had even assured him that if the others knew, they wouldn’t treat him any differently. The notion of the others finding out had terrified Jooheon more than anything else had in his entire life, and he had made Changkyun swear to never breathe a word about it. The younger had agreed, albeit hesitantly.

 

“Hyung?” Changkyun asks, jarring Jooheon from his painful memories. The older rapper glances over at his dongsaeng, nearly tearing up at his understanding gaze. Changkyun places a gentle hand on the older’s, and just squeezes it reassuringly. He his lips and presses them together nervously, clearly wondering if he should say what’s on his mind.

“Hyung, have you said anything to Kihyun-hyung about how you feel?”

Jooheon immediately shakes his head back and forth, his eyes shining in fear.

“No, and I’m not going to,” he answers, making sure to keep their voice low. They’re in the bedroom they share with Minhyuk and Kihyun, but the other two are busy in the living room right now fighting over who gets to cook dinner. Hyungwon had asked if he could help, and one said no while the other had agreed to it, and the living room has been a battle ring ever since.

“I think you should,” Changkyun insists. “Even though you may not, I see the way he looks at you, how happy he is whenever you two hang out… I think he’d be open to it if only—”

“No, Kkungie,” Jooheon interrupts, visibly curling in on himself. “Even if I do know what you’re talking about, I’m not saying anything to him about it.”

“But—”

“No.” He shakes his head, getting up from his bed to leave the room. “I’m going to shower,” he announces, and doesn’t even wait for a response.

 

Hyung liking me, Jooheon silently muses as he allows the hot water to run over his . Honestly, that kid just doesn’t know what he’s talking about sometimes. Though, he has to admit, his heart does beat a bit faster at the notion. He shakes his head at himself, sighing heavily as his mind begins to drift off into the wonderful possibilities the maknae’s earlier words had brought up.

 

As the rapper leaves the bathroom and pads his way on bare feet to the kitchen, he bumps into Kihyun. He hadn’t been paying attention to where he was going, too lost in his own conflicting thoughts to be able to, and instantly regrets the collision, as it causes him to drop the only coverage he has available to him, a damp towel.

Kihyun’s eyes immediately dart down to Jooheon’s exposed area. His ears blaze red, and he immediately scurries off. He mutters as he passes the younger something about leftovers being in the fridge, and hides himself in the bathroom a second later. Jooheon picks up the towel with a flustered huff, biting hard on his bottom lip as he tries to keep his cool.

Or, rather, as he tries to convince himself that Kihyun’s reaction to seeing him wasn’t overly-shocked or anything. It’s just the maknae’s words making him over-analyze all the Kihyun does.

Yeah, that’s it. It’s gotta be.

 

Kihyun sighs heavily as he attempts to regain control of his heart. It isn’t as if that was the first time he’d ever seen the younger , but this is the first time he’s seen Jooheon’s full-body view and has been so… so…

He groans plaintively, wondering just what the hell is wrong with him. Just being around Jooheon so much lately has gotten him all twisted up in knots, and now this. He rubs at his face, trying to clear his thoughts. He’s just tired, and not in his right mind. That’s it.

That has to be it.