Jaymes Young - Fragments

 I never find myself wanting to go out of my way just to talk to someone, so when I see Daehyun walking with me after going a different direction, it makes me wonder how can someone be so friendly? Depending on the perspective, anyone could either find his personality either annoying or inviting. For me, he's somewhere in between. The more we talk, however, the more I'm getting used to him. It's not like I can escape anyways since he's basically in a lot of my classes.

  As for Jaebum, I'm still not seeing him around campus unless it's at the library or at the coffee shop that we all now go to. Clearly, there is something wrong with me because seeing the two of them became a routine for me. I'm no longer trying to find a way to avoid them or wish they would disappear. Sometimes I could just pretend they don't exist even though they're sitting right in front of me. That's enough for me.

  Sometimes I would even forget about the numbers and the symbol above Daehyun's head because I just get lost in my own world. There are times where I can tell Daehyun and Jaebum are not comfortable with each other, but they still sit there in silence. I don't know what happened in their past, but they say nothing about it.

  Weeks passed. We don't even tell each other when to meet. We just go to the cafe and sit at the corner where we always study and wait until everyone arrives. Usually Daehyun arrives first, but this time I see Jaebum sitting at our spot, reading his textbook. I sit in front of him, but don't say a word. I'm just not good at starting conversations which is why I typically arrive last. Daehyun is always the one who ends up talking to the both of us.

  Jaebum pauses from his reading to look at me. "Hey."

  "Hi." I pull out my books. I wonder where Daehyun is. I'm pretty sure today his last class ends before me. I touch my necklace and purse my lips. "Have you seen Daehyun?" 

  "No."

  And that is how conversations die.

  I don't know what to say next. I did ask a simple 'yes' or 'no' question, but I didn't think it will feel this awkward. Maybe I should just read my textbook and continue on with my day. I shift in my seat. There's no way he feels this awkward, so why am I so bothered right now? I check up on Jaebum and see him reading. Yeah, I think it's just me feeling awkward. I clear my throat. "So..."

  "Yeah?" Jaebum doesn't take his eyes off the page.

  Why did I even try to start another conversation? Stupid me. "I realized that we don't really know each other that well. We've hung out together here with Daehyun for so long and I basically only know your name, your major, and all the boring stuff that no 0ne really cares about. Well, except your name. You know what I mean." Why am I flustered? I don't lose my composure this easily.

  Jaebum raises his eyebrows.

  Did I say something wrong? Is it weird to talk about this stuff? I'm not wrong. It's true. We don't know a lot about each other to be called friends, but we hang out just as much. Just as I am about to tell him that we don't have to talk about it, he laughs.

  "You're right. I guess you can tell that Daehyun and I used to live in the same town before he moved and that we don't have the best relationship."

  "Yeah..." I don't know where this is going.

  "It's because we're two different people with different beliefs and before he left, we had an argument. Well, not really an argument, but some secrets were meant to stay hidden." He scratches the back of his right shoulder and bites his bottom lip. "That's all I can say for now. After all, this is something that we have to deal with."

  "I see." Ah, what am I supposed to say now?

  "What else?" Jaebum chuckles. "I tend to travel a lot and never settle anywhere in particular. I have a tattoo on the back of my shoulder. I have a part-time job. I don't have parents." His voice trails as he's thinking of more to say.

  No parents? I thought I recalled him mentioning his father once. I could be wrong.

  "I think that's all I can think of. Now what about you? What's your story?"

  My eyes trail up at his number. It still hasn't changed from the last time I checked. How much should I reveal? I rub the pendant between my index finger and thumb while trying to gather my thoughts. "I've lived in the same town all my life. This is actually my first time being away from home. I don't have a tattoo. No job, either. I-" I pause. Maybe I shouldn't mention about my family considering Jaebum doesn't know his. I squeeze the paper airplane in my hand. "I lost a friend a long time ago, and everyday I wished things could turn out differently. Like, I could've done something to not lose her. There's a pain in my chest as I recall the events leading up to Su Min's death. I've accepted the fact that she's gone, but I still regret not being able to save her. I bow my head and tighten my grip. The necklace typically gives me comfort, but this time it's not working.

  I feel a hand on my shoulder. It's comforting and familiar. I look up to see Daehyun with a worried expression plastering his face.

  Daehyun scowls at Jaebum. "What did you do to Youngjae?"

  "He did nothing," I explain before Jaebum can answer, "I was just remembering something."

  "Yes, but something must have triggered you."

  "Don't worry. We were just talking. I'm the one who brought it up anyways." I hate showing emotions especially in front of people. I just feel like they're judging me when I act this way.

  Daehyun doesn't look convinced, but he says nothing and sits next to me. As he settles down, he says, "Sorry I'm late. I went home and took a nap and woke up a few minutes ago."

