N O . W H E R E  

"Chuck chuck chuck!"

The foamy beer was spilling out from the seeps between the mouth of the glass cup and his lips, leaving a darkening stain on his shirt. But no one noticed the ruined shirt, all eyes were on Lee Seung Hoon and the gigantic mug of beer in his hand.

"He is doing it!"

"Seung Hoon is crazy!"

Cheers and claps erupted throughout the table as Seung Hoon removed the empty mug from his mouth and tipped it over his head.

"BOO YAH!" He roared and his friends thumped the table loudly in approval, eyes gleaming with pride.

"New record." Kang Seung Yoon noted as he glanced at the timer on his phone.

"Beat that!" The excited boy boasted as he put his foot up on his chair and while banging his chest with his fists. The pub waitress, who was cleaning the table beside them, rolled her eyes at the action.

"Sit down," Kim Jin Woo laughed as he tucked on the pants of his friend. "You are embarrassing."

"You are just sore that I am a winner," Seung Hoon said, nonetheless listening to Jin Woo’s request as he sat down in his seat. His face was still flushed red as he pointed a finger around the table. "And the rest of you are losers."

Were they?

Song Mino had been quiet the entire night.

Maybe not completely. He laughed when he had to. He cheered when they were all cheering. He complained expectedly when Jin Woo made him drink, though honestly, that amount of alcohol was like water to him. But Jin Woo would be worried if he gulped down his drink too willingly.

Mino thought he was doing a pretty good job of being normal.

His friends would let him be. Jin Woo was too tactful to call him out. Seung Yoon wouldn't say a word because it would be like the pot calling the kettle black. Seung Hoon was far too drunk to engage in a thoughtful conversation.

Deep down, he was glad. He needed this, a night just like the old days with all four of them. He needed to feel like everything was normal. Because Mino had not felt normal in a very long time.

Tae Hyun would have been the first to call him out.

That was that kind of friend, Tae Hyun was. The younger boy didn't know or didn't want to mince his words. He was all about the hard truth, no matter how uncomfortable it was.

He would be the first to look straight into Song Mino's dead eyes, and emotionlessly tell him that Mino looked like , and he ought to snap out of it. And if Mino was to try and brush everything aside by saying he was fine, Nam Tae Hyun would have sworn at him for the unnecessary lie.

Mino could almost see Tae Hyun scowling like an angry cat, with his arms folded across his chest, sitting across the table in the pub.

But Tae Hyun wasn't at the table.

Because he was Rose's friend first.

As much as Mino and Tae Hyun had gotten along, as close as they once were, when everything ended with Rose, his friendship with Tae Hyun was doomed to become collateral damage.

Because when life hit you hard, it would hit you all the way without mercy. The day the love of his life broke up with him, he lost one of his best friends too.

It was unfair. He wanted to grab the empty bottle in front of him and threw it across the room. He wanted to yell and curse. He wanted someone to answer him all the questions that plagued his mind every night when he tried to sleep. How did he end up here?

Life really hated him.

To be fair, he hated life as well.

If he was doomed to be alone, why did fate lead him to her?

If they weren't forever, what were all the years they shared for? What did those unforgettable memories stand for now? Where would they bury all the sweet words muttered and promises made?

He downed what's left in his mug of beer at that thought. Mino let his mind drifted too far again.

"Slow down there." Seung Yoon said, his concerned eyes fixated on him. But still, Seung Yoon took Mino’s empty mug and refilled them.

Mino glanced at their tower of beer on the table. They were taking forever to finish it.

That was what happened when your group shrunk.

He wondered if the rest of the boys ever felt like something was missing, or have they already gotten used to the fact that it was just going to be the four of them now. He wondered who would answer truthfully if he dared ask.

"Let's toast." Mino declared, letting his voice projected clearly for the first time that night.

Seung Hoon was first to lift his refilled mug as he met Mino’s eyes sincerely. "To what?"

"To brotherhood." Jin Woo beamed as he lifted his mug too.

"To being young." Seung Yoon said, with a light smile as he turned around to face Mino.

"To being fools." Mino declared as the four of them clanked their glass mugs together.

"Cheers."

"I AM WALKING FINE! I CAN EVEN DANCE! DO YOU WANT TO SEE ME DANCE?"

Seung Hoon's long limbs were tangled around Jin Woo as he struggled to stand up straight.

"No, Hoonie. Please don't dance," Jin Woo pleaded sincerely as his eyes widened as two long haired girls stopped at the entrance of the pub, as though contemplating if they should enter. The taller one glanced towards the boys, upon hearing their conversation.

"Hey, girls! Want to see me dance?" Seung Hoon waved, a cheeky grin spread across his flushed face.

"Oh gosh." A tinge of red appeared on Jin Woo's face. "I am sorry. He's drunk."

The two girls starting laughing, as the one with the darker hair turned towards her blond friend.

“He is challenging you, Lisa. Go show him your skills.”

The taller girl shot her friend an exasperated expression. “Don’t be weird, Jennie. Let’s go.”

Lisa gave the boys a wide smile before firmly pulling her friend away.

Mino chuckled as a groan escaped Jin Woo's lips as he watched the girls leave. In meantime, Seung Hoon remained unconcerned by the whole interaction, as he enveloped Jin Woo happily in a bear hug.

"Done." A voice from behind them called out and Mino turned around to see Seung Yoon stepped out of the pub while slipping his wallet back into his back pocket.

"That took forever." Jin Woo complained, throwing Seung Hoon over to the arms of a surprised Seung Yoon.

"You ungrateful…" Mino heard Seung Yoon mumbled and he resisted the urge to smile.

"Let's go." Jin Woo said with an unmasked tone of urgency, checking the watch on his wrist.

Mino nodded in agreement, and the four of them bid their goodbyes, ready to part ways for the night.

Well three, Seung Hoon was still whining about a second round.

Jin Woo excused himself first, as he ran off trying to catch his bus home. And since there was no one waiting for him at home anyway, Mino lingered as Seung Yoon called a cab for Seung Hoon.

"We should just leave him here on the pavement. He needs to learn when to stop." Mino mumbled as Seung Hoon started hysterically laughing into Seung Yoon's ear as the latter tried forcing him to stand up on his long but currently, very useless legs.

"We should." Seung Yoon nodded as he pushed Seung Hoon's face away from his own. "But he ain't going to learn. Hoon loves drinking too much."

"Then who are we to stop love?"

Mino didn't miss the way Seung Yoon's eyes darted towards him once those words left his lips. Turning casually to face the road as though he was trying to look for the cab, Mino swallowed back the odd discomfort that rose in his throat.

An arm went around him, causing Mino to jump slightly only to realize that Seung Hoon's flushed face had come dangerously close to him after Seung Yoon’s rejection.

"I am going to be so miserable in the morning." His eyelids were dropping as Seung Hoon muttered in a low whisper. "But it is fine because tonight was fun. And I don't regret any of it."

Mino smiled at the drunk boy who was struggling to stand between Mino and Seung Yoon. "No regrets!"

A blinding white light shone onto the pavement, causing all three of them to squint uncomfortably.

The cab was here.

Seung Yoon helped Seung Hoon into the back of the car as Mino told the driver Seung Hoon's address.

"But I don't want to go home!" The boy at the back seat whined as Seung Yoon shut the door on him.

"You need rest!" The youngest chided as Mino waved Seung Hoon off.

With the window winded down, Seung Hoon stuck his head out at them and bellowed, "I LOVE YOU!"

Seung Yoon and Mino only laughed, bidding goodbye as the cab drove off into the night.

"You okay?"

Mino stuck his hands into the pockets of his jeans, keeping his eyes on his shoes. "Have a fun wedding next week, Yoon."

Seung Yoon shoved him at those words. "Good night, Mino."

They parted ways, with Seung Yoon going towards the subway as Mino started his retreating back. He really ought to head home too, but Mino decided he needed some fresh air.

He started out with that thought that it seemed like a good idea to walk home, but as his feet carried him that night, Mino knew he was going further and further away from home.

He was going back to that familiar place, that familiar place which had grown foreign to him in the past months.

Before he knew it, he was right across the road from Rose's apartment.

He had no idea why he was here.

Mino blamed it on the alcohol. It was easier than blaming himself.

The lights in the room on the fifth floor indicated her presence, and that Mino was, again so near but so far from her. He knew she was still awake. If he were to knock on her door now, she might open it.

If he were to apologize sincerely to her, she might accept it.

If he asked, she might let him stay.

Yet his feet remained rooted to the ground.

What held him back? Was it his guilt? His regret? His frustration? His unwillingly acceptance of his situation?

It felt like hours later, as Mino stood alone in the shadows until the lights finally went out in Rose's apartment.

And his stomach twisted, like something in him, went out too. He really shouldn't be here.

They were not meant to be.

That particular sentence, Mino heard it in Rose's voice, her painfully sweet voice.

Mino knew better than to forget that roses had thorns and that lingering feelings of being pricked.

It was too late for him.

Maybe she was right. Maybe there was someone else in this world who would make Rose happier. Maybe there was someone else for him too.

Maybe one day, he would forget this long and dark path to this apartment and the owner of the apartment on the fifth floor.