  Now that he's sitting next to me, I can see his eyebags and the way his head is drooping. If he's that tired, he didn't have to come meet us here.

  "You should've slept more," I state.

  He dark brown orbs stare into me. I can't help but look away with my cheeks burning up.

  "Why? Are you worried about me?" He teases.

  "No! Why would I? You look tired, that's all."

  "Don't worry about me. It's normal to be tired. After all, we're college students, right?" He laughs.

  "Right." I'm still not sure why everything he does is all too familiar to me. Even his laughs ring in my ear like a melody I've heard long ago. His eyes are similar to the ones I see in my dreams, but in my dreams I'm still a young boy, so there's no way Daehyun could be that same person. After all, brown eyes are pretty common. I'm thinking way too much about this.

  Jaebum doesn't say a word and keeps his eyes fixed on Daehyun. I can't read him. His expression is blank. After a few moments, his eyes shift to the side and down to my necklace. When he catches me watching, he smiles and says, "That's a pretty necklace."

  My hand flies over the pendant. When I was younger my classmates made fun of me wearing a necklace around my neck. After all, the style is best suited for a girl and not many boys wore necklaces unless it had a "manly" feel to it. I was self conscious about it and even hid it under my shirt. I could've stopped wearing it, but I didn't. Now, as I grow older, I care less about what others thought, but a part of me still tries to hide it when I can.

  I drop my hand. "Thanks."

  "Where did you get it? Did an ex-girlfriend give it to you or something?"

  I wanted to laugh. I never dated anyone my entire life. I just didn't pursued any sort of relationship and couldn't find anyone that attracts me. Letting out a sigh, I explain to Jaebum, "No. I actually don't know where I got this necklace. There's this vague memory of someone giving it to me, but I just can't make out a face. Sometimes I dream about it and hear a voice and see a figure, yet I can't make out any of it. I could be wrong. Maybe my parents gave it to me or an old friend, but I'm sure I would remember if that was the case."

  "Hm. Whoever gave it to you, it looks like you really care about that person since you've kept it all these years."

  Daehyun stiffens next to me.

  I grin. "Yeah. I guess you can say that."

  We continue on with our studying or at least Jaebum and Daehyun does. As I'm staring at the pages in front of me, I can't help but wonder about the necklace. The same questions revolves around this necklace and I never have the answer. I don't even know if I will get one because whoever it was is probably far from me or has forgotten about me.

  Someone's voice is calling my name. No, it's not my name, but I still respond to it with a beating heart and a bright smile on my face. I don't know who is calling out to me or what the name is, yet there's some sort of familiarity as I make my way towards the person. My steps are light as if I'm walking on clouds, and as I get closer, my heart beats faster and it's almost as if my breath gets taken away.

  I call out a name. My voice is higher than usual - almost as if a girl is speaking. Maybe this dream is not from my perspective, but just a random character like in books. However, everything that's happening right now seems real. When I finally reach the man I called out to, I'm greeted with a warm embrace. It courses through me. Again, I'm at ease. I look up. The face is a blur.

  "Who are you?" I ask. This time, it's my own voice.

  I can make out a smile. Words are spoken, but none make sense to me.

  "Who are you?" I repeat.

  The same thing happens.

  I hear someone yelling from behind. It was commanding and threatening as if he wanted something. I try to comfort myself by reaching out the person in front of me, but he was gone. No one was around. The scene before me changes to a dark alley and the shouting increases as if approaching me. I want to run, but my feet refuse to move. I want to scream, but my voice leaves me. All I can do is turn around. Before I can process the situation, a loud bang rings in my ears and I jolt upwards.

  I'm gasping for air. There's a sharp pain in my chest and sweat drips down my forehead. What just happened? I wipe my sweat with the bottom of my shirt and try to normalize my breathing. Dreams like these are occurring more frequently. They're too real, and they frighten me. I hear dreams can reveal your past life, but are they supposed to feel this real? And don't they usually say that if you did have a past life, the same events happen, but in a different way?

  "Ugh. What am I saying? I'm thinking too much about this. It's just a nightmare. That's why I woke up this way," I mumble to myself. I try to convince myself that there's no such thing as reincarnation, but if it were true, then would that explain why I have this strange ability to see when people die? Could I have done something in my past that angered the spirit world or whatever and now they're punishing me for it? 

  No. That can't be it.

  I mentally slap myself. What am I thinking? I need to go to sleep. I have class tomorrow! I glance at the necklace hanging on my lamp and sigh. There's no way my dreams mean anything. They're just something to help me explain events I can't understand or reveal how creative my mind is. Yes, that must be it. It has to be it.

Author's Note:

  I hope the pacing is alright beause I'm doing a lot of time skips. I just want to get the main events out >.<

With Love,

                 LokiCraze123