Mino wouldn't know. For now, he didn’t feel like thinking that far.

For now, Mino thought as he pulled his black hoodie over his head, he would let himself stayed a little longer, for he didn’t feel like going anywhere.

In the shadows, alone, where no one would see him, Mino let a single tear fall.

Seung Yoon was struggling to look for the right key when the front door of the boarding house opened.

"I could hear your keys jingling for a whole minute."

He glanced up a little surprised by the sight of one of his housemate in her pajamas, wearing an amused smile.

"You should be asleep, Hayi."

The tiny girl scrunched up her nose in response. "You have been drinking."

Seung Yoon shrugged as she stepped away from the door to let him through. As he stumbled into the common living space, Seung Yoon saw the reason why Hayi was still awake at such hours. Honestly, he shouldn’t be too surprised. There were scribbled notes and magazines carelessly left everywhere, on the table and on the floor. On the sofa, Hayi's laptop sat with at least twenty tabs opened on her browser.

"I thought most of the things were settled. What else do you have to do for the wedding?" Seung Yoon asked as Hayi settled back down on her sofa. He glanced at the mess around, before looking up at the mess, who was Lee Hayi and her darkening eye bags.

"Erm, only about everything. My third aunt just declared she is bringing her new boyfriend and my fourth uncle sent me a message telling me that he refused to show up if his kids are attending. Also, the baker said she might not be able to make our proposed delivery time. The florist said she can't find peony for my bouquet after all. The hotel just called to remind me that I would have no place to stay for the honeymoon if I don't handle the remaining payment immediately." Hayi pulled at her hair as she grimaced at her screen.

"Woah. Anything I could do to help? I could collect the cake for you or something?” He said, slightly overwhelmed with the amount of information thrown at him. The alcohol in his system was not helping. Normally he would be able to think of the solutions instantly. He didn’t like seeing Hayi like this.

"You have done so much already, Yoonie. Thank you for offering though. I don't know what I will do without you." Hayi looked up from her laptop to flash him a genuine smile. "Meanwhile my stupid husband-to-be is causing more trouble than helping me. He wants us to walk down the aisle with trot music in the background! Trot!"

Seung Yoon mustered up a weak smile. "Bobby has a... sense of humor."

"Sure." She rolled her eyes before returning her attention to the laptop. "Go take a shower and sleep early. We will talk tomorrow. I am almost done with table plans, then I can sleep!"

"Sounds fun." Seung Yoon said as he walked towards his bedroom at the end of the corridor. "Good night, Hayi."

"Night, Yoonie."

The bed room door locked behind him, as Seung Yoon threw himself on the bed. He was having a splitting headache.

Shower could wait.

Pulling his laptop over to his lap, Seung Yoon blinked a few times to focus on the twenty tabs he had opened on his screen.

There were much to do. He had yet to fix the time to pick up Hayi's parents from the airport. The caterer’s side was still being difficult. Seung Yoon pulled out a new tab and started googling for peony.

That had to be a florist who could work within the budget.

Or one that he didn't have to drive two hours out for, he shook his head at the address of the floral shop.

Or could he?

Seung Yoon's finger lingered at the keyboards, as the cursor stopped on the contact button.

He knew Hayi wanted peony so much. She always had a thing for large and showy flowers. Sure, she would be quite contented with a rose bouquet. There was no harm in dropping them an email. 

Was he going too far?

Boundaries, Seung Hoon had warned him earlier today. Seung Yoon knew the boundaries. But he was so far gone.

He was gone the day he decided to love a woman whose heart was long occupied.

He was gone when he played the role of the reliable friend as she walked towards her happiness.

He was so gone.

Seung Hoon thought he was an idiot, he wasn’t afraid to tell Seung Yoon that.

Jin Woo said nothing of Seung Yoon’s situation, hence it was clear that he was worried.

Mino had once admitted to Seung Yoon that he thought Seung Yoon was amazing.

Maybe it did look like that to an outsider. It might have appeared impressive that Seung Yoon was selflessly putting his feelings aside, and giving the couple his blessings. That all that mattered was, Hayi's happiness.

That Seung Yoon would do anything for Hayi's smile.

No one knew, how much Seung Yoon hated it.

He hated having to see her every day, but he couldn't be with her forever. He hated making her smile but knowing her brightest laugh was reserved for someone else. He hated being a friend to her because he knew he could not being her friend.

It really really hurt.

Seung Yoon slammed the laptop shut, frustrated at himself.

He couldn't do anything right. He couldn't love her enough to give her his sincere blessings. He couldn't love himself enough to shut her out of his life.

S